30s TTC: For BESHes who have been trying to conceive since the Higgs Boson was last seen

[ChoChoSan]

Come and learn the Tao of BESH, a path to wisdom and emancipation that can be gained only by careful practice and meditation on the central tenets leading the way from the barren to the Updiffed. The Tao consists of:

4 Noble Truths: 1) The life of an emancipated women inevitably leads to barrenness and babyfails. 2) Barrenness is caused by women?s FAILURE to procreate before they reach their thirties as a result of selfishness and evilness, and general hag-ishness.3) Barrenness ends when BESHness ends. This is achieved by eliminating The DROID, thereby reaching a liberated state of UPDIFFMENT. 4) Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out in the Tao of BESH.

5 Pillars of BESHdom; YOU MUST: 1) Undertake Regular Visits to FC ? Always observing the ritual traditions of Getting Your Rat Out and Partaking of the Dildocam 2) Undergo the Purification Rite to evict the cobwebs, rusty bicycles and old prams from your ancient uterus 3) Realise that Camping will most assuredly lead to a swift and lasting visit from R2D2 4) Observe the solemn monthly rituals of ?the prodding of the buzwams? and ?insertion of cigar? 5) Recognise the terrible power of such artefacts as the CBFM, and despair!

Eightfold Path of Diffment;

1. Intercourse must always be a union of Winky and foofoo (No Hankyhole)

1. Defeat the negative karma of ?spitting a lot up the fanny? by pushing egg white up there after it

1. Appease the gods of fertility by rubbing your ovaries whiddershins

1. Pray to Jebus to put baybee in your tumtum

1. Have your uterus sprayed with Teflon, and apply gaffer tape to the lady garden to stop BOC falling out and making angelbaybees

1. Recognise that likelihood of diffment is in direct proportion to the number of poas you use, and the earliness at which you use them.

1. Confirmation of a WIN can only take place after you have undertaken your First BESHly Baptism, and assembled in a place of drinking with other followers of the Tao.

1. The state of diffment is confirmed when the second red line has been drawn on the poas, and the poas set on fire to release a pall of white smoke.

The BESHly acolytes are now called upon to provide suggestions for the Ten Commandments of BESH...JOIN US!!

ShagTheElf check your inbox.

Oh, LadyGGG, my heart is breaking for you. Are you going to go to A&E or somewhere to get everything checked? You need to know for sure, either way. I wish we could do more for you than just chat, but we are ALWAYS here. Screaming, shouting, wailing, however you feel - never banned here. And if you need to stay away and be quiet, we understand too. Gin speaks wise words (although I wish she didn't know a thing on the topic of mc ) - plenty of love and cuddles are powerful medicine. So here's some from me: XXXXXXXX

No need for any stick action, Droid sneaked up behind me and got me with vigour. Don't know why it was so different to usual way . Cycle seems to be different length to how it has ever been too.

Still, not having days of pant snot might be nice!

I'm sorry 'bout that Salts .

Bastard droid salts.

God what week. I'm so sorry, my BESHes :(

Yeah, bastard, but I'm more concerned that it is different to any other droid. Really different. feels as though something odd is going on. No idea what. Or I may be being dramatic! And nothing compared to what some of the dearly beloved BESHies are going through just now.

LadyG so sorry to hear your news, hope I will be forgiven for also sending you love and cuddles.

Salts can only echo cries of bastard droid...

Scorps you made me PMSL with tales (tails?) of ferret-info - dead moth bit in particular!!

Sorry you're feeling rough muse, hope holiday is permitted. Am finding iced drinks help (whereas other drinking makes me wretch).

Sorry to hear that salty had high hopes for you this month. Bastard bleeping fucker messing you about too. Tis not on. :(

I just my first ever singing lesson.

The nice lady said, and I quote, "You have no problem with pitch, and your musical ear is very good"

Although quite why I have sounded like a cat being strangled for all these years is a mystery.....

