Ancient Egypt; where the regal BESH barge floats gently in De Nile.

[owlboots]

Glittering seductively in the evening sun, crewed by swarthy slaves, waited on hand and foot by bare-chested manservants bearing a rudimentary form of gin.

We have golden temples decorated with hieroglyphs for sacrificial offerings (and woo from the soothsayers) if required, and The Pit is full of asses? milk.

So, put on your eye make-up that goes out as far as your ears and jewellery so weighty it leaves dents in your head and step out to survey the peasants on the banks.

Come join the 30s TTC if your womble is as ancient and crumbly as Tutankhamen! Egypt; the thread where everyone eventually gets to be a mummy whether they like it or not.

Droid is here. I will be leaving the thread until I can HTFU about it. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

Mmmm orange tea sounds ace, sunshine esp. lovely lovely chips. God I love chips.

LadyG bless MrG, that is quite special At least he had remembered to put it in the calendar; Mr Shoes tends to forget that sort of stuff and then is always outraged that I didn't tell him. Even though I did inevitably tell him. If I had any more things crossed for your scan I would fall on my arse.

Aries am v.glad tis only the car that is write off and not you as that would have been very shit indeed.

Boo when you return please note mangled pile of droid what I have bashed with a hammer and run over with a tank just for you. Here are the matches and the petrol can whilst we're at it.

I had a massive bag of ready salted crisps at home last night which I meant to bring to work and I forgot. Damnit.

Hello BESHs, hope you are all evil and selfish? Flying visit as got to go to stupid work Christmas party where they are all on diff watch and I am not drinking, am ghost white and smell a bit of sick. [wish there was an emoticon you will have to imagine bottom lick sticking out and nose screwed up] [with a santa hat on]

aries where was unspeakable place? Surely not A.T.S?

Orange tea is my fave owlie much better than white tea which has cauliflower involvement.

Chinese burns all round with an extra twisty one for boo

Unspeakable place is surely Scunthorpe or Middlesbrough? Or Swindon.

Why are you sicking all over the place and I am not? Btw tell them you think you have mild food poisoning or are 'coming down with something' , that might stop them offering you booze at least.

Ho Ho Ho Hags

GaGa nice to see you, am keeping my special candle burning and have made suitable offerings to the right Gods in preparation for Monday's scan times. Cute of Mr G, even if he did give the game away.

RieRie so happy for your wellbeing and yes, where is the place that cannot be named?

Boo droid is a fuckwit, trufax. No matter how much you anticipate his arrival, the bleeping, rusty little fecker will still make you feel shitty every time. Have this humumgous mojito I have just made, with specially picked mint from the garden and everyfink.

WiseOne don't worry for no sickage, is just demonstration of your DHB status. You are nails.

My Christmas party was last night and I met Shaun Ryder he was funny and smelt a bit of fags plus he made me stand up very straight for a photo with him as he 'likes tall birds' NB: I am not especially tall but had on high heels and he is short. We were also treated to performances from Westlife (not a fan but had a dance around to 'World of Our Own') Shane Ward (good voice, very handsome but I didn't know any of his songs) and Stacey Solomon (simply incomprehensible how such a lovely singing noise can come from the same mouth as that voice) I did manage to drink lots including my new favourite, Makers Mark with ginger ale, mmmmm.

Unfortunately for me, I left my keys on my desk and had to get TGB up at 1.30am to let me in. He was not impressed and I am now on dinner cooking duty for the rest of the week

Bitey here, have this ginger biscuit

Kent

Wow Truff - starry Christmas party. Get you. Mine is tomorrow night. I would happily, happily not go. I may vomit in my starter and have to spend the evening sober whilst idiot drunkards get pissed around me.

For Owly's benefit. Not to fret. I haven't actually vommed, just feel like it.

Fanks for all the good wishes and that.

Boo - this is just providence allowing you an nice, tipsy Christmas to recuperate nicely for the diffage that is sure to follow early in 2011. That droid still a shitter though.

What is wrong with Kent, Rie (I have never been personally apart from to the port)

That sounds very 'spensive for tyres, Alps . But apparently we have snow a coming again so praps I should invest?

ladygee Scan = excitement. Nuff said.

airy I couldn't even find Kent on a map (but have same problem with most English towns . Is it that bad?

owlie I didn't get any symptoms with DD. It means nothing. It's just a bonus when you don't feel sick.

truffs Where do you work?!! Can Sean Ryder actually still speak coherently then?

I am so tired it's not human. Will become the ESH who makes random daytime comments and misses all the craic. Oh, wait, that IS me.

Ooooh Truff your party sounds immense. I luffed Mr Ryder when I was younger and seeing him on the jungle prog made me luff him all over again.

My works do is Friday but more excitingly I am going to see Ian Brown (him off of Stone Roses) tomorrow.

Boo sending you a large large large drink and a hair stroke & LGG everything is crossed for you too.

You lot are brilliant. You certainly told that droid!

I have just been to see Harry Potter, ate hot crisps, overpriced hot dog and strawberry cheesecake ice cream. Feel a bit better. And am going to do the deed a bit more than once this month so next month I have more of a right to be depressed if the droid turns up again.

