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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

30s TTC: Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. MSDP in full swing.

1000 replies

MountTheFairy · 21/07/2010 11:07

The one before the BESHory Towers. Easy one for summer: I have dug up a fishing pond in the middle of the Palace, put a roof light over it, got some fishin' sticks and put some Gershwin on. Salad's providing Elderflower Fizz, served by newbs in topless bikinis. Could life be better?

OP posts:
saffronbun · 23/07/2010 07:32

Saffronbun is a newb but will be stuck here forever due to DH being too old and tired to shag even though it is day 15 and he has had the significance this explained to him.

Congrats on epic middle-expanding hallucination Camel

Headbanger · 23/07/2010 07:48

...morning...

Headbanger has been TTC since sometime late last year, and for months it looked like she'd be the only woman alive to be barren owing to her husband's curious inability to get happy enough to supply the white goods . Once the source of this miserable state of affairs was identified and dealt with, oh look!, a previously clockwork cycle went, to use a medical term, absolutely bent. Currently having fertility MOTs to work out what, if anything, the matter is.

squishy · 23/07/2010 08:01

Greetings gaga and caz I'm noo too! Sorry to hear about your minjury (good word saffronbun)

To cap off all the misery of lack of diffment (and the droid is due next week) I only went and joined f'ing weightwatchers yesterday! Now no food to console self (until after first weigh in if I haven't lost anything!)

squishy · 23/07/2010 08:02

Oh, stoopid me

Squishy has been TTC for almost a year now; with irregular droids and questionable ovulation.

Muser · 23/07/2010 08:12

BESHcall!

Muser is still lurking despite being diffed, because she just can't stay away. She won a baybee but it fell out of her Teflon Womb. Then she won another one but Wayne & Waynetta embryo were 'aving a fag and couldn't be arsed to make it to the womb - settling on an ovary instead. She now has Bob Cthulu shacked up in her wombular, having installed sat-nav nanobots. She'd like it to be 12 weeks now pls.

saffronbun · 23/07/2010 08:21

Y'know, I've really fancied an eccles cake since someone on here was talking about them the other day. Forgot to stick on mine - won a baybee on honeymoon in May (bonus prize!) but did the Teflon thing like what Muser says.

Bob Cthulu you say? I've just looked him up online and he is age 30 and comes from NC, wherever that is. What is he doing in your wombular?

laurielou · 23/07/2010 08:49

Pliz to stop talking about minjuries. Am wandering around the office clutching my fangita with a pained look on my face.

Sorry to be rubbish, but cannot remember which noobs I've welcomed & those I have flatly ignored. So a massive welcome to 1 and all.

muse glad you are still lurking. 12 wks - WOO HOO!!!!

bangers here's some paracetamol. Though they is shit we cannot take lubberly Ibuprofen & such. Also pliz to accept these salt & vinegar Chipsticks - a hangover cure if ever there was one.

Oh, BESHcall - hello my name is Laurielou & I'm barren. One of the originals here, TTC for ever & some more (OK, just over 3 years). Various medical instruments shoved up fango, all squeaky clean & ship shape (fango not instruments - though I hope they were clean too), the boyf no probs. But still no sniff of a diff. Currently CD22 & sporting a big spot. I am a fox!

Muser · 23/07/2010 08:59

I'm not 12 weeks laurie. I would just like to be to escape the final menkul. I am 8 weeks. Roll on next scan.

Casserole · 23/07/2010 09:00

My name is Casserole and I am an alcoholic.

Wait, wrong fred.

My name is Casserole and I have been trying to produce ministewpot no.2 for a year now. Started 14 months ago but had 2 months off near the beginning.

Ocarina · 23/07/2010 09:23

Ocarina,trying to produce baby number 1 since the end of last year. Appear to have a stupidly short LP but the docs won't take any notice. Currently 2WOOFLing, was feeling hopeful yesterday, not so today.

