Avast Behind! Full of salty seamen and buxom lasses, the Gin Palais is heading off in search of Pirate Booty! For those brave BESHly wenches in their 30’s, TTC since the Black Death.

[BarbiesBeaver]

Ahoy Gin Hags, behold the Hendrick?s Palais, the finest sea goin? vessel that ever left these God forsaken shores. Packed with comely wenches and salty seamen, I be lookin? for a BESHly crew to travel the seas in search of booty. Land lubbers lackin? a twisted disposition need not apply.

Let me shiver yer minges with tales of the fearsome Droid Monster, who raises his bloody head each month, and the dreaded 2WOOFL, where the vaguest signs can be espied from the top o? the Crow?s Nest.

Get ye to the Brig, yer scurvy dogs, where Roger the Cabin Boy will see to yer needs, or apply the Cat O? Nine tails to yer britches if ye should mutter the oaths of Babydust.

Drink up me hearties, yo ho(es).

Glad you are OK Mountie although :( to work pit. I hate to tell you this but it's Sunday already

Can I just point out that after 2 and a half years I have accepted that it may not happen but I then magically didn't get pregnant? Just finding it a bit hard to take the "give up and it'll magically happen" pill at the moment. And the pressure to conceive before/on your FC first appointment can be pretty intense.

I'm really relieved and happy for those it has worked on (and the BESH certainly have plenty, which is inspirational) but it can be a bit tough to take if you didn't get that magic FC FU diffing. I'm not saying to give up hope, but can we just go a little easier on the expectation that it will happen once you forget it and relax about it all, which after all is the number one complaint from us BESH'es that insensitive people IRL say to us.

Really sorry to bring this up but being on the other side of FC interventions it can read like that sometimes, even if it's not meant that way. I am also suffering PMT so go easy on me please I know I'm being a bit oversensitive.

I don't think you're being over-sensitive: you're facing things with tremendous courage and realism. Wish I could think of better things to say, but for now will just admire you from a distance and fervently hope for the best for you. XX

Thanks Bangers I don't want to offend anyone and I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think the BESH's would understand. I'm really overcome with the support from everyone. .

Takes a lot more than that to offend a BESH, old bean.

Am very glad indeed to see me ole muckers Fairy, Salts and Bangers. That's all.

BB, just because it has happened for some it won't happen for everyone and I agree it must feel like a lot of pressure. You're not going to get any fish gits and removal of privileges from this quarter at least

gits guts. Fnarrr.

I am a fish git though. I love San Miguel.

SindysSnatch I am so hyper aware that by the law of averages an FCFU win can not happen to everyone and therefore my own must be at the cost of someone else's IYSWIM. All I can say is that I was about as far from 'relaxed' as one can possibly get at the time. The situation is shit. Sometimes we cling to fantasies and myths/legends (which really is what the FCFU thing is, as how on earth can that REALLY have anything to do with it?) to help us cope with this shit but sometimes they just make things worse. Sorry that is the case for you Please don white string vest and hang out on your front porch listening to hip hop while swigging from the bottle.

BB I really understand where you're coming from on the FC-FU wins. Just feels like added pressure and can make one feel like a failure for NOT managing a magic win. As the other side of the same coin, I couldn't hang out on the infertility network support boards elsewhere - I kept finding the saddest possible stories and applying them to myself.

I think people just really want things to work out for every BESH and sometimes that can come out a bit unhelpfully - so it's always worth pointing that out!

The FCFU win is a myth - and I say that as someone who's had one. Is just pure coincidence. And, for my part, if I talk about a FCFU, it's solely because the illusion that I stuck 2 fingers up to the medical profession makes all the pain and stress and horrible medical intrusion of TTC for over a year seem less awful and upsetting when remembering things. For me, it is definitely a coping mechanism. After everything feeling so devastatingly out of control, feeling like I had some control is healing, even if I'm deluding myself. I know it's not a real thing, which is why I've personally never said that it's something that'll happen to others, because that creates both false hope and pressure to fit some sort of 'if I can do it this way, so can you' mould.

Those of who have won a BFP or who have actually had a baybee need to be ever-vigilant not to be flippant about successful win patterns we perceive or thinking what worked for us or others is the key to success for anyone else. Every woman is different, every win is different.

And I hate the 'relax and it'll happen' thang in all its variants - I was the most stressed and emotional I've ever been when I won! I can't remember any of the books recommending that a woman become 'a screeching, unwashed mental who keeps wailing about not wanting to live' for optimum fertility

Many sorrys dear BESHies for self indulgent outburst last night. Had just got back from Social Event that was filled with people all of whom were chatting non stop about their kids/pregnancies/how weird it is to not have children. I had 3 people actually ask me why I didn't have any.

I just felt like some sort of freak of nature, and that I am kidding myself thinking I will ever have any of that.

But I need to HTFU frankly, when our dear Barbie is having it so rough.

So, just so I don't drag you lot down with my moodiness, I will have a little go on Cap'n Jack. I'm only doing it for your benefit though

Thanks BESH'es, have I mentioned recently that I really loves you? Because I do. So many other boards would have taken offence to what I wrote and I knew everyone would take it as I intended on here. It's very refreshing. I'm just aware that there are a few of our number undergoing/starting/thinking of starting some investigations and treatment and wanted to be sensitive to them too.

Rocket please don't feel bad! I think it's really inspirational that so many on this thread have achieved their win, despite the odds being against them and the appalling brush off they've received from the NHS. No one steals anyone elses win or jumps the queue or any of that nonsense. Plus you were trying for three years!

