Freak out room for those newly updiffed after MC to hold hands and support each other... Part IV

[MummyAbroad]

Newly pregnant after miscarriage? Here is a nice place to hang out and swap symptoms and worries until you are brave enough to sign up to the grads thread.

Here is a link to the old thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1165866-Freak-out-room-for-those-newly-updiffed-after-MC-to-hold-hands-and-support-each-other-Part-III/AllOnOnePage#24507574

mumtum also, if you havent read it already, Lesley Regan's book - "miscarriage what every woman needs to know" is a great place to get familiar with what tests are available and how to start getting them.

mumtum am so sorry sweetie. wishing you all the best for the future, have a fantastic wedding and honeymoon.

collie where are you hon?

I'm here. Just back, was there 3 1/2 hours!!!!. All ok dates 6+1 (2 days behind....thats ok right??), was a little dot of a blob, but we could see it flashing so saw the heartbeat. All in right place too (thank god). No real indication of what causing the bit of blood i had or the pains, so i am accepting its just me changing. Very relieved. Didn't feel it much at the hospital - i think its that place, and there were women down of the ward who were clearly having a very rough time of it. So for them. But i am very VERY happy and DH is made up. Think thats probably bought me a week without mentally

Just eating chippy chips for lunch as treat {grin} so will post back properly later. Thanks everyone for checking on me and for listening to me stress out!

i just had the weirdest booking in appointment with the mw. i was in and out in three minutes - took the dates of my pregnancies, my last af date, told me I was now in the system and I'd get my 12 week scan date soon, congratulated me and off I went. no blood pressure. no talk of bloodtest. no chat about where i wanted to have the baby (all of which I had in last two booking in appts, and the appt for my mmc was with the same mw!). She was very nice but it made me feel like it was different this time, because of my mc! at least i was quick i guess! hmmm! anyone else?!!!

collie yay, was starting to worry hon. 2 days is fine, mine was 3 last time i went.

Great news collie - phew :) I was relying on you to set the tone for my scan tomorrow...

katherine With my MMC I had a really short booking in, 3 minutes like you say. This time it was about a hour and a half including the wait for booking in blood tests... Weird.

sorry, x post with collie - a big YAY!!!

last time they went through past illnesses etc etc knitter - this time I didn't even get my book to take away! will see what the letter says when it arrives. it doesn't matter at all at this point if they don't want to know when i had my wisdom teeth out etc... (!) but maybe they'll want to know later! I didn't even get the chance to upset her by telling her I wanted an epidural...!

mumtum really sorry to hear your news xx

collie yay for good scan . Two days is nothing - even if you are sure of when you had sex, you have no idea how long it took the sperm to get to the egg etc. I'm expecting to be put back at least 3 days at mine because I know I ov slightly late - it can all make a difference.

Quick question: do any of you feel disengaged from the whole pg/baby thing this time round? I just feel like I'm not connected to it at all at the minute, and even when I'm having symptoms etc I just can't imagine ending up with a baby at the end. Now obviously I don't need to be a psychologist to guess that this could be a defence mechanism in case things go wrong again, but I just wondered if anyone else felt like this and if so when did it click into place for you? Did you feel any more connected after the first scan, or when you got past your "danger point" from last time or not until you could feel movement? I'm finding this a bit weird and I was so determined to enjoy this pg however long it lasted but just can't get my head around it!!

kat that does sound rather odd; at my first MW appt (around 11 weeks) I had epic amounts of blood taken, urine sample, BP, weight etc. Does sound a bit weird unless they're planning on seeing you around the 12 week mark if you're a bit earlier than that at present?

Izzy absolutely YES to all of that. And it's only since I have actually felt him kicking me in the guts that I have allowed myself to believe I might actually be having a baby.

Collie Hoorah!

izzy i am as well, like tunnocks i keep thinking at the next scan (tomorrow) it'll all be over i am really hoping that (if everything ok) i start feeling a bit more connected maybe after 12 week scan or when it starts moving.

collie thats great news, I am so relieved for you

izzy I have been feeling disconnected too, and really disappointed that I dont feel more "happy" about being pregnant. Obviously I am, but not nearly as much as I expected to be on an hourly basis. I agree its a defence mechanism and its kind of encouraged by the way we are keeping things quiet, and prefacing everything with "if everything goes well" and general awareness that it might not all work out. If I had never had an mc I would probably be out buying nursery decorations and outfits and cheering myself up that way, and making the pregnancy seem more real by doing so, but obviously I wouldnt dare.

I have to say hearing the heartbeat was truly exhilarating and made me smile from ear to ear. It did make things seem more real and more hopeful, but we all know scan feelings dont last forever, so I am also still feeling disconnected most of the time. At the moment pregnancy for me just feels like an illness, with lots of ailments to be treated and tended to but has no connection with a baby at the end of it. Perhaps it would be different if I let myself think about names, did a bit of shopping or made SOME concession to the idea that a baby is coming, but I need to get past my "safe point" to be able to do that.

I guess the good thing is that 9 months is plenty of time to get used to the idea and bond with baby, I have no doubt that it will have happened by the time birth comes around, and as long as it has happened by the time they get here, thats OK.

Phew! I mean, I'm sorry there are so many of you struggling to "connect" too but it's very reassuring to know I'm not the only one. You lot do make me feel sane again.