Muse, will the menkul stop when you get past 12 weeks? Have you not just signed up for 18+ years?! Hope the next 4 weeks goes very fast and uneventfully for you.

ginhag · 23/07/2010 09:26

My name is ginhag and I'm back from holeeedayz. And I have no idea what the fuck is going on.am one of the almost-original beshes.

I have one actual real small person,one very missed miscarriage,one Wayne n waynetta lazy arsed boc that settled in wrong place and mc'd on Xmas day. And now I am apparently diffed again tho am not convinced yet. Also I appear to be writing in code.

There are a lot of newbs, it will take me a long time to catch up as my brain is very small. And I have only read this Fred so far, not the rest of the old one. BUT...

Tons of love to twinks and salty. have been thinking of you both loads n sorry it has been so shit. Mahoosive smooches and very large gins to you both. and salt the horrible un-joined-up thing always seems to happen. Is very upsetting and am really sorry. I would also be happy to ring them and let them know if you like. And it DOESN'T mean you are any kind of paffetic that you don't want to. Is completely understandable.

scorps haven't got full details of job situ yet but I second/third/twenty-fifth that you are talented and wonderful and Deserve Good Things.

bangbang ouch. Maybe you are not grown up enough to graduate from plastic knife n fork...I can post you some of mooche's baby ones if you want.

muse cam lorry lyra stew ireemon EVERYONE good to see yous, biatches.

newbs have you all lined up to get a round in?

And I trust the random violence has been maintained in my absence?

Ocarina · 23/07/2010 09:27

Sorry Mountie, I have a brain like a sieve, meant to ask how you're feeling about the FC stuff today? Remind me, do you have perfick hormones like 5shagstewpot?

Ocarina · 23/07/2010 09:29

Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin. Was just wondering last night where you were. How was the holiday?

Muser · 23/07/2010 09:36

Giiiin!

Lovely to see you. How were the hols? How are you? Are you still in De Nile?

Scorpette · 23/07/2010 09:39

Charon Scorpette's Misery Memoir:

Me: 37, 38 end of Oct. TTC no. 1 for exactly a year now. Have 28 yr old lovegod with tiptop jizz results and I have a flawless (absolutely flawless) womb, whooshy logflume patent tubes and all my test results come back super-excellent and I keep having Doc after Doc asking me how come I'm not pg yet so am now diagnosed with Unexplained Fertility. The longest I've got DPO without spotting is DPO11.

I do, however, have endocrinal problems (is more detailed than that) and general consensus is: fertility = fucking excellent, health otherwise = shit, so my body is protecting itself from the extra stress of pg. Oh irony, thou art a cruel mistress!

Needles Lady is really helping me get healthier and even more fertile.

In the meantime, I have Clothilda (my used sanitary towel baby) to fulfil my insane levels of broodiness. Or just insanity, full stop.

Bangers, it's okay if I do my One Man Band practice near you, right? I've got a kazoo solo I really need to work on...

Headbanger · 23/07/2010 09:39

GIIIIIIIN!!!111!11!!!1!

Hello luvva. Yes please I would like plastic knife and fork, preferably Night Garden-themes ones so I can carry out my fantasy that I am Iggle Piggle and have my own red blanky

Fanks all for bacon sarnies (WHERE'S MY BROWN SAUCE?) and drucks. I have eaten a Dairylea cheese slice and it was yum.

Pliz to excuse what looks like I am icknoring everyone: typing really is v. slow and difficile but I am reading all and mentally dispatching fish-slaps/iced Chelsea buns/tankards of Tanqueray as appropriate.

Scorpette · 23/07/2010 09:40

PS Am also BESH renegade as I don't drink. But I'm somehow tolerated anyway

Scorpette · 23/07/2010 09:42

PPS GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNER! Giz a snog!

ginhag · 23/07/2010 09:42

Hello oc n muuuuuse. hol was great ta. Middle of nowhere, very sunny, very chilled (well as chilled as a holiday with a small crazy person can be.)

muse I dunno. It varies. Mostly I am pretty worried that it has all gone to shit again... Was gonna go for scan just to calm me down but mr gin talked me out of spending another 7 hours in epu when I don't really need to...and anyway got date for dating scan through, is 3rd aug so only week n half away. How's you?

