Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

[Keepoffmyartichokes]

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

"just say no - his dog, he will have to deal with it. Don’t worry about offending him, that’s his problem. Sensible dog people readily accept they can’t take their pets everywhere and arrange things accordingly"

Absolutely this. We have a dog, and several things have been compromised. We can never stay at my mums for Christmas as she is in a large flat and pets are not allowed in the block. We probably wouldn't ' board' the dog at Christmas or put him in kennels either; the demand for dog boarders far outstrips the availability of them anyway and very few take dogs over Christmas.

To that end you just live with your decision to be a dog owner, and accept that some things are not feasible. Holidays and Christmas are normally the key times.

I hate all this ' Can't you just...' advice as well. This not the OP's problem to solve. No dogs in the house, in the back garden barking or shut in a freezing car outside. It's not difficult. If the dog can't be left for a few hours then the brother doesn't come. That's the burden of having a dog.

It's absolutely not, my parents will come to ours regardless as they see my brother in the morning before they come to me. They live around the corner from each other.

Id rather have the dog then the brother!!LOL😃

But having said that and as a dog lover Id say leave the dog home. Unless it has severe separation anxiety then a family holiday is going to be a stressful event to throw a dog in to. There is alot going on and it really isnt fair on the dog to expect it to stay calm at such a time.
Not to mention the risk of eating something it shouldnt (alot of christmas food is toxic to dogs).

Just say you want the dog to stay home for its own welfare as you couldnt live with yourself if something happened to it.🙄😆
Brother can just cut his visit short, surely?

It's Christmas OP which is about being with family.
Dogs don't automatically damage flooring and furniture, we have Karnden flooring and our dog has never damaged it or any of our furniture.
How about your house, your rules which can mean no to the dog, or the dog comes with certain conditions.
If the dog has had a good walk he would probably be happy to snuggle up on a throw on the sofa next to someone and just cuddle.
You could all take the dog out for a walk pm and it could be fun.
The Christmas chaos is the best in my opinion and it is about finding ways to include family not exclude them (in my opinion).
Imagine if this was your last Christmas together as a family (not wanting to catastrophise but one year it will be as I know from experience). Would you look back and regret not letting your brother bring the dog?

I wouldn’t mind at all if you told me that you didn’t want my dog to come to your home. However, I would probably decline the invitation.

I wouldn't want a random dog smelling a throw on my sofa. Yuck.

That's what sensible folk do. 👍

So the dog and the brother, but at separate times?
Or do you mean than instead of then?

I have a dog and I love dogs. However it's fine to say you don't want one in the house. It's also fine for him to decline coming over. He may want to have his dog with him and not to leave it alone for 5 hours - doesn't make it a spoilt dog it just is what it is.
It probably will sound odd to him though that you say you love dogs but don't want it there... must be pretty badly trained!

I don't have a dog, but I don't understand the issue. A dog can surely stay in the comfort of its own home with no external stresses/mad workarounds for a few hours? Walked first thing, food and water left, owner returns and walks it again as required/desired? Does your brother never leave the dog?

Do dog owners never think of the consequences of getting a dog?
Going on holiday, having to go back to work from the office, losing their job and then having to work from an office, people with dog allergies, etc. etc.
Not everyone wants a dog in their home?
Do these same people find it acceptable for other pet owners to bring them into their home?
For example would the brother be fine with the op taking her cats to his house and letting them roam about. Or do the rules not apply to them?

Obviously leaving a dog in the car boot in the summer is wrong.
Winter time it's fine. Warm, secure, familiar. The dog will just sleep. Our dog preferred going everywhere with us and waiting in the car, hated being left at home.
Bonus points if everyone takes the dog for a nice walk mid way through the day.

It's not odd at all, I love dogs but have no desire to have someone else's in my home, sitting on my furniture and jumping all over my guests. It would seriously stress me out if I had someone's dog coming to my house on Christmas day.
Also a 40 minute drive is not that far, he could surely even come for an hour if he's that worried out leaving the dog.

Bet the dogs love that 'snell of corpse' aroma. They'll absolutely be able to smell it. Nom nom

Tell your brother that if he wants to be with his dog then you are quite happy to go to his when your parents are there and what time will he be serving dinner? I'll bet a kidney that he'll say the dog is fine to be left on it's own and he'll come to yours then.

I think 4 hours is a good guideline but you get to know your own dog and some can be left a bit longer as long as they have been fed, exercised and have water.

Good luck telling your brother @Keepoffmyartichokes

You don't have to tolerate a dog your family don't want just because he hasn't bothered to train his dog to understand being left alone is part of life. May be a bit late for him to start the training now, it's best done when they are puppies really. He has created a problem for himself but it isn't for you to fix.

I know that but just to reduce drama and increase family harmony sometimes we have to be easier going! If it was a Rottweiler then I would understand. Give it some good, a bone, and just go with it.

OP has made her decision, and she's not being remotely unreasonable. Our home is also 100% dog free, no matter who you are or how cute your dog is.

He leaves it and stays just a few hours
Would you allow if he brings a crate for it (if he has one )
I am a dog lover, but know not everyone is PLUS my dog was a well mannered one !
You are NOT a dog hater !

Fair enough!

So really, your whole family are happy to exclude your brother from Christmas dinner? That's awful. Surely the correct thing to do is select a venue where everyone can attend? If you don't want a dog in your house (fine, your choice) then your house is not a suitable venue for a whole family gathering, unless you are unkind enough to want to deliberately exclude your DB.

@Keepoffmyartichokes you just say the dog isn't invited and maybe he should leave it alone for short periods until it gets used to it leading up to xmas You don't have to have unwanted animals in your house ever.

sorry but you are wrong. I can't have dogs now because I can't walk them but the last two dogs I had were fine being left at home, were raised from puppies to be fine with it until one day they were not. I think, but have no evidence, that neighbours (not next door) at the time would come over and peer through the window and do other things to wind the dogs up so they could complain to the council about me. I did put in webcams to monitor the dogs and the windows but by then it was too late. Sadly I tried everything possible to get them happy to be left again but nothing worked and for the final 6 years of their lives they could not be left. I fully accepted that it was my problem to deal with but if you have never experienced a dog with serious SA then please don't judge.

I agree @middleagedandinaragehe could just visit for less time. That seems the most sensible option.
However it's not inevitable that a dog jumps all over furniture and guests - it's why I was speculating that it must be badly trained.

I am not unkind at all and there is no one else with a house big enough to have all the family around. I am not deliberately excluding anyone, he has asked if the dog is allowed and I have asked for advise on the best way to say not and also to check that I am not being completely unreasonable in not wanting the dog there. My son doesn't want the dog here either as it's jumpy and he's not a fan, should he be anxious in his own house on Xmas day.