Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

Hi just popping in to say yes to Short hair Mitchell but more because he had actually bothered to wash it (and have a shave) and wasnt wearing those ridiculous fingerless gloves. moley hold off with the POAS action for a bit then

Welcome back from holibobs sunshineonarainyday

brownie sorry didn't comment on your chart before FF was borked and wouldn't let me see. Not an expert but was looking good til today's dip again. You never know it might be a rogue one tho.

Boo TGB and I have an ongoing debate about whether we introduce our offspring to the films in chronological order by storyline or by release date. He is also in a mood with GL over a) Attack of the Clones, b) changing the ewok celebration song in Jedi, c) changing Vader to Anakin at the end of Jedi and (last but certainly not least) d) the 'who fired first' debate in the cantina. Phew

CuntFeatures I'm deffo voting long. No short. No long. Aaaaargh. I don't normally go for grubby types but there's just somethin'

Ooooooh menkulling are we? Sounds interesting so can we start booting you in the kidney area from about now Friday then?

I desperately wanted pomegranate juice this evening and TGB simply had to go out and get me some. Could that be classed as a craving? Could it? Hmmmm? (at 8DPO it's a no from me sweetheart)

Truffs I think release date. R2D2 and CP30 before Jar Jar Fecking Binks surely? Smallboo's best mate (girl next door) was round anyway and they spent most of the time leaping off the table onto the sofa and occasionally watched a bit of the film. Mebbe 3 is slightly too young :o

Now I have a craving for pomegranete juice. And I still have the droid. But I could be diffed from 8 months ago couldn't I? I could be one of those women who still has periods all the way through and gets negative pregnancy tests couldn't I?

Droid arriving. Two days early. Sigh. I may use milano's cannon thingie to fire it into space...

Night ladies.

brownb :( Is there room in that canon for some folic acid tablets which are clearly a great big marketing con from Boots? Also, in the canon I'd like to place all the condoms I've used over the years. When I say "I've" used I don't actually mean on my cock. Just to clarify. I once had the menkul so bad I dreamt the fertility doctor said "oh course you can't get pregnant dear, you were born a man!".

haha boo - I have considered the same. "Oooh maybe I am actually 12 weeks diffed, I've just been having droids." Yes, it sounds menkul - but did actually happen to one of the FESHes who during that time went on holiday to Africa I believe, had loads of booze and took anti-malarials. Finally suspected she was diffed and started bleeding, docs wanted her to book in for a D&C and lo - the nurse did detect a happy, healthy 12 week feotus! But no, you and I are not diffed & droiding!

bitey Would you like me to kick your colleagues in the cunt? Wankers. I've decided for my next diffment not to announce it until 5 minutes before deadline. 1) It does affect your career chances no matter what they say, 2) All people want to talk about is your pregnancy and I'm not really a telleverythingtomycolleagues kind of a girl. In fact, most of them had absolutely no idea of my marital status/sexuality until I announced diffment.

starrycunt (wot? wiv like Swarovski crystals glued to it?) - POAS, POAS - you knows you wants to!

bollox. brownie was just in the midst of composing a very long message, consisting of a variety of thigs we, as anonymousish internet whorefriends buddies were prepared to do for you to help in our own ineffective but well intentioned way with some of the shite being pelted your way of recent times. There were dancers, in 3 different guises, there was a spa, with fruity delights, (of all kinds) and a personal slave. Have just lost the lot, getting over excited sourcing a James Purefoy link. AM so annoyed, it's taken aaaaaaages!!!! Please to accept this summary as a token of my esteem, as I have brunch under the grill, and hungry husband.....UnBEshly hugs, with hardly any groping.

My endeavors have take mind temporarily off fact of missing robot though- woke up this morning to what I thought were unmistakable sounds of fat lady singing type wombular grumbles- but nothing red as yet. I've said it befire and I'll say it again, I mind far less getting droid when it doesn't FUCK ABOUT WITH YOUR HEAD Did go for a run though, so haven't let its fuckwittery fuck about with my exercise getreallythinbyaugust plan, so ha rusty robot, put that in your gearbox and send a holographic message of it.

Now I have a craving for pommegranate juice

Fucking droids. Brownie I'm with you. 2 days early. Making it (drumroll....) my shortest cycle ever. It's because I sacked the needles woman. She has clearly cursed me. I cried this morning. WTF. I am turning into a right twat.

crystalcunt good work with the run. Exercise is what keeps me sane. Oh and gin. Pliz to tell me how many days late the metal fucker is?

I've never had pommegrannate juice. Do I need some?

Don't even know why I cried. I know that it is highly unlikely I will get diffed due to shonky White goods so why was I secretly hoping for a fucking miracle???

Because what keeps a BESH going is hope Sunny, and the stories of similar miracles for some of the FESH. Now you must treat yourself to a day of indulgence. You too Brownie. Droids suck :(

crystalcunt My new fave!

sunnygirl sorry about fucking
Fucker. Indulgence =good. Hope also good, without it there'd be no BESH babies, and there's about thirty or so crying also good, without it hhere'd be no snuffley smiles through tears, which are some of the best kind.

