spending on grandchildren at Christmas

[way2serious]

We’ve currently got 2 grandchildren (from our eldest daughter) on whom we spend about £150 each. So firstly is this too much / not enough / about right? And secondly, we have four other children and so very likely to have more grandchildren in the next few years. We want to be as fair as possible and would need to decrease our spending for each child to ensure they all had the same amount as we couldn’t afford £150 each for more than 2. This obviously means that the first two will have had more for a few years. Do we need to make this up to the others or just lower the amount for all of them?

I hope that makes sense - I know I am probably overthinking things!! How have you managed what you spend as the number of grandchildren increases?

I don't think your grandchildren or children will remember or care how much money you spent on them or how many gifts you gave. Not trying to be self righteous here but they'll remember time spent together and your relationship with them. Of course you're going to get them gifts but just go with something thoughtful that you can afford and is actually going to be used. Spending £100 on gifts for a baby or toddler is unecessary if they otherwise have all that they need. Put cash towards experiences/holidays or save some for when they're 18 or 21.

It's definitely enough, but "overspending" is subjective. My parents spend about that, sometimes slightly more, as do the GP of friends, so I don't think it's obscene or wholly unheard of.

But equally you mustn't feel you need to stretch yourself to something you couldn't afford for more GC and I think it's better to ease back with these GC rather than abruptly change it as others arrive.

You've got a lot of room to work with as 150 is generous.

Also came to say lots of parents get really riled about their dc being given sweets. I couldn't care less personally, but it's not always a winner with parents!

Oh and looking at your list in more detail, I'd cut back on the outfits first.

Everyone loves a baby outfit, but as they get bigger mums are used to having a cute little person to dress and just throw on the cleanest thing, and the dc will hardly notice the lack of them. I'd keep the puzzles and toys and phase out the outfits personally.

I have four grandchildren aged 3 to 9 and my Christmas budget is £25 each. I aim for £30 each for their birthdays. I ask my adult offspring not to get me anything as their generosity in the past has frankly been embarrassing because I can’t come anywhere near to their levels of spending, but they still get me something in the £30 bracket so II have to reciprocate.

All the children have more toys and games, more clothes, more books, more stuff than they ever get to look at. All the adults work full time and there’s no spare time to use “experience” vouchers, they’ve always gone to waste! The kids are at school, their weekends are full, I can’t say oh I have time, I’ll take them, because they’re miles away and it just doesn’t work.

It’s madness, the whole nonsense is so pointless and so stressful, every year.

£150 is deffo too much for kids of that age. My parents have gone overboard on my child’s first Christmas this year (which will be their first grandchild and they haven’t even been born yet! Due in the next week!). To be honest it makes me feel guilty about how much money they’ve spent (and if they can afford it), obligated to spend a large amount on them, worried about what my sister with no kids thinks/ feels left out and worried that they they will not be able to sustain this level of gift giving for other GC. I am intending on speaking to my parents about it in the new year - I would much prefer a small, age appropriate gift and for them to take the GC on a day out somewhere instead.

Yes defo too much! They will have loads of presents with such a big family too. I’d say £40 each is fine and if you want to put money into savings for birthdays then do it.

£150 is a lot of money to spend on gifts for such small children. You would be better off spending £75 on gifts/outfits and then putting £75 in a high interest savings account for them.

My mum spends a ridiculous amount on christmas and birthdays, i have said its far too much but its her money so i cant exactly wrangle the bank card off her!

My in-laws have 5 grandchildren and they give each £70 each, which again i feel is too much but also their choice.

I agree with others that up to £50 is more than enough.

I just wanted to throw this out there as something to consider. I'm late 40s. I don't remember one gift that I received as a child from my nanny. I remember the day trips. The trip to London to see the Christmas lights and the visit to Hamleys where I got a token something for a few £. The trooping of the colour. The trip to the beach we took where she lost all the bags. The panto shows. My parents spend about £25 each. The last few years mum mum treated the girls to a panto instead. This year unfortunately the say we booked was cancelled so they got a gift instead. The memories last forever. My nanny has dementia. She has no idea who I am. Now I remember for the both of us. We will be forever joined by the shared experiences.