Actually mummya I have been trying to get more involved in the practical side of making it seem real, eg booking appointments, talking to dh about converting the potential nursery (presently just a loft room with pull-down ladder and no heating!) and yesterday I even resurrected my names shortlist. But I just feel like I'm going through the motions, there's no sense of excitement like I had with ds and dd and it all just leaves me a bit cold tbh. But as has been rightly pointed out, nine months is quite long enough to make that connection so fx it will happen!

tunnocks sorry to hear you're suffering - having thought about how I feel about it all and hearing from all of you, it strikes me that it's kind of obvious that post-mc pg ladies must be a danger group for AND. Which again makes me about the refusal to offer any extra appointments etc.

If I didn't have you lot on here I'm sure I would have lost it completely by now!!

daisy hope you're doing ok today - when's your appt?

cep best of luck for tomorrow x

tunnocks lovely, I know exactly how you feel about AND - I promise you, this does get better and the panic attacks will get less frequent and more managable. Don't beat yourself up about feeling grotty. Make sure your MW/GP knows how you feel. You've had a right shitty time of it so far with all the random bleeding - it's no wonder you're in bits, you'd have to be super-human not to be!

All this will pass, in time. I'm still getting the odd panic attack but it's gone from every day during the first 12 weeks to maybe once a fortnight now. Have you seen this book? My GP recommended it to me and I did (and still do) find it helpful to dip into. Big hugs for you.

I'm gradually feeling more and more connected to my bump... Particularly when I feel flutters and when I'm in the bath and can see my pulse in my bump... that only happens when I'm pg...

I think i'll relax after tomorrow's scan... might even investigate the grads fred then...

quick dash to say YAY for Colliepup sorry quick post super busy at work will catch up properly later

teacake you arent the only one feeling a bit nuts, I have been crying buckets, and feeling very low too. Sometimes when I cry over something really stupid I've seen on TV it makes me realise its hormone related and I can laugh at it, but other times it does feel very much like depression. I am hoping that things will get better but I also know that you can take anti depressants in the second trimester and it would be very easy for me to get a private doctor to prescribe them here. I find it comforting to know that there is that option for later on if things dont get better (its not like you have to suffer the whole 9 months if things are really bad!!) . I am sure your GP will also prescribe if you felt you really needed them.xxx

teacake, mummya sending you huge hugs. I think the problem is that once you've experience a miscarriage a lot of the joy goes out of pregnancy. I am actually too embarrassed to tell anyone I'm pregnant because, well what if I'm not... it is hard, it's bloomin hard and we are all very, very brave laydeez.

izzy I feel just the same. Last time I made all sorts of plans and mentally turned my life upside down thinking of preparing for having a baby. This time I'm trying to not get too connected until I have reason to believe the pregnancy will continue as normal. So the baby name book has not been got back out. I haven't told anyone yet either, last time we told our parents, brothers and sisters, friends at the 8 week point and then had to untell them all two weeks later. if it goes wrong they'll know of course, but don't want to get everyones hopes up. I'd really rather be able to "think positive" and assume all will be well, but I know the reality of the statistics now.
In any case, me not doing cartwheels about it yet will not change the outcome in any way. If it is good news, I'll still have six months to get excited about it after my scan!

Collie Great scan news!

Izzy can totally relate to everything your feeling. It must be some sort of defence mechanism! I can't allow myself the luxury of relaxing in this pregnancy at all and am already counting the days down to the next scan! It's one hurdle after another.

Pregnancy symptoms kicking in a bit now too - nausea has started which only seems to be relieved by eating?! Also starting to get a bit of a moon face/double chin with the steroids (but hey if little bean is ok it's a small price to pay - so I am not complaining).

Tunnocks try not to worry too much about the abundance of CM. I know a lot of people who have had to wear pads it go so bad.

The scar of miscarriage stays with you - only someone who has been through MC would ever understand that. It's great that we've got each other to offload on.

Mumtum so sorry to hear about your CP, good luck at the drs, think you're very sensible and good luck for your wedding!

Collie wey hey on the scan!

Izzy you are describing exactly how I feel. Still feeling it, I'm afraid, and I'm nearly 17 weeks... I feel completely detached from it and I don't know why - sheer terror I think, either at it not working out, or at it working out (if that makes sense).

Tunnocks I'm sorry you're struggling with the congratulations. Do you remember a few weeks ago, I wrote exactly the same thing, and you were very sweet at saying that you were excited for me. Well lassie, I'm excited for you, but I totally understand where you're coming from with your reservations.

MummyA I have no connection with the pregancy either. My MW isn't worried at the moment, although she may be when I've off-loaded on her on Thursday, but says she wants me to finish work by 34 weeks to allow time to bond then. I am struggling with the idea of buying things too - am accepting cast offs from all my friends so I don't have to face the (horrendous to me) baby shops. I have made myself buy some babygros, a little mobile, and a Wedgewood Beatrix Potter baby set. Its not helping though...

Owl thanks for that link, that looks like something which could really help me at the moment.

Thanks all for the best wishes too - am better today, thank goodness. These meltdowns seem to come in phases, but the disconnected feelings don't go away in between, they just build up to the next flip-out. Does this make sense?