1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Great news Muse

Hoorah!

Fab News, Mews...was just about to pop by to wish you all the best! , and also my lurking has detected that you seem to be getting much better over the last few days - I hope the nasty symptoms are abating.

Welcome Tartlet, I hope that the powers of BESH get you your win before you start with the IUI, but then again, if you are trooBESH, you will probably be secretly looking forward to a bit of hot dildocam action!

Hello HeadGirl I have been extremely impressed by your SWI-ing this month, as I have been following your efforts with interest

Happy Monday, BESHies. I don't post much but I do like to lurk and keep up with you all. Belated congrats to Drom - try to imagine me having a little self-conscious dance at this point. The Scorpy One's antics with leggy Luella had me convulsing with laughter behind my monitor at work. Is being bored senseless at work a good enough reason to hope I get diffed really soon?

The UTI talk a few pages back had me wincing in memory one of one and only dose a couple of years ago. I'd had some rather vile smelling wee (and we're not talking asparagus-wee levels of vile, it was 'orrible) and by 10am the next morning I was peeing teeny weeny blood clots. Hurt like FUCK. Took not one but two courses of antibollocks to shift it.

Moral of this story - always go for a wee after the secks. I'd decided against it because I'd been for a wee just before and didn't think I'd be able to squeeze any more out. Baaad, baaad idea.

I had a sanity saving chat with one of my dear friends - who is also planning a wedding and thinking about TTC - and it turns out she is as menkul as I am. She said, and I quote, "If it's possible to worry yourself infertile, I think I'm going to manage it". I love her.

Double posting to say amazing news, Muse!

Where is Scorpette, by the way? Do I have to stamp my foot?

Cho 'twas only the thought of your flashing eyes and lustrous buzzwams that kept me going

Slinks into Le Palais and is about to dive into pit clutching absinthe and a crunchie.

LGG I think we might be twins. My cycles are also haywire, fluctuating wildy between 28 and 48 days. Am also now on 13 DPO so coming to the end of the 2WOOFL thank god. I know there is no chance of a RL babeee so just want the bastard Droid to appear and get on with it. Chants 'come on droid' to self repeatedly whilst self flagellating.

Muse pleased to hear that Bob is doing well. What a fabulous feeling

Went to see a RL newborn over the weekend. Was tres cute and tiny and had me blubbering for most of the day after having done a negative PG test before we went. Made me even more desperate and menkul like. Made all the worse by seeing a teeeny baby this morning whilst out and about with mini O and being asked for what feels like the hundredth time 'so do you not fancy any more then? how can you resist?' RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. God help me. The Rage is in full flow

Kipper slaps and hefty buzzwam jiggling to all.

I think you need to find something to rub to summon Soresonthedoors whilst in the harem, BingoBango*.

*FNAAARRRR11!!11!!

Sometimes I have trouble understanding vintage BESHs. Yo Cho.

Well, it seems unanimous, I is getting plastered having a drink or two to celebrate!

Muse YEEEEEEY! I am so happy for you. Ickle shy bean.

Laurie I have my beady eyes on you, what with all the symptoms and the other reasons to do with threes and the general rule of diff.

Hi Mountiealwaysgetsherman liking the 'vintage' title...is that for BESHes who spent over a hundred years gazing into the void?

I now insist on dildocam at every medical appointment. Including dentist and optician visits

YAYYYYY for MuserBaby! You must be overjoyed! Little Bob is totally REAL, so enjoy

I is here, feeling grumps, meh and other vaguely mardy emotions. Am being headfucked by weirdly light and short droid. Thurs pm, get a bit of ovaltine. Friday, more ovaltine and a tiny bit of blood. Saturday, same but with teeny bit more blood. Sunday, droid pains, massive temp drop and light flow. Flow does not increase during day or last night. Cramps super-mild for me. Wake up this morning, there's a smear of blood smaller than my little finger on the pad and that's IT (yes, I wear pads, what of it?!). So far today, there's just a light bit of after-droid spotting.

So now half my mind is screeching 'it's not a real period! You could be diffed' and the other half is politely clearing its throat and talking the mad half down by pointing out that I don't think I actually ovulated this month (apparently, there's not a woman alive who will ovulate every single cycle of her fertile years, which reassures me) and so less 'product' to get rid of must surely mean a lighter, shorter droid and that my temp has dropped and stayed low and that it's probably just 'one of those things'. PAH. Today is still only DPO12 and the droid's practically over, so am not going to POAS before the chants start.

Am starting to hate TTC, truly, absolutely hate it. Have Dr's appointment next week to get referral to the AC clinic. I KNOW the problem is me starting to spot far too early, so I just hope some fucker will look into that - so far, has been dismissed. But if all my results are so good, why won't they look into the one thing that's irregular? Arrrgh.

Am just moany and boring at the mo, that's why am not posting. Bet you wished you'd never asked where I was, huh, HB?!

