Howdy pardners, grab your corset and mosey on down to the BESHt Little Whorehouse for all Wannabe Differs (30's)

[LadyGoneGaga]

Why howdy pardners, tighten your corsets, put a feather in your hair, pull on your boots and garter (*nipple tassles optional but welcome) and mosey on down to the BESHt little whorehouse in all of Diffas. Where the finest 30?s TTCers will fulfil your every need. There?s firewater -?Hendricks-- on tap and we?ll WOOFL you until you can?t WOOFL no more. Yeehaaw.

Menu
Straight up ? the best rootin?, tootin? baby making sechs in 7 counties
Cougar style ? like Doggy but with claws, acceptable for updiffage
Rodeo ? to be followed by a quick dismount to avoid leakage
Sherrif style ? with spurs on
Backdoor ? Recreational but not recommended

Specials
Dildocam ? Half price this month only
Needlework/Foot massage ? for those who like it a little bit woo
Zinc shooters ? to keep the posse on the straight and narrow
Positive thinking ? by the glass
Eggwhite omelettes ? to keep your energy levels up
Gentlemen are kindly reminded to leave all prophylactics by the door and to kindly leave the cowboy juice in the receptacles provided as directed.

Scorpula bag is indeed v.nice, hoorah for TYF :)

Rocket De Nile is the only place to be, remember, one ignores it completely until one day you cough daintily in a ladylike fashion and the baybee glides out on to a pile of soft fluffy towels. Right?

Hoorah, G , go, go, go!

Great scannage news GoesLikeaRocket!

Bad news - found this on the Devon PCT website:
Ovarian Reserve Test Restrict where clinician believes chance of live-birth is

Aw, BB Devon PCT are clearly evil.

It does say 'can be used in conjunction with' rather than exclusively though, which suggests it might end up being down to other factors (not sure what those would be) plus whether you get lucky and get a decent clinician looking after you.

Tis an absolute bugger having to wait though and unneccesarily stressful, which PCTs and others seem not to understand. I shall send you muchos BESHfeffing in the hope of lifting your spirits (or at least your petticoats) for a bit :)

Wearing some suitably whorey OwlBoots at the time I hope OwlFeff.

I guess they mean in conjunction with JIAP result, FSH levels? Hopefully I can build up a case on those other indicators. Thanks for pointing that out Hooters.

Uber-whorey red boots; plus I've got out the can-can outfit and pompoms 'specially for you

Chin up my lovely; do not let the bastards get you down.

I quite like the name OwlFeff. Although not sure I would want to feff an owl. And on that bestial note I shall go off and trough pizza with chums; tis part of my 'not fixating on TTC' plan.

Have a top evening, lovelies. [gin gin] x

It might also be stuff like age, history of mc too, BB. Sounds like you can build a decent case. How are things going with your supplements?

BB, as the website says, the whole picture is made up of many different factors. And results can change and levels can go up and down. However, that helps not a jot when you're having to wait. Don't forget that PCT actually stands for Pissing Cunty Twats

PS RE: bag - I chose it, he just ordered it. His choice of bag for me would be 'you have far too many bloody bags already'.

Oh I think he and TB would have A LOT to talk about. My reply is normally, "need? what is this word you keep saying to me? I do not understand" :o

shoes this is the BESH way :o

BB PCuntTs!!! Bastards for making you wait. I hope you get an answer soon and that they will give you the treatment you deserve. I think its really unfair that they draw these lines, 10%, 30 BMI, is bollocks.

my dream boots

0 chance of these every arriving in the post though so I am going to eat pizza tonight instead!

my current favourite boot porn

but I am more likely to ackshurly buy these

Rocket excellent scan news, am loving your excellent trip down De Nile. Of course your baybee will be perfectly quick and easy on popping into the world and then be very quiet and lovely when here - no seriously, if you {gin} it up, you won't even notice.

Barbeque shitting cunting bastards the lot of 'em. I think a new rule for how IVF baybees are allocated should be 1) are you a double 'ard bastard? 2) how BESH are you on a scale of 1-10? Then all the lovely BESHes could get their baybees with none of this fuss and stressfulness. Have this chinese burn and this follow up to soothe you in the meantime.

GaGaoohlala get thee to a shaggeree (no need for leg shaving either, see previous posts re: functional baybee winning activities). Am pleased that the cycle Gods have seen fit to return you to your normal timings. I am hoping for laying to occur around this time next week so will be just behind you again if things go to plan.

Scorparella nice work on the self-chosen giftage. For our first Christmas together TGB bought me a very large bottle of Lambrini and the Sex and the City board game. He thought it was ironically funny. I thought less so and thankfully since then my presents from him have been more appropriate

I've had another annoyingly busy work day. What is it with my employers that they seem to expect me to actually work for my money, instead of spending the day chatting away on here? So unreasonable. I'm off now to brave the tube strike (although it looks like once again, it's been relatively ineffective and I can get home with just a small tweak to my usual route) and to cook spag bol and watch the Masterchef final from last night. Seriously, rock and BESHing roll my life.

Truff I love Masterchef. I watched the final last night it is verrr good. I like the BESH IVF scale, seems much fairer.

Thanks BESHies - I managed to get pregnant once on Clomid so I've got that in my favour, MR B's results were great, I'm under 35 (ahem, just) and my BMI is under 25 so at least I have that going in my favour. I've always got Eurojizzney anyway.

bbq certainly sounds like you have many fingers in the fc pie- think of people who have none of those pluses, am sure its they (poor sods) who will be rejected on such a technicality?

