Ancient Egypt; where the regal BESH barge floats gently in De Nile.

[owlboots]

Glittering seductively in the evening sun, crewed by swarthy slaves, waited on hand and foot by bare-chested manservants bearing a rudimentary form of gin.

We have golden temples decorated with hieroglyphs for sacrificial offerings (and woo from the soothsayers) if required, and The Pit is full of asses? milk.

So, put on your eye make-up that goes out as far as your ears and jewellery so weighty it leaves dents in your head and step out to survey the peasants on the banks.

Come join the 30s TTC if your womble is as ancient and crumbly as Tutankhamen! Egypt; the thread where everyone eventually gets to be a mummy whether they like it or not.

OOOH Bitey Bitey Bitey Bitey Bitey

Btw my green fags are the cheapest they sell - I dream of marlboro menthol (oh and Richard Armitage. And Aries)

I am getting funny little pains in my womble. But I got this last time I thought I was diffed (when I bought the FR, did it in the loo in Morrisons, BFN, Droid next morning.) So am

Can't afford FR this month (saving for a Buzz Lightyear) so have to rely on cheapo from Aldi. Pfft.

Um the BESHT little whorehouse rang, apparently someone left this behind

boo other green fags are just tooooo minty for me. Would rather not smoke and have a nicotine deprivation based row with FDH than smoke anything else (except maybe Marlboro gold and a polo if very drunk). Is a buzz light year rude? Please describe the funny pains more?

ski Have you thought about putting gravy behind your ears? Works on all dogs and also my husband

Oooh minty fags. NOM NOM! :)

I'm going to a big horse show tonight - there will be minty fags ALL round. It's the law really at such things.

MrBitey If I put gravy behind my ears I'll have terrible problems with the "building management" boys. And I'm not even sure if they've been vaccinated against rabies.

princessboo I have a Woody - are you suggesting I can pee on a Buzz rather than buy an extortionateabroadpriced stick?

Absolutely crying at PeeOnABuzz. Seriously. Nice one Alps

Boo I just got the Buzz from Amazon as the Tesco website pished me right orf. Phew. Christmas shopping. Done.

Well, a bit done. Ya know. 10%. Close enough, right?

I should send you some of the hundreds of unnecessary tests I am doing to tell me what I already know.

I used to smoke green fags. And green fags. D'you get me? Once upon a time. But I gave up in 2007 and been a model of clean living since . Of course having a Mother incapacitated with Emphysema helps on the relapse front somewhat. (I am ray of sunshine today, what)

Not rude bitey, but bloody expensive :o

Pains are, erm, twingey and pokey. Not hurty though.

Am on CD 22.

I haff just had your tesco direct experience Lady. It won't put the blardy double points on for my vouchers. Am and I have missed my window as theboy now wants to 'find Woody' on the lap top. Online shopping. It's a cinch

I wouldn't touch t'other ones nowadays - last thing I need is any encouragement to be lerthargic! Don't mind those that do, just not my cup of tea

Thanks for clearing my confusion about the buzz! Is being inuendo ridden as sign of diffdness?

Twingey and pokey eh boo? Hmmmmmmmmmmm

In late afternoon investigations news, still no droid, have held my pants up to the light in the loo and everything. There have been other (sorry about this) movements though and the end of constipation usually means the beginning of droid for me. Going to the cinema tomorrow with my six month dfed friend, it'll proably come in the middle of Harry Potter .

I have just found a packet of knorr chicken stockpots in my handbag. Great. I have now turned into a petty criminal shop lifter with memory problems.

Ha ha I am loving the new use for the Toy Story characters.

Little to report here, on CD16, have had highs for 7 days now on the cbfm but still no bloody peak. Did an OPK this afternoon though and it did look very nearly positive. Of course, we did all our swi earlier on in the week. grrr. No chance tonight but hopefully tomorrow... :)

have a pregnant prima donna at work at the moment and am properly fed up of hearing about it. Envy is not a good thing to have but well, I can't help it.

bitey If you are going to shoplift you should nick something better than Knorr! Perhaps woody and buzz would fit in your bag? Hope you are wrong about the forthcoming droid though.

Marvellous idea Kat! Biteme, go forth and pilfer me a Buzz :o

Seduced into a life of crime by the BESHes? What larks!
weed in a ramekin, another dud but still no droid
can I change my lesbian crush please? Now luff Sarah beany lots!

