Waiting to try for a baby

[AmandaCooper]

A continuation of so many threads spent waiting to ttc that I've completely forgotten what number thread we're on.

If you're waiting to ttc, stop by and say hello!

NO AC...you can't postpone!! Although FX that you do get the job!

Loving the dadsnet idea...there is an 'area' on MN for dads. But it's more, cars, boys toys, DIY, sex etc! (I ventured that way once...never again!)

Gonna attempt to nag talk to DH again. Recent PG 'revelation' has rattled me a bit!

I KNOW! But this is actually a really great role and the recruitment shark just phoned me completely out of the blue. It's local, reasonable hours (by which I mean no more than 11 hours in a typical day!), sensible money, a match for my skill set and it could be my ticket out of this awful job I'd pretty much resigned myself to being stuck in forever.

The downside if I get it is that I either have to postpone TTC perhaps by as much as another year, or I'll have to take the bare minimum maternity leave and get a nanny so I can be back at my desk ASAP. Which is not how I'd imagined things would play out at all.

Oh well, I'll just have to wait (good at that!) and see. Nothing might come of it.

Could we also have posts on FakeDadsnet extolling how the birth of children injects energy and life into your career, how juggling the commitments of both is, like, a total doddle, and that its really easy to parent from the back of a tour bus there is more than one way to skin a cat?

AC I can see your dilemma. Might it not mean either whole year delay or minimum maternity leave? Sometimes these things aren't as clear cut when you get close up. You should definitely go for the job though and see how it makes you feel.

Hi everyone. I too am now waiting to ttc. Recently thought I was pregnant, and got really excited, then af arrived :( So thought I'd have a chat with DP about starting but he wants to wait till next summer when we're married. I'm so broody though, how do you cope with wanting a baby, but not being able to even start to try?

I agree Flowery, having a sensible man can make things difficult for us! Mine is sensible too. If he wasn't then we would have started TTC in January and not had a nice honeymoon this Nov but a baby instead if we got preg after a few months of trying. I don't know which is better right now! Need to get started on articles for dadsnet... :p

Today I started making a spreadsheet at work of the things we need to save up for in 2012. One being my student loan to pay off and everything else was baby stuff like cot etc! It's 6 months til we start TTC and I'm making spreadsheets. Saddo or obsessed! Both?! I like to be organised and also enjoy a skive at work lol.

Amanda I think you should still go ahead with TTC even if you get the job, there's never a right time really! :D

Hi all! We're waiting to TTC until Christmas-time because we're working overseas because of my job for 18 months. I can't wait, I'm so broody right now! Luckily DH is keen too, so no subliminal messaging here on this topic - can think of a few other things that might come in handy....
I'm really scared in case we have trouble too - I'm early 30's - but guess you can only deal with problems as they arise!
I'm getting my first G+T now (there is a time difference she said defensively!). Feels good to just write it all down - thank you!

Catface you don't cope, you go slowly mad and obsess about it to the exclusion of all other thoughts. I've been madly broody since our wedding nearly two years ago and believe me it's not getting any easier with time! Having said that, I haven't started making any spreadsheets yet... Maybe just focus like mad on the wedding.

Quod and Ratata thanks for your input. I suppose you're right that I don't know what the fallout will be until I do it, but I know I don't want to start off on the wrong foot. In my mind I would have to demonstrate my commitment either by waiting to TTC or by getting straight back to work full time - which I really don't fancy. Bizarrely DH (he of the "if you ever got pregnant and wouldn't have an abortion I would kill myself" fame) Is of the view that we should just go ahead!

Hi Mrsmellow sorry for the xposting there! Christmas is a great time to start TTC, I always feel at my most broody at Christmas and spent all Christmas day last year moping about not being pg) and you can have a september baby which is Very Desirable apparently!

Oh AC just read about your job.

I would be really torn if I were you. (where do you work at the moment - magic circle or similar? and is the new job in house per chance? I have a similar maternity pay vs job move thing going on in my head, you see...)

BUT I do think you should go ahead with TTC anyway...

