How is a “normal” Christmas Eve in the UK?

[Sillyquestion123]

for context I’ve been living in the UK for almost 17-18 years (have lost the count!) but I’ve never fully “assimilated” so many things are still somewhat foreign to me. I’m not even a Christian and where I come from the big day is the 24th and the 25th is a complete after thought of just eating left overs and watching TV.

We have a 6yo and a friend of ours invited us for drinks on Christmas Eve. It felt a bit awkward to me because:

a) she knows we celebrate on the 24th
b) we’d be getting our 6yo ready for Santa, etc..

however, she’s never been cultural aware and always points out how much she enjoys our food from a can/jar (no matter how many times I’ve told her it doesn’t resemble anything like I eat and would never even try it) and once made my birthday a celebration around football which I hate.

Anyway, I know I’m being precious, but considering she’s also not British I would have thought she’d be able to pick up these things a lot more easily.

Back to my question…. Would it be expected to go out for drinks on the 24th with a 6yo?

Everyone is different. Some people would have friends round for mince pies/ drinks, some would go to a midnight church service, some are still wrapping presents or preparing veg. Nothing is expected. Go if you want or politely decline if not.

I don’t think you’re being precious as such, but I do think you’re overthinking a bit in terms of whether it’s “expected” that you go. People do all sorts of things on Christmas Eve, so if I was having drinks I wouldn’t be surprised if various people couldn’t make it for whatever reason.

She probably doesn’t want to just not invite you because she’s made an assumption you won’t go.

YABU to sound a bit annoyed at being invited to someone’s house for drinks.

As you say you live in the UK where the 24th isn’t a big deal, they probably aren’t thinking about what your celebrations are, it would be a normal day to host a little party.

If you’re busy doing your own thing, don’t go, say that’s when you have your big event as is the tradition in X country.

When my kids were small, Christmas Eve was all about them and getting them ready for Father Christmas's visit. So a nice walk out somewhere to look at Christmassy things, then home for a special tea of things they weren't normally allowed. Bath, clean PJs (we never went the 'Christmas PJ route, but I did like them to start Christmas day reasonably clean), and a Christmas film before bed. We never did the whole socialising thing on Christmas Eve, too stimulating and yet boring for the kids.

It’s not unusual to socialize on Christmas Eve, but nor is it unexpected that some people would decline an invitation in favour of their own family traditions.

You don’t sound like you like this friend much though, OP- maybe a friendship to reassess more generally?

It's normal to invite friends, with children, round for drinks on Christmas Eve and your friend has done nothing wrong - although you don't especially seem to like her.

It's absolutely fine for you to decline politely.

We’ve known them for YEARS and have even been to her own version of Christmas and I’ve explained ad nauseam how I/we celebrate as we’re not Christians so we do it in a very secular way, and how we always try to hype Hanukkah as much as we can (which I know it’s super minor in the grand scheme of things) but I appreciated that my parents did give me the Santa/turkey experience, so try to replicate it as much as we can.

I slob on Christmas Eve. Finish work a bit early, have a nice dinner with a Christmas film and pack up the car. I travel to see family over Christmas so I use it as a bit of me time before the chaos (sorry fun!). I'm an introvert so need some prep time ahead of busy family stuff.

I don’t suppose you should go because she might serve you something from a jar.

There are many different flavours of Christmas Eve in the UK, as I suspect you know by now. Christian origin but secular, practising non-Christian and everything in between, no guarantee people will spend the day the same.

You're overthinking it.
It's an invitation not a summons - if you don't want to go then decline politely.

Christmas eve is much much less standard that Christmas day in my experience.

Aside from the little bit before bed, I've never known a "standard" thing for people to do.

I'm a bit similar to you in that my family have our own celebrations and traditions on Christmas eve. But as soon as I was an adult I was aware that it isn't universal because I started to be invited by friends for a drink the pub, or a night out, or around for a house party.

I always declined because we had a big family thing - it never annoyed me though, even if they "knew" what I did (it is still polite to invite etc.)

