How is a “normal” Christmas Eve in the UK?

[Sillyquestion123]

for context I’ve been living in the UK for almost 17-18 years (have lost the count!) but I’ve never fully “assimilated” so many things are still somewhat foreign to me. I’m not even a Christian and where I come from the big day is the 24th and the 25th is a complete after thought of just eating left overs and watching TV.

We have a 6yo and a friend of ours invited us for drinks on Christmas Eve. It felt a bit awkward to me because:

a) she knows we celebrate on the 24th
b) we’d be getting our 6yo ready for Santa, etc..

however, she’s never been cultural aware and always points out how much she enjoys our food from a can/jar (no matter how many times I’ve told her it doesn’t resemble anything like I eat and would never even try it) and once made my birthday a celebration around football which I hate.

Anyway, I know I’m being precious, but considering she’s also not British I would have thought she’d be able to pick up these things a lot more easily.

Back to my question…. Would it be expected to go out for drinks on the 24th with a 6yo?

I really do not see the issue here. I know it's a Mumsnet cliché but it's an invitation, not a summons. Just decline politely. You seem determined to take offence.

The onus is on you to decline as the guest if the time is inconvenient for you, not on your host to anticipate every one of your individual traditions.

Yes, normal to have friends over for drinks or go to the pub. Normally I’d spend the morning sorting food for 25th, then a few drinks at ours or a friends, then some of us go to church in the evening or midnight mass. I think that’s a fairly standard British Xmas eve, but don’t feel like you have to accept if you don’t want to, it’s a busy time of year and most people won’t bat an eye if you say you’ve other plans!

Lots of people are working Christmas Eve, or busy preping dinner to take the pressure of on Christmas Day.

While wanting to watch Christmas movies and drink hot chocolate.

Lots of young people will be out clubing until the small hours.

Its very much do what suits you kind of a day.

But you want your friend to remember your entirely made up celebration since you don't celebrate Christmas for understandable religious reasons and Hannukah would have just finished? She's being religiously sensitive, but she cannot organise a party taking every single person's little family rituals into account.
It's presumably an invitation to a drinks party with other people on a day that works for the host...

Traditionally most European countries celebrate Christmas on the 24th. Where as the UK, and some others celebrate on the 25th. Christmas Eve during the day is mainly preparing for the following day, in my house and a quiet family evening. Some people have friends/family over on Christmas Eve, some will go to church or simply stay at home. It's whatever is your tradition and what you'd like to do. If you have plans on Christmas Eve, or simply don't want to go, then say 'thank you for your invitation, but we have other plans, so can't come'.

Also as someone who spent a LOT of time in the US, there are many people who would argue quite vehemently that 'Tex Mex' is indeed their food. It has long colonial roots dating back to the 16th century that you sound very dismissive of.
As an Indian, this is like me saying 'chicken tikka masala is not a real dish.' No its not a dish you would order in India, but it is a dish that exists amongst the diaspora and now has a history spanning decades, and to them it is real, and a part of their cultural heritage. And do you know what? I don't mind ordering it once in a while from a takeaway. I cook a lot, and I like to think I'm a very good cook but I found cooking authenticity wars to be quite tedious.

Now widowed, she’s back in Stockholm, but for many years a Swedish friend was married to a Brit, and living in the U.K. We often spent Christmas together, either at our house or at theirs, so we’d do the Swedish Christmas on the 24th - she’d make the food - and ours on the 25th. No problem.

The only thing I absolutely have to do on Christmas Eve is watch or listen to Carols from King’s, with mulled wine. To me it’s just not a proper Christmas otherwise.

No, you don't have to change your plans for anyone and theres no such thing as 'normal', here in the UK everyone does stuff wildly different. Its often heavy region, culture (even within the UK countries) and class based as to the traditions you grow up with.

I celebrate Christmas day on the 25th but have never gone out drinking on the 24th, the concept seems a bit odd to me if you have young kids (childfree might make more sense). For me I want to be sober and not worn out to set up for the 25th + I want to have the kids up in bed calmly and not all hyped up from a big social party. Then again we are introverts so aren't big gathering social butterflies any time of year.

For us we do xmas eve 'box', the box is new however the tradition is not. It goes back 4 generations (my grandma, my mam, me and now my kids) in our family. I believe Xmas eve tradition originally came from Europe during WW2 because many refugees celebrated on the 24th not the 25th and brought that with them. Books/paper where easily available and not rationed so the tradition started as getting the gift of a book on the 24th.

Some people on mumsnet swear down we (those that do xmas eve) are lying about it and its 'a new american invention' just because they didn't grow up with it and cannot accept other people do things different. I didn't grow up with santa gifts in stockings or sacks (just an orange and nuts 1950s style) or wrapped presents (everything is unwrapped on the sofa and delivered by Santa) or big family gathering (just stayed home) or mass (my mam actively boycotted her catholic upbringing) but I've never doubted others did these things though (we even started doing them for the kids because I love almost all 'traditions').

You just do whatever suits your family.

Mine is really similar to this, but we always went to the same house on Christmas Eve (we rotated New Year though!) and we'd sing carols round the piano. I'd practice for months but there was a much better pianist who sometimes came!

