Avast Behind! Full of salty seamen and buxom lasses, the Gin Palais is heading off in search of Pirate Booty! For those brave BESHly wenches in their 30’s, TTC since the Black Death.

[BarbiesBeaver]

Ahoy Gin Hags, behold the Hendrick?s Palais, the finest sea goin? vessel that ever left these God forsaken shores. Packed with comely wenches and salty seamen, I be lookin? for a BESHly crew to travel the seas in search of booty. Land lubbers lackin? a twisted disposition need not apply.

Let me shiver yer minges with tales of the fearsome Droid Monster, who raises his bloody head each month, and the dreaded 2WOOFL, where the vaguest signs can be espied from the top o? the Crow?s Nest.

Get ye to the Brig, yer scurvy dogs, where Roger the Cabin Boy will see to yer needs, or apply the Cat O? Nine tails to yer britches if ye should mutter the oaths of Babydust.

Drink up me hearties, yo ho(es).

Am meant to be revising today. It's just taken 45 mins of banging, clattering, huffing and puffing for Manstew to get ministew out the house. FFS, honestly , why does everything take them omuch longer?

Oh for FUCK'S sake. He's back. He had 3 things to do and hasn't managed any of them, because he asked the wrong thing in one case and went to the wrong place in another.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!

Have headache.

Poor old Cassiopeia. Why are men so useless? I went for a walk with sister once saying to MrA "when the potatoes are parboiled and the fat is hot, transfer the said potatoes to the fat and shut the oven door." When we got back he's turned everything off because he'd forgotten what to do. Why do I want a child? I have one already.

Cold is better thanks. May stage a miraculous recovery.

Andes, you leave my shanks alone. They're not for eating, not even with gravy. If the said raging torrent situation should occur then I'm pretty sure the cat would be saved over me, the reasoning being that I can swim and she can't. What husband would do more?

I don't think you are better, 12pt . You still look peaky to me.

Here, let me rub this Vicks on your chest...

Vicks is a substance of Satan. I'd rather have some more hot toddies. Any going?

SWI time approaches. Again. Maybe I'll shave my legs. Make a bit of an effort, you know? Though any success this time round will result in a late June baybee. I'm not quite sure what that would do for my sanity. It may be an interesting experiment though.

Morning BESHlets and apologies for my extended absence, I proffer these MandS freshly home baked muffins (muffs, snort) and large vat of Hendricks in apology.

In the spirit of disclosure I'm Truffkin, almost 32 and married to TGB(the geek boy, video games for work and play). My story is got pg (on pill) with very soon to be ex but teflon womb result then 'tried' again far too quickly and in totally wrong circs, teflon womb number 2 and end of relationship soon after, this may sound wrong but quite glad in retrospect there were no sprogs to keep us in contact.

Met TGB 18 months later and after 6 years we decided we wanted to make baybees together (the Daily Mail would love me, who prioritises fun, career and coupledom over sprogging? tis all my own fault ) So we took the plunge and a year later I've had long cycles, then joy at 36 and 33 days consecutively, then this last one was 26 days so am again. Had some prodding and no PCOS plus spermz is all fine so am now charting in an effort to understand what's going on.

Sorry, that was very long and wordy. Here's more gin, mixed with cranberry juice so you get one of your 5 a day (genius)

In other news, depending on cycle this month tomorrow may be start of fertile period so plan to get the sechs on today to prepare TGB for a week of action. This week has involved a work night out each and 2 very early mornings so have only managed it twice, must get him prepared for more next week.

Aries hope you are really feeling better, the sechs should sort you out if there is any lingering snuffles.

Interesting chat about private maternity care and IMs, have thought that's the way I would like to go too, in spite of the cost. But then I'm in that there London so is much easier to get hold of.

Snort truffkin think I lub you :o TB also has a silent middle G as is OBSESSED with games and used to work in games industry, we still have lots of friends who work in the industry. In fact early research established that we owe our fairly chance first meeting to Street Fighter (a story for another time) Good luck with the charting.

Bitey Such a random long hair is called "a Bernard" in our house, can't remember why. Glad yours turned out to be a fake.