Saltytears you've had an awful time of it too - there is no "Pity Stakes" where one person needs to harden up because someone else is going through something rough too. Miscarriage is one of the most devestating things a couple can go through - and to be reminded of that at an event where you are supposed to be enjoying yourself is so hard.

Now I'll chuck some sticky ribs, jerk chicken and prawns on my half drum BBQ and STFU! Oh and have some of these special chocolate brownies I baked, that'll mellow us all out...

Ooooo you meaty haired minx. Aaaaaand they're at the starting line in lane number one it's BangersandMash, a right little goer on soft ground, lane number two it's SaltySeaDog, powerful haunches on that little mare, Lane number three it's BarbiesBeaver.

'meaty haired minx' you do have a way with words dear Beaver

Incidentally, my cat has a toy beaver, that we gave him when he was tiny (so he wouldn't miss his little cat family). He still carries it around in his mouth AND before he had the snip, he used to shag it. TRUFAX.

Second thing I ever crocheted was a beaver, he's a right cheeky looking chap, looks like he's raving.

babsflaps don't be feeling bad for me feeling bad. It's not that I believe in a que or anything daft like that, it's just that I completely understand where you are coming from, I haven't forgotten how it feels. Sometimes stories of other peoples wins are heartening and sometimes they just make you feel, well goodie for them, but wtf about ME?

My own personal version of this at the mo is that everyone is reassuring scorps that her terrible sickness is a great sign, shows her diff is strong and she has multo multo hormones flying about her system. Of course I don't begrudge anything designed to make her feel better, but what effect does that have on someone who is having no symptoms at all and feels fine? Again I know there are loads of peeps who had no MS and no trouble but its still hard to hear and I end up in the ridiculous situation of WANTING to feel sick. Daft as fuck innit?

Right I have lashed 2 rotting tuna fish to the ends of these here oars so we can work it out of our systems Pirate Gladiator style... Buccaneer..... READY!!

that sounds like a truly ghastly evening Salts. I'm not surprised you were mizz when you got in

Seriously, you DON'T want to feel this sick Am sorry everyone over there giving me hints and tips makes you feel wibbly. Lots of women don't feel sick - my own Mum, for example, felt vaguely nauseous a couple of times and that was it (so, foolishly, I thought I'd be that lucky!). It doesn't mean that not feeling sick is a bad sign - they're just placating me, because they feel sorry for me! After all, how can anyone help other than be lovely and reassuring?! Also, as I have food allergies and intolerances, 90% of the tips are for things I can't have, so it actually makes me anxious, as it makes me feel like I won't be able to find anything that helps and it reinforces my feelings of outsider-ness! So think on that!

It's all very hard, isn't it? It's a minefield. I get very offended when people mock preggos who worry about flaunting the pg rules, as I worry about that stuff myself, so it feels like I'm being attacked.

I also get jealous when people talk about maternity leave, as I'm dole scum and won't get any cash from anywhere, or when they talk about stuff they've bought for themselves or the baby, as, again, I have no cash, or even when people are still lovely and slim whilst much more pg than me and I'm not! But that's just my ishoos, not their fault (not saying that's what you're implying). Everyone is going to accidentally make someone else feel worse once or twice, even though it's never, ever their intention, because everyone is different and emotions are v heightened, whether it's due to TTC or pg hormones/stress. The fact that we can be so open with each other shows that despite unintentional slights, we are lucky to have each other :)

scorps have you checked if you are eligible for Maternity Allowance?

'improvised fishy Q tip' that made me be a little bit sick in my mouth you foul wench.

Gross.

scorpelina my lovely, I know all that is true, I know everyone is just wanting to give you some support when you are feeling rough. Please don't be at all be sorry, that wasn't meant to make you feel bad!! As I said I in no way begrudge it AT ALL, and I wish the suggestions where more helpful for you. It's just the crazy, selfish and scared part of my mind niggling away, prob shouldn't have mentioned it. If it helps I don't think I'll be eligible for mat leave either, on a temp contract at the mo and as I've had to fess up very early I don't suppose they will be crazy enough to take me on full time now. Although I realise it's a bit different as hopefully I will still be working up til the end and can save a bit, but it's possible I will be a dole-ite in Jan.

salty factoid of the day, Q-tips were originally going to called "Baby Gays" then the realised that was just gay so they called them Q-tips. Sorry for the mouth sick. :p

Oh yeah, Sunday. Bugger. Work tomorrow. 'Tis getting better though. A special shout out to my homie Arial. Cheers for Merlot, drinking it as we speak .

Wait, I just realised: did I miss Salad's win? RocketteSaladBurst won? When? Am I getting this right??

ParadoxCnut I know exactly what you mean. It can feel uncomfortable now that I am looking into the ICSI abyss that I am not even dealing with yet. BUT I have to say that when BESHes talk about it I think it's a bit of a joke, like waving our wooden spoons, snorting baby dust and such. No BESH, I don't think, really believes they won 'cause of the FC appointment, as ScoreThePet so eloquently said above. And now I sound condescending to you. Which I did not mean to be (blame the Merlot), I wanted to say that I know exactly what you mean, it's just that then I realise it's what Score was saying and a general BESHly up yours to the world and the medical profession, and not meant as pressure. If I am still sounding condenscending, please to kick me up the bee hind.

Talking about pressure, does this mean BOTH of my FC buddies are now diffed???? I may take back everyfink I just told BarbWire! Although mighty chuffed too.

My language is appalling after some Merlot. Blame Rie.