To me Christmas Eve is about going nowhere, closing the door, hunkering down, fairy lights, good food, perhaps a twinkly film (A Christmas Carol or the Christmas Darling Buds of May episode) on TV or board games, a glass of wine and all the magic of Christmas unfolding. There's always the chance of hearing Santa's sleigh bells (I'm in my sixties!).

For other people it's having friends round, going to the pub, midnight mass or a frenzied parcel wrapping, turkey stuffing whirl.

You can do what you like.

She actually did once (for my birthday!) and I politely declined, but it become ongoing for years now, but never as a joke.

Just say ‘We have our own traditions on Christmas Eve, so I’m afraid we can’t come to your event. Have a lovely time, and happy Christmas.’

I also celebrate Christmas on the 24th and annually tell people no I can’t make the pub / party / church / other Christmas event on that day as we have a party.

People won’t necessarily remember how you celebrate Christmas, she’s hosting a party and is inviting her friend as you may like to come. That’s it, no more depth to it.

Don’t want to go? Politely decline.

Can make it work around your existing plans and fancy seeing them? Then do that.

There is no normal. Some people prep for Christmas, others will have gatherings.

As it sounds like you're not especially keen to go, just tell her you're already busy celebrating your Christmas Eve, which she knows is your tradition. How about suggesting visiting on another day over the holidays for coffee and mince pies or similar?

Christmas Eve is different for most families, most people are not religious in the UK anymore. I wouldn’t go out for drinks on Christmas Eve as we have our own family traditions where we all get together. A lot of people with small children will probably be at home getting ready for Santa but people do have parties and some go to church. Just make your own traditions for your own family.

My Christmas is on 24th too. I would politely decline.

Re the other things. Wome people are just like that. They try their best, doesn't hit the mark. Happens

Of course many people will be working. It’s not a bank holiday - it’s a standard working day. Some places finish early, some don’t and some will be working all through the holiday period.
A fact lost on my if my colleagues when sorting the rota out. If you want Christmas Eve off you need to book annual leave

We always invite them for a Hanukkah party and normally celebrate NYE together, we didn’t expect this year to be the exception!

I always cook a huge gammon with mashed potatoes and vegetables and adult DC drop by if they are free to eat with our foster dc. Then I have gammon to slice up on Boxing day. Xmas Eve DH and I usually watch a Xmas movie Die Hard, have a bottle of prosecco and wrap gifts for stockings until almost midnight.

If it doesn't work for you, just say you won't be able to make it. It is totally normal for people to not be able to attend everything they are invited to in the Christmas period, everyone knows it's a busy time. I don't think she's deliberately trying to ignore your culture, just extending a friendly invitation.

For us Christmas Eve is pretty normal until the evening, we used to go to a child friendly carol concert at about 5.30 and then put out the stockings and Santa mince pies. I remember taking the kids swimming one year in the afternoon (hoping it would tire them out!),

I would not be surprised to be invited round someone's house (we have been once or twice) but also I wouldn't expect it as part of the whole Christmas Eve experience, and I wouldn't hesitate to decline if it was inconvenient and clashed with something else we were doing. When the kids were little I would not have taken them to drinks in the evening because it would have clashed with the carol concert and a general getting ready for Christmas Day.

Its quite individual. A lot of my friends go to the pub on Christmas eve and then midnight mass, if they dont have young children

Quite a lot are at work in the day. Those with young children seem to have ham for dinner or take out, and then do the santa traditions, then wrap presents once the kids are in bed and fall out over it.

We used to spend Christmas eve with family friends, 4 families with similar aged kids. We used to take turns whose house each year and do the same on NYE.

As kids we used to put on our own play or show or concert of Christmas carols we'd been playing on our instruments at school to the grown ups while they got merry 😆

Sometimes the grown ups would do a picture quiz or a general knowledge quiz for us all and we'd pair up with someone not in our family, a bit like a pub quiz I suppose! Always lots to eat, drink and games.

As a teenager, our grown ups continued the traditions while us 'kids' went out to the pub! And then wobbled along to midnight mass 😆

Such fond memories of socialising on Christmas eve 🥰