30s TTC: For BESHes who have been trying to conceive since the Higgs Boson was last seen

[ChoChoSan]

Come and learn the Tao of BESH, a path to wisdom and emancipation that can be gained only by careful practice and meditation on the central tenets leading the way from the barren to the Updiffed. The Tao consists of:

4 Noble Truths: 1) The life of an emancipated women inevitably leads to barrenness and babyfails. 2) Barrenness is caused by women?s FAILURE to procreate before they reach their thirties as a result of selfishness and evilness, and general hag-ishness.3) Barrenness ends when BESHness ends. This is achieved by eliminating The DROID, thereby reaching a liberated state of UPDIFFMENT. 4) Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out in the Tao of BESH.

5 Pillars of BESHdom; YOU MUST: 1) Undertake Regular Visits to FC ? Always observing the ritual traditions of Getting Your Rat Out and Partaking of the Dildocam 2) Undergo the Purification Rite to evict the cobwebs, rusty bicycles and old prams from your ancient uterus 3) Realise that Camping will most assuredly lead to a swift and lasting visit from R2D2 4) Observe the solemn monthly rituals of ?the prodding of the buzwams? and ?insertion of cigar? 5) Recognise the terrible power of such artefacts as the CBFM, and despair!

Eightfold Path of Diffment;

1. Intercourse must always be a union of Winky and foofoo (No Hankyhole)

1. Defeat the negative karma of ?spitting a lot up the fanny? by pushing egg white up there after it

1. Appease the gods of fertility by rubbing your ovaries whiddershins

1. Pray to Jebus to put baybee in your tumtum

1. Have your uterus sprayed with Teflon, and apply gaffer tape to the lady garden to stop BOC falling out and making angelbaybees

1. Recognise that likelihood of diffment is in direct proportion to the number of poas you use, and the earliness at which you use them.

1. Confirmation of a WIN can only take place after you have undertaken your First BESHly Baptism, and assembled in a place of drinking with other followers of the Tao.

1. The state of diffment is confirmed when the second red line has been drawn on the poas, and the poas set on fire to release a pall of white smoke.

The BESHly acolytes are now called upon to provide suggestions for the Ten Commandments of BESH...JOIN US!!

Clink. Cheers moi luvver. Here's to next month.

you called!

Actually I am here, sort of, lurking with nothing much of interest to say. Have had a useless day workwise although I've nearly finished sorting out my expenses - such an exciting life I lead.

HH. (Hello Hags) I had a crap first day of work and rumblings of a droid. Life could not get much better. So I really do not think I have anything inspiring to say.

ParadoxMinge so sorry to read your crap experiences at the mo. Would offer consolation, but in my current mood, may just make you feel a bit more miz. If I wasn't concerned about the rest of the BESHes I would suggest the next thread to be something super gloomy, Nick Cave style or similar. Or we can open a branch office? The Pit gets it's own fred? Would be too much... juzt chattin' Should stop. Tired.

Ariella I've often wondered about fish. Which fish do you reckon is sustainable to eat? (Note to self: must stop eating sushi.) Did you get the shipment of my worldly possesions?

Rubina pliz to stay and remind that AC does work. Have you been down the PESH land? And now that you are playing with space-time continuum could you pliz apply it to my CH? And I hope you coordinate your activities with GoddessLyra otherwise we'll be in some holy mess. And... you can see my Phd won't be in literature.

SheBanger Wood Green = my first introduction to London. Where did you meet the latest BESH victim aspirant? Speaking of which, wilkommen yunge Clara.

G glad your doccie was cool. I hope you look after yourself. I second the calls for steak and chips. Perhaps some red wine. Well, if you won't have it, I will!

Score your IL's sound mighty weird. I hope it's not hereditary . I am joking! Sometimes I wonder when I look at my MIL. Not that it matters anyway...

Yo O.

