Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

M actualluy too drunk to type clearlty.

Shall we let the droid out with the dodgems?

Hello Brownie darling lady. Fancy hooking a duck with me?

As a Jewess can I just please say that in addition to the word "Nazi" offending me that I also find the following words and subjects offensive:
*Bacon
*crackling
*cigarettes
*tattoos
*croque monsieur
*cheeseburger
*people who don't have different pots for different meat/fish/dairy dishes
^ in fact that sentence above is non-Kosher and I'm off for a cry.

Doris That's just fucking rude after all the taunting it gave you.

I was once hired for a job because the woman from the agency called and I was playing Martha's Habour ridiculously loudly and couldn't turn it off - she loved it!

POAS (ebay cheapie) this morning and it said no win.

Two girls from school ran off with the boys from the fair. Tbf lots of eyes were rolled and there was a general feeling of "oh so typical for those two". They were re-located in Erith fact fans.

LOL at alps I'm vegetarian so I also find 'bacon' a hugely upsetting word. But fucking lying stick is no fun. let's throw it off the big dipper.

Aries don't you get all precious with me! I sent you one of <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.it/imgres?imgurl=www.occasionalhell.com/infdevice/images/imaiden01.jpg&imgrefurl=www.occasionalhell.com/infdevice/detail.php%3FrecordID%3DIron%2520Maiden&usg=__QEsXe1VO7JwNOpVFsffv3t23ovY=&h=315&w=300&sz=52&hl=it&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=2R6fktf3oyozUM:&tbnh=146&tbnw=136&ei=gTdeTdnwGMOQ4gbN7OXfCQ&prev=/images%3Fq%3Diron%2Bmaiden%2Btorture%26hl%3Dit%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D608%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=279&vpy=63&dur=65&hovh=230&hovw=219&tx=81&ty=62&oei=gTdeTdnwGMOQ4gbN7OXfCQ&page=1&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">these on the last fred just a few days ago specially all for you and you ignored it. So there.

However you are my hero because of all the fights you get into on other freds so your droid could go on <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.it/imgres?imgurl=www.fun-pictures.eu/data/media/8/ScaryRide.jpg&imgrefurl=www.fun-pictures.eu/funny-pic297.htm&usg=__C2R8N_j2cJOW-zlaL3hMQwqDTKs=&h=468&w=329&sz=177&hl=it&start=18&zoom=0&tbnid=r6UBHtf9gIf4wM:&tbnh=128&tbnw=90&ei=5jheTcidHcep8QPhmrVa&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dscary%2Bride%26hl%3Dit%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D608%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C285&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=259&oei=2zheTf-2KcSH4Qb-1oXKCQ&page=2&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:18&tx=36&ty=56&biw=1280&bih=608" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this ride and we'll just 'forget' to fasten the seat-belt.

BrownB I think your droid should be made to go on <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.it/imgres?imgurl=www.billydantersfunfair.com/rides/juveniles/images/cups.jpg&imgrefurl=www.billydantersfunfair.com/rides/cups/cup_n_saucer.htm&usg=__pPjs4osc59yBvd5ueZj-lRIkQY8=&h=480&w=640&sz=92&hl=it&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=XSWLGHGfRn3g3M:&tbnh=151&tbnw=214&ei=FTheTYiUJ5uQ4gbatfXKCQ&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcups%2Bride%26hl%3Dit%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D608%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=596&vpy=89&dur=905&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=76&ty=82&oei=FTheTYiUJ5uQ4gbatfXKCQ&page=1&ndsp=15&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this ride until it dies of boredom.

Boo sorry for all your health crapness. Was chuckling at mrBoo's suspicion of vitamins though!

As you were.

I find absence of bacon extremely upsetting at the moment. God I love ham. Ahem. Moving on.

Rie that is some inspired drunkenness there excellent work.

Pony boo on the evil ebay cheapie.

"God I love ham"

Mornin' Laydees

Droid is evil - has decided to show me its full brute strength and challenge me to an arm wrestle...

Decided to kid tell myself that arrival of dreaded droid is all positive - at least metformin seems to be helping and body is working so why the fuck aren't I getting pregnant?? and everything will happen in its own time (bollox). Meanwhile, girl opposite me in office is looking positively radiant as her pregnancy blossoms and she looks more blooming by the day.
She was one of those that just "fell pregnant" after coming off the pill. Want to throttle her. Each time she goes to the loo, I secretly hope she is going to puke her guts out .

Younger sister's pregnancy also blooming - trying desperately to rein in the evil thoughts. Current strategy is not to see her and to speak to her as little as possible .

Decided that arrival of droid is a sign for me to reward myself handsomely with a Pret almond croissant (to temper marzipan cravings) and a large hot chocolate. I may as well not bother taking my metformin today!

Question - have any of you secretly done crazy things like me? I have actually secretly researched the adoption process in my borough to convince myself that in the event that mother nature doesn't comply, we may have more luck adopting as we are a mixed race couple! .

