What would Christmas be without Mums?

[PontiacBandit]

I reckon 85% of Christmas is down to women making it special. Traditions, decorations, meals, gifts. The planning, having to think of everyone, the organising of when gifts go to people, shopping for gifts and food and alcohol, sending cards, cooking a massive roast meal on the day, wrapping gifts.

I have a good DH but he's pretty rubbish at these things. He does more housework than I do but the planning and organising is not his thing at all.

If women did nothing at this time of year it would be shit show wouldn't it?

We both jettisoned the entire thing about 20 years ago. It’s absolute bliss.

Why are you doing things you don’t enjoy? Most of the crap you buy will be in the charity shop come 5th January. It’s an
absolute waste of time and money.

This is my take, i think without women in the world christmas wouldnt happen at all, itd just be the usual stuff men do on any other weekend.

My kids often joke about this, if anything happened to me .... Christmas lunch would be beans or toast or a pizza and presents would be money. That's it.

I've stepped back.

I get my brother's kids presents. I get my MIL stuff via fortnightly ocado shops in the months beforehand. This year I got a out half what I normally bother because to be honest no-one seems to give a flying f### and I don't get anything back. There's Xmas food coming in an online shop but I'm planning on eating cheese and dates and the others can cook something if they want it. I'll think about stocking presents for the kids next week but it's always me that does it, I'd love a stocking but that ain't happening. There are three presents under the tree and they are all from me.

I'm done. I've decided I'm painting my office over the holidays as I'd like a nice space.

My DH has older teens.
I'm away this year so he bought the tree without me, and decorated it with a bit of help from them. (I'd bought decorations a few years back as he lost everything in his divorce.)
He buys presents for the kids and I, joins in a siblings present for his parents, and buys a sibling a present in a secret Santa thing amongst themselves.
We go to his mum's for Christmas Day and sometimes boxing day as well. (All of us / her kids and spouses - have tried to change that so that she doesn't keep doing everything but she insists.)

My only contribution is to buy a present for him, and thoughtful presents for his parents.
One year I did go and got tree branches, twigs, cones from a forest and decorated the staircase, made wreaths etc.
So not so much from me, almost 100% him usually.

Dh would definitely keep the celebrations but he works long hours - so it would be less. I stopped the gifting for everyone - it's now secret santa for immediate family only, so everyone does an equal amount of work. Dd and I plan the food and shop for it together but everyone cooks and everyone washes up. We don't have a massive Christmas - our neighbour will come over for dinner in the evening but gone is the day when it's me that had to do it all - I nearly cancelled the whole thing I was so fed up with the amount of work it required. I stopped sending cards and I stopped buying gifts for the wider family - it caused ructions but I didn't care - the gifts we got back were shit - no thought or expense, it was all a bit pointless.

I mean if you like Christmas and love it crack on but if it is too much or if you have a useless uninterested husband then maybe drop some things, children like presents they don't really care about any of the extras

And a lot of people would be perfectly happy with that. Yet a lot of women (because let's face it, it is almost entirely women) seem hell bent on doing a load of unnecessary shit and then moaning about it.

If you have DC, you should probably buy them some presents, funds permitting. But most people, with the exception of a few competitive martyr mums, don't really care about the rest of it. So why do it?

I think Christmas would still happen, but it would be different and more pared down and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I've been a bit "my own worst enemy" about this especially since having my own children and there are so many things which are now expectations and the kids would howl if I didn't do the following:
Get all of the decs out of the loft. There are a stupid amount now and they get added to every year. I liked the idea of having some in every room of the house and now I wish I hadn't gone so far.

Bake my own mince pies on Christmas eve (son is now vegan so 2 different versions). Have usually just finished work so a rush.
Bake cranberry muffins on Christmas morning. Also a rush to get the oven freed up for the turkey.
Set up the angel chimes on Christmas eve.
Forage for mistletoe, holly etc and make my own wreaths and other decs.
Wrap all the stocking gifts (we never had these wrapped as a child and i wish I'd never started).
Book Christmas shows, light trails, visits to friends and my family (not local).
Set up the dining table with our wedding crockery and cutlery, posh wine glasses, table cloth and crackers.

If I dropped down dead before next Christmas my husband would still do Christmas but it would look like this:

Get a tree no earlier than mid December, get tree decs (only) out of loft, let kids decorate it.
Cook Christmas dinner (he does this anyway). Wouldn't bother with the baking.Perfectly nice mince pies from waitrose and toast for breakfast.

Eat all meals at kitchen table like we usually do, with our everyday plates etc as the food tastes just as nice.

