30s TTC: For BESHes who have been trying to conceive since the Higgs Boson was last seen

[ChoChoSan]

Come and learn the Tao of BESH, a path to wisdom and emancipation that can be gained only by careful practice and meditation on the central tenets leading the way from the barren to the Updiffed. The Tao consists of:

4 Noble Truths: 1) The life of an emancipated women inevitably leads to barrenness and babyfails. 2) Barrenness is caused by women?s FAILURE to procreate before they reach their thirties as a result of selfishness and evilness, and general hag-ishness.3) Barrenness ends when BESHness ends. This is achieved by eliminating The DROID, thereby reaching a liberated state of UPDIFFMENT. 4) Reaching this liberated state is achieved by following the path laid out in the Tao of BESH.

5 Pillars of BESHdom; YOU MUST: 1) Undertake Regular Visits to FC ? Always observing the ritual traditions of Getting Your Rat Out and Partaking of the Dildocam 2) Undergo the Purification Rite to evict the cobwebs, rusty bicycles and old prams from your ancient uterus 3) Realise that Camping will most assuredly lead to a swift and lasting visit from R2D2 4) Observe the solemn monthly rituals of ?the prodding of the buzwams? and ?insertion of cigar? 5) Recognise the terrible power of such artefacts as the CBFM, and despair!

Eightfold Path of Diffment;

1. Intercourse must always be a union of Winky and foofoo (No Hankyhole)

1. Defeat the negative karma of ?spitting a lot up the fanny? by pushing egg white up there after it

1. Appease the gods of fertility by rubbing your ovaries whiddershins

1. Pray to Jebus to put baybee in your tumtum

1. Have your uterus sprayed with Teflon, and apply gaffer tape to the lady garden to stop BOC falling out and making angelbaybees

1. Recognise that likelihood of diffment is in direct proportion to the number of poas you use, and the earliness at which you use them.

1. Confirmation of a WIN can only take place after you have undertaken your First BESHly Baptism, and assembled in a place of drinking with other followers of the Tao.

1. The state of diffment is confirmed when the second red line has been drawn on the poas, and the poas set on fire to release a pall of white smoke.

The BESHly acolytes are now called upon to provide suggestions for the Ten Commandments of BESH...JOIN US!!

I am so sorry lady :( Godspeed MrG home to you. xxx

LadyGG That's such sad news, hopefully you'll have MrG with you soon, take care of yourself xxx

Soz quick post as rushing out door, will catch up with other news laters.

Oh LadyGGG your post has made my eyes sweat. So for you. I hope MrG home soon and you can get yourselves off to EPU asap.

LadyG I'm so sorry to read that. I hope MrG is home soon. Take care of yourself. We're all here for you, xx

lady I am so, so sorry. I know there is nothing I can say that will help, but am sending bucketloads of beshlove. And these --> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh LadyG

Am so sorry. Was awake in the night and thinking of you.

Having a little weep for you now. I hope MrG gets home really quickly. Keep us posted?

Oh no LadyG, I've been thinking of you all night . I'm so terribly terribly sorry. I hope MrG gets to you swiftly. Much love to all of you we'll always be here. XX

LadyG so so sorry for you and MrG.

Hello BESHes

Hope you don't mind a lurker sticking her nose in but I have been reading about the FC appointments today and totally appreciate how utterly mindfucking it is when you get told You Need Help In A Big Way so thought I'd share. Been there myself. I've just been through ICSI and got lucky (having a scan today so utterly bricking it that it might all be a huge misunderstanding on my part). If any of you want to chew the fat with laydeez who've been through/are going through this stuff feel free to pop in to the Assisted Conception fred (Mountme knows us as she dallied there for a time I think before dropping us like hot shits )

Anyway the offer is there...FWIW I was aghast at being told it was ICSI for us, had to dig a pit and turn the lights out for months while I howled, but the reality was actually so much better than I expected. It just takes some time to take on board and get your headspace cleared out. The rosy specs obv come out when you get a BFP at the end of it but I honestly would have been more than prepared to go through it again if it had been a neg. And certainly would have been filling in a BESHtionnaire and asking shyly if you'd have me (yes like that) as I am ably qualified for barrenness clubs.

Apologies if this is unwelcome intrusion but I hope it isn't. Pliz accept these home-made brownies which I will leave on the altar amid the joss sticks and photos of Hardy and Wise.

