Waiting to try for a baby

[AmandaCooper]

A continuation of so many threads spent waiting to ttc that I've completely forgotten what number thread we're on.

If you're waiting to ttc, stop by and say hello!

Hello, we are currently waiting for a few final things before we TTC (about 3-4 months) - losing a bit more weight, using charting to work out my cycle and for OH to give up the fags.

Amanda, don't feel a fraud - I don't cry over other people's pregnancies - for a while I fell for the myth that all women get this overwhelming urge to have babies, I'm now [whispers] 38 and if I wait for an 'urge' it may never happen. I am up for the idea but not as much as OH who goes soppy over babies, got a bit tearful at The Wedding saying it was because he had seen William grow up, and has been super keen for years. I was always the cautious one.

I've come to the conclusion that there will never be a perfectly 'right' time - when it happens we will just have to adapt - jobs, finances, housing can all be adjusted if need be.

Hi Chanting! I notice you are on the Charting thread as well as this one - good move I reckon - stick with them we have had much better than average conception rates on the waiting thread.

Your OH sounds sweet. Could he have a word with mine do you think?!

Amanda I know what you mean about feeling fraudulent ... tbh that's partly why I've not been on this thread that much, as I didn't really feel the same "need" as others. However, I'm sort of glad we will be starting to TTC before I've hit the "need" feeling, since (hopefully) I'll be more relaxed about how long it takes us to conceive.

You say "DH is sort of on board" - I guess that's where I am too... But am being optimistic and hoping that by June he'll be so keen to have sex without condoms a baby that he'll be on board.

Pipbin - Congratulations on starting to TTC - sounds like it's been a long and frustrating wait for you - hope you get a BFP quickly.

Chanting - reassuring to hear there are others who don't have the "urge". And that there are some men out there who are keen - not many of those on this thread...

Minipie he is still saying yes to June but in a flat tone of voice with no enthusiasm as if it is the date for something bad but necessary like root canal treatment! I fully expect him to back out.

Oh and I don't know about you but I've seen a few posters on MN -particularly Conception forum - who are wavering over do I, don't I, get told not to do it if they are not sure. I always find that astonishing.

If only I could pin my DH down to a 'date' at all! Having had him back out 3 times & now not want to procreate any more I'm feeling fully resigned to DD being an only child. Tis making me miserable :(

It's not as if he'd even notice another baby, he's not exactly around much at the moment! Which actually might make TTC tricky!! I need a magic potion or something to make him change his mind. The magic 8 ball is being more optimistic though, maybe I should 'listen' to it & perk myself up! :o

Oh I'm still wavering all over the place too - my period was 2 days later than it had ever been this cycle and given the not-well-timed NPP earlier in the month, I ended up having a sleepless night convinced I was pregnant and absolutely scaring myself shitless about it! Needless to say AF had arrived by the morning!

No date in this household either, he's very up for idea in theory but not in actual real time.

AC I agree with you about the 'don't do it if you're not sure' advice. Surely a bit of trepidation/fear is a good and normal thing with such a monumental life changing decision??!

AC, Quod, I also agree - I don't think being a little bit unsure necessarily means you shouldn't have a child. Quod, as you say, anyone who truly opens their eyes to the reality of having a child will always be "not sure" to some extent, since it's such a daunting life change. I guess it depends on how unsure you are ...

AC - my DH also is saying yes to June in the world's most unenthusiastic voice. You're not married to my DH are you? (Lord knows he spends long enough at work that he could have another wife and I wouldn't know...)

Bebe - so sorry to hear your DH is being such a ditherer. Changing his mind is really not on, it just dashes your hopes. I can't remember whether the docs said you were ok to go for it or not??

I suppose it would explain the reluctance to TTC if he's already living a secret double life!

AF is due today and so far no sign of her.

Hello can I join??

