30s TTC: Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. MSDP in full swing.

[MountTheFairy]

The one before the BESHory Towers. Easy one for summer: I have dug up a fishing pond in the middle of the Palace, put a roof light over it, got some fishin' sticks and put some Gershwin on. Salad's providing Elderflower Fizz, served by newbs in topless bikinis. Could life be better?

Hehehe....

sleepytime answer number 3 made me chuckle. Anyone who makes me chuckle just now is A Jolly Good Sort.

welcome welcome.....

It's true though!

Not many chuckles here at the mo, have injured me front arse and no action on the TTC front for the forseeable.

Shit one.

Ok, I'm really sorry but you phrased that in such an inviting way.

Your front arse, by which I imagine you mean your vajayjay (as the kids call it) is injured? How? You poor thing....

Not sure how to link to a thread, but will give it a whirl....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/1005694-Traumatic-vaginal-injury-Advice-please

Hope you're not squeamish, Salts.

Blimey. That sounds hideous. Ouch.

How many children were you holding back with said stairgate?

Have you worked out what BESH means yet?

I really have no idea what it means. Am really fuzzy on lots of painkillers though!

Holding back 2 DC's.

Monkhouse died years ago.

Welcome, Noobycaz That foof-trauma sounds pretty awful That waaaaay outdoes our dear HB repeatedly cutting off her own left arm to gnaw on every time the local shop runs out of Peperami (or some reason like that).

Now then, your thread mentions 'DCs' - how many kids do you have? I ain't scaring you off nor nuffink, but this is a thread for older women (majority of us are over 35) who are finding it v hard to conceive their first children (or 2nd, in some cases).

cass good skills on the results, think you and scorps should have a womb off. I would like to ring up and get proper stats from my gp but seeing as i already hounded them about mrBS this week I am too embarrassed. Having more 21s on Monday so will just have to wait til next FC appointment I spose.

scorpalator that paragraph comparing yourself to the ferryman was wounderous. You do have a way with words, wishing a book deal or whatever you fancied would land in your lap (or you would pull your finger out?)

polly please don't feel bad for venting, speaking as a super barren (38, ttc for over 3 years, no proper contraception since i was 25) I dont feel my situ reflects on how I feel about yours in anyway. Everyone has their own special stresses and should be able to vent regardless, dont think anyone here would want it otherwise? Your SIL sounds like a horror, I advise kicking her in the ovaries, seeing as she is so bloody super fertile it wont do her any lasting harm. Loads of luck on Sunday, hope you manage to enjoy a bit of it too!

Welcome to todays newbs. we're coming in thick and fast, hope you all don't feel we're cluttering up the place!

Greetings caz - ouch and ouch but you can console yourself with the thought that, if you had not done it, then perhaps the word 'minjury' might never have entered the english language, and it would be much poorer without it. I salute you.

If I ever manage to have kids I shall put them on leads instead, it looks safer.

2 childrens? blimey, that sounds like alot. Sorry, not meaning to sound unfriendly, to give you an example of the types who 'hang' here - I have had 2 ickleanglebabies drop out of the wombular befre they should and I am 35.

B52 salad? Flaming one? lovely

saffron maybe just keep them in the car? no harm can come to them there (sorry orchid )

salty no flaming needed when you replace the quantro with absinthe. will singe your nose hairs without the aid of fire. not that i am implying you have nose hairs of course.... {wink}

Gah, yet another facebook pregnancy announcement. When will they ever stop?

OK, so I probably don't really want my friends to stop having babies, and hanging around here makes me realise that you never know the story behind anyone's pregnancy announcement. However this one is number 2 and given the spacing with number 1 I suspect it didn't take them too long to conceive.

Hi Sleepy and ouch. I once had a mishap on a mens' bicycle, slipped off the saddle onto the bar thingy and turned my bits black, completely black. Pain was worse than labour I think so can only imagine what you're going through.

Ockywockydoodah it is to produce character in us. Or summink. I think I learned my grace lesson YONKS ago, personally

Salty celebrity death poll, innit!

I like the idea of a womb-off. How would that work, pliz?

Where are my biatches pencil and sagitarius tonight?

