Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

Will check it out Suns. Am reading Eat, Pray, Love at the moment but I'm not finding it very compelling as yet. I've got The Help on my 'to read' pile and I may ditch EPL for that one later.

The Help is on my wishlist.

Morning BESHlets.

Eat Pray Love made me want to punch that woman repeatedly for being so far up her own backside. The Help was fabulous though.

Mmm, custard pie.

ditto re EPL booty smug cow.

boo i am on for finishing WH by wed so will ask my sis if its ok to lend it to you, sure it will be.

so whose WOOFLing then? Deli is looking rather empty,best get busy!

Fabulous! More cunts! Originally we had cunty and hawaiiancuntshine so it's nice to have a few new cunts around here. :)

I'm WOOFLing, not very well mind. I don't think there's any chance of a win this month and I've no symptoms whatsoever. This hasn't of course stopped me POAS. Nay! 3 down so far - all say "haha". Wanky sticks.

Droid due Weds - think I will be buying a CBFM from Amazon and if I don't win a baybee within 8 weeks will send it back.

Can I recommend that the first timers try and have OMG TWINZ!21!!1! the first time? Reason being is that Bear has cried and grizzled from midnight until 10am. This does not put me in the mood for the sechs. In fact I am not currently speaking to jb either. I know you don't have to talk to the person you have the sechs with - and gosh, there was a time a decade ago when I'd not have bothered introducing myself... Bah.

Someone please remind me what WOOFling means!!!!!

correctly it should be 2WOOFLing

2
Weeks
Of
Obsessive
Fucking
Loonacy

ie 2WW

but WOOFLing is easier to say in your head.

How about a gag pony at lest then you could pretend its kinky.

Poor Pony, but as you say, who needs them to speak? We had the most perfunctory Sechs ever this morning. The cat was an interested spectator.

Is Bear ill? Can you give him some whisky or something?

TEEF!

Oh dear
Calpol?
Gel?

Brandy on end of finger.

Worked on my brother, apparently

Yo BESH, how the cunting hell are we all?

Apologies for the dysfunctional nature of my last post, I was on my phone and when I write more than a couple of lines I can't see it as a whole so have no idea how I left several blank lines and then wrote half a sentence about swimmers. Answers on a postcard.

Sorry for alarming you with my offlineness Boo I was just getting drunk to help tolerate having a lovely weekend with my Mom so didn't manage to report back. Actually, she was ok but is the slowest walker known to man, so I spent a lot of time counting to ten instead of shouting 'come the fuck on Mother' to get her to speed up. In fairness, I don't think I was a pacey walker before moving to London but having been here for a few years I get pissed off mildy frustrated at anything less than brisk.

The fish pedi was interesting and it took me about 5 minutes to stop taking my feet out of the water. I don't think it was particularly effective though and I enjoyed the foot and leg massage afterwards far more. I'm glad I had a go though, as I've been wimping out for a few months and at least now I can say I've tried it.

Props for the WOOFLing Horseski but how rude of your body not to provide any head fuck symptom spotting material. Simply not on.

Sorry to hear of firey piss Bitey and hope your lady garden is recovering nicely

I have read Room and Help recently but not Eat, Pray , Love so can't suggest whether you move on or not Boo although I did like Help rather a lot. I have just downloaded some more reads onto my Kindle and am about to start Friday Nights, which is a Joanna Trollope novel once I've finished my current paper novel Last Train from Liguria, which I am liking. I'm not usually one for the Trollope but this one comes highly recommended by my MiL, with whom I share a liking for similar books so I shall give it a go.

I'm anticipating egg layage next weekend so shall be extending invites to attend WOOFLmania shortly thereafter. I'm sod etermined to mvoe into the deli that it's untrue, all the recent baybee arrival stories have made me a little weepy even more nails than usual

Ha ha Trumps I am exactly the same when waking with my mother. I want to yell with frustration. "Mother! Take slightly longer paces!"