Back from hospital. They scanned me and all the bits have gone away so at least I don't have to have surgery. Seem to think I should stop bleeding soon as not much left. I feel very sad that this one wasn't to be. I knew though because my symptoms had gone and my inctinct just said "no". I dreamed the other day that my Dad (who died when I was pregnant with miniG) came to take the baby away. So at least I know s/he is being looked after now.

LadyG you are being so brave. Look after yourself, won't you - it isn't fair that this has to be so difficult

Oh Lady . I feel completely choked - what an enormously comforting dream. All the love we can muster. You really are being remarkable - I hope the future holds better things very, very soon. XXX

Oh LadyG I'm so, so sorry to hear this. I hope you can take some small confort from your dream. Take care of yourself, xx

Oh, LadyG, I hope the physical stuff's all over soon. Give yourself space to deal with the emotional stuff, and take comfort from your dream. You know we're here whenever you need us.

I found myself smirking this morning as I overtook a car with the registration FFJ. That's very sad isn't it? Good job I was on my own in the car and didn't have to explain.

Lady that is very, very sad. I am so sorry. It is a wonderful dream you had.

LivesInCroatia bugger. I was really hoping for some good news around here. How can you check the different feeling? I am sorry, I forgot, are you anywhere in the process, or too early for such shizzle? Can you go to the GP?

Lego I'm nowhere in the process. I think I need to see if tis just a blip...if next month is also weird I could go to GP....Could just be hormones still settling I guess....

You ok today my dear?

So sad to hear your news today LadyG. I hope Mr G is taking good care of you. We will be here whenever you need us xxx

So so sorry LadyG. Treat yourself with care tonight, and I agree with gin, when this happened to me I found comfort in the arms of the small child.

And salts, I was sure it was your turn this month. Is this the first droid since the mc? Mine took a couple of cycles to get back into rhythm.

True, ChocolateSaltyBalls, could still be the hormones.

I am ok. I thought I was in De Nile, on Explosion's boat, but actually had a slightly tossy night thinking what if it does not work. I have not been immediately broody, so to speak, I thought it was a matter of when rather than if. Now it has somehow become and if, broodyness is here with a vengeance. I never used to 'oooh' over the kids on the street, and now both CH and I do. I am just freaking out... but I think I want to suppress it for a bit longer and pretend that there is action we can take.

On that note, PerfectDrone we got Wellman Conception, Pycogenol (or whatever it's called) and wheatgrass in capsules. Your bloke did not overdose on all of this??
CH has also gone to buy some baggy boxers as we realised that his are quite tight. He does wear boxers, but they are snug. A bit like those CK commercials (and he looks exactly like that too, of course).

AndSheScores! I never answered your suggestion that we should find some comfort in the fact that I am all ok. You are right, it somehow makes it more straight forward, and gives hope of the BOC sticking as it should. Yet, it being ICSI rather than IVF makes me so freaked out that other chromosomal abnormalities will be carried...

Anyhoo, I guess I am not ok as I used an innocent 'how are you' to launch into mememe. Sorry about that.

I would like to hear from our ickle stalker, CherubRibena.

Like your creativity with me name, Rie.

You are NOT mememe HippyHoppy I asked how you were because I wanted to know how you were, not so you could say 'Oh fine'....here, hope up onto my lap for a grope. Incidentally, is wrong that I sniggered at 'slightly tossy night' I need to spend less time with teenagers....

Hi Mrs is 2nd since m/c. I will describe it in detail at some point in the future. When it has taken off, the little beeping bastard.

You just made me giggle, you silly ole Salt. Pliz to grope.

Cocktail, Hoppy?

Oh, yes please. What is in a Cosmo?

I don't know, but they are pink, and I got horribly drunk on them once because of a 'happy hour' promo. I was not happy the next day. hell no.

I am a fan of the Moscow Mule, they are delicious, and have ginger in, which always make them taste faintly healthy....

O' right then, I'll have a Mule. Whatchya havin'?