Ancient Egypt; where the regal BESH barge floats gently in De Nile.

[owlboots]

Glittering seductively in the evening sun, crewed by swarthy slaves, waited on hand and foot by bare-chested manservants bearing a rudimentary form of gin.

We have golden temples decorated with hieroglyphs for sacrificial offerings (and woo from the soothsayers) if required, and The Pit is full of asses? milk.

So, put on your eye make-up that goes out as far as your ears and jewellery so weighty it leaves dents in your head and step out to survey the peasants on the banks.

Come join the 30s TTC if your womble is as ancient and crumbly as Tutankhamen! Egypt; the thread where everyone eventually gets to be a mummy whether they like it or not.

Truff can we menkul together? We could put on a whole festive menkul display!! Due to amount of booze consumed number of sechs at correct time increased but booze will probably still be consumed which is meant to be a Bad Thing ( although not as dangerous whilst carrying a fruit cake when diffed)

Ooh yes Sunshine joint menkulling. Pliz to advise whether decorating a Christmas tree is acceptable on the 'cake carrying' safety scale. If I am diffed, the bean won't be implanting until the end of next week but would just hate to take a chance of doing something dangerous

I need a kick up the arse. Self pity me me me alert. Someone from work who was pregnant at the same time as me sent me a text yesterday saying she wanted to let me know as she knows I'm not at work tomorrow and she is announcing then that she is diffed. I am so pleased for her but I also have the unmistakeable twang of green eyed for the first time. I don't do jealous. I'm fecking cross with myself.

Boo tis understandable so don't be hard on yourself (we can do that for you I'm a DHB remember?)

It sounds like she's being as thoughtful as she can be, which probably just makes it harder. Let me distract you with this pint of Baileys and yule log. Don't worry, I didn't make it myself, I'm not completely reckless!

P.S I intend to drink myself stupid on Christmas Eve and Day to celebrate my non diffed status. Should I happen upon a BFP shortly thereafter I'll console myself with the fact that at least I avoided swimming and cake carrying (fruit or any other kind) during WOOFLmania so surely that makes up for alcoholusm non?

NO CAR= NO TREE. It really isn't grounds for divorce, is it? bum.
In other news my delicious brother phoned from another hemisphere to announce his Christmas Day born baby has appeared early and is here and a boy- I excitedly said I couldn't wait to see him, and then promptly burst into tears, seeing as how he is in another hemisphere, and I don't know when I'll see him (except skype, but ykwim) Have written to DHB application board informing them of change in circumstances, and will just have to see how it goes. I suppose I can console myself woth thought that if they turn me down, I can boo to my hearts content.

Am chuffed with myself to be really genuinely chuffed,moved and sad not to be there and not jealous at all, and I say this not at all to rub your face in it boo but because if there was a prize for bitter and green I would be wearing a grinch mask constantly...(sorry to the more magnanimous BESH who would never dream of being jealous of their siblings more successful reproductive systems, but there is it, I'm evil) It's so to be expected, so understandable, so unpreventable and creeps up at you before you can stop it. I don't think there's anything you can say to make anyone feel better, I know a few things BBB said to me over the years that made me feel worse, so shall attempt to avoid them The problem as I see it is there are too many people in the world, and one of them is inevitably going to be doing what you want to be doing at that time, and until many of them are removed to the Isle of Wight to do that jumping experiment, this will always be the case, and folks like us will have to resort to internet friends to slap us about a bit with a wet fish, put clothes pegs on our nipples, and then deliver wrapped desirable actors of our choice to do with what we will. Or perhaps a bit of cop a feelage would help?

truffle I admire muchly your yuletide plan- I will be hosting in laws on Christmas Day, so will prob attempt drunk by stealth, though not sure I'm as clandestine as I would like to believe..I saw a very small slab of Christmas Cake in that Asda yesterday- do you think there is a danger to diffment :cake weight ratio that could be avoided of we just carried alot of small cakes?

My sky + has missed take that on the x factor. I may just go to bed.