Rie hope you continue to feel better, Dr Salad prescribes this vat of hot toddy and the Secs.

MiniG's Dad (my ex) is a Games working person too!

Cass Did you have your IM when you lived in my neck of the woods?

Shaving legs for SWI Aries, that sounds a bit too much like effort! Is it bad that I really can't be arsed with any of it? Mind you, like you getting diffed this cycle would result in about the most inconvenient due date ever, so I'm caught between thinking I should be pleased when it doesn't happen and secretly hoping for an ironidiff.

Apparently there are no private maternity hospitals/clinics in Scotland. Didn't get very far googling independent midwives so there might be some but they're not jumping out at me. I did read something that reckoned the lack of private care was due to the NHS being so much better up here .

Talking of the NHS, my health centre have written to me telling me to come and get a flu jab because I'm in a high risk group. I've never had a flu jab in my life (and tbh don't think I've ever had proper flu either) and the only thing that's changed in the last year is that I've told them we're ttc. Is that enough to make them think I need a flu jab? And if I phone up to find out will they actually have a clue?

I know there is a doula up here (NE Scotland), as she has advertised in the local NCT newsletter, but haven't gone looking at private maternity care or IM. TBH, I am happy so far with what I have seen of the NHS, though I know local MH doesn't have best rep.

Exciting news! VAG has only gone and done it!

...And if someone that deeply in De Nile can do it, we all can! So chuffed for her :o

Poor old Anton du Beke

What were Strictly thinking? Very mean on them both. And if I were one of her constituents I'd be pretty pissed off.

Oh sorry - wrong forum.

Whoop! Good news for VAG (does this mean another space free in the PESH deli?)

Mr Shoes is a games person too. Oh dear. No wonder we're all struggling to get up the duff.

Trufflehunter splendid cv. Please feel free to share with me and the others this industrial strength roll of velcro what I have purchased for the Palais to prevent future teflon incidents.

TIS (The Italian stallion) is sadly not a games person. I, on the other hand, went through a phase of not eating or drinking for 3 days as a student as just had to finish Tomb Raider 2 or somthing. TIS is just fucking lazy. No games to justify sofa attachment, just the art of doing sweet F.A..

Hornybitch DD has caught your horrible cold and is all snottery. Ta muchly. Hot toddies are a no-no for 2-year-olds, right?

am just crawling into pit, haven't caught up on any of fred. Am feeling fecking horrible, and like I will never, ever break out of this stupid TTC cycle. I hate it. It is making me really sad.

Hope all ok with you lot - really sorry for being like this, not sure what is up tbh.

Salts take all the time you need (the pit here is pretty good, take it easy on Cap'n Jack though, he's been put through his paces recently) There, how does that feel?

ah saltypoos I have been wondering where you got to. :( I have given Cap'n Jack a scrub down, fed him and dosed him with rum so he's good as new for you. There is also a large lasagne, a brownie cheese cake and a jug of bajun rum punch in the galley, help yourself. I am preparing to apply the tenderest of erotiviolence at your request.

Also concerned for HopOn who has been MIA for a while too

Salty . What's up? Have some nice comforting breakfast porridge with golden syrup in.

Brownie cheesecake? I am currently on slimfast - oh the joy of it all. :( I am trying to get a new job and think if I can score an interview at somewhere posh in Zurich it would do to turn up in a nice suit rather than a creased maternity maxi-dress. Just a small consideration. Why don't slimfast do fucking brownie cheesecake shakes I ask you? :(

Poor salty - tequila slammers anyone?

I am a software engineer so had no interest in boys or willies, so it came as a complete surprise to me to win a baybee.

So it's true what I have been saying these years...

"The geek shall inherit the earth"

Am here, Rockette. Rather, just got here. Trying to catch up, but 'tis hard work! I've been lost down the dark hole of work, and not TTC despair, which I suppose is the slightly better variant of despair. At some point though I should remember I have FC appt on December 1st...

Oh, I namechanged again, but 'tis obvious really. I'll introduce myself to the noobs later. Too much of a hard work on a lazy Saturday morning. Wet smooches to all.

"The geek shall inherit the earth"

I'll drink to that.