Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

[Keepoffmyartichokes]

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

Good, I’m glad she was reported. Anyone that selfish and stupid to shut a dog in a boot like that should be banned from ever having pets.

Can he bring a cage?

It is awkward, but you are not being unreasonable. I would feel the same. For me, I would say something like

"I've been thinking about Christmas day, and thought I better mention we can't have dog at ours so you have time to plan around, hope you can still make it. If not we could pop over to yours over the festive period"

Think offering to visit him shows you are happy to see the dog just not at your house. Also gives the option of come without dog, or catch up another time hopefully closing down any chat on how to bring the dog.

Ask how you can shuffle the times of Christmas Day for two whole families to make it easier for… a dog you don’t want to come anyway.

I am a dog owner but this is insane.

Dogs can’t go everywhere.

I agree with this. I have had someone for Christmas before that has done this and it worked well. Your brother can make sure it is cosy with blankets even a hot water bottle etc if needed and can keep going out to take it for short walks. I also love dogs but am not keen on them in my house

It’s fine to say no but equally don’t be surprised if he then declines the invite but if he does then everyone is happy.

I would just tell him what you’ve said here. We have dogs and adore them but they certainly don’t come everywhere with us and nor should they.

Be firm OP, its your home! The dog can sit in the porch or the car with a warm blanket and a drink, and a quick walkies or treat every hour.

I think what you are a really asking is how do I tell him I’m a way that he won’t be mad at me or make me feel I’ve done something wrong. Well you can’t as you aren’t responsible for his emotions and feelings only your own. You can’t manage him or how he reacts. He will react how he wants and that could be anything from saying ok no problem to screaming at you. So you just need to tell him, not flounder not fluff it up not apologise just tell him.

I may be off the mark but your post is screaming people pleaser/hate confrontation/ too invested in what others think.

Your house your rules. Some dogs are okay to be left, others aren’t.

I would never leave my dog on Christmas Day, he is part of our family and it would make me sad. However, I would totally respect anyone who didn’t want a dog in their house and just decline the invite.

My sibling doesn’t welcome dogs, no problem, we just don’t stay there!

The dog should be fine at home for that amount of time. Decent walk, access to water and a comfy bed: job done.

My dog is my absolute baby and I’d be fine with that. I think Christmas can be too full on for many dogs and downtime is no bad thing.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable to say he can't bring the dog. I'm an animal lover and have a dog but would not be having someone else's dog come over for christmas. How does he manage with work etc, surely if he gives the dog a decent walk before he comes it'll be fine for 4 hours? But anyway what he does with the dog is not your problem, you're hosting a houseful for christmas and worrying about what your brother does with his dog is not your problem. You do need to be firm and make it clear the dog cannot come because once you allow it once it'll be every year!

My SIL has a friend who recently got a dog. The dog is her baybeeee and goes everywhere with them and apparently couldn't be left anywhere ever. They all wanted to go to a local restaurant with fabulous reviews. They arrived( with the dog) and the restaurant said no, absolutely not, no dogs. They really wanted to go to the restaurant so the dog went back to their house and was, miraculously, absolutely fine for several hours. If your brother wants to see you he will make appropriate arrangements. If he doesn't then he can stay at home. Not your problem.

Just say you don't want him to bring the dog, he will either be ok with it or not, it is fine to not want someone's pet in your house.

People and their dogs have got beyond ridiculous. The dog can go into boarding/kennel over Christmas if he wants to participate fully, or it can be left at home. Thankfully dogs have no concept of Christmas so they don’t know they are being “left out”.

I would suggest the car thing someone else did but in my experience it’s inviting people to push your boundaries - “oh but would it he okay to bring him in for 5 minutes so he can warm up?” Or whatever.

God I hate dogs

I adore trained and socialised dogs in appropriate situations but my partner doesn’t cope well around them so we very early on had to tell my relative that she couldn’t bring her two large puppies with her at Xmas.

She was massively offended ‘they’re part of the family’ type stuff ensued.
As a result she ended up hosting our parents at hers for about 10 years then complaining about it. We have stuck to our guns. Don’t mind the odd well behaved dog on the odd day but not in a house full of people when there’s loads of food about as my sitting room and kitchen are all in one. It’s not fair on the dog or anyone else.

just say no - his dog, he will have to deal with it. Don’t worry about offending him, that’s his problem. Sensible dog people readily accept they can’t take their pets everywhere and arrange things accordingly.

he may vote with his feet. That’s up to him.

Ah op you have opened up a can of worms the dog owners are ridiculous crowd have come out.

I've had 2 dogs in the past and never assumed I could take them to other people's houses as I know some people don't want your dogs in their house.

If it's a case of just leaving for about 4 hours, my dogs would have been fine to have been left on their own for that amount of time.

If it's longer your brother may have to find someone to board them (not easy at Christmas) or change his plans so he comes to you for a shorter amount of time or doesn't come at all.

We had some friends to stay who brought their dog with them ... the dog they had previously also used to come and was lovely, well trained, clean. This one smelt to high heaven, the whole house stunk and he jumped on furniture, put his big feet up on the kitchen work surfaces.

I love dogs but I won't be allowing him back here.

Closely matched by the ' my dog is my baybeeee and you must accept it bloody everywhere'.

We're going to a huge funeral tomorrow. I am fully expecting my SILs friend to bring her dog to the crem.

By all means say no (absolutely your prerogative, your house), however accept that the likely response is that your DB and your DPs will make other plans, as likely your DB won't be able to attend without the dog, and your parents won't want him excluded/alone for Christmas.

Good grief… He’s coming for a meal, not a two week holiday. I’m sick of dickheads creating anxious dogs by not training them properly or allowing them to feel comfortable and relaxed in their own space.

As likely your DB won't want to attend without the dog.

I am a dog person, we had 4 German Shepherds. We never took them to families homes.

YANBU OP as your brother is only 40 minutes away he can pop home to walk the dog anytime during the day.

Just no, sorry that doesn't work for me.

it may or it may not be "totally ok" to leave a dog. I have had dogs who could be left and dogs who definitely could not even after making massive efforts to deal with their separation anxiety. If you haven't experienced living with a dog who cannot be left then please don't comment as though all dogs are the same. OK that's my public service message.

OP as someone who owned dogs for most of my adult life, its a choice thing. You are entitled to say "no dogs in my house" for whatever reason and the dog owner is entitled to say "in that case I won't come" Neither view trumps the other.