Thanks Amanda. Are you still waiting to TTC? I know I should focus on the wedding, but it seems ages away, and it seems like we've been together so long. Plus it could take over a year to even conceive even when we start. With DP it's more of a moral rather than financial issue. He said he never wanted to have children out of wedlock. However, he had a little boy 8 years ago, with his ex girlfriend, which was unplanned. I know she mostly likely planned it though, you know the whole, saying she missed a pill or something, but she was 36 and clearly realised if she didn't hurry she'd miss the boat, so probably just stopped taking them. So whenever I think to myself, maybe I won't apply spermicide to my diaphragm or something, I immediately feel bad, like I would be tricking him too, which I don't want, plus I want to be able to tell my children they were planned rather than 'an accident'. I envy the women on here whose husbands are really up for it...

LOL Ratata, that is very organised of you! I should do that, but instead waste my time at work looking up things like "how young can a child start to learn the piano" and I even looked up French tutors in my area today!!! I feel like such a loser LOL.

x

Minipie not magic circle thank goodness! There's no way I could do that! It's actually a bigger firm that I've interviewed at but the role would be more what I want to do, and although you could say better the devil you know, I'm willing to risk a move if it gets me away from my current boss. Maternity pay's neither here nor there really, I'm only entitled to statutory where I am.

I also think waiting to TTC wouldn't be so bad if there was a good reason and the distraction of a new job and if DH was on board for when the time was right.

Catface don't beat yourself up about having thoughts about "forgetting" the contraception, we've probably all thought about it at some point! It sounds like you've got all your ducks lined up perfectly though - it really is only a matter of time now - and not that long at that. It might be a bit early to start looking at piano lessons though, why don't you concentrate on maternity services and nursery provision!

I'm sure that for every MNetter who has the itch and immediately gets it scratched there's a good few who haven't thought it through or could have done with a bit more planning. There's benefits to just getting stuck in but there's also benefits to waiting, if it's not the right time.

Well if the pay isn't an issue then I'd say go for it.

Yes, ok, the new firm won't be delighted if you go off on ML 9 months after arriving, however they must know that with a married woman in her thirties it's quite likely you'll have a child at some point. So if they recruit you they've probably factored that in already. And anyway TTC can take a while ...

... in fact at the moment I'm not having much success with TTC , DH is working all hours at the moment and is too knackered to dtd. I have my suspicions that it's partly because he's still not entirely enthused about TTC though... Oh and I still have no idea at all when I'm ovulating!

A belated hello to Catface and mrsmellow! I think the key to waiting is to focus on all the fun things about not being pg or having a child - travel, enjoy the lie ins, be spontaneous, drink wine!

No idea when you are ovulating? Get on the grapefruit juice at once!

The "they must have factored that in" advice really helps actually. Good point!

Glad to be of service!

The reason I don't know when I'm ovulating is because I've only had one natural period since coming off the Pill - so not sure when my next AF is due (tomorrow if it's a month long cycle, but no signs of it at the moment).

Can grapefruit juice help me work this out ?

AC. Just do it - go for the job and go for getting a baby. It might not be ideal if you go on leave so soon after starting, but what in life is ever ideal! And the company will cope, especially if it's a fair size firm - they get used to people going on mat leave and if they think you're right for the job they should be pleased to have your good work for the time you're there before any mat leave, whenever that should occur.

minipie, I think (but am no expert) the thing with grapefruit juice is that it makes changes to your, ahem, discharge more obvious, and the changes are supposed to indicate when you're ovulating. I'm sure on the conception threads there will be more who know better then me about this. Of course the alternative is just have loads of sex all the time

minipie where have you been all this time?!

The things that will tell you when ovulation is approaching (apart from OV sticks, which are notoriously unreliable) are the quantity and consistency of your cervical mucus and the position of your cervix. As ovulation approaches, your cervix will be very high and difficult to reach. You may also notice that it is soft, wet and open. You'll have to check regularly with your finger to get a feel for what it's normally like, otherwise you won't be able to distinguish.