I'm a loper, me.

It's half term, so even though i don't technically work on a Monday and am therfore not really on holiday, I clearly must take the week off normal activity and can therefore post all flipping day if I like

Glad to hear some fun times were had tuff-though not impressed that the fish foot eating doesn't leave you with feet as smooth as BBB's nekkid head. Perhaps they were not too peckish having already eating their fill of dead skin that morning? I love that there's a pescicure thing in the local indoor market down the road from me- though I think it's possibly three gold fish in an ice cream tub, being B'pool and all.

I am all confused about my egg laying, think it happened yesterday after I'd run out of sticks, which would leave me covered swimmers wise (FIL not here on Sat or Sun ) so it could be possible, if it was a left side lay, but then don't want to get too menkal as did feel some twinges on right side this month, which would make it very unlikely (not impossible, I know, but seriously..) Am twisting myself sideways about whether or not 2WOOFLing is even possible-menkal about maybe being menkal, how's them apples? Luckily am embarking on potty training this week so have much to take my mind off it- not least the 8 changes of knickers already today (it's not going too well) but such talk is for the still non existent SESH thread. May go and start it on just this basis. Go on, dare me... (will I get in trouble for my name if I lift my head over the palais parapet though?)

I know, technically it should be starcuntedmole

I like it Star trite cuntshoes! I am nearly finished preparing diligently feaking out about tomorrow's interview.

CuntryRAMbling I think the cat may have witnessed the conception of rapidlygrowingprawnbitey. Another one for the 18th birthday!

crosscuntrySKIer my dad used to rub whisky into my gums when I was teething. Actually, whisky was his medicine cabinet stand-by and we were also given it with lemon for sore throats and colds and with hot milk for upset tummies and nightmares. As a teenager I would put it on my spots. AND IT'S DONE ME NO HARM AT ALL < shouty lary drunk>

Oh help! I can't write coherent sentences! I meant to say I have nearly finished getting ready for tomorrow and catching up with all your chat.

This does not bode well.

IvegotmrCunty, you are on fire today.

I started laughing partway through teh Secs. I peeped over the bouncing rump to see a very interested feline face. I didn't even know she was on the bed.

TMI?

Inspired by my bladder rie

It is scary when cats get interested, especially when there are bouncing body parts with a paws reach!

Oh no. I cannot handle it when the cat sits there and watches. I have to stop proceedings and evict him. He then stands outside the bedroom door headbutting it and whining because it is breakfast time and he is not being fed.

Bloody cat.

I'm now wondering whether it would be worth getting a cat just to add another element to the mentalness that is TTC and to be in the BESH cat owners gang

Teeth (seriously, have you seen the premise for that film? I now realise who gave them the idea MademoiselleBiteyCunt am sending you good luck vibes for the interview times. Maybe just print off a few of the palais threads and see if they can't judge your talent without needing to talk?

I had a call from an agency I am registered with today, we talked about a job that sounds Too Good To Be True, so until I have a confirmed interview I am assuming it is so as not to get my little hopes up. Of course, this has nothing to do with the fact that now I am starting to think that maternity leave isn't going to happen and planning to move on, I will clearly get diffed the day after I hand in my notice so I get no monies during mat leave and therefore serving my selfish hagness right. That's how you tempt fate right?

Rie did MrA appear at all bothered by the mid-sechs amusement?

Er...yes. He said shut up and just ignore her I only let her in because she was mewing so relentlessly outside the bedroom door.

You can have my cat with pleasure Triffickin. Seriously, I'd pay you to take him away. When he is gone, the landlord said he will buy us a new carpet. Pointless right now, as despite all of my efforts, he continues to piss all over the current one

Although we don't have any carpet (I am most about the proper parquet in our lounge!) I don't fancy the idea of cleaning up cat pee, but thanks for the kind offer Boo , much appreciated of course.

Ooh Rie dirty talk now, what will he be up to next