I saw Ian Braaaaaaaaaaaan at Reading once. Oh and Glastonbury once mebbe? Enjoy, sunnyd

Love the monkey OverSizedSunnies have seen him a couple of times and always enjoy it. Always enjoy hearing The Sweet Fantastic live. Have fun.

I work for a media Company (newspapers) and last year we had Peter Andre, Jedward, Jools Holland and (wait for it) Stavros Flatley from Britain's got talent (judging by their performance, it hasn't)

Nice cinema visit Boo I loved the new film and surely ice cream at the cinema is a legal requirement?

ladyG Unless you drive a rear-wheel drive I wouldn't bother. I've only got them because I need to go to Germany a few times (law) and Austria (also law). Most years I don't bother and can drive like a Finn in the snow!

boo So very pleased to hear everyone has been beating the shit out of the beeper. I've set fire to him.

Christmas party? What be that then? Oh actually I think we had something last month. I turned up early, ate all a few canapes and then fucked off.

We did the sechs last night with MIL in the house. JB was slightly scared. Given we already have a child I'm guessing his mum knows we've sex already. We are on duty sex right now as I'm OV-ing at some point today/tomorrow/sat/sun - so he's got to go for the money shot whether he likes it or not. I make encouraging noises - although he did say to me this morning that I "probably only have sex with him to get another baybee" (he was joking) - I told him that given the amount of sex we had to have to win this one it'd be a whole lot easier to go down the IVF route!

Am super glad to hear it's only Bitey that is pukey and I am not some barf-free loner. I can't stop belching though, which is pretty gross.

Truffs pleeeeeease tell me you gobbed in Jedwards' drinks.

Boo good work on the cheesecake ice-cream - that sounds completely lush.

Milano it might help if you weren't looking for a town called Kent but as I have no idea where Milan is I am in absolutely no position to comment, no indeed.

I went to the GP today and snottered all over her surgery because today is the day I mc last time. She had to get the tissues out. I do actually feel a bit calmer now, though, maybe a right good wail was what I needed.

Am going to stay with the inlaws this w/e - cue more wailing. I am still praying for Epic Snow so we can't get there. I fear I am going to be disappointed.

Pony duty sechs is the only way forwards; at least you don't have to be awake for that. Er...yes.

Are you having an early scan, Owlie. I had a wobbly few days when I got to that point. Feels like a bit of a line to cross, doesn't it. But you've crossed it now. Onwards and upwards.

I might do; maybe if I get to 9 + weeks in the new year. Don't think I want to know if it's all gone pear-shaped over Xmas/New Year as the hospital will be useless then anyway. How many weeks will you be when you go for early scan on Monday?

8+4. The private scanning place only do it from 8 weeks but at least we will (hopefully) see a bit more than you do at 6 weeks. Have got midwife appt later same day so can at least talk through the findings with them.

MrG asked me last night whether I was "Excited"! My response was, "No, shitting myself". Hadn't even occurred to me to be excited.

Still feels unreal - which makes the feeling shit worse as can't help thinking I'm going through feeling rubbish for nothing. That's really negative isn't it. Someone slap me.

Have no date for NHS scan yet - perhaps they book it after the booking in appt. Cutting it fine as will need to be first couple of weeks back after Xmas.

evening hags! My advent calendar tells me it is only nine sleeps till Christmas day so ten until the wiar/ poas spectacular begins! Any symptoms?

Evening chicks! Sorry it's been so long. Am now 10wks and mostly too tired to concentrate on anything at all [you're going to have to cook your own dinner again emoticon]

Please can we have a condensed update of the threads successes thus far?

Also, am happy to dish out a slap round the face with a holly wreath to the lovely LadyG. Know what you mean tho - still keep thinking maybe it's all a wind-up. Scan on 29th, so fingers xed.

Hello Gin nice to see you back on the barge.

Bitey no symptoms other than rock hard painful buzwams but twas the same last month so means feck all. I am faced with the conundrum of continuing to drink during the 2WW. I might just go wild and carry a fruit cake and go swimming too.

Alpinefresh am impressed with the sechs with an audience (well so to speak) MS will not do the sechs if we have house guests unless he's drunk.

Owl & LGG hair strokes and some nipple tweaks thrown in too (so as to not seem too nice & dull)

I am off now to see the monkey king

Sorry ladyGee didn't see your post (am on iPod) please allow me to box your ears with these christmas crackers and also, while we are being festive, a snog under the miseltoe

Hagerinos!

Kicks to LadyG for neggo vibes, twill be worth the heartache on Monday when you see the bean bouncing away

If it's symptoms you're after can I chuck a little pre-getting-up nausea into the mix? I felt ok for the rest of the day though, so am massively probably over reacting. Oh, I did also get a bit teary-eyed at the work carol service today. Not just at local school choir, but at beautiful singing from the adult choirs too

Nice work truffs how are your buzwams?

I know she's annoying but I am loving nigella tonight and want everything she is cooking. And for her to live in my house. And her cleaner as she is clearly sluttish about dusting. Oh god she's making devils foodcake now!

I put the TV on when I read that Biteme but I could only find Rick Stein? Am now watching Much Ado about Nothing on DVD - with Sarah Parish and Billie Piper - and wrapping presents.

I am so bloody grumpy today I dare not talk about diffment, or lack thereof, for fear I may just sink the barge with me me me tears.

What ideas do we have for the next Fred?