30s TTC: Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. MSDP in full swing.

[MountTheFairy]

The one before the BESHory Towers. Easy one for summer: I have dug up a fishing pond in the middle of the Palace, put a roof light over it, got some fishin' sticks and put some Gershwin on. Salad's providing Elderflower Fizz, served by newbs in topless bikinis. Could life be better?

I has the Oestrogen thing here in me hand in the Doc's report and it's mental high. It's about 50 points over the highest possible number in the 'normal' range by their own figures, so how the fucking Joey Deacons missed it and, in fact, told me it was normal, I do not know

I've never read a single Pratchett book. Not snobbery, they've just never appealed. My secret literary shame is Jodi Picoult. I shall strip and await my rightful (non-sexy) flogging. I hope Camelina can still love me

I too worry about weight gain and pg. I am already the weigh I should be if I was normal weight and put on 2 stone, so do not want to end up like Homer in his muu muu and baker's cap Part of the mindfuck of my condition is that it shits all over my metabolism - I eat like a saint but can't lose weight (or at least, not very easily)

The ascetic lifestyle has always appealed to me - as a kid, I used to wonder if it was possible to be a Nun without believing in God and being able to have a husband and babies (answer: no ). This has somehow translated itself into me never going out and seeing sugar as the white devil I will have to peel back my layers of laziness and emotional eating to get back to the child I was that could be superstrict about stuff (ie neurotic, anal perfectionist). I'm just scared that'll I'll become one of those boring zoned-out fuckers who wear shapeless jersey yoga pants and cowrie-shell pendants and talk new age horseshit

No, no, just what may be down the line for you, Saldo which is not a big deal, but gotta go and put some rice on! BTW, just realised, I am mixing up all the S names because of all the noobs with them. Right, bend over, the lot of you!

Score you will never be that, for starters you have a c**s phobia. You'll just be super energetic and bouncy! Or calm and zen like. But somehow I think energetic and bouncy.

Ohh thats harsh re the Oestrogen scorples is there owt to be done? Incredible that Zita diagnosed you from afar.

You really do need a beating for the Jodi Picault thing. Had to read one of hers for book club and I nearly slit my wrists. Finished it in 3 days cos i just wanted it to be over Everyone has a guilty pleasure tho. Mines historical dramas Jean Plaidy, Phillippa Gregory etc. sad.

MounainDew I've found your bad morph thread so will read that save you typing it all out again.

saladsandwich wikipedia sez morphology of 4% is considered normal if I have read it correct. So that would make your chap's swimmers positively turbo-charged. Good work.

Also, when that comes to numbers, 7% of, say, a minimum of several million sperm in your average 4.6 millilitres of jizz is ... er... shitloads of sperm.

I'm great at the logic and crap at the actual numerical values, oh well.

My head hurts now from all that mathsfail.

Thanks poshspice hows things with you? i've also just read on another thread that 5% is average, so that apart from his actual count being 2% below 'normal' everything looks pretty ok. grhhh, bloody GP's prob don't know what they are talking about. I read on another site that some clinics/GP's are still working on 50% whereas 20% is actually fine, which seems a massive difference. Poor MrB, they are just trying to freak him oot.

thanks for all the BESHtastic advice and reassurance.

What's the oestrogen number Scorps?

4% is apparently normal for morphology, whoever asked. I posted a link to a jizz results site on that fred if you want to search back...

I haz tidied whole house while ManStew is at t'pub. I iz good wife.

In other news, fairly sure I have pre-droidal rumblings.

Scorps, I just read this: ^A 10 per cent reduction in calories reduces oestrogen levels by 20 per cent here

• a quick wrestle'll burn off some of them there calories, come on!

You might like this too Scorpula - high oestrogen makes you hot in more ways than one!

Eh? Is 7% 2 lower than 5%? I assumed it meant that was the number of quality swimmers as opposed to dubious ones. In which case it is more? Or am I suffering more mathsfail?