MountTheFairy · 23/07/2010 09:49

Hello, I am Mount. I used to be a Mountain Fairy, but good old Cockdodger named me MountTheFairy and it seemed more appropriate.

Have been TTC on and off for 1 yr 8 months , but silly sods (us) were dithering for a while, so I think we are at about cycle 9 now. Like the GingerBun I got me on ole' one, who, after dithering, is now a very keen ole' one who does anything required to win a baybee. Though a complete alchohol ban hasn't quite worked. It has for me though, so I join Score's ranks.

Now, before I rant about an FC, can someone more experienced tell me, do I have to wait till the next appointment (Sep 9th) to get all the results, or will they send them to us? Can I somehow request them? It's all bein' done at the UCH.

OP posts:
Muser · 23/07/2010 09:52

I am good. I am not in De Nile as it's hard to pretend you're not pregnant when you throw up every morning and feel sick for the rest of the day. And I'm not complaining.

My scan is on the 16 August, ages to wait.

ginhag · 23/07/2010 10:06

I don't have an old man... He is older than me but not much...

muse I got symptoms n all, I just don't believe them as I had them all with the mmc too. So I have no real faith in anything which is a bit menkullising. Although I have only had such mahoosive hurry buzzwams once and that was with the successful diffment.

I just can't shake The Fear. They didn't even give me a booking in appt until I'm past 11 weeks...maybe they don't wanna waste time till they know it's worth it!

PerfectDromedary · 23/07/2010 10:08

Haggle my precious. Glad you have had lovely hollibobs.

Mountie The FC will go through all the results from all the tests at the appointment - is like none of them make sense until they can join them all up. I was told that I wouldn't get them separately, but UCH might have a different policy to Bart's.

I haz scan on 13th August .

MountTheFairy · 23/07/2010 10:09

So. Pretty much the appointment as usual. They sent us for further testing. The consultant could not believe CH's jizz volume, and (I am not exaggarating) asked him 4 times: "Are you sure you got everything in the pot? SURE?" To which poor guy repeatedly said YES. Although, TBH, it really does not seem that little to me when we bonk. Anyhoo, she sent him for another one, and we agreed to drink water like a loon till then. She also sent us both for all sorts of STD's, which we did have done by our GP, so we figured out they do not trust us on being faithful . I also wasn't aware of the child abuse questionnaires!

She is doing Day 3 for me, and dildocam. And HSG, which TOTALLY freaked me out after she gave me all the anti-biotics, and painkillers you have to put through all possible orifices.

The thing is, I am pretty certain that dildocam + hormones will be ok, because I do those regularly in foreen parts. So the only thing is HSG. And maybe the following should go on AIBU section, but, I am kinda upset and angry that I have to go through all this because of HIM. I know it is totally unfair, and he has pointed out that we do not know yet, ie. I could still be the problem. But if it is his jizz, which it seems to be, why do I have to go through HSG? And did I make a wrong choice marrying an old one, and if he is not good enough to make a baybee, what makes it right to impose a 'broken' father on a baby? After all he is old and overweight. Lovely and responsible and all that too, but that's not the point! I somehow feel cheated that, if I am all clear, I could have been diffed at once, and like I said, what does this say for our future, that we are not like other 'normal' young couples. Am I stoopid / abnormal and have fucked up all of our lives!? I know, totally menkul, but that's just how I feel now!

Droid is also in full swing. Perfect.

OP posts:
MountTheFairy · 23/07/2010 10:09

PerfectOne, did they unblock ya tube somehow?

Are you living up to your name today, hungover HeadBangOuch?

OP posts:
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