Order a few main presents from Amazon, shove them in reusable gift bags and bung the kids some cash on top (they are secondary/uni age not little ones).
Not bother with any shows or arranging visits but would accept invitations if proffered.

To be honest "his" Christmas sounds really appealing but I've got myself in too far to row back from mine. 😂

I’m 60. My husband is the breadwinner, I’m a housewife and I do everything to make Christmas. I’m very happy about my role in our team of two.

My daughters are 30-ish.
One works 75% FTE and takes on all the traditional ‘pink’ jobs in their household including everything Christmas. She’s naturally maternal and a home-maker - she’s very happy and it works well.

My other daughter and her husband both have professional, equally ‘big dog’ careers. They do everything together.

I think it’s up to the couple to set things up - ideally from the start - to pave the way ahead. But it’s probably up to the woman (assuming straight couple) to decide on what works best for her because - I’d guess - most men would subconsciously assume that their wives will do everything that their mums always did.

In my case without DH there would be no money to spend on Xmas so it wpuld be worse without him 🤣

So why can't you do Christmas his way? That's how it used to be before consumer excess and social media took over.

My DH is very on the ball when it comes to Christmas. He has ordered all the teenagers gifts online , brought DS13 to get his Christmas clothes, got the tree and all the decorations from the shed and helped DD17 put it up.

I will do the big food shop but DH always cooks the Christmas Dinner.

He is very hands on in all aspects of our family life.

My dh is the one who makes Christmas special. He organised gifts this year. We’re not all shackled to turds

I had this thought last night as I was wrapping the 'santa' presents for the kids while DH watched TV. He didn't even think to 1) offer to help or 2) to do the other 100 things that needed doing around the house while I was wrapping presents.

I've sorted out all the presents for the kids and most family. Left a handful for him to do for his family....which haven't been done. This year I AM NOT getting them last minute. I've organised all the activities with DH only moaning about what they cost and I know it will be down to me to write and sort the food plan/shopping list at the weekend for next week.

I like doing it, but sometimes it would be nice if DH would just take initiative and sit and wrap presents with me or actually buy the small selection of presents he was meant to

This year is first year without my dear old FIL, having passed away, though last year he was poorly in a nursing home so we didn't celebrate. So for years xmas shopping, presents and cooking/cleaning up on the day was all down to me. DP helped to the big clean up before any guests and was in charge of getting his dad a card, lol and had to go pick him up.

The reason I did all the cooking/cleaning up on the day was because I loved FIL and wanted him to have a nice day, so would leave them both playing crib or whatever while I did the rest. No prob. What did really piss me off was for a few years running, rather than have 'cheers love, that was lovely' from my DP, all I got was 'Ah, Christmas isn't what it used to be is it?'.

No, DP, you're not 10 years old, of course it's not, but thankyou for appreciating my efforts. He doesn't say it anymore, he dare not!

Yes, I think a lot of families, esp those my age wouldn't have so much of a Xmas if it wasn't for the women.

I think a lot of people forget the true meaning of Christmas, which is:
a bag of mixed nuts (with Brazil nuts that can only be opening with a hammer),
a tin of 'Ye Olde Oak Ham' (consusting mainly of some glutenous, unspeakable jelly),
the Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special (which they think is highly amusing - but it isn't),
a family argument about Hitler's winter offensive in Russia (maybe that was just at our house),
Watching 'The Great Escape' (to which we now knew the whole dialogue and so could join in).

I don’t celebrate Christmas but exh does so on my year we would go away at Christmas somewhere hot.

On his year I would make Christmas happen when dc were children

Now our Christmas’s look something like this
Unless dd gets involved and then we have the full works

Not the point you're making but I do all those things and I'm not a mum...
Anyways, I do it because I genuinely enjoy it. It's no skin off my nose.

Really laughed at this!

A relative of Dh was actually at Hitlers winter offensive! He didn’t speak much about it but did describe it as “cold” 😄

Although most Christmas dinners end with me setting things alight with the candles. 😂

I would love to. It is the kids who will be appalled if i change things. When they leave home I'm definitely downsizing Christmas. I get over excited about it and then later feel queasy at the feast of consumerism before me. I admit that it is all my fault and I take responsibility for that.

Though it isn't just buying stuff. It's the pressure I place on myself to do home made this and that. As I said above, supermarket mince pies are perfectly nice.

We literally have beans on toast.

This year I have completely done everything because DH has been spending every spare second renovating our new house. Also he has the opposite adhd traits to me, so he has time blindness. If I didn't follow the organised Mum we wouldn't have any advent calendars, outings etc.