I'm another 28 year old waiter!!! Until a few months ago I would say I had full on pregnancy/childbirth phobia. But suddenly I keep flipping between being uber broody (yep I also cry at OBEM) and then when I had a slight scare a couple of months ago totally freaking out that I might be pregnant!! Was quite upset when I wasn't tho so feel like I'm getting close....

Was a little scared of broaching with hubby as he is the same age as me and they just don't seem to understand that these things can take time/things can go wrong and 'we are enjoying going out/enjoying our youth' etc!!

So.......I did what all sensible girls should do and decided to announce that I really want a baby when hideously drunk. The only thing I remember is him laughing and saying "You're so broody"(there was more of a conversation but goodness knows what). No mention of it since apart from him asking if I'd taken my pill when I started a new pack yesterday (which he always does as I can be useless but def not "throw away your pills now"). I guess I put the idea out there!! The mature adult thing to do would be to have a big discussion about it but I really don't want to pressure him when isn't ready (we both have uber shitty fathers). In the meantime I am concentrating on trying to be healthier/getting myself ready for a baby. Maybe not getting so drunk I don't remember might also be a good way of showing that we are ready
But 29/30 does seem like a lovely age to have kids......

Hi all, I also agree - if anything, I would be a little worried if someone was so 100% sure about it that they may be living in a little fantasy world as far as the reality of having a baby. My SIL was a little like that and I think it has taken her quite a while to adjust to the reality. I think she thought he would just slot into her existing life . As it was she had quite a difficult time as he was very ill when he was born. He is fine now - :) and OH and I have been practising by babysitting a few times overnight.

One of the benefits of waiting a while is that you get to know lots of people who have had babies and can go into it with your eyes open. I used to work in an office with a group of women who were very graphic about the birth process!

FX that your OHs decide they can cope with the idea, but I can understand their worry - I still don't feel like an adult at times .

Hello all,

AmandaCooper - me and DH have been talking about it for about 2 years on and off; we moved house 18 months ago and at the time DH said he wanted to try about 6 months after moving in, then it was 12 months, then 18 months and now he just says he doesn't know when...Just like your DH Quodlibet, he's very up for it in theory but not in real time.

Pipbin and ChantingAsISpeak - I know what you mean about there never being a right time to TTC, I've realised this and so many friends and family have told my DH there'll never be a right time but he still remains unconvinced.

minipie - hoping that by June he'll be so keen to have sex without condoms a baby that he'll be on board

I do like this idea! I told my DH at the weekend that at the end of my current pack of pills, I'm going to stop taking them and we'll use condoms. This conviniently fits in with being 18 months after moving house and shock horror, DH has (just about) agreed to it. So...I'm hoping he'll be like minipie's DH and will get fed up of using condoms...time will tell

Hmm, OH 'tried' to give up smoking (today) and has decided it is too hard! FFS. Does anyone know the statistics for issues in conceiving and pregnancy if the man smokes? Hopefully I will be able to give him some more incentive.

The problem is I really can't wait forever and he bloody well knows it - I'm 39 this year.

I am lucky I guess in that DH is very laid back and would have #3 now if I wanted to. For once it's me being sensible because a) I have just started a new job, and b) I wanted DS2 to at least be in pre school (he's 2.2 now) because I really don't think I want to go through the whole car crash of 2 at home all the time, double buggies, double nappies etc etc. again

That said, it's true that there is never an ideal time to have a baby. When we were TTC #1, DH was out of work, then TTC #2 we were living with my folks (in a 2 bed house!), but everything worked out fine. DH got a job weeks before DS1 was born, and we managed to get our own place about 2 months before DS2 arrived.

Really not sure what to do. Head says wait, but heart keeps changing her effing mind!!

hello! can i join too, i have been waiting to TTC for about 18 months now, we were going to start TTC in august a year after we got married but now i have just been made redundent at work, so probably going to be 'waiting' for another 6 - 8 months on top of that as i'm going to have to find another job and be there long enough to be entitled to maternity leave!!

frozenpenguin - "DH has (just about) agreed" - well I should think so too, he can't exactly force you to take the Pill, can he!? Hope the condoms plan works for you .