Hurrah hurrah FF tells me I laid a bloody egg this month

Thanks for clarifying the green fags. I did wonder if they were the ahem 'green' fags

I think we should market a new line in BESH novelty sticks, Buzz telling us whether we are diffed or not. What other novelty characters could be in the line??

love the idea of novelty sticks! If medical science can be improved perhaps a stick could be invented that comes up with a Woody or a Jessie symbol from the very beginning? Or Topsy and Tim if there is more than one up there?

Too late Bitey Buzz is here - last one off the shelf, tenner off + double Tesco voucher thingy + no online shopping necessary = much cheaper extortionately priced space ranger.
He is quite cool actually, don't think I will wee on him. Ramekins much better.

What is going on with your droid? Has your cycle ever been this long?

Buzzwams are tender Sunny but as I have started to get paranoid and stroppy I am thinking droid is on it's way.

Here is a . They're all the rage in AIBU tonight.

At bloody last my shag dictator has detected some eggyness going on. Am now ransacking cupboard looking for matching undies to improve probability of action. Going out for nice dinner tonight too!

Don't pee on buzz he is quite nice really. Pee on the evil bear! I would like a Spanish buzz, he was very cool.

Morning hags! Happy SWIing Kat!
Thanks for the bear boo is it of the pom variety? Still no droid, still no win on a test. Where is it? Starting to worry that this may be a phantom difffdness- kind of appropriate after so much Halloween based sechs!
Funny you should ask about regularity boo have always been regular to the extent that was able to book wedding and honeymoon without the red one spoiling either. Six months later and I have been treated to a 21 day cycle and now am on day 30. WTF? if there is no baybee I just want it to come so can have another go!

bitey haha yes, that's TTC for you. Friday 11am every 28 days for decades. One condomless shag and I was treated to cycles as you describe above!

So we have two laying eggs, two due to POAS (or a toy from Argos/Tesco) - I'm low-energy menkulling.

I confess. I have never seen Toy Story. I know Woody and Buzz but had not heard of Jessie until we acquired Jessie's horse. Jailbait, being er... young remembers seeing it the first time around and I was a grown-up then so have no idea what it's all about. And I hate cartoons (except The Simpsons). Mostly because I'm a fucking misery.

bitey In previous times, BESHes have been known to photograph the buzzwams for daily comparison. Then share the photos.

n.b., the above may be a small lie.

I knew you'd seen toy story!

Morning- am having comedy writer fail but am desperate to make something of the fact that Woody and Buzz Lightyear could make excellent names for something you might like to put near yer fanjo area but def not pee on for fear of shorting the batteries, IYKWIM Don't know why I never noticed it in the 324 times I've watched it recently....(Is it a requirement at the age 28 months or thereabouts?)

Also, also, if you pee on Buzz and its a fail he could say 'to infertility...and beyond' ba doom crash! I feel like its a more positive message? What would he say of it was positive?

Sorry I haven't been around much, am in that flat no inspiration phase of post droid, pre egg, and have just realised that have arranged to go away next weekend when should be laying. Bum. This is no excuse for not being here to kick bitey repeatedly gently provide support and encouragement for biteme, and fuel the menkal by saying that I got negatives for a week when I was proper diffed. But also , grrrr fuckwit of a droid for fucking about, the fuck.

(the real reason I've not been about is that I finished series 2 of the wire and am having a serious post-stringer breakdown..had completely forgotten that have pull with the casting couch here, and could get him in as a slave, or one of those hench type people that stand either side of Cleo and service her every need..thank heavens for fantasy threads- I'll just be over here in the corner of the pyramid with stringer slave and my buzz lightyerup if you need me)

starryeyed an advert just popped up for buzz light year and I blushed! Glad I'm not the only one who thinks it all sounds a bit anne summersery!

Stupid work colleague has just emailed me a flow chart on maternity leave for students. Have replied saying a) I am not a student and b) I am not pregnant. Wanted to add c) fuck off you nosy old bitch but refrained.

In coffee break droid news the fucker is still absent.

I am in a very bad mood today whcich is predictive of the droid and I second your paranoia boo

Stick experts some advice please....

Just did another test an internet cheapo which you read after five minutes but not after ten. Dunked the stick as instructed but then it started to rain so I legged it downstairs to get the washing in. All in all the test was wet for 15 mins (ish) and there is a very very very very faint test line next to the very solid control line. You really have to look at it in the right light to see it.

FDH has come home early and is threatening divorce if I don't stop peeing on things so can't really do another. So what are your thoughts? I have used a very cheap test, not followed instructions and got an almost imaginary line.

Actually don't waste your mental energy I have just answered my own question!