30s TTC: Back to school at BESHory Towers. For spiffing gels who've been TTC since before rationing ended and find conception harder than Double Latin, chiz . What ho!

[Scorpette]

Come along, we haven't got all day. Pop off your blazers and straw boaters for a mo and listen up. As Head Girl, I think you ought to know that my dear chum Darrell Rivers tells me that we're really letting the side down with our lack of baybee-winning. To that end, instead of prep and lacrosse, we'll be TTC. I know some of us are losing hope that we'll ever win the Motherhood Cup for our house, but chins up and think of England! We don't won't to end up like the bitter, childless, dried-up old spinsters running this place, do w... oh, hello Matron! Yes, yes, we're going now...

Super! We've been given the attic dorm - bagsy the bed by the window, what! We won't be disturbed when we're enjoying midnight feasts, unbridled lesbianism, pillow fights and sneaking in fellows from the nearby boy's school for some ghastly dreadfulness.

So let's pop some Joyce Grenfell on the gramophone and crack open the tuck boxes! Mater's made me a huge ginger cake and oooh, I see someone's brought pontefract cakes! Yummo! Humbugs, sherbet, elderflower fizz, eccles cakes, a whole slab of choccy - what a simply smashing haul! Hmmm, this ginger beer smells suspiciously gin-like...

Oh yes

their there v shameful. Realised I haven't written this much for a long time and seem to have forgotten all I was taught

salad good point about age. Have added to the mighty list of questions if there are age restrictions (I've just turned 38).

Superb link PileOnTinkerBell. You are wise.
Big squuueeeeeezzzzze to 5Tarts stay brave Mrs you're doing really well.

TartyFarty I think tis droid rather than anything more exciting. I'm going to clinic anyway to pick up drugs and schedule tomorrow so do I need to ring up today to let them know it's CD1 today as well? Or can I just tell them tomorrow? I don't need to do anything on CD1 itself I don't think but they said to let them know if it turned up over the weekend - presumably to book in Dildocam.

Just a suggestion - it might be an idea to google your local PCT and acceptance criteria for treatment (I think they have to publish it). I know the dreaded google can be dangerous, but it could answer some of your questions re age and raise other areas you may want to discuss with the consultant. In our case, I had seen that my age was a problem for treatment so I was expecting their answer, but I can imagine it's something you might be better off finding out at home with your DH / DP, rather than sitting in an office, maybe on your own?

On the positive side, you would then be able to walk in and say - I meet all your criteria, GIVE ME A BAYBEE NOW.

thanks sindy ...could you tell Mr T that! He is having to put up with a lot but for the first time ever I'm wobbling about how all this is affecting our relationship. We've always been really solid, and from the start we said 'we're in this together' but it seems as everything is happening to me we're not really and I get annoyed that he's not as obsessed interested as I am. I spoke to a good (newly with child) the other day about this and her advice was ...get used to it as will continue right up until the baby actually appears!

How on earth do I stop this from causing problems as I'm not even bloody diffed* yet?!

Actually could be but really don't think so.

Sorry BB cross postage

How exciting (?! I hope) you get to start your treatment Although boo for the lack of last ditch diffment :(

My clinic gets me to phone on day 1 to arrange dildocam and appt for day 5 - where they give me the drugs and show me what to do, in my case injections (gonal F) but I'm aware this varies. I think the reason they ask to call on day 1 is purely because they need to schedule appointments rather than anything else.

I feel really about this whole AC lark. We have had day 21 bloods with GP, day 3 bloods with GP (but only because I insisted), and HSG and JIAP through the gynae dept at the local hosp. Only now are we being referred to FC by gynae, and I have no idea when they will be able to see us, what to expect, whether or not they will agree to treat us, what with (IUI or IVF), and how long we will have to wait.

I wonder whether the difference in approach, certainly between here and London, is because there is only one FC here for a VERY large area, and the local hosps do some of the work up before referring on, so that the FC can focus on treatment?