Alpine - my dad was also Jewish so I have a few more offensive words to add to the list:

• Any mention of doing anything non-religious from Friday sunset to Saturday including:

• Driving
• Switching on the lights
• Working

In fact, on that note, due to aforementioned droid and father's religious heritage, I might as well pack my desk and go home now

I find McDonald's deeply offensive in all ways. KFC are filthy but delicious.

I luff the pret almond croissants - good choice, Lara

Pony

KFC gravy is soooooo good! Not gravy as we know it but still amizzing.

lara have never had a pret anything, perhaps you can share so can give infomred opinion and not look like yokel next time I am in company?

I have no religious affiliations at all but am from Wales and find the following offensive:

-Sheep
-John Redwood

"God, I love lamb " is probably the most offensive thing I have seen on mumsnet.

bitey I bet she's got a "Welsh lambs are sweeter" tattoo.

beef is my favourite actually.

I officialyl LOVE all of the rollercoaster shiz on this thread and am very pleased with myself Milano I particularly like the one hanging over the side of a building, I am certain this would cause adrenalin shakes, which is the BEST bit of rollercoaster riding in my not so humble opinion.

I am also very amused by you dRIEnkard for the alcohol induced misspellings yesterday evening. How's the head this morning? I'll whisper from now on and leave this bacon sandwich (fried and on white bread) and strong cup of tea for medicinal purposes.

I am not Jewish, nor of any strong gaelic descent (my Grandfather was born in Wales but moved to England when he was a boy, so I don't really think this counts) but nevertheless, I am offended by these words:

*diet
*low fat
*alcohol free
*not pregnant

I think just try to relax and it will happen is the most offensive thing I have ever seen on MN.

There are some things happening at work that I am unhappy about and I am moving into a team that I don't think I will really enjoy. Ia m now interviewing for a junior member of the new team and I am hearing huge headache-inducing alarm bells when the people I really like are opposite to the people my new boss likes. This is not going to end well is it?

Bitey - I love Pret - most of all I love it cos it takes up the entire bottom floor of my office block so lunch is never more than a lift-ride away .

Their hot chocolates and cappuccinos are fab. I strongly recommend the almond croissants and pain au chocolats - based on choice of beverage this morning, even I thought a pain au choc would be too much cocoa for 8am!

Sarnies also good - probs just superb packaging / marketing but they always manage to look fresh and nutritious.

Sorry Bitey but roast leg of lamb is brill - I do it the Greek way - slow roasted for 6 hours till meat falls gently off bone

oops - ignore errant use of "doesn't" in first parag of above....

I have never been to Pret but there is one right next to the building we are moving to next month so I might check it out (as the kids say). It's only a 4 minute walk from my current office but in my defence it has only recently opened

There's nothing near my office. So for lunch I've had a TTC friendly: green fag, diet coke & galaxy.

truff The person who said "relax and it'll happen" was told to me by an old school friend who had 2 children of course and without descending in to Bitchy Bitch McBitcherson territory - was fucking lucky she ever managed to find anyone to shag her - never mind TWICE!

Morning

If I have offended anyone remotely by my hormone and alcohol fuelled rantings of the last few days then I repent. Thank you Milano for the robot thingy. In my defence I don't think the first link worked.

Alpine I always knew you were a precious, easily offendable fundamentalist. Which is why I have always carefully tiptoed round you and said very bland things So in the spirit of things offensive here is my list:
gingerism
tallism
skinnyism
Welshism
Cornishism
All English try scorers ever
The entire English football team
Am with Bitey in thinking John Redwood needs culling
liver
sprouts
Piers Morgan
Jordan aka Katie Price
Cowell
People who start threads saying the condom split during sex during my period am I pregnant?
People who start threads saying yes I am!
People who start threads saying Boden/Waitrose/John Lewis is the only place to shop
People who start threads enquiring about nanny/cleaner protocol
People who start threads bashing the rich because they have worked hard their whole lives and haven't been to university and we lived in a cardboard box nd received beatings if we were lucky
Actually most things

Bah! Nearest Pret is 60 miles away! Perhaps SOMEONE will post me an almond croissant!

I love roast lamb too, esp the slow roasted one with a bit of garlic and lemon and then scoffed kebab stylee with loads off mint and yoghurt and dressing. I'm SO HUNGRY now!

Am working at home again and there is fuck all here, except all the fruit I bought when trying to be good yesterday. I don't want fruit! I want an almond croissant and then a greek lamb kebab!

ski your lunch sounds yummy too! And there is a lot of calcium in the chocolate which I understand is vay vay good for you.

PS there's more a-laying in the deli

bitey We bought a lamb joint for xmas 2009 - now bear in mind there was at that time only 2 of us and one person aged 2 months. It cost forty fucking seven euros! T'was yummy - but didn't taste so good given the price I don't think. Where in Wales are you? My parents are just outside Llandrindod. Green fags are awesomely healthy - they contain mint AND leaves - 2 of my 5 a day innit.

aries I think BF-Nazis are cunts and I shall say it right here, right now - my next baybee will be FF from day one.

Ski, your last sentence was gratuitously offensive on three levels. I salute you

aries Cheers. I might even buy Nestle powder from Asda.

PS Bitey (and I when I go home) rarely venture into the hinterland.