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Original poster

Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

557 replies

Keepoffmyartichokes · 05/11/2025 08:24

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

OP posts:
FlexiSadie · 05/11/2025 08:26

If he's only 40 minutes away he can walk the dog and leave it at home for a few hours.

Screamingabdabz · 05/11/2025 08:28

Not wanting a dog in your home isn’t ’dog hating’. I wish we’d get away from this silly language. You just say ‘sorry bro, we’ve thought about this and it’s just too much to have the dog here. He’s welcome to stay in the garden but not in the house.’

Offleyhoo · 05/11/2025 08:30

So you can just say no as it's your house and he then may not come. What we do in a similar scenario is we take our boy on his lead and he stays on his lead by my side the whole visit. No jumping around or tripping people up then possible. Would that work?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 05/11/2025 08:33

It’s almost 5 hours- 3 hours plus an hour and a half travelling, assuming all goes smoothly, then whatever he needs to do to see his dc. Depends really how much the dog is usually left- that would have been a lot for mine.

I’d say you can’t have the dog inside, but ask how you can shuffle the times to make it easier for him. Maybe the dog can sleep in the car. Maybe you can all go for a walk, depends really how the rest of his day works.

Original poster
Keepoffmyartichokes · 05/11/2025 08:33

We don't want him here at all. If it's cold I don't want a poor dog freezing in the garden. If he brings it to stay on a lead my parents will spend all day asking if we can let him off. My parents think because we don't have pets we hate them. We don't, I love dogs I just dont want one as we like to travel and it wouldn't be fair.

OP posts:
ShesTheAlbatross · 05/11/2025 08:34

Surely he accepts that his dog isn’t welcome everywhere? If it bothers him, he could always host at his house? I imagine he won’t.

And I agree with PP that it’s not “dog hating” to not want a dog in your house.

2chocolateoranges · 05/11/2025 08:35

Your house, your rules.

I wouldn’t have someone’s dog in my house either . He leaves it at home, it’ll manage for a few hours without him or else he stays home with the dog.

Phoenix1Arisen · 05/11/2025 08:38

Then surely your parents host at their own house so it's their floors, furniture and belongings that get damaged, not yours.

Screamingabdabz · 05/11/2025 08:38

Just tell him what you’ve written here then. Say you’ve really thought about it but as much as you love Fido, it’s going to be too much to have the dog and he’ll have to leave him at home. You’ve got no alternative. Just be calm and honest.

rookiemere · 05/11/2025 08:38

The dog could stay in the boot for a couple of hours and he gives it a short walk midway.
Or the dog could stay at home with decent walks at either end.
I wouldn’t want a jumpy dog around with a frail relative either and would frame instructions not to bring it inside around that.

Ydkiml · 05/11/2025 08:38

I dislike dogs and wouldn’t want a dog in our house either for the same reasons . But a lot of dog owners can not fathom how anyone would dislike dogs and not want them in your home as they are ‘no bother’ ….. I wouldnt offer the garden as an option as that’s not fair on the dog . Simply say , sorry name we would love you to make Christmas with us but we can’t have dogs name come with you . Hope you don’t mind and can still make it .

ChikinLikin · 05/11/2025 08:40

Say no to the dog. Stand firm. He can leave the dog at home or sort something else out. I have a dog but I have never once taken him to a non dog house. If he has a dog, he needs to nurture a network of other dog owners who can lend a hand. And he needs to train it so people are happy to help out.

Brefugee · 05/11/2025 08:40

Keepoffmyartichokes · 05/11/2025 08:24

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

you tell him clearly, kindly but firmly that you do not want him to bring his dog. And he is then able to decide if he comes or not.

SeaAndStars · 05/11/2025 08:47

rookiemere · 05/11/2025 08:38

The dog could stay in the boot for a couple of hours and he gives it a short walk midway.
Or the dog could stay at home with decent walks at either end.
I wouldn’t want a jumpy dog around with a frail relative either and would frame instructions not to bring it inside around that.

In the boot?

Do you mean in the back of the car?

I only ask because this summer I was outside a cafe when the police were called to a puppy that was actually shut in the (proper) boot of a car whilst the bloody owner went and had her hair done. She thought she was doing the right thing but the poor dog was distraught and barking its head off.

She came back whilst the police were there and they reported her to the RSPCA.

Pandasarethebest · 05/11/2025 08:52

Just say no.
From experience we said yes (as thought it would just come when a puppy) but now 4 years on comes to everything. To be fair the dog is well behaved and they mainly keep to our rules. Not on furniture or carpeted areas. But as you can probably tell still pisses me off. It was a covid puppy so although trained has severe anxiety when left a second.