No I wouldn’t have wanted to go out for evening drinks when mine were that young so just say no if it doesn’t work for you, or suggest something at lunchtime/early afternoon instead.

There’s nothing set on Christmas Eve in the UK really. It’s a normal working day so lots of people work, although shops tend to close around 4pm and lots of workplaces let staff finish early (mine do a 2pm finish).
Depending on whether we’re working or not we tend to prepare some food for Christmas Day, go for a walk to tire the kids out, sometimes go to church crib service in the evening, have a nice dinner and then get ready for Santa and watch a Christmas film.
Christmas Eve drinks are fairly common here but it would be more for adults and I would completely understand people with young children not wanting to attend.

You sound quite precious and rude OP.

And why on earth does it matter if it's 'normal'?

She's simply invited your and your child, so do excuse her if your normal celebrations aren't exactly in the forefront of her mind 🙄

Yes and Tex Mex food is the food of tejanos / Texans. It does have its place in this world . I actually like going to Chilli’s. Do I call it Mexican food? Of course I don’t! It’s its own thing.

I don't think it's possible to describe a "normal" Christmas Eve - everyone is different. Surely the bottom line is: if you want to meet her and spend time with her then do so, if you have other family stuff to be doing then postpone the meet up until later when things are less hectic.

Personally I will be doing some food prep, finalizing things for my adult DC to come over for Xmas Day, probably watch a Christmas film with DH and 1 DC in the evening. I wouldn't want to meet friends - but that's just me.

They probably thought it would be nice to invite you to something as you always invite them to Hanukkah.
You can just refuse politely if you have other plans. You don't have to go into a whole load of detail about celebrating in a secular way and having a Santa day. Just say "Thanks for the invite but we have other plans for Christmas Eve. Looking forward to getting together for NYE again."

There is no "normal" Christmas Eve. Everyone is different and you can choose what you would like to do and whether you want to celebrate at all.

The El Paso in a jar sounds a bit annoying but that's the kind of thing you just have to ignore really and make proper Mexican food for her when you invite her round to yours.

Step 1: Go to the shops for last minute bits
Step 2: Go home, spruce up the house, give the kids their Xmas Eve boxes so they can do some arts and crafts.
Step 3: We order Chinese for dinner.
Step 4: Kids are bathed and put in their Xmas pyjamas
Step 5: We read a Christmas story, sprinkle reindeer food on the lawn and put father Christmases magic key to our house outside. Put out the kids sacks, and leave Father Christmas a drink and a cookie (traditionally a tea cake in this house)
Kids go to bed
I crack open a posh bottle of something nice (non alcoholic) and finish up wrapping presents, fill sacks and stockings, sprinkle some glitter on bloody everything..
Then we go to sleep for approximately 3 hours before the kids are up begging to see if Father Christmas came.

You realise she is trying to be nice and inclusive??
Honestly you come across so rude and entitled I am surprised she even bothers.

I have misunderstood and thought you actually do Christmas on 24th.
It's nice to have traditions so kids don't miss out even if they are different religion.

Reading your updates I get why she invited you now.

We kind of do, but it’s all very secular and really geared towards children. We still have the turkey dinner on the 24th and it’s still a sit down meal (we also have crackers because I like them!)

but by like 7 or so we’re already watching a film and getting ready for Santa. We don’t do Christmas presents (we do it during Hanukah for that) but the 6yo does get his toys from Santa. On the 25th we just gather around the presents from Santa and eat turkey sandwiches (and stay in our pj’s) for the next 2-3 days.

I actually don’t find the Mexican food thing as being “nice and inclusive” I find it very irritating as I’ve made it very clear throughout the years that it’s not my thing.

the Xmas Eve thing I get she was being nice, but I was a bit puzzled as I find it a bit of a logistical nightmare with small children

Normal working day for me.

Yeah but it's more of a family tradition rather than cultural as it would be for me on 24th.
Don't take me wrong, it sounds like a lovely tradition nonetheless.
With that in mind I get why she invited you. As pps said it may be as a "repay" for the invitations to Hanukkah parties.

Just to add. As i said previously you can politely decline. You have plans

I think Xmas Eve varies a lot in the UK. I think most people with a 6 year old would spend it with them rather than going out for drinks without them, but it would be quite common to meet your own family or other familes for a early evening Xmas drink and mince pies (or whatever!) and take the 6 year old with you.

I think it is nice that they have included you but it is fine for you to say no as you have your own plans.

Do you actually like her?

Having drinks on Xmas eve is entirely normal, though obviously not mandatory. If you are hosting drinks then inviting a friend along is also entirely normal, wether or not the celebrate in the same way. If your 24th celebration is over by 7pm and the evening just involves watching films and waiting for santa, I wouldn't see this as a reason not to invite you, as to my mind a 6yo can wait for santa anywhere, so I don't think they were been dismissive by inviting you. However if you don't think attending will fit with your plans, that's fine too. As the mumsnet phaes goes, it's an invitation not a summons.

I'm really not understanding the palaver about her enjoying jar sauce, or it's relevance here. Some people like different things. I prefer instant coffee to ground bean 'propper' coffee. Does that take away from other people or cultures that drinking real coffee, no! It's just what I like (and doesn't make me pee every 20 minutes).

Yeah, I totally see what you mean that it falls more under family tradition than anything else