Waiting to try for a baby

[AmandaCooper]

A continuation of so many threads spent waiting to ttc that I've completely forgotten what number thread we're on.

If you're waiting to ttc, stop by and say hello!

Hi, I am new to mumsnet today, was intrigued to see what it was all about as I keep seeing People on the tube reading the book, and seeing/hearing references to it everywhere at the moment - hmmmm, maybe this is a sign that I am finally ready?

It has been so refreshing to see other women on here who are also, thinking about and planning their first TTC, as most of my friends keep quiet until they announce they are pg! So I have been feeling a little on my own/weird for constantly thinking about the practicalities and realities of TTC.

Ratata - my DH and I had to save for 2 years for our wedding, so completely know how you are feeling! (got married last September - felt amazing after the long wait and all the saving!) we then wanted a year enjoying married life before starting TTC, ALSO we want to save a bit in order to pad out my maternity pay a bit, as I am the main earner, but do not want to have to rush back to work too soon! so.... where are we now? well, I came off the pill 2 months ago, and we are planning to TTC in November! sooo excited! I am the last of all my friends at nearly 32!

Best wishes to all, and look forward to chatting to you all and sharing experiences often from today!

Welcome halterskelter! Sorry to hear about your MCs but congratulations on the job. Do hope there are lucky vibes on this thread.

Welcome also to Belladons. It is odd thinking so much about something you can't really discuss with friends in RL. Hope you are enjoying married life. I've just come off the pill too and so far things seem to be fairly normal so am quite hopeful. How is it going for you?

Littlewater I'm glad your DH is on board for TTC but what is his objection to a new oven?! We had friends round today with their adorable 3mth old DD, and DH is now almost admitting to broodiness himself so am wondering if I might manage to inch our start date for TTC forward. :)

To notthehippo,
Apparently all I want to do is spend money
Ok, well I do like to shop.

Well part of me wants a child very badly, and the other wants to wait till we are more finaically sound.
I dream about a child most nights, :(
I just hope that I will be a good mum.

Lw

Hi all!!!

I have two lovely DS (2.5 and 1.5) and we have always discussed the possibility of having a third... Some days DP is more pro and I am more against; other days it is the opposite. But lately I think I have made up my mind, I WANT A THIRD....
Two things we need to sort out before doing it though:

• find a bigger flat/house and near a good school
• me working out a good family/work balance

and convince DP again because i think he got cold feet... he said to my mum that it was already too difficult with two last week

maybe i should start folic acid already.... so excited!!!!

nothehipo - my DP always says that if he had knew how great it was to have children, then he would have done it earlier...!!!

thisCharmingLady - how fo you find the age gap? I am always worried that if i leave it for too long then they will argue more...

Tostaky could you please send your DP round to say that to my DH!

To all & notthehippopotamus - Thanks for the welcome, I feel in safe hands already - wow overnight, a new world has opened itself up to me :)

Things seem to be going well, am regular with a 29 day cycle. Will be popping off to buy some Folic Acid supplements I guess today!

Here is the big question - I LOVE wine, if we want to start TTC in autumn, should I be drastically reducing my consumption now?

Also, am looking to start pilates next month, then will transfer to the pregnancy pilates when I am pg :) my friend did pilates throughout her pregnancy along with swimming and her NCT classes, and just gave birth to a 9lb baby girl naturally! we can live in hope I guess!

Enjoy the sunshine today :)

Aw Amanda I'm sorry to hear that. Do you know when he's thinking about wanting to try again?

Hi halterskalter, I'm sorry to hear about your MCs, such a hard thing to go through. Well done on your new job though!

Hello Belladons, it's nice to have a thread here for people waiting to start trying isn't it? I felt a bit wrong being on
Mumsnet but found my home here on this thread. Weddings take up so much money don't they, we aren't even having the 'average'
£20k wedding that apparently everyone has. Still been tough saving up though. That's fab that you will be starting TTC in Nov, I
think a few of us here are starting around Nov, Dec and Jan.

notthehippopotamus - aw a little 3mth old would be so cute! That's good that your DH is going in the right direction!

One of the teachers at the school I work at left her little one with me while she went to get some mail, I had no idea what to
do as I couldn't tell how old he was. Playing peekaboo from behind the computer didn't work but giving him a wave and calling him
a wee smiler made him smile which was so cute. Arghh broodiness!!

Thanks for all the welcomes! It's nice to have a place to talk without feeling a fraud for being on Mumsnet at all.