Can I commit bootricide? Am so depressed by all the beautiful footwears, they are lovely, and yet fear it wouldn't even occur to me to think I should get something like that, is there a test you need to pass to deserve bootiful boots? I need to take it! (and then find some exciting places other than playgroup and the park to wear them...perhaps I shall take an evening class...one where bootage is a requirement)

Am bit blue today Had lovely conversation with TA at school today who said, 'some of us were having lunch last week and we've heard someone might be pregnant, and everyone thinks it's you' ..I of course sat slightly open mouthed, and then obviously didn't conceal my wry smile adequately, as she gleefully cried 'it is you, isn't it!! ha ha we guessed ' blah blah. Attempted denial, which was rejected, so ended up saying 'actually I should be pg but miscarried in August, there's nothing I'd like more, but it's not me, sorry' She then said 'Oh you've made me feel bad now, you shouldn't have told me that'. AIBU to be bit peeved?

Self pitying rant over- am going to see Burke and Hare tonight, with lovely friend who has no children and wears nice clothes and is my link to all that is young and funky, so shall eat popcorn (it is on slimming world free food list, ISN'T IT?)and dream about deserving boots.

forgot to add salad yey yey yey for baby in tum! Will dance on the riverbanks of denial for you, until you're ready to disembark.

I luff master cheff too. My chef friend knows the winner (i won't say who so as not to ruin it for truffs

strong list of plus's there barbiegirl perhaps you could also add that a crew of angry ESHes will hunt them down and post poo through their letterboxes if they refuse you?

BB am dang peeved re. FC shitness, but plizzed you have lots of other stuff fully in your favour. However am obviously secretly hoping there will be a mass BESH visit to Eurojizzney where we will ride a sperm flume on a giant fibreglass cock and have our flanges tenderly basted by oiled-up Italian gigolos whilst eating gelato and admiring our Prada couture frocks etc. etc. (Eurojizzney is in Rome, not Paris, mmmmmmkay?).

I HEART Mustercheff. I did really really well not finding out the winner so we could watch tonight , including both of us spinning round and jumping up and down with our fingers in our ears singing 'LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAA!' when they announced it on the Beeb this morning, only to get on the bus home and plonk meself next to some woman in a really crap pair of block-heeled court shoes with her newspaper positively thrust under my nose, displaying the winner. I then had to spend the evening pretending to the OM that I didn't know, including doing that 'Oh my God they're about to announce it we're going to have to grip hands and avert eyes' thing. I should get an Oscar, moi.

Star when you're back pliz to supply brief and snappy review of B&H (oooo reminds me of my first days of smoking in the manner of Charlie Brooker. Thankyou pliz.

Yay for the mass BESH visit to Eurojizzney. I think that they have massive cocks walking around a la Mickey Mouse & Crew. Sounds like a place of great fun and frolicks.

Good evenin' ladies of the BESH. There's bugger all on the box tonight (Ii'm not a fan of the apprentice) Who's for a nekkid sing song around the gee-tar?

My day in Brum was a failure as far as looking at boots was concerned. Was the first time I went out without nappies for miniboo as we are ditching them in the day now and he's been doing very well. When we got there I asked him if he needed to go and he assured me he didn't. 5 minutes later I'm stood at the cashpoint waiting for my money to come out and he assumes a squat position and wees all over the floor in front of a posh lady with a suitcase who didn't look overly impressed. Then just to improve matters for me, the heavens opened. I had to run to the nearest covered bus stop (I was on Colmore Row for anyone who knows Brum) and change his sopping wet clothes. Luckily it was empty as the bus had just been.

I really really really needed a BESH to pass me some gin at that moment. Had lunch. cuddled friends baby, came home. Looking at boots would have been too traumatic - couldn't risk that happening again in the middle of Office :o

Hey Boo I can't handle Lord Sugar et al either. It reminds me too much of work. Your day sounds pretty traumatic - at least miniboo didn't piss all over said posh womans luffy boots

Sorry, didn't read thread properly before posting (I'm all me, me, me).

Moley sorry to hear about the stupid TA - er... how can the fact that you had an mc and she made a faux pas be you making her feel bad. She made herself feel bad, you didn;t make her feel anything. I hate that shit, YANBU to feel peeved in the slightest.

BB Buggery Bollocks to the halting of the process. Hope they speed the fuck up for you.

Salade we have texted but shall feel rude if I don't so a happy scan dance for you here on the BESH thread.

HB I love Charlie Brooker. Gutted he's not doing Film 2010.

Scorps That bag is a beaut.

That is all.

Danslesoleil I was panicking about that happening, there was bloody loads of it.

Three days in row so there. Performs nipple twirl dance with fans in manner of Dita von Teese just for HB who's been thinking of me.

Poor boo. The public accidents are the worst. My face still burns with shame when I remember the beautiful Restaurant overlooking the beach in vey exclusive bit of Ibiza. And then MiniG pooing in his shorts, with no pants on and the poo rolled out of his shorts and onto the unsealed stone floor to be nicely trampled around by him before we noticed. Had to remove scremaing child, covered with poo from the vicinity while MrG ineffectually scrubbed with a babywipe .

I missed Masterchef final and have not Skyplussed it or nuffink. Bugger.

MyLadyGee Congratulations on your marathon. Now you truly are walking like a cowboy, can I interest you in a Jack Daniels on the rocks? :O

Thanks for the sympathy and story, always helps to know that others have been through worse and survived!

Oooh, yars please. Mebbe a twist of lime too?

And some pork scratchings?

Molesworth, am v at that stoopid bitch not getting the hint, forcing you to blurt out your private agony just to make her STFU and then telling you off for making her feel bad! Yeah, because the embarrassment of a faux pas far outweighs the grief of a mc

HB, Eurojizzney is just outside Amsterdam. On this point I must stand firm. I make extra revenue from visitors who find the Sex Museum on the Damrak too classy