Re: clomid, again the different experiences are interesting. I asked about it at my last gynae appointment, thinking it would be worth a go, could save the NHS a lot of money, could save us a lot of heartache, and I do have PCOS after all, so don't always ov. The doc pulled a face, said it would really mess up my (already irregular) cycles, and that there is no such thing as "super fertlie" - you either ov or you don't, she thinks I do most of the time (well, 2 out of 3 tests say I do), and she doesn't believe that I fulfil all of the criteria for PCOS! Which was news to me.

In the end I didn't push for it, I decided it would be better to get the referral to FC, and hope that I will get chance to speak to the experts soon...but I've no idea how long I should expect to wait for appointment at FC...

farm girl i have checked my PCT guidelines and they offer one round of IVF up to age 40 so I should be ok as long as they don't move the goal posts since it was published.

cinco I don't think you can expect him to be as obsessed. after all its not happening in his body. Also I know with mine, when things get a bit tricky he tends to withdraws a bit. Not fair but understandable self protection tactic and probably not even intentional. His lack of 'interest' is probably him preparing for the worst. lets hope its not needful and you have a tiny bean growing inside.

lyra the person who referred you should have told you how long you should expect to wait. Thats not on. I think i had my first appointment about 3 months after initial referral but i gather this varies widely. Why don't you ask for a telephone consultation with your GP to ask her that and any other questions you have? And yes re clomid the FC will probably be the best ones to tell you if it will be worthwhile for you. I don't think GPs can give it now as you should be monitored at the hospital while taking it.

sorry not GP: the gynae if thats who gave you the referral.

I know you're right it's just all is extremely magnified at the moment. AC is much harder than I thought ....due to daily loading up on hormones, on top of hormones I think...and I think I was a bit gung ho going into this.

Sorry I'll stop moaning as I sound like ungrateful cow.

Thanks Salad, I don't mind waiting 3 months or so, but I would like to know how long I should wait before I start causing a fuss :)

You don't sound ungrateful at all Cinco, you sound like you are going through an unpleasant and invasive process, which is bound to have a huge impact on you both physically and emotionally. I imagine it is weird going through this, and people around you not necessarily knowing, and you've got all this shit going on? Come and have a wee cwtch with me

Thanks ChockyTart it seems the droid is in full flow so while I'm sad I didn't get my guaranteed last ditch baybeee I feel glad you will have someone else going through the same thing as you (if that doesn't sound too weird?) I honestly am having trouble concentrating at work thinking about this, so you are a fucking trouper and feel free to wibble on as much as you need to.

I've gone to nearly all my FC appointments on my own so know how you feel on feeling it's all down to you. I guess the only thing we can do is tell our other halves how we are feeling, and what is helpful from them. And ask how they are doing too - I never realised how much the M/C affected Mr B until we had several long heart to hearts and squeezes on the sofa about it all. Involve them in the process as much as possible too - blokes always feel weird if they can't fix something so involving them (prepping syringes?) may help that thought process. Does he talk to any of his mates about this? I've encouraged Mr Beaver to chat to some of his close friends and I think he's recently opened up a bit about it. Or I could tell Mr T he's a "Crazy Fool"!

Lyra you have a really good attitude to the whole process. I agree with TheLeafyOne - ring your unit and find out when an appointment is likely to come along. It's really positive you have already had most tests they would want - so hopefully you can get on with treatments straight away.

Aaw thanks lyra, I'm welling up again. I was going to write a whole lot of stuff then but I'm hogging too much today.

I think this is still a government target but all referrals should lead to appointments and the start of treatment within 18 weeks (this applies across the board and not just AC). Not entirely sure if treatment means stuff like HSG's or actual treatment ...in fact I had my lap within 18 weeks of referral and they were rushing to fit me into this so think it probably means those. Don't know if this helps or whether I've confused further!

But...what if I don't want to go to the FC I've been referred to? I've just looked on HEFA and the results are SHITE. I wasn't given any choice of centre to be referred to, it's just where everyone in the area goes...surely could I ask gynae to send me elsewhere? Or would travelling for treatment be impossible .