During your fertile time, you will also get (hopefully) lots of gloopy, clear vaginal discharge, a lot like egg whites, which you can stretch between your fingers. If you don't get a lot of this then drinking grapefruit juice or, failing that, taking cough syrup containing guaifenesin, should improve things.

Oo, fingers crossed AC - hope the job works out, it sounds great. I was looking around to move jobs this year but nothing right came up so I think I'm sticking where I am. Which means we could TTC - except DH wants to wait a year. sigh I'm with the others - just go for it. We are overstaffed in my dept at work and I'm sure it's because the bosses have looked at how many women in their 20s/30s there are and know we are all just going to keep going on mat leave.

Hello catface and mrsmellow. No great suggestions for handling broodiness I'm afraid - wallowing in it over here!

Hope your cycle settles down for you minipie. Fascinated by AC's expertise on grapefruit juice etc. - good to know for the future. I used to get pains on ovulating but been on the pill so long I don't know what will happen when I come off it.

Ahhh

The cervix and EWCM thing, I knew about. I have been on MN for a while after all - just tried not to obsess about the TTC thing! I've actually been checking out my cervix a bit () but it's kind of hard to be sure. I thought it was in the right "state" last week but had no EWCM. But then I don't get much, never have done - so the grapefruit juice sounds brilliant.

Hopefully I was right about last week as that means I have a chance of being pg - if it was this week then no chance due to DH's hours.

notthehippo - I really recommend coming off the Pill quite a long way before you intend to TTC! It's so frustrating not knowing when or even whether I'm fertile.

Right, off to buy grapefruit juice.

That's good to know, minipie, thanks. I've been alternating between wanting to get off the pill asap in the hope of a happy accident to allow things to return to normal in plenty of time, and wondering about the rumours I've read about while lurking on mumsnet heard about being extra fertile just after coming off the pill. If that's true it seems a shame to waste it, but deep down I know it would be much more sensible to follow your advice! :)

I had exactly the same dilemma - in fact I posted about it on this 'ere thread.

in the end I came off about a month and a half before TTC start date, which was kind of the worst of both worlds - not long enough for a regular cycle pattern and missed any surge! I'd say either come off 5-6 months in advance or leave it till the last minute for the "surge".

I was 99% certain you did know all that - but then I thought while I'm at it the whole thing bears repeating for the benefit of anyone reading this thread who doesn't.

Wow lots of chatter on here of late! :o

Welcome anyone who has joined that I have not 'waved' at! :)

DH has now said we are not TTCing yet but that he does want more children (plural :o) This is a major step forward, and despite all the heartache (and still not having a 'date') that has resulted from the latest conversation, I have renewed hope! :)

So, I shall be monitoring cycles, & agonising over what my data means for a while yet. Am considering getting a BBT thermometer & properly charting, so that when the time does eventually come I know what's going on with my stupid all-over-the-place cycles!

AC - any news on job?

Thanks for the welcome! AC - I agree with the others - go for the job if its better for you. Apparently there's never a right time to have a baby - and so you might as well be doing the job that makes you the happiest, we do after all spend an inordinate amount of time at work!
My SIL and best friend concur with the desirability of a Sept baby (both deferring TTC their second child until after Christmas on the basis of it) - which could end up nicely if we all get pregnant, touch wood!
I am enjoying my lie-ins - I think it is the benefit of having lots of friends with babies - I can see all the things they miss and really appreciate them at the moment - like spontaneously going away for the weekend etc. And I get to steal cuddles from their (mostly) adorable kids - then walk away to have a weekend away and lovely lie in ; )
I've been debating the pill stopping thing as well - my 3 closest friends all got pregnant on the surge ( and now all have babies of roughly the same age!), so I'm going to try that too (also hate other forms of contraception, so bit of a no -brainer!).
Catface, I have an 11yr old stepson from a similar situation to yours and can sympathise - hang on in there!

I've still not heard anything, which surely can't be good?

I hope I hear soon so that I can either get the new job head on or the TTC head on. Being in limbo is horrible. I know everyone says that there's never a good time and all that but that doesn't mean there aren't better and worse times.