30s TTC: For BESHes who have been trying to conceive since the Higgs Boson was last seen

[ChoChoSan]

Come and learn the Tao of BESH, a path to wisdom and emancipation that can be gained only by careful practice and meditation on the central tenets leading the way from the barren to the Updiffed. The Tao consists of:

4 Noble Truths: 1) The life of an emancipated women inevitably leads to barrenness and babyfails. 2) Barrenness is caused by women?s FAILURE to procreate before they reach their thirties as a result of selfishness and evilness, and general hag-ishness.3) Barrenness ends when BESHness ends. This is achieved by eliminating The DROID, thereby reaching a liberated state of UPDIFFMENT. 4) Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out in the Tao of BESH.

5 Pillars of BESHdom; YOU MUST: 1) Undertake Regular Visits to FC ? Always observing the ritual traditions of Getting Your Rat Out and Partaking of the Dildocam 2) Undergo the Purification Rite to evict the cobwebs, rusty bicycles and old prams from your ancient uterus 3) Realise that Camping will most assuredly lead to a swift and lasting visit from R2D2 4) Observe the solemn monthly rituals of ?the prodding of the buzwams? and ?insertion of cigar? 5) Recognise the terrible power of such artefacts as the CBFM, and despair!

Eightfold Path of Diffment;

1. Intercourse must always be a union of Winky and foofoo (No Hankyhole)

1. Defeat the negative karma of ?spitting a lot up the fanny? by pushing egg white up there after it

1. Appease the gods of fertility by rubbing your ovaries whiddershins

1. Pray to Jebus to put baybee in your tumtum

1. Have your uterus sprayed with Teflon, and apply gaffer tape to the lady garden to stop BOC falling out and making angelbaybees

1. Recognise that likelihood of diffment is in direct proportion to the number of poas you use, and the earliness at which you use them.

1. Confirmation of a WIN can only take place after you have undertaken your First BESHly Baptism, and assembled in a place of drinking with other followers of the Tao.

1. The state of diffment is confirmed when the second red line has been drawn on the poas, and the poas set on fire to release a pall of white smoke.

The BESHly acolytes are now called upon to provide suggestions for the Ten Commandments of BESH...JOIN US!!

I currently have steeping:
2 litres of raspberry gin: ready (and vey delish)
1 litre of blackberry and anise schnapps (is what you get if you use vodka BB) ready in 2 months
3 litres (almost a full demijon) of damson: gin ready at xmas

the damson is under my desk and is rather tempting, lucky its not ready.

I am supposed to be making all this to give as gifts for xmas (along with chutney, jam and beetroot ) but if all this bloody fertility malarky carries on I am simply going to have to drink share it all myself with the BESH.

MounterayJack please to join me on a lovely gin soaked boat ride down De Nile. All other comers welcome, 'hic'

ohh muse sorry you are feeling so poorly and holibobs are at stake. Will rain in cat sick stories on your behalf.

rein FFS

(clusterpost FFS)

ha not that poorly then? Mind you, healing powers of gin are well-known TRUFAX.

Aw Muse have you tried ginger?

Seriously though, I hope you stop barfing soon, preferably before the hollibob although I fear that's probably pushing it a bit.

Dollfanny am sure M&S will do nicely (it's not any carrier bag womble, it's an M&S carrier bag womble)

Owl tru fax, same for V&T (with segment of an actual lime) and rum & ginger (ginger is really good for digestion, that bean-obsessed telly lady says so)

Ok, now really, will someone remind me where does one check success rates of FC's?

HopOn - HFEA. Do not do what I did and look up HEFA - that is Heart of England Ferret Association, and whilst adorable, not very useful. You are so lucky being in That London for choice of FCs (although obv. not lucky to require on, etc.).

Just rang the hospital since the promised call has not arrived. She said they have no scan appt's and was going to ring me at the end of the day to tell me this (thanks hospital woman) so she could see how I've been today. I said bleeding still but mainly when I do a wee, lots comes out then but only spots the rest of the time. She says that is a good sign (I assume there are different gradations of "good" - "Good" to me would be no blood whatsoever and feeling sick again, please). Anyway I depressed self further by reading the miscarriage board where lots of people have these signs and miscarry. But anyway, they can't fit me in to scan until Wednesday. So you might need to keep those candles burning a bit longer.