PS CHOKEHOLD! Is so good to grope see you! Your Finbarr Saunders-eque comments have brought a chink of light to my gloom.

Now get yer tits out.

He, he, it is ChoTheDiffular.

I wear pads too EcoverSista . I really do not know, and am prone to veer on the cautious side, but when I did not ovulate my cycle was a lot shorter and actually the flow was more, ehm, liquidy.

How come you had all the checks if not referred to the AC? Was it because of that cervical stuff you had?

No, I just meant all the bog-standard blood tests and dildocam, etc., you get done via your GP before they send you off to the Barren-Menders.

Right Scorps: stats please...CD???/ normal Cycle length??? And how are your buzwamz feeling...and if I do this - how do they feel now?

Right. Me dildocam was with Barren-Menders. Same shit different GP.

Maybe just a teeny-weeny kidney kick and a POAS shout?

SCORE!!!!!!!

Oh pal. I am so .

But how do you know you didn't ovulate? I ask because the CBFM gave me 2 emphatic days of egg, and yet I had far fewer of the ov symptoms I have had some cycles.

Is it worth just the most whisperingy whisper of a POAS yell?

I iz also mildly confused re. Barren-Mender: you had the nasty lap done, no? Was that not part done under the auspices of the BM clinic? (I have already gone to the back of the class for not knowing all this).

The lap was done cos when I had the cryo and was discussing Lady Ishoos with the Doc doing it, she said that my mental-level period pains and a few other things sounded like it could be endometriosis, so that's how and why I had the lap - was not actually part of fertility work-up, but handily gave fertility work-up results by dent of it looking at me female workings (and I don't have endo, just bad crampy-luck).

Am totally meh about going to the Barren-Menders. For all those wot don't know/have forgotten, because of my complicated non-fertility health issues, I can't have Clomid or IVF drucks (don't need Clomid anyway), so IUI is my only option anyway - and if that fails, their further explorations will just give me a reason why I can't have kids There will be no miracle of science for me. Is why I am always so panicky about things: there's no back-up plan available to me and I'll be 38 in the Autumn.

Woooh, let's all have fun times with Scorps!

PS I am v proud of just inventing the term 'Barren-Menders'

Orchid why no chance of RL baybee this cycle? Maybe you caught one and just not giving off enough vapours for the fortune stick to lineate yet?

My darling son (who is 2) told all the staff at nursery that I am diffed. Even though I am not (as far as I know). That was a fun one to explain.

Scorps an un-BESHly cuddle and a round house kick to the bum for you. Worse comes to the worst we may just have to clone you instead.

Anyone heard from GinJimminyGinJimminyGinGInJeroo?

We also need a new home before we are evicted from our scented Harem. Any volunteers? Scorpettula are you doing the BESHtory Towers one? It might invoke a Scorpette Baby Win scenario?

Scorps you can have 'natural' IVF that just relies on your single egg, though you might still require a trigger injection if hcg (which is produced in diffment anyway) and some progesterone. NHS don't usually do, but might if medical reasons underlying - and it's much cheaper!

Cho's words are wise and true (welcome change from the normal filthy muck she spouts ): Score, how absolutely certain sure are you that your ishoos utterly and completely put IVF outta the picture?? You may well find that if it comes to that*, you are able to discuss with docs precisely your health matters, and precisely what your needs are, and how they can be met.

*IT WON'T.

Oh, how I wish hosting a fred would win one a baby, but I've done quite a few now and no luck thattaways for me Or, indeed, anyotherways

Is it too early for BESHory Towers? These freds are only seeming to last about a fortnight. I know I'm being a pedantic arse but would prefer one last summer one before it's bak2skool. But if no-one else agrees, I will get my jolly hockey sticks working on BESHory Towers :)

I've been told that Natural IVF is only available in That London, but just Googled it again and it seems like that might not be true, so is one ray of hope, thanks Cho. I have quite a complex endocrinal disorder AND something called Multiple Chemical Sensitivity* (which is why it's so important that MIL doesn't spray stuff everywhere) and the best I could hope for with IVF drucks is that they would only make me seriously ill. I can't even take mild antibiotics, so being okay with IVF stuff doesn't seem probable. Every time I've talked with Docs and specialists they've pointed out that I can't have IVF drucks, but I guess I can't be totally despondent until I've actually talked through every option with the Barren-Menders proper. Can't stop eating like a fucking pig so they'll probably say I can have the drucks... but I can't because I'm too fat!

Please let's chat about other, happier stuff (or other people's misery). I'm bored of myself and miserable enough already. I realise I brought the topic up

*You wait till we have a BESHmeet - I can't be around cigarette smoke, perfume, etc. (as well as me not drinking). It'll be a barrel of laughs.

The schools are back in That Scotland, but how about a late summer thread? One where we all sit outside pretending that it is still warm and no we're not cold at all. Not even a little bit. Whaddyamean I'm turning blue?