My DP's 6-year-old son has Star Wars lego. I pulled R2D2's legs off...

Sorry about the droid upset-ness Sunny. That sucks, and I have certainly been there. In the needles news, and after my run in with the Most Arrogant Man in the World, I had a recommendation for a needles lady who is fecking lovely. She's tiny, Chinese, with a posh british accent, of indiscriminate age [old but god knows how old], and was just wonderful. I went in feeling like a bit of a wreck [see entries from a couple of days ago], and came out feeling a lot calmer, and emotionally resilient. If you haven't washed your hands of the whole deal, then I could pass on her details?

Boo I've had that thought too...

Right. Off out for sushi. The sort of thing I couldn't afford if I had kids!

ps - crystalcunt you need to POAS.

I think I'm going to refer to Moley as Vajazzle from now on, following Ski's comment above. I haven't watched the Essex programme but still know of this, why? you ask. Well, when I went to the fish foot place the other week, they had something on their 'menu' called "fanny decoration" and needless to say, I simply had to know what it was all about. I did not have it done though

Brown enjoy that child free time, I like to have something up my sleeve each month of that nature to take the edge off. I will say that last month my usual melancholy at the arrival of the droid was not as bad as it is most months. I ovulated early this month (by about 3 days) so am expecting early droid as well. I plan to blast his brains out with fine wine, shellfish and contraband spa treatments.

I've been trying to convince myself that I've been feeling queasy this morning. I think initially it was lying bed for too long after waking up, and then possibly imagined when I was eating a sandwich made by TGB. It is rare that I don't inhale a bacon sarnie though.... We're off to meet friends once the football is finished so will see what my alcohol tolerance is like

I've said it before but I'm happy to repeat myself. The BESH Fred is great. Everyone needs luffly words sometimes. Thanks.

I've battered the punchbag in my PT session. My trainer was a little surprised at my ferocity. Now I'm watching the athletics and am planning on enjoying some wine later.

BrownB where is old Chinese lady based?

I am enjoying some V&Ts in the Toucan Guinness bar. TGB is disappointed I won't drink Guinness but my tastebuds can't handle it anymore.

YouAreTheSunshineOfMyLife you know we luffs you too right? Get that down you!

We have purchased stick for peeing purposes. Will do it in am.

Flipping shittin heck. Am veering between being very at even daring to suspect, and DHBing my hesitancy in the balls by reminding myself that I am a day late now, and therefore entitled to suspect / be really pissed off when Rtod gets me in the morning. Anyone else monumentally superstitious about stuff like this?-am trying to do everything 'different' to mc: told BBB for one, last time I surprised him in the most cheesiest way possible, this time he bought the test: last time I didn't drink once I suspected, so this time I should join truff on the voddy: different equals diffment yah?

Sorry, am very conscious of even going on about this when the Druid has set up camp in the palais today- will completely understand if blueB and intheshade would Like to kick the fuck out of my kidneys, and proffer myself up as personal gimp (auto corrected to 'hump'!) for the night, if only to take mind off menkal .

Druid = droid. No wonder the woo fred didn't work! It was Steve jobs fault, not boos

CrystalCunt I am DHBing right with you. because the bleeping fucker is with me makes me even happier to think a BESH might beat him. I am sending some to you. Love your theory of different = diffment.

And if he doesn't come please to POAS tomorrow Vajazzle?

Hello. Am here!! Am actually in a room with Headbanger, MsFC, Cincotart, Barbiesbeaver, Lyra, Mr Headbanger and like, last night Ocarina and Casserole AND Mounbtie AND we saw earlier we saw Drom and Berwhale. SUCH FUN!! Sending you all lots of drunken luff and snogs.

glitteredbox Have you POAS yet?

Aries Wither "I come alive outside the M25 I won't drink the poison Thames I'll chase the sun out west"?

Pee stick saya no no pink panther to speak of, but major rumblings in the Joe Mangel , so thinking just a lovely last minute 'hey, you wanted to get pg before your due date? Well fuck you!' from my body.

Aries was it a dream? How many of them were dressed? More importantly did you steal mrheadthehero and bring him back to the palais for us to fawn over meet?

Boo... I had my fingers crossed for you crystalc.

The needles lady is in London Sunny. Not sure if that's any use.. off to make pancakes.

ps - Rie very jealous of your nice night. Methinks not jealous of your head this morning.

Oh bollocks Fanjobeaver :(

Are you practicing for Tuesday Brown? :o

I am also of the glamourous BESHmeet :o. I was invited to a fabby all night party last night with a brilliant DJ but because of Fridaynight antics and Saturday mayhem with smallboo I was too tired to go. Bah. Still, at least I will be nice to my family today as have slept and no hangovah, and we are going to MrBoo's Mum's for a roast dinner. I luffs my ILs and am looking forward to palming off smallboo on them seeing them.