What would Christmas be without Mums?

[PontiacBandit]

I reckon 85% of Christmas is down to women making it special. Traditions, decorations, meals, gifts. The planning, having to think of everyone, the organising of when gifts go to people, shopping for gifts and food and alcohol, sending cards, cooking a massive roast meal on the day, wrapping gifts.

I have a good DH but he's pretty rubbish at these things. He does more housework than I do but the planning and organising is not his thing at all.

If women did nothing at this time of year it would be shit show wouldn't it?

he would make sure they had a good Christmas but there wouldn’t be a lot of gifts under the tree and I don’t think he would take them to see Santa. He would only do these things if I dragged him along. He’s better at cleaning than me and he did put the Christmas tree up so swings and roundabouts.

I think some women may be surprised how men would “step up” and do Christmas their way and the children might enjoy it more!

Given how many families are headed by women, with ineffective or uncaring ex partners, that puts the bulk of the Christmas responsibility on women anyhow.

I do not stress about Christmas because I like making it special for my family, and I largely ignore the bits I am not interested in. Back in the days of Santa, mind you, I was broke and paying for Christmas was a struggle despite having a very wealthy ExH who managed to pay almost no child support.

Men could of course do all the same things as women do, but those I know would not choose to try as hard to make Christmas as special as women typically do. So it would be fine, but not as nice.

My DH wouldn’t lift a finger for Christmas, probably just get an oven meal. If it wasn’t for the kids I don’t think I’d bother that much, just a tree and a nice roast, we always have a low key chilled Christmas anyway, dog walk, lunch, film/play games but yes it is me organising everything to do with it

I kind of agree, but I haven't done a massive roast meal on Christmas day for over a decade. I do a buffett, where everyone can pick at cheese and pineapple, vol au vents, breadsticks, veggie spring rolls, veggie (and meat) sausage rolls and cocktails sausages, pickle and chutney, pickled onions, tortilla chips and dip, brie and cranberry parcels, smoked salmon blinis, crisps, cheese savouries, cashews, pistachios, salted peanuts, charcuterie board, mini quiches, etc etc etc... Followed by trifle, or mince pies and cream, or ice cream, or tirasamu etc...

I can get it all ready in a couple of hours in the morning, then leave it to cool (the food that's cooked of course,) and cover in tinfoil, ready for the visitors at around 1pm. That's what I'm doing this year on Christmas day anyway, (for 6 of us.)

We do the same. Christmas day is just the 2 of us with lots of nice things from Waitrose and M and S. No turkey , no huge meal , no bloody board games. Everyone comes on Boxing Day morning for coffee and cake and presents. They arrive about 10 and leave at lunchtime ( they all live a few minutes drive away). We do lots of family things before Christmas Day and in the days after Christmas. We do presents for the grandchildren but no one else. The house is full of twinkly lights and trees and all of that. Covid showed us that we loved the build up to Christmas and seeing people in small groups ( when allowed) but neither of us wanted the huge expense and stress of catering for 12 at once anymore. We have a family get together planned for this Sunday. Nibbles, cakes, drinks. I won't be cooking anything. We have a lot of Nectar pounts so the food will be care of Sainsburys. I love Christmas. I refuse to do anything stressful.

I have to say DH does most of the children's gift buying and then half of the wrapping. He's also ordered groceries for boxing day and booked a weekend away for us. I dare say he can be a grumpy git sometimes but he does embrace Christmas.

I'm in my 50s and can honestly say that probably 90% of Christmas is done by women, both in my family and friends. If I died tomorrow, this year's sorted but next year would be incredibly different. Which is fine as I wouldn't want my dds to feel obliged. I hope they have much more domestically inclined and Christmassy partners than I've had.

I’ve got this on my kitchen wall

Does he manage to wipe his own nose/arse or do you do that for him as well?

We are pretty equal here. DH and I have split shopping for our DC between us, and he does most of the wrapping anyway. I couldn’t even tell you what he’s got for his family, but they’re all wrapped and under the tree.

Christmas dinner wouldn’t be quite as good, but there would be one. He’d buy all the components ready-to-cook from M&S and follow the instructions precisely. It would probably be served in a more timely manner as a result!

The world wouldn’t end if you didn’t do it.