I feel emotionally drained. Can't think about it any longer. Am trying to forget was ever pregnant and just pretending I am having my droid. Doing this by playing mindless games like Tetris on Facebook which is why have not been around much today. Also rereading His Dark Materials. (I have a Lyra fixation too, t'is my moniker on a different board)

Lyra oh but ferrets is special! For compare the clinics go to HFEA.com, for compare the ferrets go to HEFA.com. Simples! .

Mmmm the drinks are clearly on SideSalad.

Muser during my epic 20+ a day vomiting sessions last Chrsitmas with hyperemesis the young male dr. asked if I had tried ginger biscuits. He was very very lucky I was so weak else he would be the young male eunuch by now. Not surprisingly, nice female Dr I saw a week later gave me antiemetics and signed me off work for two weeks and was kind to me. I love her. Have you found sleeping lots helps? Might that work if you are holibobs - get loads of rest?

Cross posts - sorry to hear the wait is long GG. You're doing exactly the right thing - distraction and resting is all you can do for now. Will dig out my dusty tea light and light it when I get home.

Oh, gaga, what a shame they can't see you sooner.

I wish they could see you sooner LadyGaga, your way of coping sounds good to me. I'm still holding out hope for you. Stay away from google and the miscarriage boards. It's too much to deal with.

Cheerio Lyra. At the moment we are going to CRGH, and the site says it is above average, but I think I need to research more. All the probabilities seem so low, that I am boarding What?YouAreOnlyHavingSaladForDinner's boat and taking the booze, screw the Christmas recepients. I am sure they haz baybees.

XPost. Sorry GG. Candles burning for you till Wednesday.

So sorry fellowlyralover :( Will they call you if they get a cancellation before Weds? I am hoping so much it is just Uncle Bulgaria. Will light my BESHcandle for you tonight.

Bloody hell HopOn, those are the best rates I've ever seen . Want to make yourself feel better? Have a look at St Mary's, Manchester, where I've been referred - I'm looking at a chance of 14.8% :(

gaga Is it possible you can cough up the dosh and be seen privately tonight/tomorrow? I'm not sure I'd wait until Weds - how about going to a different hospital, claiming you were in town "for a meal"/shopping and doing a cunty - i.e., exclaim "scan this, bitch!".

Is good idea Ski. Private scans are not hugely expensive, are they?

Thats harsh news lady but your tactics seem good. Disable google, read lots (always makes me forget my problems) or watch a favourite film. eat some chocolate. Cuddle miniG. A candle will be burning in the salad bowl for you all weekend. private scan seems like a good idea then you could have the one on Wed as well just for added reassurance if still bleeding.

TB just asked if he was 'on duty' again tonight. You know what? I just can't be arsed. My cousin is about to drop (2nd DC, instadiff brigade) which means i need to finish the cute little hat i was making for her baby. Joy. All aboard the Gin Lark.

LadyG that is rubbish that they expect you to wait until Wednesday. That's nearly a week away!

I suggest either paying for a private one, turning up somewhere else at Ski said or else ringing the EPU again tomorrow and hoping you get someone more reasonable... or say it's got worse, even if it hasn't.

Or, actually, just turning up at the EPU and saying that.

I'm so sorry this is happening.

BESHes I'm off for the weekend. Should be back Sun/Mon so will catch up then. Have nice weekends, one and all.

Gaga that seems unbelievably long to wait- is it worth you looking on the Association of EPU website, www.earlypregnancy.org.uk/whoarewe.asp
they have info about ones that are walk in, or may be another nearish you that is open at weekends? Glad that they gave you some reassurance, but if you can't wait til wed you could try elsewhere- TBH am shocked that there isn't an 'emergency' facility that this falls under, or is it a 'You've had your scan this week, you have to wait your turn' situation, which seems really unfair since you've obviously had 'developments' in your situation. Hugs and squeezes and extra cunning level tetric moves that will get you to level 34 beofre you know it

Cross posts muchly!

Woozy Musey sorry you're feeling so pukey still. Hope you manage to enjoy that holiday, it will be well deserved. Has doc given you any drucks??

LGG oh no, no scan until Wednesday? Is there a walk-in EPU near you? I had a private scan that cost £100 in Harley Street in London so sure there ere plenty cheaper than that elsewhere. this website will give you details of all EPUs in your area. Hope the bleeding stops altogether and you manage to have a relaxing weekend.