30s TTC: Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. MSDP in full swing.

[MountTheFairy]

The one before the BESHory Towers. Easy one for summer: I have dug up a fishing pond in the middle of the Palace, put a roof light over it, got some fishin' sticks and put some Gershwin on. Salad's providing Elderflower Fizz, served by newbs in topless bikinis. Could life be better?

Not sure there will be any ball-pinging from Bun Headquarters; really need to do some pelvic floor exercises :/

Can someone please spang me with a frying pan? I have been looking at threads on here that I should not be looking at as they are depressing i.e. the due in Jan 2011 thread which I clearly no longer have any business looking at. Why? Am idiot.

sluttybear you need a hoover. That way you can sort out your spider and Cassoulet's bowels at the same time.

MindtheFarty you just hit the cake wall, y'know, like runners do. You need to get your second wind. More gateaux is the way forwards.

Okay I'm totally out of inventive nicknames now.

Incidentally, can I ask a question to those of you who have suffered with ickleangelbabybees...

I appear to be having alot of the ol 'FFJ. Now, the post 'evacuation' bleeding stopped pretty much immediately (2days or so). Is it likely I would've ovulated this quickly? Or is this summat else?

Also yay, Breadhanger , you're still in the game!

Evening bitches.

BBQ went well, everyone turned up, everyone enjoyed themselves, MIL AND FIL cleaned up kitchen/garden for us, and as I'd banned everyone from using the living room at all (SIL was the only one that needed telling 3 times... dozy cah) we had one nice clean room unaffected by crap/toys/party food/empty glasses etc in which to relax for the evening. The only downside was that I have spent 3 days in the company of SIL during the last week. On the plus side, I consider I have more than done my duty and will now wilfully avoid the bitch until well into next year. Gawd I am knackered.

You lot have been busy. Yay for BaybeeIggles!! And yay for dildocams! And double yay for your entree into world of publishing Scores. Did you make it to the gym today?

Just to add my two-penneth on the HSG - I had one in Jan. It was booked for CD14 which I fort was crap as no SWI that month, but as it turned out it made it less painful than my previous smear, as cervix was squishy and open. It was uncomfortable when the dye went in - I could feel the pressure building in wombular area as the tubes were flushed through, but it was literally over in minutes and I was left thinking 'is that it?'. Was then told I had 'perfect plumbing' which made me wonder 'well why aren't I fucking pregnant then?', but then I got diffed 3 months later so maybe there is something in the flushing of the tubes = increase in fertility.

Ouch ouch ouch fucking OUCH. I have just smacked my poor damaged heel against chair leg. FUCK that hurt! I was too impatient to wait for TG to move heavy gas bbq across garden yesterday. To save my back, I thought it would be better to drag it. Which was fine until bbq went faster than I did and the metal shelf at bottom of frame took all the flesh off the back of my heel. It actually hurt so much I couldn't speak. Or breathe. But when I could, the air was blue and Iris told me off to saying bad words.

Btw, spiders, moths and daddylonglegs are ALL evil. I try to pretend to madam moo that I like all bugs, but even at 3 she is not buying it - I am obviously not a very convincing actress. TG is out and there is a big black hairy spider sat in the corner of the room staring at me. I hate them. They turn me into a girlie squealing imbecile. I cannot squish them as it makes me puke. I certainly can't pick them up. My only defence is to:

1. Turn on vacuum cleaner
2. Spend about 10 mins building up courage to get within 'hose distance' of said spider
3. Squeal, cry and run around with flailing arms, heart racing if it dares to move.
4. After several aborted attempts get close enough to suck spider up hose of vacuum.
5. Throw hose on floor, squeal and cry some more, leaving vacuum cleaner turned on for at least 10 mins just to make doubly sure that it won't come crawling back out of hose
6. After turning off vacuum cleaner, position hose up against something flat like skirting board or door, just to make tripley sure that it can't get out. Leave it there until the vacuum is needed elsewhere.
7. Pour a very large alcoholic drink and collapse in a sodden heap.

I can't put the vacuum on as I've just put madam moo to bed and I am having cold sweats just looking at the blasted thing. Perhaps if I had some nice buzzwams to bury my face in until TG gets home?

Spiceyarse just stay here where its nice and cosy, theres plenty of cake and I've just found half a jug of pimms left over from this afternoon. Just mind your head as there ping pong balls covering multi coloured gloop flying round.

Saffybunbum come here, I shall clout you round the head with this anvil.

Yeah Polpot that is all very well, but how do you empty the hoover eh? When tis full of 'thingys' (as my lovely Mr Salts calls them, so as not to freak me out)

I'm just tired cos I've been pummelling people all day, and reading neurology textbooks in between.

Diffment wise, nuffink to see here, am fairly certain... whereas you .... with rust how many DPO exactly, please???

I'm off to bed. Yep, you read that right. Night all.

SORRY! All that was to pencil

Hello Polly yey to hostessing triumph, boo to injured heel and stalking spiders. Go and sit in the corner with HB surrounded by cushions and bean bags and everything that is unsharp and hard.

re spider fear, understand this irrational fear as my mother is ridiculously arachnophobic. BUT its tiny and harmless and is either shit scared of you or just mind its own business. I know this doesnt help really you cant get close enough to put a pint glass over him and contain him til TG gets home?

just HAVE to mention this but i am MADE UP i didn't have to spell check arachnophobic. Why am i good at long words but crap at little ones?