Have had a few glasses of wine and a curry with some lovely ladies - mebbe that's why the clothes pegs on nipples idea is strangely appealing... where's Lucas? Aries have you got him (becuase I know he isn't dead).

Congrats on Auntie hood Starsnuffles that is luffly.

Oh auntiestarry that's lovely news, congratulations! My nephew was born in Oz last year and I only met him for the first time when he was nine months old. I don't know what he made of the mad lady crying all over him but I talk to him on skype at least once a fortnight so he knows who I am. He's the first baby from my side of the family and that first physical contact was amazing.

Starrymole what lovely news and I'm impressed with your attitude

Truff do you temp chart? My menkul has started already as temps are all over the place - I think it's something to do with the massive amount of alcohol few glasses of wine I've had over the past few days.

Crap day at work followed by news that my dad has been ill again - he's been sick off & on for a few months and no one seems to be getting to the bottom of it

Someone slap me with a wet fish and tweak my nipples before I turn into a complete fuckwit.

Thanks for fag break Boo helped muchly

Cute nephew news Mole and nice that you can Skype in lieu of cuddles until you can meet him.

Yes Sunshine I do chart and have quite nice text book charts generally but sometimes excessive alcohol and a couple of days this month due to heavy cold. Thankfully a couple of days is not enough to throw off the whole cycle and it was early enough before egg laying that I still had a decent shift yesterday. There is a charting thread in conception if you fancy it, so as not to bore the other BESH.

So today has been a Good Day as I found out I've won a competition at work and the prize is a weekend away in a Mr & Mrs Smith hotel. Oooh err. I've been lookinh at them as an option for dirty weekend away and most are vee posh so am trez excited. I also got a bargain of Cadbury Yule Log mini rolls for £1 per box, made some lovely salmon fishcakes for dinner and got my final Christmas presents online. What productive times.

Hullo BESHlets. It has been a long time since I dropped by. I have bought mince pies, mulled wine, and George Clooney with me. I thought maybe he could sweep up for you.

Hope you are all good. Fish slaps and roundhouse kicks to one and all.

Muesli ! How lovely to see you. How are you doing, my dear? :)

Also, pray tell; are the mince pies balanced on George Clooney? Is there clotted cream involved? If so, I am definitely interested.

Oooooh Truffs that sounds v. fab. Filthy weekends are utterly top and even better if they are free due to winningness

Mole excellent news on the small neph. Tis perfectly normal to be completely when relatives thoughtlessly get updiffed. I am still in complete denial about my SIL's up-diffedness as she has merrily skipped through to the halfway point with no problems whatsoever, whilst I am still convinced it's going to go tits up before I get anywhere near 12 weeks

I am going to go and menkul at the GP on Thursday. I suspect this will get me nowhere.

boo I'm sorry you're feeling so upset. :( It's a minefield as to what to say to friends whom you know are trying - but I honestly think she was trying to be nice and give you time to "compose" yourself. Pls to not murder cow-worker?

re: george clooney - as jb so rightly pointed out last night - in the ad with John Malkovich, why doesn't G-d simply make his own coffee pads? JB and I are having horrible rows about religion right now. :(

I don't know where anyone's going or what they're doing but I hope everyone's shagging who needs to be. JB said yesterday "I don't want my mum to know we're trying again". Given she's arriving tomorrow - I wasn't planning on inviting her in to our bedroom to watch!

Hello BESHes. I have been away to an unspeakable place for the weekend and have also successfully written off a car. So that's nice.

Nothing other to report than that.

Boo and Mole come ere for a hug violent headlock and dead leg. Yesterday I had an excited message from Fertile Sister who bumped into Fertile Friend (mine) in some ghastly shopping place and they sat an breast fed together and exchanged baby chat. Lovely for them both, non? I haven't even replied to the message, I'm so jealous . Sucks, doesn't it?

Hello BESHes. I have been away to an unspeakable place for the weekend and have also successfully written off a car. So that's nice.

Nothing other to report than that.

Boo and Mole come ere for a hug violent headlock and dead leg. Yesterday I had an excited message from Fertile Sister who bumped into Fertile Friend (mine) in some ghastly shopping place and they sat an breast fed together and exchanged baby chat. Lovely for them both, non? I haven't even replied to the message, I'm so jealous . Sucks, doesn't it?

