Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

What would Christmas be without Mums?

248 replies

PontiacBandit · 16/12/2025 08:01

I reckon 85% of Christmas is down to women making it special. Traditions, decorations, meals, gifts. The planning, having to think of everyone, the organising of when gifts go to people, shopping for gifts and food and alcohol, sending cards, cooking a massive roast meal on the day, wrapping gifts.

I have a good DH but he's pretty rubbish at these things. He does more housework than I do but the planning and organising is not his thing at all.

If women did nothing at this time of year it would be shit show wouldn't it?

OP posts:
JG24 · 16/12/2025 08:28

I think you might be right in a lot of cases because gender roles are so prevalent still.
I do honestly think we slit it in our house fairly evenly. Partner does the food shopping and cooking because I can't cook. I buy the children's presents because i enjoy it more. We wrap together and get and decorate the tree together. We each buy for our own sides of the family so put as much or little effort in as we want. If we go on any outings/book any shows etc we either do it together or whoever has seen it/thought of it books it.
Not sure what else there is.

Iwilladmit · 16/12/2025 08:29

whilst your view may have been traditionally the case it doesn’t need to be now. If you’re not happy with it, change it?

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 16/12/2025 08:30

Same!
I don’t begrudge it because I really enjoy it and husband makes up for it in other areas. He’s driven hours to pick up relatives, spent time in the pissing rain putting up the lights how I like them and does a massive chunk of the Christmas clean down and pack away.

JG24 · 16/12/2025 08:31

I think if I wasn't here then the only difference would be the type of presents for our kid. I do more research into what's popular, what will last well and really try to pick out what I think are the best things. He would still get presents but would take a much more relaxed approach to choosing
And if he wasn't here I'd ended up going to someone's for Xmas dinner or getting something premade or very very easy to cook

ZenNudist · 16/12/2025 08:32

I think it would get done but later. Men just leave it to the last minute

Prelim · 16/12/2025 08:32

It’s equally split for us, same with the rest of the year. I don’t think I could find someone attractive who didn’t pull their weight or not bother to think or buy presents for their family!

Devilsmommy · 16/12/2025 08:33

I think you're right. Though my DH is amazing at most things, Xmas is definitely my domain 😅 watch the new Xmas movie with Michelle pfeifer, it's the perfect representation of what you're saying

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 16/12/2025 08:35

I have been married three times and had (ahem) numbers of other relationships, all with men. Not one of them gave a stuff about Christmas and would, left to manage it for themselves, have had a takeaway and shoved a box of chocolates at the kids as a 'present'.

I don't know whether it was just genuine disinterest or feeling overfaced with how much needed doing, but they ALL said Christmas was rubbish. Every one of them, even the ones who did housework and seemed otherwise domesticated.

Jade3450 · 16/12/2025 08:37

Of course women do 85% the work, because men think ‘fuck that shit’ and they’re right. Why put yourself through it?

We are our own worst enemies.

What do you think would happen if men ran it all? Sure, people might not get any presents, or they might be a bit random, or they might not be wrapped. There might not be a hot chocolate station with matching Xmas mugs and the dinner might be a bit shit. There probably wouldn’t be matching table decorations. But it wouldn’t be a shit show. Everyone would probably end up playing games in the garden in the dark then eating chocolate and cheese on toast in front of the fire for dinner.

It would be divine and everyone would be as happy as Larry.

Tereseta · 16/12/2025 08:39

It would probably be a whole lot simpler. Every year I put my self under a huge amount of pressure for one day, not to mention the cost of all the extras to make it special. Maybe we should step back...

BitOfAWeirdo · 16/12/2025 08:40

My DH buys the most thoughtful, generous gifts.

He buys and pays for most of the 'treat' food and drinks.

He cooks Christmas dinner.

He made the Christmas cake in November.

Our Christmas would be great with him in charge!

TheaBrandt1 · 16/12/2025 08:40

It would be way better. I hate this competitive mum thing. It never ends. Emerged I am the only mum that didn’t send first year student an advent calendar and fluffy socks on 1st December 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Parker231 · 16/12/2025 08:41

If you’re doing an unequal amount of the Christmas prep work, change it. Our Christmas happens because of joint effort and involvement from DH and I. I’m married to a fully functioning adult.

Most women do the majority and moan about it. Why do you think you are better at it than your DH? I bet you’ve never let him.

Tillow4ever · 16/12/2025 08:44

I think my brother in law shows this perfectly. The year he got divorced (he’s my husbands brother) he wasn’t going to have the kids for Xmas so we invited him to join us so he wasn’t alone. The next year he messaged me and said “I’ve been thinking about Christmas as I’ve got the kids this year and thought it would be great for them if we come to yours this year”. In other words, he didn’t want to put the work in to doing Christmas Day for them. I shut that down and basically forced him to step up. Whilst he was married, we had them over to ours for a second Christmas for around 15 years. Never once did they invite us to theirs to reciprocate. I told my husband if we didn’t say no that first year he had the kids, he would just end up coming to ours every year from then on - and selfishly I just wanted a relaxing Christmas Day where we did things at our own pace, etc.