I'm 60. When I was a child in the 1970s my mum used to make everything from scratch and we weren't allowed to touch any of it until Christmas Day. She would get very stressed in the lead up to Christmas. We were allowed/ expected to eat mince pies, Christmas cake, cheese straws, etc etc on the day but, by the time you've eaten Christmas lunch you don't want any of the stodgy, heavy cake things She would get very cross that she'd put all that effort in and none of it was being eaten/ gushed over. My father died just after Christmas 9 years ago. That last Christmas she texted everyone and said she was sorry but she wouldn't be making each of us a Christmas cake that year . I have never ever liked Christmas cake so I was delighted. She knew this. It wasn't a shock. She thought my brothers loved it. They both admitted that they couldn't stand it Sometimes people (women) start ' traditions' that everyone else goes along with for a quiet life but wish would just fade away.

No, lots of shared jobs for Christmas in my house.

My DP shops for his family, me for mine. He does the food shop, clears the garden and puts up the outside lights. He has chosen and bought the tree, helped with the washing and will make up all of the beds. He has also shared the cleaning.

I've also brought up sons who cook, clean, buy/decorate the tree and go out Christmas shopping on their own to buy for family and friends.

Raise your expectations!

My dad did NOTHING. No way was that going to continue to the next generations.

I think it would get done at the bare basic level.

Tree up at the last minute, presents bought and wrapped last minute, likely no stocking... no 'traditions' or whimsy.

It will be a few presents open, meal cooked and a film whacked on to distract the kids.

That's what it would be if any man in my family had to do it alone... I'm sure some men out their would nail it, I saw a video of a woman showing off how her husband one up himself each year with the decor and presents which was cool and follow another IG of a gay couple who nail fun and whimsy but a lot of men just don't.

My DH must have thought stockings just appeared like magic, as he was genuinely shocked when he realised I made them. Which is mad when you think about it but he just never actually spent even a second to think about it.

I was just going to mention that film!

I'm so glad that it's not just who feels like this. DH is usually helpful and does more than his fair share the rest of the year but I feel absolutely frazzled trying to get everything done for Christmas, I'm not even sure he's noticed it's next week.

Why do I see lots of posts about how it is “the labour of women”…I mean yes if you don’t want to, then don’t do it! If you do think it is nice to do then do it!

We are talking about homes welcoming other people (children and spouse or maybe the kids are still small) so it does involve a lot of things having to be done in the house…is that really women? Yeah…most men wouldn’t bat an eyelid if someone would come and decorate their whole house but a woman would…again mostly. Not ALL women. Not ALL men.

So yeah. Women go on to buy the deco they want to put up for their family and friends coz they like to. Just do as much you can and if people want more then invite them to participate in the Xmassy jobs needing to be done! No need to be a martyr.

God not in my house - my husband does all the cooking for Christmas and he’s bought all the kids presents and even the presents for my parents he’s taken care of! I’ve not done much except do the tree with the kids and given him thumbs up emojis when he says is this the gift or do you think so and so would like this 🫢🫢

he’s also going’s to do all the food shopping

My ex was amazing at planning Christmas. He would book time off to pick the tree, order a wreath and mistletoe from the florist. Pick out beautiful presents, order the food from the butchers and greengrocers and then plan/do the food shop and cooking. There was lots of festive days and nights out arranged by him too and there was never any stress.

I did the biggest thing on Christmas Day 21 years ago, I became a MUM 😂. That was the last time I got out of doing Christmas things.
Seriously I didn’t mind though DH did a lot of food prep too and drove around late dpil.
This year it’s just the 2 of us as dd is spending her 21st/Christmas in Phuket. Yes I bought/decorated the tree, will do most of the food shopping but will miss those other days.
I still need to do my horse and ddog needs walking, plus a big FaceTime with dd on the day

I've not done the stats even though I love a spreadsheet. There's a lot of defence of men that actually get stuck in and take control of cooking / gift buying / card writing/ decorating / wrapping. That's really fantastic to hear that my percentage may be way off. I personally don't know any of these festive guys in my family or friends.

Yup. DH so far has bought his neice and nephew gifts - but only after my SIL gave him the links.

He’s ordered booze - because I told him to.

He’s followed a very specific shopping list to get some ingredients for me to do all fhe food prep.

I do EVERYTHING else and I am baffled that an otherwise good and decent man seems to accept this without question or offering to help more.

In fact, I may just find a nice quiet moment in the New Year and pose this question to him.

A disaster!!!

Shite. It would be shite without mums and women in general. That's why I dislike it so much. I get to do everything. My favourite day of the year? The Boxing day. Because Christmas is furthest away possible. However, each year time flies and it's that time again. I'm cancelling Christmas one of these days...