Ineedanewsofa · 05/11/2025 08:52

I’m assuming he hasn’t crate trained the dog? If he has he should offer to bring the crate to set up in a quiet place so the dog can chill there and anyone who wants to see the dog can take it out in the garden.
You can absolutely refuse to have the dog in your house however, it’s your house!

Brefugee · 05/11/2025 08:57

nah, i'm like OP. Dogs are fine anywhere but in my house or in my car. They smell like dog and leave dog smell everywhere they go.

OP should just calmly explain that the dog is not welcome, sorry, and if brother doesn't want to come on that day because of it, make an alternative arrangement to see him over christmas.

No fuss. No drama. All boundaries.

PoliteSquid · 05/11/2025 08:59

Definitely say no!
My sibling doesn’t like our dog being in their house so we don’t take him. Only gets awkward when siblings wife begs us to bring the dog!!! Our dog is fine to be left at home, but a bouncy and overexcited wrecking ball in a busy environment like a family dinner - much better and calmer for everyone concerned if he’s not there.

luckylavender · 05/11/2025 09:00

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 05/11/2025 08:33

It’s almost 5 hours- 3 hours plus an hour and a half travelling, assuming all goes smoothly, then whatever he needs to do to see his dc. Depends really how much the dog is usually left- that would have been a lot for mine.

I’d say you can’t have the dog inside, but ask how you can shuffle the times to make it easier for him. Maybe the dog can sleep in the car. Maybe you can all go for a walk, depends really how the rest of his day works.

Usual drop everything for the dog mantra

Periperi2025 · 05/11/2025 09:00

It's always okay to decline a dog visiting your house, but it is equally okay as a dog owner to decline an invite based on not wanting to leave the dog. Nobody should be offended by either if these decisions.

When my dog was young leaving him for 4-5 hours didn't work as he would destroy things and was clearly distressed, and it took a good while to build up to this length of time.

He's now older and will happily stay at home for 10 hours on his own with absolutely no signs of distress (rather than go to the lovely home boarder with 7 acres and a dedicated dog living room complete with sofa and log burner).

AngelinaFibres · 05/11/2025 09:01

Keepoffmyartichokes · 05/11/2025 08:33

We don't want him here at all. If it's cold I don't want a poor dog freezing in the garden. If he brings it to stay on a lead my parents will spend all day asking if we can let him off. My parents think because we don't have pets we hate them. We don't, I love dogs I just dont want one as we like to travel and it wouldn't be fair.

Both my adult children have dogs. They do not bring them to our house, we do not dog sit at anytime . The dogs are their choice and stay in their homes/ kennels. We said at the start that we are a dog free house. They have cameras on their dog crates and check on their phones regularly. They can talk to the dog through the camera. Three / four hours has never caused a problem. Be firm with your boundaries .

rookiemere · 05/11/2025 09:01

SeaAndStars · 05/11/2025 08:47

In the boot?

Do you mean in the back of the car?

I only ask because this summer I was outside a cafe when the police were called to a puppy that was actually shut in the (proper) boot of a car whilst the bloody owner went and had her hair done. She thought she was doing the right thing but the poor dog was distraught and barking its head off.

She came back whilst the police were there and they reported her to the RSPCA.

Edited
Show quote history

I meant an open style boot not a shut one of course Smile. Our dog is quite happy to stay in the car for a couple of hours if well walked before on the rare occasion we cannot bring him in to something.

CautiousLurker2 · 05/11/2025 09:02

We have 2 dogs, so I say this as a besotted and doting owner. It is totally okay for your brother to leave the pooch alone for 4.5 hours. I’d never take my dogs to someone else's home - they are a bit nervous as a breed and would find being in an unfamiliar place with a lot of humans very overstimulating.

Perhaps you could buy him one of those pet cameras for Christmas that he could use going forward?

PhuckTrump · 05/11/2025 09:02

Nope. This is part of being a pet owner. He can

  • board the dog
  • leave the festivities early
  • host the family himself
  • decline your invitation

As a guest, he doesn’t get a vote on your house rules. He gets to choose from the options above. If you cave, this will be the expectation every year going forward, and would also include any others who adopt dogs in the future.
Hold your boundaries.

Zempy · 05/11/2025 09:02

He’s being very selfish. I am a total dog lover, but I know that most dogs would much prefer a few hours at home to being taken to a chaotic house full of people.

Stick to your guns. He’s being ridiculous.

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