I do wonder if there are some men out there who just need the decision to be made for them iyswim - they are actually ready, but they don't ever want to say they are ready. Possibly so that they can blame us once the sleepless nights come along

Chanting ... have you showed him the statistics? Not just the statistics about age (and smoking) making it harder to conceive... but also the ones about higher risk of complications in pregnancy and foetal abnormalities (not wanting to be depressing but...). Sounds quite harsh I know, but might motivate your OH?

Hello Looloos! Sorry to hear about your redundancy and postponing of TTC. Good luck with the job hunt.

bluemouse what's the age gap between your first two then? And what do you think is the ideal age gap?

Hello :) may I join you all? Me and my fiance are getting married in November and will start TTC after the honeymoon. We are going to Disneyworld Florida for our honeymoon and didn't think TTC would go well with rollercoasters.

I can't wait to start TTC! I'm so excited about being a mum. At Christmas I had a pregnancy scare but turns out I was just 2 weeks late (had just come off the pill as I had run out). Since that moment I have been so broody. Secretly I hoped I was pregnant. We talked about starting TTC before getting married but decided against it in the end and will wait.

We have a lot planned for this year, going on a girly holiday to Turkey in August and got various gigs and parties to go to. Making the most of life without kids. But can't wait to have one. Me and fiance can't agree on how many kids yet, going to see how we manage with one first. I want 4 and he wants 2, we shall see!

I'm 26 years old by the way, 27 in 3 weeks :)

I don't have much experience with kids, folk don't seem happy for me to hold their babies (although they pass them around to everyone else in the office...) I don't know why! I get nervous around babies like when I hold them because I have held so few. I always have to ask how to hold them.

minipie - 2.2 years between ds1 and ds2. Not that small a gap but I was SAHM until recently so had them both full time, day in day out for a year before ds1 started pre school and DH worked long hours back then. I am glad now that I had them quite close together (had planned a smaller gap but had mc before ds2 was conceived) but wouldn't want to go through it again!!

I am definitely ovulating at the moment and seriously thinking about giving it a go - there are SO MANY reasons not to though.

Ratata - I was always crap with other people's babies as well. Still am actually! Not sure I really like other people's kids.

Ahoy fellow 'waiters' - We've started now...but I just wanted to say that I'm fully on board with the non-urgers! I still feel unprepared despite all my preparations, I still don't like other people's children, and constantly debate whether to do this or not with myself. But my feelings are that there will never be a right time, very few people actually give birth to a child and then don't want them as far as I know, and I may never get properly 'broody' like people think I should be.

Gosh it's popular in here at the moment! Welcome to Ratata and Rosy

Welcome Newbies! Glad to see things picking up in here again! :)

I'm not massively keen on other people's kids either! I can about handle interaction for 45mins max! (And I had thought about becoming a teacher... maybe it's not for me?! :o)

DD has done a good job putting me off TTC today...she has been a beast! Urrrghh! TODDLERS!!!

Waves to all, nothing new to report here! Just wanted to 'drop' by! :)

minipie, I was on this thread a few months ago, waiting to start! No need to be suspicious hehe

Another newbie, I'm getting married in September and will probably come off pill in January, totally scared!!! how will I do this? I'm 30 and will be 31 before I even try so not exactly rushing into things! I'd love a trip to New York before hand and am trying to statistically plan this, which is a bit crazy, not being in control of conception is scary when everything else can be achieved, will give it plenty of time. :)

Minipie I hadn't thought of it like that, I've got three more weeks of preventing pregnancy and then that's it after all this time.

thanks for the luck minipie gutted as had come off the pill have been counting down till august when we were going to TTC hopefully will find work pretty quickly! otherwise might have to persuade DH if he does a few more hours i won't need to find a new job! :o
we already have 4 DC's between us but really looking forward to having a baby together, been so broody for what feels like forever!
my DS1 is 7 now so its been a while since we've had a baby in the house!