Belladons: I love wine too! When I was TTC before I cut down on wine a little bit (I drink a bit more than I should really if I'm honest, but little and often eg 2 glasses a night, rather than massive binges). Then when pg I didn't drink at all, but then when I MC'd and feeling sorry for myself did start again.

Some people do give up completely while TTC so there is no risk of ever drinking while they are in the very first weeks of pregnancy but as far as I'm aware, none of my friends did that, and they have many happy healthy children. Think it's up to you!

I don't think I'll give up completely til I actually get pregnant again - the stress of waiting around all the time for it to happen was bad enough without my glass of vino! However I am trying to cut down more generally so hopefully by January when I'm TTC again I will be down to only drinking at weekends or similar anyway (though Xmas might spoil that for a week or two!)

Belladons I suppose it depends how much wine we're talking about! Some people give it up completely well in advance of TTC. I don't think I fancy such a long period of sobriety myself and I'm not convinced there's a massive benefit. If I was having trouble catching I'd probably knock it off to see if it helped.

Ratata who knows! Next May maybe.

That's so cute about your colleague's LO I love the rare opportunity to play with children it's such a very rare thing for me. Aren't they so funny!

HalterSkalter sorry to hear about your MC. So you're waiting till Jan to TTC? I'll be glad of the company on here, particularly over Christmas, which i always find the hardest time of year to be desperately wishing for a LO to join our family.

Morning Ladies,

Amanda I feel for you. The thing that I have found the hardest to deal with has been my DH sometimes giving in to TTC idea and then deciding he is not happy to continue. Is so painful to deal with the raising of hopes and then having them dashed.

tostaky I have thought about the age gap a lot. Ideally I would have liked to have 2.5 years between each of my DCs. But being the optimist I am, I have found many ups of having a larger age gap between DC2 and DC3. If I TTC in 6 months, and have a baby in about 18 months, the age gap would be 5 years between my DD and the baby.

Advantages:

• Both DS and DD will be at full time school so although it will mean fitting baby around drop off and pick up times, it does mean I am in effect mother to one baby during the daytime.
• DS and DD will be very handy little helpers in fetching nappies etc.
• DS and DD absolutley adore their 1 year old cousin. They entertain him, cuddle him etc. Miss him when he's not around etc so I know they would shower a new baby with attention. I can imagine my problem being that they would never leave baby alone and I would be nagging them to leave him or her be!

Thanks for the welcomes :) Sorry to hear about your mcs halter. You sound like you are very clear minded about your decision. Sounds like a good positive way to go forward to me.

Okay, because I am a nerd I will start some stats for anyone who would like to join in.

Name(age) WTTC#(what number child you are waiting to TTC), reason for waiting and location.

Thischarmingmum(35) WTTC#3, DH happy with 2, Cheshire.

Off to watch OBEM USA to torture myself.

Hello all. Sorry to not reply individually but I'm n my phone and it's not easy! So sorry to hear your partner has changed his mind AC, I know you've been on this road before.

Looks like I'm going to be with you for a while, but there is an end in sight. Maybe. DH and I have decided that this time next year would be a good time to try. Financially we will be in a stronger position (desperately want to buy a house, or at least not sabotage our chances by having a baby too early) with a good deposit saved and I think I may start to feel 'ready' in terms of my career. DH will have progressed in his career so we wouldn't need my income to get by which will be just as well because here will be no child benefit by the time we get there, and who knows what other support will have disappeared.

So who else is joining me for the long - or indeed indefinite - haul?

Awesome idea for stats! Mine is:

Ratata(27) WTTC#1, waiting until married, Edinburgh

Got my Pregnancy book out last night to start swotting up. Yeah I'm a bit of a nerd too lol!

halterskalter & AmandaCooper thank you so much for your comments. I currently drink a couple of glasses of wine about 4/5 nights each week. Both my DH and I know that we should be trying to drink less and with the incentive of TTC looming we have both decided to cut it out Monday - Thursday - it's only day one, so let's see where we are on Friday!

Once we start trying, I would like to stop drinking, but seeing as though we are thinking of starting November/December, that is going to be interesting at Christmas time!

I agree that if I experience difficulty once we start trying, then best to cut out drinking for a time and see where we go. As you said, I also have friends who were drinking all the way through and fell pg fine - I guess you just don't know until you start

halterskalter - I am sorry to hear that you have MC'd. I wish you all the best for your next try.

best wishes
Donna

Thischarmingmum(35) WTTC#3, DH happy with 2, Cheshire.
Ratata(27) WTTC#1, waiting until married, Edinburgh
AmandaCooper (33) WTTC#1, DH not ready, Bradford

thischarmingmum it is comforting to know that he is not the only one! How was your DH with DC1 and DC2?