I should be packing for trip tomorrow but am doing displacement activity (i.e. pissing about on here), saladshaker

Goddamnit.

Bollocks, I really must pack or will arrive in Devon with no pants!!

Ok, I feel really bad SaladBangTheory, I had to be reminded after we had that whole conversation re. first appointments and what not! I suck.

Ok, repeat: TheBoringHealthyFoodExploding and me have an FC appointment on the same day...

saffy noo sorry as previously mentioned over all count is 18% ie 2% < than recommended 20%. sorry am wittering. Devon is official knicker free zone so don't worry about packing.

MTF do not be silly, things move pretty fast round here. Is easy to get confused specially with all these sibilant food based aliases knocking around :D Role on 9th of sept woooo! (also my sisters AND my cousins b'day so an auspicious day in my family)

Not entirely happy about the link that says high Oestrogen is linked to cancer Although it offers some good advice about lowering levels, ta muchly. I shall concentrate on the study that says the higher your oestrogen, the more foxy you are But does that mean that if I lower my levels I'll become a right munter? Hardly seems fair! And at least now I understand why I have a voice like that tiny shy black woman off Police Academy when she's being all timid

Level on D21: 754. It's not outside the realms of diffability but neither is it exactly helpful. The higher the oestradiol, the more slippery and less velcro the Joe Mangel is.

The lifestyle advice is v helpful, acksherly. I eat organic and only use natural Ecover cleaning products, etc., BUT I am overweight and eat a lot of meat and drink out of plaggy bottles (use water filter but then refill bottles, durr!). I may also have to use the laptop less..... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Going to ILs where MIL thinks that cleaning involves covering filth and dust with 6 inches of Mr Sheen/Cillit Bang/Agent Orange might not be good news. Ooooh, do you think I can use this as an excuse to get out of going? Or I could fudge some bullshit about needing to reduce chemical exposure whilst not mentioning TTC to get her to clean properly-yet-naturally?

I am watching 'Underage and Pregnant'. I am not entirely sure this is a wise choice

BangersandMash, I have decided you are with diff. Do NOT let me down, or I shall trample your Lala hat into the ground.

PS I am not a mad fan of Jodi Picoult, have just read a few of her shit (literally). My true guilty literary pleasure is trashy teen supernatural fiction (vampyrs and weird realms and all that jizz. Camel is my pusher, so blame her ). Although I think Harry Potter is crap

Never read Potter as it is banned from this house by MrB, have to say not really arsed by it. What teen vamp stuff? Twillight etc? Have to say reading the first one was enough for me. I had a bit of a mad Charles De Lint phase which petered out when I realised he'd started writing the same book over and over again, some of his stuff was enjoyable tho. modern folk tales and all that. Recently almost got sucked into buying some books about Werecats which sounded kind of fun but then I had a word with myself and started reading Millenium instead.

Step away from Underage and Pregnant, that way madness lies. (and probably a smashed telly)

Oh and on the estrogen front, tis a bit scary. Surely an excuse not to go. I love my PILs but i couldnt stay with them for a whole week! eek.

Lucky if i can get mrb to pop in for an hour on the way past to my rentals. If i am going over night usually end up going on my own. Could you stay home and do important jermey kyle watching job hunting?

I really like Harry Potter.

TYF never asks for anything and is so giving and caring and the one thing he wants from me is to be part of his family. Also, because he is so cripplingly shy, having me by his side makes him a bit more confident, thus allowing him to enter into family life better, so I'm happy to go because he enjoys it so much. They're not bad people (well, one of his Uncles is a prime wanker), just so different from my own family and, well, who could stand a week with anyone else's ILs? He admits he'd go mental spending a week with mine and he doesn't have any ishoos with them.