I have spent the last half hour trying and failing to perform a particular pelvic manouvre on Mr Stew (skool related, not ttc!) I have decided my arms are just Too Short to be a chiropractor. Why the fuck didn't they measure my arms before I got 2 and a half years and 10k in debt down the line?!? However, it did give me the opportunity to say "And now if you could just cup your genitals and move them to the left, sir".... and how often do you do THAT in a day normally???? Actually don't answer, especially the dirtier of you

Coises! But you can't stop me answering 'all day, every day, even though it's totally unrelated to my work' BADUM-TSSSSSHHH!

Hmm, I hadn't worked out the finer details.

How about they lie on the floor, legs akimbo and and fire CM out of their vejayjays until someone gets it in the eye? Additional points can be awarded for style, flare (not actual flares) expression and accompanying sound effects.

I wish you could practice on me Cass, I slipped a disk last October (way to make oneself feel old) but the only chiropractor in the vicinity is male. I've been to him before and while I am sure he was nothing but professional, after a bit I was not so comfortable with him leaning on me while i wore nowt but knickers and bra and a gaping backed gown. And relaxing is a fairly vital part of the treatment no?

Once fell off a wall with both legs either side, that was not fun but as I was only ten at the time I doubt it had quite the same impact as your injury sleeps hope it gets fixed soon.

anyway off to bed to ponder the finer points of womb off (1st rule: DO NOT talk about womb off)

Well, I can see all of you wisely ignored that little self indulgent intrusion earlier on (with a notable exception of StinkyToes - cheers love). In the meantime you have gone and got yourself more newbs!? Noooboody loooves meeeeeeeeee! I am in desperate need of attention, as you can see. Had FC appointment today. AND teh gusset is rusty. How's yours, btw, Scorps? (Instead of 'how do you do'.)

So all these newbs? I agree it's the time for audit of the newbs. And while we are at it, just for Cass, change of costume.

PollyLikesTheSmashingPumpkins sorry about the SIL, 'tis peoples like that who make me keep my diffing efforts a secret.

Great news Cassper! So wait, what?s the problem? Why are they sending you to the FC?

I'm liking the initial plans Salad. How about a ping pong ball round?

Re chiro - I do understand how you feel. We practice on each other at skool so now I'll whip me clothes off as soon as look at you, but I do remember going to see an osteopath about 12 years ago and giving up for exactly the same reasons.

If it's any sort of help, you really will just be a pile of bones and muscles to him, he's probably not even properly looking at you!

My back hurts. Oh the irony. Off to bed.

Nightnight Bloody Enormous Sausage Harpies

P.S. That Gunariad article re. obese (or overweight, they could not make up their mind) wimmin did annoy me. WTF????

Mountiesoldier I'm sorry. Didn't mean to overlook you. Where are you at, cycle wise?

I guess they're referring me, well, cos I'm not diffed, really. I think next is probably dildocam, check for eccles cakes etc. nd t if nothing out of that prob discharge us again I guess, seeing as we won't get no hormone satisfaction...

Well, should be getting the droid, which started, I guess, today with the rust. Dildocam don't freak me out, but that, watchamacallit, HSG? Should do it next week, and I know it is not meant to be that bad, but they freaked me out with gazzilions of antibiotics that I am meant to take. I mean, why?? Because they are not sure they can keep everything sterile?? Sorry, I am a bit pissy tonight. Probably the evil droid.

am drunk and my finger is unfunctional but sleepyCaz I was telling everyone about your front bottom injury at the pub tonight TRYFAX TRUFAX dammit

more from me when sober

Mountie I command the droid to let you be

PS what article about fat wimminz? They can fuck off.

Headcase is slurring!!

GoTellItToTheMounties How did the FC appointment go, then? Rust + FC does feel worse than just FC on own - I remember sobbing bitterly because I hadn't managed miracle updiffment before our 2nd appointment.

HSG. Hmmm. I'm pretty sure they keep all the equipment sterile, you know. The anti-bs are the second line of defence to make sure that your bits don't rot. However, it's not a pleasant procedure, fo' sho'. I found it super-painful - apparently because one of my tubes was blocked - and Lyra had a funny turn. Make sure you have someone to pick you up and make a giant fuss of you afterwards.

Newbs, I give BESH a bad name and have forgotten who I have said hello to. Although lists are verboten on this fred, can we haz a BESHcall quickly, so my tiny brain can remember ho is who?

Am thinking of BESHcall as, e.g.

PerfectDromedary has been here since time immemorial. Officially barren according to drs, but currently either somewhat pregnant or having a very detailed and extended hallucination.