HopOn have a look at this www.fishonline.org/information/MCSPocket_Good_Fish_Guide.pdf It's pretty self explanatory when you have a good look. The flaw to it though, are that it only deals with the sustainability aspect of the fish. While very laudable, it doesn't take into account food miles etc. I've never seen the point of tucking into wild Alaskan pollack when you can eat fish from the UK. I just eat local line caught fish, all very well for me to say, as I can get hold of it easily. Anything trawled is very destructive to the seabed and to other marine life. And seeing as you asked, sushi is pretty bad!

The shipment of your worldly possessions?????

Wood Green also my first intro to London. Was doing Mountview summer school loooooooooooooooooong time go.

Morning hags. How are we all today?

I'm TIRED. There is a paper mill down the road that's being demolished and converted into housing. They were working on it BETWEEN 2AM AND 4AM. What the FUCK???

I am going to write a shitty letter of complaint. Or at least I will, if I ever fully attain consciousness. And I need to start revising today. Pliz to inspire?

Cass how rude. I would defo send a letter. Outrageous behaviour.

I'm not in the best of moods today. MrGG has returned to Ecosse and have sent MiniG to nursery so I can brood silently. Going to go and see my Mum tomorrow up North.

Cuppa?

Oooh, don't mind if I do. Want a Hula Hoop?

It's ominously quiet here today, hope everyone else ok?

Can I pinch a biccie? Will make the tea if I can!

Sorry to hear you're feeling down lady. Hopefully a visit to your mum will help lift the spirits (or at least distract you!).

Cass sounds like you need some red bull/other horrible stimulant type drink rather than a cuppa! Good luck with the revision.

Now scorps is diffed, does that mean there is room for a new queen of menkul? If so, I would like to put myself up for it. I am slowly working myself into a big histrionic mess as I go through the 2WOOFL. I have zero diffed signs, so am utterly convinced that this is yet another baby fail month. We have 2 cycles (or 1, depending on how long each of my next cycles choose to be), before we get sent off to the barren menders. I have been looking at costs etc and have self diagnosed myself with unexplained secondary infertility courtesy of Dr Google and the findings from the SA and blood tests. From what you guys have said earlier it seems IVF is the best course of attack (rather than say clomid or IUI). I am well known in RL for being queen planner, but if and when we get this referral, because we'd have to self fund would that mean we get to choose the treatment path rather than having one mapped out for us? I know I am probably getting too tied up with this before I need, but it helps with my need to know that things can be sorted and that I'm not going to be left to flounder.

Feel free to tell me to STFU and get on with it. I have been telling myself that over and over recently but I'm just not listening! Waahhh, I hate the 2WOOFL! .

Morning lovelies :)

Cass that is outrageous and a letter is def. in order (and possibly also a poo through what remains of their letterbox).

Maybe the 25/5 idea might help with the revising? I was reading about it yesterday. Set kitchen timer; revise for 25 mins, spend 5 mins surfing the internet for shoes/making cups of tea/etc. Might work? I am shite at revising though and have never tried this strategy; I used to reward my pitiful efforts by watching Countdown when I was a stooodent.

HopOn I believe that there is an unwritten rule somewhere that states all in-laws are full of mentalism? Also, boo at the droidal rumblings. Evil rusty beeping fucker.

Oh Orchid I'm sorry you're WOOFLing. Don't lose heart too quickly on this cycle, it's not over till you know who beeps. Remind me how long you've been trying this time around? And how were your test results?

I have no experience but I guess if you are going private then you do get more choice - or at least more conversations about what they're recommending and why.

I totally understand the needing to have a plan thing. I felt like that too.

Remind me, how long have you been trying for Orchid? I know very little about AC but hopefully you will do Scorpular style "Fuck you" diff in any case. You may find because you are self funded they will be more flexible wrt options and best treatment path for you (as they won't be constrained by the NHS best practice guidelines?)

