Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

Ker- ching. Points awarded.

Sorry, have been channeling my inner Victorian ever since my swooning at black swan!

South West ski but not as far as Pembrokeshire. Nearest Pret is Cardiff as is nearest every shop I want to go to!

PS LIDL have nestle baby milk on offer BTW

Why are you whinging about shops Bitey Can't you go to Carmarthen? The shops are really good there.

and that is the most offensive thing I have ever heard on mumsnet!

to the arian

I loves Camarthen! It's like an oasis amongst the farming community! Having spent years stuck in aber it was pure luxury to go to an M&S!

We were in Carmarthenshire a couple of weeks back? Anyone driven along the road from Cardigan to Carmarthen? Has anyone been to Newcastle Emlyn? I tell you what it reminded me of - one of those places in the Appalachians with trees and rain and rivers and railroads and smoke appearing in clearings and steep valleys and abandoned mines and rednecks.

Have I offended anyone?

Talking about offence, has anyone been following the offensive names thread in Chat. It's quite interesting.

haha Been there? I've bought shoes there! And 2 of my oldest friends live a stone's throw from there.

I will check out the offensive names thread for reference - nearly everything I say these days is offensive. There's one word on mn that if you use it you'll make people spontaneously burst in to tears/righteous anger - although 'tis common parlence across the pond.

Oh btw, came in to the office this morning and colleague has just had another baybee. They now have a Merlin and a Kasper. I asked if this one would be called Voldemort. Have I been offensive?

Where is the offensive names thread???

Please send over a pointer...

Just clicked onto the baby names thread - absolutely bloody hilarious at some people's taste (or am I just jealous that they have SOMETHING to name) e.g - does the name I've suggested sound like an air freshener? (well if you're unsure why the eff are you bothering. And no Jasmine Pearl doesn't sound like an air freshener, it sounds like a washing powder )

aha, here you are. I was wondering why the watched thread had no activity.

Bugger, sorry, am all about the cake intake right now.

I have returned to award many points to Rie for the epic list of intolerance and Pony for just being plain Wrong

The baby names thread makes me curl up inside in sheer horror. I have to restrain myself from typing 'WTF ARE YOU THINKING YOU MORON????' every time I look at it.

Now I must find the offensive names thread and horrify myself further.

I will spend the next hour and a half trying to find the worst more creative names on the baby names thread.

I have just bought a huge piece of M&S millionaire's shortbread. On account of aforementioned droid, low GI diet can go out the window today. Purchase of millionaire shortbread further justified for following reasons:

• intake of calories equals weight lost in droid "fluid"
• it was a ten min walk to M&S which is effectively the time it takes to burn off the shortbread (erm, give or take...)
• I had a giftcard so it was effectively free. Combined with calorie intake cancelling out fluid loss, it's as if the consumption of shortbread never happened.
• due to AF, I don't need to worry about not ovulating today so I can eat what I want.
• I had an almond croissant for bfast so got the day off to a slippery slope start in any case so I might as well carry on.
• I have run out of healthy items in my desk drawer - no point buying more...

Aaaah - 3.5 hours till end of day. Will try to spend 30 mins working and 3 hours looking for dodgy names. Might just make a dodgy post myself if I get bored of their suggestions

Aries is it this one? Princesscuntofcuntania made me roar .

I give alps and aries 100 points each for genius.

Free food has no calories in it, tis TruFax, Lara . I have eaten a pastry cheese twist and a custard tart. I am trying to resist the second custard tart.

Have now checked out the offensive names thread. Quality swearing on there, oh yes.

Must now motivate sorry arse in direction of local swimming pool. Gah. Is hideous thought.

Feel the need to change my name to ivegotmrbiteycunt but that does make me sound lke my fanjo has teeth, and that I have named it!

I'm on that thread, banging on about The Vagina Monologues and linking to this. I have performed 'Reclaiming Cunt', and encouraged 250 others to do it with me. It was ace :o

Bitey you just made me HOWL! MrA asked me what the matter was. How could I say?

can you distract him with one of the rides?

Did you swimming owlie? I have just been the once, when I was there I liked it but getting there was very hard indeed.

I did do swimming! I did 24 lengths. And only inhaled one nose-ful of water which is fairly good by my standards. Also, full marks to the £15 M&S swimming costume of cheapery. It actually stayed up which is always nice.

I have now ruined it all by troughing half a tonne of leftover macaroni cheese. As a snack. I shall make tea shortly.

I am not renaming myself Owlcunty. That is just vulgar and also conjures up images of such Wrongness that I may now have to poke a pencil in my ears to dislodge the Wrongness from my brain.

Lara you do realise that post ovulation it is your duty to eat chocolate brazil nuts? Apparently they help implantation. At least that was my excuse. Damnit, why is food so lovely?

24 lengths seems to be the maximum a diffed lady can manage booty as that is exactly how many I did on Tuesday after realising I wasnt going to manage 30.

Considering changing my name to rockuntleaf

Hold my hand a minute. I've just finished reading 'Room'.

I wish I was Princesscuntetc, genius moniker. Booty embrace the cunt. Read that link I did put. Cunt is a compliment!

Everyone has lives? Or a TV that isn't being dominated by husband playing old PS2 games? Ah well.

boo I am watching Bill & Eric. My obsession with True Blood is worrying. I also am a fan of the word cunt.

Liam Gallagher once shouted oi cunty bollocks at my friend who's a papparazi. This makes me