Slaps Wol with a fresh line caught haddock, but gently like on account of the bayb.

Yo Muse and thanks for bringing your fertile self to the palais, hoping it will rub off in here? I am also hoping that as some of the newly diffed are still here, my baybee making kit will see sense and join in the fun.

Pone religion shizz is tough. Thankfully TGB is fairly non-opinionated on the matter so I am allowed to have all of the say (clearly, we have no actual childs so this could well change when there is a living human to make decisions about oops)

Rie congratulations on car write off action. Really hope you are ok though, scary stuff motor vehicle incidents. Good Lord, the fertile-ladies-breast-feeding-meet-up sounds like hell on earth. Am sending you erotic chinese burns and snogs aplenty to make up for the twitch-inducing text message.

In Truffle Land (I wish that was a real place, filled with the chocolate variety, not the mushrooms that pigs (or is it dogs now?) forrage for) I had my third high temp this morning so can safely say I laid me an egg on Saturday. This means that by some twist of fate the post-pub funshag on Friday was bang on the money for optimum swimmer location. Counting down to test day on 26th December (yes, you read that right BESHes)

Did you cluck whilst laying.

Thanks for the commiserations Truffers, though it wasn't as dramatic as it sounds. It was just the car was worth jack shit anyway, so it doesn't take much to write it off. Mainly engine related.

Alps don't worry - I wasn't cross with her for telling me, more surprised at my reaction. As I said - I don't 'do' jealous. I'm over it now, I want our baybee and not hers :) Saw her today and gave her a big squeeze.

Yeah Rie jealousy sucks. Lets go and reconstruct Lucas - surely he didn't fall that far hey?

Sorry about your Dad Sunny

Sorry, bout car, Rie - I used to have a penchant for writing off cars. Thankfully haven't for a few years but is still embossed painfully into memory.

Sounds like good, well timed laying Truffs. Will be checking with interest come Boxing Day.

Hope you ok, lovely Boo.

Waves and teatowel whips across the buttocks to everyone else.

I'm lurking due to feeling like shit. Luckily MiniG also feels like shit allowing me to spend the bulk of this week at home on sofa in front of CBeebies as opposed to feeling like death at my desk. Obv I am muchos glad to be feeling like shit but shit is shit whether wished for or not. My early scan is on Monday, not too much longer to wait. Unfortunately MrG's brother has rumbled us as he works with MrG who rather imaginatively put a meeting entitled "Scan" in Outlook at work. D'oh.

Good job he doesn't work for MI5 Lady he would be a rubbish spy.

I am definitely pre menstrual. Just nearly burst into tears because I didn't 'win Christmas' in the MN comp. Also have achy boobs and a low throbbing ache in my womble which can only mean that farking droid is on it's way early again. Fuck Fuck Fuck. :(

Sorry lageegee and of course fingers legs and fallopian tubes crossed for scan - 'twill be fine I know it xxxxx

Is it only Tuesday?

Fanks for squeeze Boo - found out today that it is likely to be something to do with his gall bladder which you can do without so that's good

Truff the chart god also said I laid an egg. Bring on the Boxing Day POAS festival

Alps me and MS are also not allowed to talk about religion. It just ends in a row.

I am having orange tea tonight - fish fingers, beans and chips. Get in.

Just back from holiday. We're having an orange tea too. Pizza is on route!

sunshine I've told him I'm not prepared to discuss it with him as he just berates me. :( Wanker. Every time he moans at me I tell him I'm going to get a BOGOF offer on circumcisions.

I've just done that "thing". A girl I haven't seen in 3 years just friended me on facebook. We were both living in Belgium at the time although she's German and I'm British obviously. She was 41 then and desperately trying for a baby. The reason we lost touch is because they split up and she went straight back to Germany. And here I am with a baybee. :( I was single at the time fair dues and was talking about my wish for a family. Obviously much easier to do with a cock in yer life.

Right, I need to get a shift on. 400 shiny gold & silver coins for winter tyres.