How is a “normal” Christmas Eve in the UK?

[Sillyquestion123]

for context I’ve been living in the UK for almost 17-18 years (have lost the count!) but I’ve never fully “assimilated” so many things are still somewhat foreign to me. I’m not even a Christian and where I come from the big day is the 24th and the 25th is a complete after thought of just eating left overs and watching TV.

We have a 6yo and a friend of ours invited us for drinks on Christmas Eve. It felt a bit awkward to me because:

a) she knows we celebrate on the 24th
b) we’d be getting our 6yo ready for Santa, etc..

however, she’s never been cultural aware and always points out how much she enjoys our food from a can/jar (no matter how many times I’ve told her it doesn’t resemble anything like I eat and would never even try it) and once made my birthday a celebration around football which I hate.

Anyway, I know I’m being precious, but considering she’s also not British I would have thought she’d be able to pick up these things a lot more easily.

Back to my question…. Would it be expected to go out for drinks on the 24th with a 6yo?

Well I’m confused. Are you and your friend from the same country? Is that Mexican vs Tex Mex food debate relevant to the event they are hosting on Christmas Eve? As she isn’t British, what is that purpose of comparing her plans with ‘normal’ British traditions? Why don’t you simply decide what is right for your family and reply accordingly?

Your friend kindly invited you, if you don’t wish to go it’s simple to politely decline. There is no need for such resentment, you are verging on rude.

She's your friend, not your PA; she doesn't need to memorise your 'preferences'.

I know hers though! I know she goes vegan for Easter and Christmas as that’s part of her denomination.

I also know she only really drinks bubbles and margaritas. She doesn’t like just ready salted crisps. She won’t eat anything with added fat, she won’t take any medicine unless necessary, and she won’t go on a flight longer than 4 hours. She also has zero desire to go to the US.

Our xmas eve is very different to most as its my eldest daughters birthday! We do cinema, lunch, visit to grandparents and 7pm it becomes xmas eve 😀

Not something to boast about

Not something to boast about

I said she doesn't need to; not that knowing friend's idiosyncrasies isn't lovely.

Just thank her and remind her that as your big event is Christmas eve in your country that you already have plans
It's an invitation not a summons, it's OK to decline
24th was my mums birthday. When we were little some of my parents friends would come round for a Chinese and a couple drinks
Now I stay home with my kids, put on new nightwear, order a Chinese and toast my mum in heaven
If we were invited out on the 24th I would decline because of our little tradition

I wouldn’t go out on Xmas Eve (even with a pre-teen/teen) as its not our tradition or my Husbands. Its always been party food (if we’re at my family or his), watching The Snowman, Xmas films, bath and pjs early and the kids being excited for the next day. Last min prep at home too.

I understand perhaps an afternoon pub drink with the family but wouldn’t want to be out properly on Xmas Eve with a child. I’d put the 6 year old first and ask them where they want to be on Xmas Eve and go with that.

Plenty of years when they are past the excitement of Santa to go down the pub on Xmas Eve.

Your DH is British but he doesn't appear to be passing on any understanding of what things are like which is pretty much 'please yourself'. You've been here a while yet seem puzzled by UK traditions, culture etc. Perhaps it's less prescriptive and rigidly traditional here. People may have or attend a social gathering, go down the pub, club, stay in and watch TV, have a take away, go to midnight mass, prepare for the next day or do nothing different.
Your friend isn't British either and you're judging her for being tone deaf? She sounds like she doesn't listen to or value your preferences but that has nothing to do with Xmas Eve invites.

If you’re busy then go and if not then don’t. Lots of people would go to friends or family for a visit or to the pub after dinner on xmas day too so it’s not really a lack of understanding. She’s just doing a nice thing extending an invitation- it’s not a demand! Be a huge number of brits aren’t Christian either myself included. Xmas is a long long way now from the original Christian celebration

I actually feel sorry for your ‘friend’ as you obviously don’t actually like her. She invites you to Christmas drinks which you could say a straightforward no thanks/yes please to. However, you start a thread obviously wanting to slag her off about how thoughtless she is / how she upsets you being culturally insensitive over food and places. I would keep declining invitations and distance yourself then you don’t have to spend any more time with her.

Also you have a 6 year old at school, surely you’ve met British people through that?

Nope! I have one “school-gate” friend but I know her because I used to work with her DH, but she isn’t “proper” British (albeit that’s more of a coincidence, but I also think that’s why we get along).

and with my friend in question we’re always inviting each other to our different cultural (and non cultural ) celebrations. I’ve invited to Seders too for example., so I think inviting each other to everything has sort of become second nature but I thought it would be sort of obvious that because of our 6yo we couldn’t make it to Xmas Eve soirée, but obviously I was mistaken.

Just decline then. No need to make such a song and dance about it and be so catty about your ‘friend’.

You're making far too big a deal out of this. Just say no if it isn't something you want to attend.
She's probably just invited loads of people and will know that some have other plans. It's not an insult, just a friendly invitation.

Going to the pub with the kids in tow on Christmas Eve is a fairly normal British tradition (or least it is in my family/friends) we usually meet about 5 have a few whilst the kids play pool the go home have a quick tea and then do all the Father Christmas bits. It’s great, kids are tired and have seen their cousins and friends and are happy to go to bed.

Good lord no wonder you have no friends in the UK, you sound like far too much work to bother with tbh. Your friend has INVITED you to be inclusive. Just tell her no thank you, why is that so difficult for you? All the pointless over thinking and hand wringing over a Christmas party, unclench fgs.

I’d decline the invite for your friends sake as it really seems that you don’t like her. She kindly invites you over and you act like she’s done something horrible to you and your family. Imagine if she read this.

Culturally we don’t say no. Which is a terrible trait because then people just make a very last minute excuse like “my dog is having a panic attack”.

So I still find it “annoying” to have to say no. It’s naturally awkward for me.

You need to work on saying "no".
Seriously you do.
You are lucky to not have to be at work on Christmas Eve (which is the norm in my circle of people) - you'd have to say "no" then.

But that's a 'you' problem. Don't blame your friend because you can't say no.

In the U.K. it is common to see friends on Christmas Eve. Usually in the pub or at the local church service. Or both.

it is also normal to be required to work. However a good employer (not retail or hospitality) will send everyone home at lunchtime.

Since I’ve had kids I take the day off work. Cook a ham, Bake mince pies, Christmas cookies and make sausage rolls in the morning.

must walk the dog at some point.

in the afternoon I will double check we have enough food / gifts / wrapping paper / tape for the following day. In case an emergency shopping trip is required. Hopefully not!!

then at 4pm it is the crib service at the church near our old house. Meet friends there. Then go to the pub. Drinks. Sausage and mash.

then back home to put out the stockings, get updates from NORAD on Father Christmas progress around the world and put out a mince pies, carrot and glass of brandy for Father Christmas and Rudolph.

I will then watch a Christmas movie - love actually or the holiday - whilst putting gifts under the tree and into stockings. If I have been welll prepared I will be in bed by 1am. If not it might be 3am - will be hastily wrapping!!!!!

You are coming across as very hard work.
Just say 'thanks for the kind invitation but sorry we can't make it /will be in the thick of Christmas preparations, looking forward to seeing you NYE'

I know I am! But I also know that being autistic I find society at large (and human relationships) terrifying fascinating, and puzzling at the same time.