Newbies beware: MIL is a skank-freak (rarely washes her hands and never after handling meat, has a drawer of festering foil she's cooked meat in to reuse, doesn't have soap in the bathrooms, there's dust bunnies everywhere BUT she sprays everything with chemicals all the fucking time, despite knowing I'm v allergic to them) and fucks me around royally about food (I have allergies and she won't do anything special for me but doesn't want me to make or bring my own special food either, so is not only offensive and annoying but quite scary in terms of actual survival!) so that is pretty much all you will hear from me next week. The old-timers will be girding their loins for the customary AAAARGH-onslaught

Polette I resorted to refilling and carrying a glass bottle to uni, and yes, they do think I am crazy. Mental. But, but, but, laptop??

With you there ArrowGirl. I just realised that I have no idea what is going out there culturally 'cause I always just hang on here. I used to read papers (before I got married to you hags, and now it is just velcro, jizz... humph, dkadsgh jdkghl)...

RieRie, Philip Pullman's 'His Dark Materials' trilogy is soooooooooooooooo much better than Potter (and most adult fiction, come to think of it).

Trouble with JK Rowling is that if you've studied creative writing then you can see all her little tricks and techniques and foresee all the twists and turns. She's a very formulaic writer. Not that I'm saying that's necessarily crap, just that it spoils it for me personally. I wouldn't mind having 1/10th of her wealth and popularity!

I like Harry Potter as a guilty pleasure but agree wholly with scorps's comments re formulaic writing. I could kick JK every time I read the word "surruptitiously". Heavily overused. It's easy reading though, and got me through early labour.

Loved the first couple of Jodie P's I read, then got bored of their formula and realised her research is actually poor when I read one based on supposed Scottish culture. A shame because I had found the Amish and Inuit explorations intriguing.

His Dark Materials - bloody brilliant. Was thinking about this when watching Avatar. Why are creatures in other world/planets always so close in appearance to those on Earth? Yet Pulman's creations in the Amber Spyglass, to my mind at least, are truly unique and the product of a vast imagination.

Has anyone read any of Trudi Canavan's Magician's Guild?

Dooooooughnuts...

Sorry to interrupt - I will have a proper look at what's been happening - but I am too busy weeping at the new NICE guidelines. Fuckers. Come and bitch with me if you feel so inclined...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1010941-to-think-that-the-NICE-guidelines-on-obesity-an d-pregnancy

The trilogy is great, especially the first one which is just brilliant. I thought it lost a bit as it went on, and def not totally original in later bits (see gulliver's travels for the brobdignagians...which I may have spelt incorrectly,am very tired. Couldn't sleep and when I did I had nightmares about being chased through post apocalyptic wastelands for the sporting pleasure of scary evil gangs with large guns, machetes and metal skulls. Am nothing if not imaginative. Anyway, Pullman practically recreates the brobdignagians in the third book....)

Ps scorp oestrogen thing is crap but good that it has been spotted, and by baybee making royalty too! Hand in there sistah, your flawless womb will have a lodger soon. It will it will it will (mrs doyle voice.) heart ya.

And head aaaargh and urk to your body causing you so much confusion, obv I hope it's diffage! Btw I read something you wrote to mr gin t'other day and he said 'she should be a writer!'... So there. And he does not randomly give out such praise for the sake of it. and I found myself saying 'oh and she's so lovely! and gorgeous! And she can bake! And she once called someone that had upset me an 'unmitigated cunt'!'

He was well impressed.

Glad you are all lovers of Pullman over Potter, tis obv. where middle of my name comes from .

Still too busy to catch up, but Salad, I wrote on last fred about HO's jizz being 6% normal morphology. Turns out this is fine, you need to refer to the new WHO guidelines. New ones say 4% fine, old ones said 15%, before that it was 30%, so everyone would be abnormal in those days!

Morning all.

Trilogy is indeed v v good. I wish the world was actually like that. Would be cool.

Have just taken my two fleabags to the V.E.T. They will now treat me with contempt for the rest of the day, despite me spending seventy odd quid on making sure they are healthier than most people.