Avast Behind! Full of salty seamen and buxom lasses, the Gin Palais is heading off in search of Pirate Booty! For those brave BESHly wenches in their 30’s, TTC since the Black Death.

[BarbiesBeaver]

Ahoy Gin Hags, behold the Hendrick?s Palais, the finest sea goin? vessel that ever left these God forsaken shores. Packed with comely wenches and salty seamen, I be lookin? for a BESHly crew to travel the seas in search of booty. Land lubbers lackin? a twisted disposition need not apply.

Let me shiver yer minges with tales of the fearsome Droid Monster, who raises his bloody head each month, and the dreaded 2WOOFL, where the vaguest signs can be espied from the top o? the Crow?s Nest.

Get ye to the Brig, yer scurvy dogs, where Roger the Cabin Boy will see to yer needs, or apply the Cat O? Nine tails to yer britches if ye should mutter the oaths of Babydust.

Drink up me hearties, yo ho(es).

BB find the questionnaire. Find it and fill it in my dear.

Right - I filled in a questionnaire on the ESH BESH PESH thread. Have copied and pasted it here, although I have been informed of the error of my camping and droid loving (!) ways, feel free to slate me all over!

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

Hell yes - it's an essential at the beginning of every period I find.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

Never tried digging for gold. Unless 5 years counts..? Been a cougar in the past, which was nice at the time..

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use: a) weewee b) poopoo c) foofoo d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

c) although lately I've been wondering if d) is in fact the right answer and this is where I've been going wrong.

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

Hee hee hee... I'm not surprised your lot are all graduating to PESH's. I hear laughter is really good for life.

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

a) of course. (I am ignorant and a si-fi fan!)

6. what colour are your walls?

I would love to say something exotic like... red... but I discovered shortly after I put the paint on the walls that another brand of paint labelled the colour I'd just put up as Magnolia. I have nice curtains tho.

7. Number of pets?

Zero. We tried to steal feed the neighbour's cat, but they moved and took her with them.

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

David Attenborough. Refuse to explain.

9. Lesbian crush?

Jennifer Saunders

10. What are your views on camping?

We camped a lot when I was a kid. Got better once I got my own tent. Am open to the idea, but of course would be better if there was a steaming cauldron surrounded by black-clad ladies cackling and swishing too and fro on broomsticks...

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?

i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
ii) Over 100 quid
iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Am coming around to the idea of cheapies on Amazon. Have spent a year in denial, and have by now spent over £100....

ps - gun drugs?

Yes! I have to go in for a tutorial on how to administer them. I know not what the "gun" is like. I have used ordinary injections and a pen thingy (like a diabetic injection pen) so must be something different. I'm doing IUI BigBush so the drugs are to crowbar my ancient eggs down towards the Liddl carrier bag which is my womb. You're joining PrincessBoobs and ItalianMamafromDolmioAdvert as the newbs scrubbing the deck. We also give each other rude endearing nicknames, just to confuse each other.

My real life BESH type friend told me a truly horrific story concerning camping + M/C so it has convinced me tis really the work of the devil and must be avoided at all costs.

I ordered a stash of internet cheapies yesterday from Access Diagnostics. They arrived this morning, free postage! I now have 20 pg tests and 40 ov tests - they were on offer and I reckon I need to do 2 a days. The excessive no. of pg tests are so when I get diffed again I can make sure they go darker as they stopped last time and then I had the mc.

Owlie Moss side was scary - we were told it was Rusholme (it wasn't!) and only lived there for about 4 months. Rest of time lived in Fallowfield/Withington area which was a little less scary.

Aw, no not a Lidl carrier bag - it seems to be getting worse. I thought we'd agreed on Waitrose or M&S?

LadyG that sounds like a good use for internet cheapies. I might fuel my terrible POAS habit and purchase some although I am trying desperately not to have any sticks in the house apart from the CBFM ones as basically, if it's there, I will pee on it regardless of whether it will tell me anything useful.

I worry myself sometimes.

Owl Not that I would actually be able to do anything about it beyond worrying and awaiting commencement of bleeding.

There is definitely something special about the magical moment of peeing on a stick though. A big ceremony. Thinking about it for days, googling people who got BFP's on 2 dpo (surely it happens?). Going to the chemist, studying them all. Making sure you get just the right one. Waiting to make sure your pee is just the right concentration. The crackle as it comes out of the packet. The decision: mid stream or dip? Finally breathlessly waiting in anticipation of that elusive second line. And BFFuckingN. I did loads when I was updiffed just to watch them go positive (sad cow emoticon)

Hello mah BESHlets.

Apols for my silence, which I'm sure you have all noted and mourned . Life is clouting me around the head just now, and I feel all sort of worn out, as if there are no bits left over. Just calculated that by the end of tonight's Oh-so-very-urgent-and-oh-so-very-long-running meeting I will have worked for 10 days straight without a break. I know some of this is good (got offered some well-paid journalism on top of the two other jobs which I could hardly turn down ) but I feel as if I am going to break in half.