It will be a year at the start of Dec, so 10 months at the moment. I know that is not a long time deep down, so will accept owlclogs' beating with the herring for menkuling at this stage. BUT, I am worried that since having Mini O my cycles have been very erratic and show few signs of returning to normality, despite them coming back about 18 months ago. I had day 4 hormone tests done this cycle and they looked ok (in terms of FSH and LH being similar etc), but because my cycles are irregular they couldn't/wouldn't do the ones after OV. Mr O had a SA in June, volume was low, and normal forms on the lower side but given the ok overall.

So, despite the long and erratic cycles,there is nothing obviously wrong, which probably means I just need to keep on trying. That won't sit well with me though once we hit the year mark. I know by the time Dec comes I will want to have a plan B and am figuring that I might as well start to get my head round this now rather than it just all happening. Does that sound like I'm an idiot (quite likely)? Poor Mr O is very tolerant but I can tell this is getting to him too

But Orchid, my cycles went bonkers too after MiniG and I did still get diffed (although didn't end well but you know what I mean). Your charts look like you ov so not sure Clomid would help you. I can understand wanting a back up and it IS very frustrating but bet it just happens for you. Is it worth getting MrO's swimmers tested just in case to rule out any issues there in mean time? I always think the man investigations sound a lot less horrible and intrusive than the lady ones. And might just be a question of upping his zinc or turning off his heated seats or summat.

Anyway, hugs for you. I am fully expecting my cycles will have completely gone to sh*t after the mc so we can puzzle over our menkul charts with furrowed brows whilst drinking gin and smoking pipes together.

Has the bomb dropped? How can the last posting on this fred be from before lunchtime?! Normally there is no shutting the hags up so Something Is Definitely Up.

Karate chops to the windpipe for all to wake you up.

Hello Clare'sAccessories and welcome from a fellow noob. I like the sound of your puppy, pliz tell wot kind he is?

Just a moderate punch in the bracket for NaCl Air since you were having a hard day yesterday. I swear sometimes pregnant women are stalking long-term TTCers, I walk down a road every day at hometime to get to my station and there are so many pg women (different every day) that I hum "It's the fucking street of the pregnant women" to the tune of "Love of the Common People" to cheer myself up, which isn't/wasn't at all effective.

Hopalong I haven't dared stick my nose into the PESH deli yet, it just feels a bit too ahead of myself. I am shy and not sure if I dare try to mix with such creatures as the PESHes yet, we haven't even been introduced!

Rissole it is bang out of order to wake you with building work at 2am, here why not borrow this inordinately large wrecking ball and get it over with once and for all so you can get some sleep tonight. Then swing it at any of the hags needing violence when you've finished.

All hail to the Queen of the Menkul Orchitis, I hope you will not get to keep your crown for long. Balls to never knowing where you are in your cycle, it just piles stress on top of stress and each cycle always seems to be really high stakes. I are been there.

Right, going out with a friend and gonna tell her my news which should be fun. See you schlaags later.

Where is everyone?

And why are all the hulahoops finished?

Why have there only been 2 posts since 11.44? Do you think everyone has snuck away and formed a new thread and left the squares behind?

I'm very . After not having one for two years this evening I am having some kind of allergy to something apparently in the air, as I haven't eaten anything. My eyes are big, angry, puffy splodges and my skin itches all over. I didn't have any antihistamines and have taken some Benedryl from Tesco's. I don't know if they are actual antihistamines - does anyone else?

Rie! Oh god I'm glad you're here, I thought there'd been some mass walk out.

about allergy.....Benedryl? That's an antihistamine. Deffo.

What's going on?

Where the hell are the BESHies?

If that doesn't get 'em in, nothing will...

Perhaps the Midwich Cuckoo aliens have been in and are impregnating everyone else while they are in a deep sleep. But not us

W'ah. I want a golden eyed baybee.

FFS.

I miss all the alien impregnations.

I'm just grumpy (hormones) and have nothing nice to say, so not saying anything...

But hello lovely BESH. You're all fab, obv.