PS LadyGGG so sorry about what you're going through.

It's really good of you to swing by CeRibena

Oh, LGGG Am crying for you. Our candles are lit and we will NEVER give up hoping for you until we hear otherwise. All our BESHy prayers (religious and non-religious alike) are with you. We are holding you and your family (esp. little BOC) in our hearts XXXX

PS Cerubina, what a darling post and offer. Congrats, lovely lady :)

Thank you for posting your heartening success story Cherubim (c'mon its a holy theme) Congratumalations!! Its very nice to know that it does actually work for some as I think we are all feeling a bit :( and at the moment. I WOULD swing by the AC thread but I might get cast out of the BESHsisterhood for doing so.

Just kidding, have popped in for a bit of a lurk over there a couple of times but didn't have anything relevant to post (until now) Thank you very much for the invite, maybe see you there when I manage to get my head around all this. TBH I am in denial and still think I will manage a FC sponsored lastminute.com BFP (I am consummate self deluder fyi)

Oh Lady G, I'm so so sorry. You poor thing. Hope Mr G gets to you very soon. Will be thinking of you today xxxx

How lovely to have a visitor, especially such a polite and inspirational one! Congratulations Cerubina, and very best of luck for the scan. I may be popping over to visit you very soon, unfortunately.

Oh ladyGG I?m so sorry. Glad MrGG is coming home. Give your miniGG a big extra squeeze.

I lurk -?all the time?- sometimes on the Assisted conception thread and cerubina is like a goddess, or a minor deity at the least.

HoponMyBack sorry for the scary appointment yesterday but as said by others quicker off the mark than me ICSI is same as IVF just they give the sperm a helping hand to fertilise your harvested eggs. I have a friend (on a different discussion board) who?s partner had no sperm at all in his sample and she is now pregnant with twins as they were able to extract a few viable ones via surgery. I hope that gives you some hope.

Off to see the dildocam today, to see what is happening in ovary land.

LadyG sending all my besht wishes and hoping things can work out for you. MrG will be home soon x

Hope ovary land is teeming with eager eggs beavis

LadyGG am so sorry for you and hope that the EPU people are kind and lovely as they should be :(

Am also sorry that the FC clinics have not all delivered the good news that BESHes deserve although v.glad Lorry about the near-escape on the age limit (and what a random limit it seemed to be! Typical.)

I am hoping for less shitness today for everyone & would like to aware extra points to Barbie'sBits for fulfilling the Tao of the BESH by doing the dildocam - hope that goes well and ovaryland is fruitful.

Cerubina Pliz lurk as often as you wish, we like brownies and tales of good cheer :) Hope your scan today is stress-free and full of good things.

*award - am having another 'working from home' day and am sitting at 'puter in dressing gown half awake.

owls I too am "working from home". Nice, isn't it?

LadyGG I am so, so sorry that you had such an appalling night. Sending you lots of BESHlove. I hope the EPU helps and that MrG's return is speedy.

Cerubina Thanks for popping in! I hung out on the AC thread for a bit, but didn't make it as far as treatment. Best of luck for the scan.

I'm so sorry LadyGG, it's just heartbreaking.

Lucks for the ovarian scan, BB. Hope they're positively teeming.

Another BESH working from home here. I pulled a muscle in my shoulder getting dressed this morning. Pretty painful so decided an hours drive would not be the best thing for it.

get more done at home anyway normally (apart from yesterday)

working from home BESH here too. Must be the day for it.

Chrub pliz to post more often with winning tales of joy. the virtual ones are diff friendly

Working from home does indeed rule. Now I am going to spend half an hour brushing the excessively sheddy cat as he has started on his Autumnal barfing - licking oneself is such a dumb method of cleaning.

Spoke to EPU again. She says sounds like my womble is irritable because of the blood (sounds much like me) and is trying to expel it (hence the pain). They're going to see if they can slot me in again today but might not be able to and if not then scan me again after the weekend. She going to call me back. Will let you know.

Am going to try and adopt a cheerier attitude til I know for sure. MrGG was in tears last night and need not to have him cry when he gets here because that will make me even sadder.

Sorry re: shoulder Salad. Both of my cats are copious vomiters. One does it because he's so hairy and pukes up hairy poos. The other is bulimic and pukes up after most meals. In random locations around the house, once on top of the telly. Got to love cats.