My husband also does very little towards Christmas too. If it weren’t for me, I doubt the kids would have any presents, nieces and nephews definitely wouldn’t, he would be at Tesco last minute panicking as he would have forgotten to order a turkey or book a home delivery when Xmas slots opened… it would be a shit show.

Thank you to all the mums out there who go above and beyond to make Xmas magical!

Jade3450 · 16/12/2025 08:45

Tereseta · 16/12/2025 08:39

It would probably be a whole lot simpler. Every year I put my self under a huge amount of pressure for one day, not to mention the cost of all the extras to make it special. Maybe we should step back...

There’s a lot men have got wrong, but this is something they’ve got right.

Tillow4ever · 16/12/2025 08:46

TheaBrandt1 · 16/12/2025 08:40

It would be way better. I hate this competitive mum thing. It never ends. Emerged I am the only mum that didn’t send first year student an advent calendar and fluffy socks on 1st December 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I mean, you’re definitely not the only mum who didn’t do that. I didn’t! Who gives fluffy socks on Dec 1st anyway?! I did ask my uni aged son if he’d like an advent calendar - but I was going to send him the money so he could go pick one up if he did!

Lookingforwardto2025 · 16/12/2025 08:47

I do the vast majority of christmas prep because a) I enjoy it b) I work extremely part time while DH works full time.

If I weren't here it would still happen but would be more generic and last minute I think. One tree would go up rather than multiple trees are room decorations. All extended family would receive a M&S hamper sent directly to their house. Christmas cards would not happen. DS would get his main gifts as now but might not get some of the smaller bits and pieces. Food would be the same as we already use M&S food to order. Guest rooms would be made up probably once the guests had arrived.

The core ingredients of Christmas would still happen and it would still be lovely, just less organised.

Heluvathing · 16/12/2025 08:48

I don’t think most men really care if things are great at Xmas. They don’t feel the responsibility for everyone else. Mine would quite happily jettison the whole thing and eat sausage rolls in front of a film. He doesn’t care about presents at all.

everdine · 16/12/2025 08:50

TheaBrandt1 · 16/12/2025 08:40

It would be way better. I hate this competitive mum thing. It never ends. Emerged I am the only mum that didn’t send first year student an advent calendar and fluffy socks on 1st December 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

When did that become a thing to do? I wouldn’t be doing it either!

Jade3450 · 16/12/2025 08:51

Heluvathing · 16/12/2025 08:48

I don’t think most men really care if things are great at Xmas. They don’t feel the responsibility for everyone else. Mine would quite happily jettison the whole thing and eat sausage rolls in front of a film. He doesn’t care about presents at all.

This is it. They’re not bending themselves over backwards all the time in a desperate attempt to make others happy.

The penny dropped for me about 10 years ago but it hasn’t for most women.

SirChenjins · 16/12/2025 08:52

It would be much smaller, very last minute, lots of party buffet type food that can be cooked in 20 minutes, and gifts would be tech and money. High St retail would suffer massively, but the banks and tech manufacturers would report record trading.

ChikinLikin · 16/12/2025 08:52

TheaBrandt1 · 16/12/2025 08:40

It would be way better. I hate this competitive mum thing. It never ends. Emerged I am the only mum that didn’t send first year student an advent calendar and fluffy socks on 1st December 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I agree. It's cringy.

Coffeeishot · 16/12/2025 08:52

My Dh is buying and cooking the food i have no part in it i let him get on with it, he also puts the tree up because quite frankly im rubbish at it, i do buy the gifts though but he always knows what im getting, we don't have dc at home anymore so Christmas is a bit different but even when they were here he took an active part.

If women set themselves up to run about like a blue arse fly men will let them imo.

BitOfAWeirdo · 16/12/2025 08:53

Jade3450 · 16/12/2025 08:51

This is it. They’re not bending themselves over backwards all the time in a desperate attempt to make others happy.

The penny dropped for me about 10 years ago but it hasn’t for most women.

Show quote history

I agree.

I stopped being a people pleaser when peri menopause coincided with lockdown and I realised that I had been trying to please everyone (mostly my mother) except myself.

Since 2020 we have had Christmas Day just us. Family are welcome on any other day. And they can just lump it.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 16/12/2025 08:55

Well, this mum does fuck all.

It isn’t that “men are rubbish at it” either. That’s just fucked up gender stereotyping that you’ve been hoodwinked into.