My parents spend £40-50 each on my two. That is plenty

I don’t think it is too much if you can afford it. Common sense says it will go down as more grandchildren appear, your children should understand that. You just need to to make it clear.

Like many, my parents and in laws spend €25 per child. I don’t spend €150 on them myself. They and we could afford more but it’s too much as it is.
Small children aren’t very excited about clothes usually so I would see those gifts being presents for the parents really as they save them some expenditure, and would give them separately and unwrapped.

Spend what you want, feel comfortable with & can afford. My parents have 5 grandchildren. They have always spent the same amount on them all. Now my older two are both working full time they have decided to spend less on them now as they are older (20 & 22) and are both working so can buy what they want for themselves. The younger 3 will get more (what they have always spent) as they are younger and obviously not working. All evens out in the end. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. X

My mum easily spends £150 on my little boy (her only grandson) - I think it’s fine to spend more now and reduce as more grandchildren come along. I don’t expect her to spend that much now but she enjoys it and isn’t getting herself into debt so I let her be. I would completely understand if I had more and my sister had children she would need to cut the spending! My in laws spend around the same and they have three grandchildren.

£150 is about what I spend on my own kids! I think my parents have in the past spent more than that, but to be honest, sometimes it can be a bit uncomfortable when the grandparents' presents outshine the parents' presents, (although on the other hand it's very nice if it means your children get things that they wouldn't be able to have otherwise...) so bear that in mind too. As for whether you have to "make up" for grandchildren born later, no, I don't think you do at all. As long as all the grandchildren are treated fairly once they are born, I don't think it would be reasonable for anyone to be annoyed that their children weren't treated equally to their cousins before they were even conceived! I do understand why you'd be mindful of that, but I think people do have to accept that children being born at different times means they'll be born into different circumstances, which means some might get more in the way of money, time, energy etc. just due to having been born earlier or later, and that's just life.

£150 each at this age is just so much. It’s amazing that you are so generous but children this young really don’t need a lot. Or perhaps you could put some money in their savings or towards an annual pass to make the times outside of Christmas a bit easier for their parents.

I don't think £150 is necessarily too much. It depends what you can afford and what you want to spend.

My parents really vary what they spend depending what the kids ask for. Some years my kids have asked for things for £30, but last year my daughter got £500 towards driving lessons.

I would get fun stuff rather than clothes when they're little though. There's plenty of time for clothes in the future once they're (expensive) teenagers!!

That seems to me as if you are greatly overspending. And you didn't mention the age of the grandchildren. If they're younger, they won't know how you spend, anyway. And it probably wouldn't occur to them to compare. It never crossed my mind, as a child, to wonder how much my grandparents were spending on my cousin.
Try giving books. You won't be stuck with such large bills.

I think it's important to spend what you can afford in the first instance.

We've spent £50 ish on our DGS for Christmas plus I've bought him a couple of outfits that we keep at our house as we do childcare so always keep a stash of things for him. They get so much at Christmas. We would rather put money away for him or buy him a bigger item when he needs something like a bike for example or a scooter.

I think £150 each from grandparents is a lot. Can’t you just get them nice pjs or something?

Way too much. My mother in law spends similar and I hate it because I have nowhere to put all the toys and also essentially she gets as much as me and DH and I want to be the one to spoilt them! My mum spends about £50 but then puts £200 each into a savings account and / or treats us to a day out, much prefer this to £150 on plastic crap that takes up space in my house. Most annoying thing is my MIL gets into credit card debt to do it, not even like she has the money.

£150 is about what I spend on my GC. A decent outfit, trainers, and a small toy. £150 doesn't go far these days.

This is lovely and I do agree, I have lots of lovely memories of my grandad and all the little games he would make up and play with me! I do also have a lot of things he bought me! I have things that I would have definitely chucked and long forgotten about if someone else had bought them, but because he was so special to me (my only grandparent) I could never part with them ❤️

I think £50/each is good but depends on your circumstances! For some £20 would be pushing it, for others £200 might be the minimum!
Don’t worry about levelling up for future grandchildren, but perhaps reduce the amount you give to your current ones now so by the time more come along it’s more equal.