Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

[Keepoffmyartichokes]

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

He's excluding himself by prioritising his dog over humans - that's his choice, but it's not his sister's problem to solve.

again pease do not generalise. Some dogs are fine with things which other dogs can't tolerate and can't learn to tolerate

We leave our dogs in the back of the car. They have beds there, and are perfectly happy in them.

Added: in summer we put their leads on so they can't jump out and open up the boot. Obviously this isn't necessary in winter or during the evening/night.

id avoid repeatedly saying you love dogs as you really don’t

Surely nobody would put their dog in a car boot?

I assumed there was a mistake around the terminology here and people were talking about the hatchback rear area of a car. Not an actual car boot, like in a saloon car?

Or have I misunderstood and people actually do that?

Why do you think that? I can love dogs but not have one or want one in my house in an already busy chaotic atmosphere.
Sorry this was meant to quote @Lalalol

I’ve grown up with lots of dogs in the family and we never took any of them to anyone else’s house. Ever. It’s completely fine to say “sorry DB, we are not really set up to host dogs here but we hope he’ll be okay to be left at home for a few hours while we see you at Christmas”

How do you know what OP loves or doesn't?

No need to be kind or give any reasons, just say no dog .

To be fair there are many types of animals I love yet wouldn’t want in my house !

Agree with pp = no explanation needed - just a general no dogs in the house that's it. I have a friend trying to push me to have her dog here. I have a nervous cat - it's just a no. But she keeps say it will be fine etc etc. And I just say no. NY will be the next saga. And it will still be no.

I must be horrible as I wouldn't have a moment's hesitation in just saying "no. We don't have dogs in this house".

I don't see why an adult who has made a choice to become responsible for a dog would assume that others have to accept the dog being part of their lives. They got a dog knowing the demands of responsible pet ownership, they will have to accept that might mean some limitations to their lifestyle accordingly. If they can't accept that why would they get a dog at all?

I agree. I think people mean a hatch where the rear space in the car can be connected to the body of the car. There was a post on FB today about a woman putting her dog in an ACTUAL boot and the RSPCA prosecuting her for doing it. While I think ranting is never the answer, if the woman genuinely believed that the dog was going to be shut in an actual boot, I can see why she intervened.

Tell him he's very welcome and it's a no-dogs day, so if he'd rather not leave the dog and decides to say no you'll understand and hope to see him soon.

Be careful about giving reasons (MIL is frail) because he'll come up with solutions (I'll just keep him on a lead).

When the actual issue is you don't want a dog in your home, which is absolutely fine and your choice.

You’ve not even attempted to talk to him yet. Just say you’d rather the dog didn’t come. That’s not confrontation, that’s just a conversation with your brother.

My dog can’t be left alone (he howls which isn’t fair on neighbours. We’re in the process of training but due to his previous life it’s taking longer than hoped). Lucky for me most of my friends and family are accommodating but if they weren’t I’d make other plans. No drama.

And that's why I said she's fine to not invite the dog should she wish🤷‍♀️

I think the not seeing nieces or grandchildren is a bit of a personal choice though. You say it's no big deal- whereas my mother told me when my SIL gave birth to her first grandchild was that the grandchild was the only thing that matters in her life now and is her number one priority. (An extreme example, but one nonetheless) You also see so many posts on here about families rowing about turns and Christmas and who should see who- I don't think you can just pretend it isn't a thing.

If your brother only stays at your house for around 3 hours then it’s really not a problem for him to leave the dog home alone for that length of time. He can get up and give it a really long walk before he sets out for yours. Loads of families have to do similar on Christmas Day.

But the brother is excluding himself. He has the option of not bringing the dog. If he chooses to prioritise the dog over his family then that’s his problem and the OP has the right to feel offended by that (I would)

If it were me and my dog, we would come and the dog would stay in the car with a heated throw. I would pop out every couple of hours to walk and feed him, and others would be welcome but not required to join us. My dog should not be other people’s problem.

I would ask if he could come, btw, but ‘no’ is always an acceptable answer.

This is actually the bit that winds me up the most. He has asked if it can come, probably knowing full well you would rather it didn’t, in the hopes that you will say yes and trying to make you the bad guy for saying no. Just don’t ask and don’t bring it unless it is volunteered. This is surely a new phenomenon - I don’t remember a single social situation until about 5 years ago where someone asked if they could bring a flipping dog.

You sound extremely reasonable and measured - if all dog owners were like you there wouldn’t be a problem!

Just tell him straight no dog,for all the reasons you've mentioned, being straight to the point is best & say it asap so he can make his mind up or make other arrangements. He might decide not to come then or maybe pop in for a shorter time, but that's up to him isn't it he's an adult.
I know I wouldn't leave my dog on his own, but I'm a big sap and hate leaving him alone, that's on me.

honestly another one generalising! Some dogs can be left, some cannot. I agree that this is not the OP's problem but please don't just dismiss the issue.

Our dog was perfectly happy at home with the radio for 5 or 6 hours. Good, long walk before we went, another when we got back and classic FM left on.

You’re only guessing that the brother has asked ‘probably’ knowing the op wouldn’t like it. We’ve no idea what his reaction to a no would be as the OP hasn’t responded. Asking your sibling if your dog is allowed in their house shouldn’t be a problem, surely?