Don't want my brother's dog at Christmas

[Keepoffmyartichokes]

Every year we host Christmas for both families, it's always a lovely day but a bit chaotic. This year my brother who has to travel about 40 minutes but due to sharing custody of his children only stays about 3 hours wants to bring his cockapoo. We don't want the dog in our house, we don't have pets, we have nice flooring we don't want scratching, nice furniture that we don't want to dog jumping on. It's a spoiled dog and not very well trained. My DS who is 13 said he doesn't want it there as it's jumpy and he's not keen. My MIL has had a knee replacement this year and is a bit unsteady still and I think it will cause stress for her as a trip hazard. But how do I tell my brother kindly without coming across as a dog hater.

Perfectly fine to say no especially if your MIL is frail. Your parents can hardly object to that. Tell him now so he can make arrangements between dog and kids and he can always come back to you to ask if timings can be tweaked slightly eg: I can't make starters but is it ok if I turn up by 2 or whatever.

Perfectly fine to say no especially if your MIL is frail. Your parents can hardly object to that. Tell him now so he can make arrangements between dog and kids and he can always come back to you to ask if timings can be tweaked slightly eg: I can't make starters but is it ok if I turn up by 2 or whatever.

Perfectly fine to say no especially if your MIL is frail. Your parents can hardly object to that. Tell him now so he can make arrangements between dog and kids and he can always come back to you to ask if timings can be tweaked slightly eg: I can't make starters but is it ok if I turn up by 2 or whatever.

It is your house, it's not unreasonable at all to say don't bring the dog.

Plus, your MIL is recovering from a knee operation and doesn't need the stress of worrying if she will be jumped on or tripped over.

Ah it’s only a dog , it’ll be no bother! Probably be the star of the show! If it scratches up your furniture, can’t you just buy more? @Keepoffmyartichokes

This, a crate could be a solution. I wouldn't want to leave the dog at home for that length of time, nor leave it in the car as it could be dog napped. He can have the crate set up in a quiet room so the dog can go there to sleep after a walk before you have your dinner.

Just tell him that he's invited but the dog isn't, your house, your rules. It's up to him how he proceeds. I don't hate dogs but I don't want a dog in my house either.

Why can't it stay in the car and be taken for a short walk half way through the visit. I dont blame you for not wanting a dog in the house.

I have two dogs, but I wouldn't assume they were welcome in someone else's home. I would go to lot of family 'doos' and I never took the dogs as my dogs aren't someone else's problem. I just took them on a long walk before setting off, gave them a mini 'dinner' to keep them full .... and went to the party. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay as long, but thats OK, its only once in a blue moon.

My dad asked me if he could bring his dog round to my house. I didn't want a dog in my house, so I said no. I was also worried about all the things you listed. He said that he wouldn't be able to stay v long then and I said that's fine. No one kicked off, perhaps my dads wife was a bit pissed off, but she got over it.

Stay firm. If you don't have a dog, it's fair to not want the dog and its smell in your home.

Just to add - if the dog really can’t cope happily alone he needs to look into getting a behaviourist to help with separation anxiety. Tell him to check his pet insurance because he might be covered for at least some sessions. There are also books/FB groups on the subject. If the dog gets that stressed then he shouldn’t leave it but if he cracks on now it might be fine to be left next Christmas 🤞

So you think they'll choose a dog over their grandchild?

Use your MIL as an excuse, if you feel awkward about this.

He could leave the dog for up to about 4 hours. If it’s for longer, I’d take the dog in the car, leave him in there and take him out hourly for a leg stretch (having trialled this sort of action beforehand to settle him into it). Presumably you can’t complain if the dog is on your driveway, not the house..? Nothing for you to worry about, it’s his dog..

I think they would choose to spend the day with their single adult child who would otherwise be alone for Christmas over their happily married child who will surrounded by family at Christmas, yes. What parent wouldn't?

Me, I wouldn't. I'd go where we were all invited and accept that the brother has excluded himself.

I love dogs and we have 3 but I’m very reluctant to take them into someone else’s house or a shop for that matter. I would always worry that one of them might wee or do something else out of character as they’re in a different environment. I do not understand why people these days want to take their dogs everywhere.

Just let the dog come. It’s not going ruin your floors and it’s only a cockerpoo which are charming and friendly dogs.

I think it's ok using your MIL's frailty as an excuse and explaining his dog's not under control enough for you if you need to. Maybe, if you live in a very safe space ie have a huge drive, he can leave the dog in the car; maybe he won't come; maybe he and your parents will want to do something different next year, but if you're ok with those things just tell him.

She's already stated clearly to us that she doesn't want a dog in her home, she's looking how to diplomatically tell her brother, not for opinions regarding her choice. All dogs make houses stink, the owners are just noseblind.

I think you are a bit mean tbh, he's only going to be there for 3 hours and all your 'worst case scenarios' probably won't come true. Exclude your brother fine but prepare for resentments

Does he have or can he borrow a dog crate? Though I agree, it should be ok at home; unless it has separation anxiety.

It's not mean to set boundaries, hth.

But you're not all invited, as OP is adding conditions where her DB would have to abuse/distress his pet to attend. Its not an option. He cannot attend if it means leaving his pet in distress.

They are all invited, the brother has just decided to impose extra conditions on his invite. If a dog cannot be left for a few hours then there are issues which need to be addressed.