Well, as predicted, debates about when to POAS were irrelevant as droid has arrived. Am trying to look on the bright side that it was a record 10 day LP which is a good thing, but not succeeding that well.

So who can I menkul for now? HB? Cass? (going to bed before 9pm is clearly a symptom of diffedness)

hahahahaha..close enough to put a pint glass over. I'd have more chance of walking on water...

Aw Stewpot you does sound weary.

Oh I'm 9DPO, on D21 of a normally 24D cycle. I thought I saw faint stirrings of rust but the bathroom light is broken and it could quite possibly have been a shadow on the peach loo-paper. However still mucho time for the rust to set in - good 2 days before droid - so I anticipate the delightfulness that is Knicker Horlicks by Wednesday latest.

Aren't you D23??? Any symptoms apart from being mysteriously tired

You could do the Yellow Pages trick - stand on other side of rom and throw it at the beast. Hopefully it will make it flat.

Sad news Oci well held on looking a the brighter side tho. Yes, retiring pre 9 pm must SURELY be a sign.

HB far be it for me to encourage the menkul but couldn't that be implantation bleeding? 6-12 DPO is normal so that would be bang average.

well, I never knew that I was in the company of such a big bunch of pussies when it came to creepy crawlies no wonder the C word is band.

Close enough to put glass on?! Are you insane? Anyway, it is on the wall, so I'd have to hold the glass there and I can't see that happening in my lifetime... It has not moved for an hour so I feel we have reached a truce, or maybe it is dead? TG has just texted to say he is on his way home... phew! When I lived in an attic flat in Bath, we would always get spiders when flatmate was away on hols. I would do things like cover them with lid off Triv or a casserole dish and leave them there until she got back, no matter how many weeks she'd gone away for. I just had to make sure that when I was pissed I didn't fall over the boxes.

Occers sorry bout the droid, but good news on extending the LP.

Who banned the C word? You mean the CUNT word? Tis not banned, you can't ban it, it is one of my most favourite words and appears in my FB status updates from time to time.

Ox I missed that luvva. Am . But a longer LP is, I think, what gradually did it for some of our proudest diffed BESHes, and therefore that is Good News.

No rilly CucumberExplosives, I think was prolly nothing, and rilly rilly, I am v Pre-Menkul. But what the hells, a little blind optimism never hurt anyone right?!

Now AlfaAlfaBang don't you criticise fine people designing hospitals. Saying that, I would not be opposed if you all campaigned for FCs / maternity wards to be designed exclusively by women. More work for me !

Thanks Polliage for your recount (Recunt? You put the word in my mind now...) of HSG. Encouraging stuffs. It does sound like your heel experience was much worse! We should catalog / do a guide of all the combined BESHperiences, I say.

So sorry to hear da news OcieDoc. Bleurgh. Yey for the LP though .

So HearthyFood and HeadCase still in da running?

Pol nooo the OTHER c word, combined with fire and site etc. That other BESHies abhor but I quite like. I still don't really understand what it has to do with droid but never mind. Cunt is a fabulous word. It's the last bastion of shockingness now that fuck is so fucking common. BTW have you tried conkers? Sposed to keep spiders away. Some swear by it but I am tempted to call bullshits.

MTF you would get the job if it were up to me, I am sure you would do a better one that the siily bunt who designed the new Selly Oak hozzie without a Pharmacy (I shit you not, it was sposed to have a dispensing droid on each floor but the technology isnt properly invented yet and no-one thought of putting in a pharmacy just in case) and with the helly pad on the roof of the car park which is over the road from the ER, so any coptered in injuries have to go down in a lift and then be pushed over the rd before they can get to surgery. Gee Nee Us.

HB well i will still cling to the hope you and stewpot are diffed, until i hear otherwise.

FYI, fabulous program on Hockney on BBC4 if anyone is interested, I've seen it before and would heartily recommend. Mazin landscapes....

Wow, that does sound like a work of genius, I gotta say. But this may be info you never heard (or are interested), but they do tend to save money on hospital design and therefore employ crappier practices. Although, shockingly, such practices sometimes specialise in healthcare, so that they would make such mistakes is pretty shameful. Ok, I'll stop talking shop, GreenBang and remind you to keep your dirtly c. habits to yourself, even if we are a bunch of pussies!

Good God, you've written reams. Reams. And I appear to have missed some comedy opportunities involving ping pong balls. Will join you in bed Cass. Budge up. Am SO knackered. And also sunburnt, for which I am kicking myself, being a freckly English rose type. Apart from the English that is.

Sorry about the droid OxoCube . You 'kay?

Polls I think you're fully entitled to not speak to SIL for at least five years.

And talking of writing reams, well done Scorps. Isn't that funny - it's as they say: one door shuts and another opens. Or something. Please excuse my idiosyncratic punctuation.

Boobs hurt. Not a good sign. And have The Rage.

Hockney you say? Isn't that in London

(and that was a joke)

You are not English ArialLiquid? Pray tell. Could you be a fellow midnight thief of the good (or not as it turns out) English jizz?

Boob hurtage keeps you in the running in my books. It's ok - you don't have to menkul, I will do it all for you. Full service! I am tired... I'll stop talking.

Welsh innit. Though not there any more.

Too tired to function. YAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWN.

Morning all

That's it!

Saladbomb benedict cumberbatch was his name at school but he was at a nice private school in Brighton, where it's all alternative...