Can I join?
Getting married in October- and then planning to enthusiastically start TTC (HTB looking forward to that bit!)

Hi guys, can I join you? I have to wait until January / February for job reasons. Did TTC previously, but not seriously enough! Bit worried as cycle recently become a bit erratic when normally v regular, hope is just stress or something! Is frustrating to wait, especially as I'm 33.

Welcome Snowy and Tattyhead! I'm glad I'm not the only one waiting till next year. Hope it goes fast.

Hello to new people! Tostaky I'm really hoping that's how my DH will feel when it happens too!

I'm not sure when I'm waiting till really but am probably with you until next year. DH officially said next spring, but still hoping I can persuade him to move things forward or it might happen unofficially first. We'll see!

Thischarmingmum(35) WTTC#3, DH happy with 2, Cheshire.
Ratata(27) WTTC#1, waiting until married, Edinburgh
AmandaCooper (33) WTTC#1, DH not ready, Bradford
notthehippopotamus (28) WTTC#1, DH not ready, Essex

About drinking I tend not to drink Sun-Thurs anyway to keep a clear head for work and haven't been drinking so much at the weekend recently anyway to help improve my sports performance (that sounds sad, but true...!). That said, I'm not sure what I'll do in January / February. I know it's a good idea to stop altogether, but it could take a while and the stress might get to me.

Hello All!!

Yes it is a pain when men change their minds? mine does this too?.but I try to make him see the big picture, like when we will be old, we will have lots of grand children, and that it will be lovely to have three chikldren, we will always be busy looking after them through all the stages of their lives? It beats growing old alone with a cat?.!!
Had a chat with DP yesterday about #3 and on principle he is ok but we need to find a new place near a good school before TTCing (and I need to find a new occupation/job).
No problems with me, so I have started my folic acid tablets. Meant to be taken 3 months before TTCing that is end of Oct, and I am fertile the last week of October? so the earliest I could have a baby would be July 2012!!! (it took only one month of TTC-ing for DS1 and DS2)
Of course that is if everything goes to plan and we find a new home? fingers crossed!!!
thischarmingmum Say I have an August 2012 baby that will be 2.5 gap between DS2 and new baby and 3.9 with DS1 - The thing is DS1 is a November baby so he will not start school before sept 2013?. So it might be a very busy year for me with a baby and two toddlers? Especially as we don't have any family around? however, we are fortunate enough to be able to afford a little bit of childcare so I am thinking if DS1 goes the first 3 days to nursery (Mon-Wed) and DS2 the last 3 (Wed-Fri) , then I should have Wednesdays with the baby and then only one toddler and one baby to take care of and that sounds manageable to me? I didn?t mention this to DP though yet? so he might freak out at childcare costs?. We will see?

Thischarmingmum(35) WTTC#3, DH happy with 2, Cheshire.
Ratata(27) WTTC#1, waiting until married, Edinburgh
AmandaCooper (33) WTTC#1, DH not ready, Bradford
notthehippopotamus (28) WTTC#1, DH not ready, Essex
Tostaky (34) WTTC#3, need to find new home near good school, London

On the drinking front - I think a little glass now and then (when not PG) doesn?t hurt?
I drink about 4 large glasses a week, maybe a bit more if I am on holidays.
When I was pregnant with DS1 and didn?t know about it yet, I was at my parents in France, drinking red wine at lunch and dinner and eating all sorts of (unpasteurised/undercooked) food and DS1 is perfectly normal. Of course I stopped drinking/eating "banned" food as soon as I found out!!
I find that Becks Blue (alcohol free beer) is a good alternative? especially in summer when you crave an ice cold beer? alcohol free wine is another story though?.!!

Hello, I am joining you as well. I am currently on anti-depressants but hoping to come off them at the end of the year and start TTC our first in 2012. Boyfriend is also keen if not as bouncy about the whole thing as I am. I am outrageously broody and Amazon is now suggesting breastpumps as Things That May Interest me.

Monal(31) WTTC#1, waiting to come off the drugs, Paris

Everyone at work is pregnant at the moment (well maybe not everyone! but that's how it feels!) I keep cycling between being really jealous of them, and staring at their growing baby bumps and feeling a bit wierd-ed out at the thought of an actually tiny person growing inside them!
On the other hand I've come of my pill and we had a slight contraception issue Friday (He forgot, I;d drunk a bottle of wine!!) so you never know.....

(now scared and excited in equal measures....., but not too excited, cause then I'll feel like a twit when nothing happens)