30s TTC: For BESHes who have been trying to conceive since the Higgs Boson was last seen

[ChoChoSan]

Come and learn the Tao of BESH, a path to wisdom and emancipation that can be gained only by careful practice and meditation on the central tenets leading the way from the barren to the Updiffed. The Tao consists of:

4 Noble Truths: 1) The life of an emancipated women inevitably leads to barrenness and babyfails. 2) Barrenness is caused by women?s FAILURE to procreate before they reach their thirties as a result of selfishness and evilness, and general hag-ishness.3) Barrenness ends when BESHness ends. This is achieved by eliminating The DROID, thereby reaching a liberated state of UPDIFFMENT. 4) Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out in the Tao of BESH.

5 Pillars of BESHdom; YOU MUST: 1) Undertake Regular Visits to FC ? Always observing the ritual traditions of Getting Your Rat Out and Partaking of the Dildocam 2) Undergo the Purification Rite to evict the cobwebs, rusty bicycles and old prams from your ancient uterus 3) Realise that Camping will most assuredly lead to a swift and lasting visit from R2D2 4) Observe the solemn monthly rituals of ?the prodding of the buzwams? and ?insertion of cigar? 5) Recognise the terrible power of such artefacts as the CBFM, and despair!

Eightfold Path of Diffment;

1. Intercourse must always be a union of Winky and foofoo (No Hankyhole)

1. Defeat the negative karma of ?spitting a lot up the fanny? by pushing egg white up there after it

1. Appease the gods of fertility by rubbing your ovaries whiddershins

1. Pray to Jebus to put baybee in your tumtum

1. Have your uterus sprayed with Teflon, and apply gaffer tape to the lady garden to stop BOC falling out and making angelbaybees

1. Recognise that likelihood of diffment is in direct proportion to the number of poas you use, and the earliness at which you use them.

1. Confirmation of a WIN can only take place after you have undertaken your First BESHly Baptism, and assembled in a place of drinking with other followers of the Tao.

1. The state of diffment is confirmed when the second red line has been drawn on the poas, and the poas set on fire to release a pall of white smoke.

The BESHly acolytes are now called upon to provide suggestions for the Ten Commandments of BESH...JOIN US!!

I'm on the fake email thing.

Owl'sMovingCastle, you have inadvertently broken one of the commandments I forgot to list t'other day:

Thy shall request, nay DEMAND ye dildocam at all medical appointments, even if you're at the dentist or just asking the Boots pharmacist about the rash on your shin.

I insisted on two this avo just for buying some padded heel protectors (I am a martyr to heel rub!) for my new shoe boots.

Hopon, I don't quite know how much the IVF here is, only that we can't afford it Between £7-9K, I think

I believe that person could be Bangy, Rie.

Yeah, Salty, where art thou?

I don't want to go either Lyra! Maybe we can pop over there for some more detailed shizzle. Use Ribena as an ambassador.

And why were you chatting privately with my boat mate, may I ask Godess?

Whaaaaattt Scorps that is madness! I though it was more like 2K max.

I will think about it but may have to be dragged out of here in the end, clamberon!

I haz emailed my gynae this evening. She replied within 20 mins . She sez she would be happy to refer me anywhere if PCT will allow it, but they might have a block contract with St Mary's in which case it would be there or nowhere - I am to ask them and let her know.

Even if it is possible to transfer, I'm not sure going to e.g. London is practical, coz you would surely have to stay for several weeks? But still worth thinking about.

Aries, north east coast of England or Britain? Am guessing Northumberland way, which sounds lovely. Do you not get seals to look at down your way?

Maybe we should have set up the Mythbusters thread after all. I would worry if we all piled over onto AC it would be a bit of a take over (even tho we were invited)

i'll be referred to the Hewitt clinic, mountaindew it's in the Liverpool Womens Hozzie

Aries i signed up to CAT so i could join a book group on here so feasibly i could be the conduit for you swapping emails. I could cat you both and the then give you each others email addresses. I don't spose thats much easier than you setting up a gmail account tho? NE rugged coastal log fire cottage sounds luscious to me. we are thinking of doing somat similar in the yorkshire dales.

occie sorry you are feeling so exhausted my luvver. chin up.

We were chatting coz both in NW, I do hope that is OK with you hopster. £2k! Bless

You would pay £5k ish round here, and that is for the aforementioned crappy clinics.

Did anyone else hear about Asda offering the drugs for £1200 (cost price) or did I dream that? Obv you would still have to pay for the physical part of it at a clinic. Ah yes here it is. only saves about £800 tho :(

Don't worry, I do not want to go either, I was worried about boring the others to death. Or maybe I can bore them into getting diffed .

Lyra you e-mailed her now? I am still stoopidly ignorant about the process, so no idea how long you'd have to be somewhere. I guess I need to get more educated. I am giving myself time till December 1st. Is there anywhere close-ish to you?

Ooh cottages in Northumberland. What larks.

Good tip Lettuce, every little helps and all that.

I emailed her about 6.30 from work email - just checked that now, and she had replied before 7. Close to me, dunno yet - will look into Leeds and Sheffield, I think.

When are you all off on hols?

Ok, ok, Lyra you are forgiven. But the boat is mine! Fekking 'ell, I am becoming very grateful to the local PCT. ConDems get your grubby mits off!

Cottage not for me, cottage for RieRie (although I'm not paying for it luv).

I don't think I need the scan until Wednesday. I passed what looks like the placenta last night. Game over I'm afraid. Thanks for all your positive thoughts and support.

Oh lady I just came in to check on you. I'm so sorry. Try and be gentle on yourself and get lots of cuddles from mini g.... I know that mooch really helped me get through some of the most miserable bits of mcs.

I really, really wish I could say something that would magically make it all ok. For now though I'm just sending loads of love and sympathy. We are here whenever you need us... You will get through this I promise xx

Everyone else am sorry not managing to keep up properly. Have been reading re FC etc and sounds like lots of lovely beshies having hard times at the mo. Smooches and headbutts to all who need them and sorry am not managing to be around more xx

That was a lot of kisses for a beshfred but I AM NOT ASHAMED.

Lady I'm so sorry. Massive hugs and squeezes to you, MrG and miniG. xx

Oh Lady . I'm so sorry. Much love to you and your family. XXXX

Re. BESHmeet, oppity and Rie, if you've not contacted each other already I'm on [email protected] (I think...just off to check!)

So, sorry LadyG :(. Sending hugs to you all. Look after yourself and do whatever you need to get through the next few days and onwards.

oh, LadyGG, so sorry to read that.

Lady my dear I am so, so sorry. Nothing will make it easier at the moment, but you will get through this. Be kind to yourself XX

Salty have you POAS yet?! X

GeeGee so sorry to hear that. You take care xxx

gaga i am so very sorry to hear that, it makes my heart hurt for you and MrG. Take care of yourself and each other lady xxx

I am so sorry LadyG.