Write more if it helps cinco. We are here to read it :)

It feels good to have a partner in crime sindy'ssnatch - hope that doesn't sound too gleeful as obviously would prefer if noone ever had to do this. I have everything crossed for you luvver.

Mr T is fabulous and I don't want to do him down really. He does tend to play his emotions pretty close to his chest and is a very happy and optimistic person - whereas I wear my heart on my sleeve and have a habit of thinking the worst. It's amazing he still loves me really. I was actually trying to talk to him about adoption this morning as he was rushing off to work...and then felt aggrieved by him not enbracing the subject. I'm a twat.

Now I've forgotten something ...

Another cross post lyra. As I understand it you should have a choice of FC. When our GP referred us he gave us a list to choose from and make our appointment with. Travelling is fine and I'm aware loads of people do it to go to better clinics...it's just a hassle with work etc. but if you can be flexible I'd say go for it. Depends on what you're having but you need to be prepared to go for scans every couple/few days in the first 2 weeks then again when ovulating for either insemination or egg collection/egg transfer. This is shit enough as it is without thinking that the clinic isn't very good in the back of your mind.

I'm pretty sure under something called NHSChoices you can ask to be referred anywere Lyra. If you're not happy then go for it! You've got to push for yourself; no-one else will.

How's your Dad by the way?

cinco I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I think you're entirely entitled to moan about it though. SO there!

lyra I guess it would depend on how far you would have to travel to get to an alternative? Don't think it would be ideal if it is more than an hour away say, but I think it must be your choice, having said that if you PCT only has ONE FC then I am not sure how funding would be worked out. Again I would strongly recommend ringing your Gynae and asking if there is an alternative.

Funny, the friend that TB spoke to about all this stuff just popped round to drop something that he had left in the car and we touched on the subject. Was really WEIRD talking to a bloke about it but he said it was good that they had had the chat last night. I think I got the wrong end of the stick as he said they had only been trying a couple of months, so I think TB meant 'same boat as us' as in TTC not TTC for 3 and a half goddamn years. :(

Lyra my friend who had IVF changed clinics as she wanted to go to one with better results. Will ask her how it works.

I'm so sorry you're feeling shit cinco. There's not a lot I can say as I know nothing of all this milarkey (yet?) but you take care of yourself.

My slap on the wrist was cos someone unrelated to the kerfuffle reported me for calling the woman coming on here and hassling us weird, obsessive & vindictive. She can't seem to see that finding where we all post (which must've taken a lot of effort on her part) and encouraging all of MN to come and see what evil bitches we are, is hunting, not a few of us saying, oi, don't pick on people in an AIBU thread! She also tried to claim that MNHQ had deleted posts here because we have been so vile, not that we ourselves have asked for stuff to be removed for totally random reasons. She be trippin'.

Am a bit pissed off I've been reported when a) what I said was true and b) I think lying about what we're like on this thread and linking here for people to read our private woes is far worse. At least the link has been deleted.

Am quite anxious now, actually, as I'm NOT a bitch and I don't go bloody hunting for people to attack and having me reported makes me look like I'm really horrible and I'm not. I'm really struggling with not slipping into serious depression at the mo and this is the last thing I need. Serves me right for trying to point out the facts to people who've already made their mind up wrongly

But enough of all that. Just reaffirms why I rarely venture out of here. Will probably have someone report this bloody post.

Please don't worry Scorps. From what I gather, this kind of daftness happens quite regularly in AIBU. And I think the general consensus over there was that she was pretty rude. I was a leetle concerned as well, and feeling very guilty that it was my fault really. But then, just think - it's only an internet forum and none of them know you. Salty and I had posts deleted too, as well as the woman in question. And you're right about one thing - people in AIBU have often made up their minds already and no amount of debate and persuasion will make them change their minds. Many people go on there looking for a fight and looking to be offended. It just reminded me of the whole reason why I don't like posting there much.