Anyway. Am reading all and send much love combined with savage kicks to the shins. Hope I'll be back on top form before too long. If not then three weeks hence I'll have a new name and re-invent myself and you'll all be impressed by how my BESHtionnaire is uncannily BESHly...

Headcase!!!! Poor BESH - too much work. I for one have noted and mourned your absence. I even texted you but guessed you were breaking in half somewhere. How are the weekend away recharging plans going?

Oh Aries did you? THANKS! I turned my teffelone off in Hall, and will now turn it on and feel loved .

We are just having 2 days 1 night away (soon as I typed that all I could think of was "2 Girls 1 Cup" ). Essex/Suffolk borders. Think it will be enough to stop me snapping entirely in two. Just have to get through remainder of the day at work which includes long and painful meeting with Stroppy Older Man, and I'm MUCH too tired to be all charming and larky, so there's a good chance he'll be sulking awkwardly up one end of the table and I'll be awkwardly sulking up the other and it'll all be perfectly RIDICK.

How you, petal?

Bangers!

Don't wear yourself out completely, Cap'n Jack is awaiting your attentions.

I missed you too! Fancy you letting work gtting in the way of exchanging meaningless drivel with us! You want to sort your priorities out my love. Hope the break away is lovely and gives you chance to recharge your Ann Summers rabbit batteries

BangersnMash of course you've been sorely missed although there has been more Cap'n Jack to go around poor sod Sorry to hear your work want you to actually work for a living, simply not on. Hopefully the dirty weekend away will help to avoid total breakage. Will a quick flash of my norks be enough to distract you during meeting of total boredom?

There will be no flouncing!

Mother update. Having had a moan about the aforementioned Tesco delivery and her staying at my sister's en route and so unable to bring groceries - I sent an email saying that I wanted longlife stuff, not milk & cheese. She has asked what type of milk & cheese I'm after and can she get it in her local Tesco. [give me strength]

Fucking eggs. I cannot reasonably 2woofL then. Rubbish....

LadyGG took about 4 weeks after then last of the slippery womb had slipped away for me to lay another egg. But cycles have been a bit all over the place since then....so maybe I can 2woofl?? And I'm with you on the magic of the stick my dear. Tis a particular sort of thrill. I made myself do one when I knew it would be negative because I couldn't bear the idea of the first BFN after The Curious Incident of The Disappearing Baybee to be when I actually thought I might be diffed......

head? head? nope, sorry, can't remember anyone by that name

Just catching up briefly after a long, dull day

cass I love swearing kids. As long as its not my own

Newbies! We haz some newbies! Welcome - your round.

My MIL is an idiot. Harmless & bless, sings my praises, but is selfish & self-centred. However, I now feel guilty as sin as Sun eve she gave us $100 to have a nice meal on our hols

Mr Laurie has gone to the football, so I'm going to have a long lazy bath & read my chick lit book.

Laters, x

Four weeks from end of bleeding you say? Will shut up fretting then since has only been a couple of weeks since the spotting ended. Just am vay vay impatient. What's up with eggs, oh salty one? Boo to irregular cycles. Mine were shit before. God knows where they will be now.

In other news have emailed a needle woman - Hoping might help with just getting everything back on track and helping me feel better in my head. She is a Zita West one too so maybe Scorps and Cinco's woman knows her?

How are all our new differs today? Hopefully all have heads in buckets puking guts up (sign of a healthy baybee see)

Egg is not fertilised I imagine, as I only managed to do SECS on sunday night, when I think I laid the bladdy thing on Friday.But then, I may not, as I said cycles have been a tad wonky.....that's nuff evidence to indulge the menkul, no?

LadyGG would a snog help pass the time??

There's always time for a menkul.

Oh yes, definitely always time for a menkul.

BrownB I think someone is trying to steal-feed our cat too. He is massive. Perhaps the whole street are doing it. Damnit.

I most def laid an egg on sunday and had lots of action in the run up so if I am not updiffed I will be well fucked off. I actually went and bought Brazil nuts and am forcing them into my gob - can't even remember why they are supposed to be good for me (or maybe it's he who should be munching on them?) and don't get me started on pollen. Pollen ffs! Goggles could tell me to eat anything right now for fertility and I probably would.

There are no cats to steal here. Just smelly pigeons and they aren't hard to steal so there's no fun in it.

only when sacrificed, milano

ladyGGG you are spot on with the POAS action, I stopped over the weekend as I was away but have started again this morning because I am feeling far too well and am paranoid that is a Very Bad Sign.

welcome brownowl I like camping to but ssshhh dont tell the other BESHies.

Head we missed you, please to kick work into touch and make sure they understand you have VERY important people to talk to on the internet and to not disturb you by giving you ackchul work to do.

shoes our cat is also huge, someone tried to feed steal him a while ago until I shouted at them (a few times) I think they have stopped but he is still a fat bastard :o