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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Acceptable amount for gifts? £

140 replies

Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 04:13

DSis currently has the cold shoulder with me. She has 5 kids.

I don't work, due to disability. DH has a good job, but aside from a small amount of benefits from me, we rely almost exclusively on his salary and we live in the south east commuter belt.

Desperately saving to get on property ladder. Council can't help because DH earns too much. Really limited where we rent as has to be wheelchair accessible and fit a hoist, medical bed etc. and meet OT approval for that.

Luckily 3 years ago we moved into the perfect flat with amazing landlord who has gone literally above and beyond to help me. Never complained when I asked to have adjustments etc. Never minded when he had to pay for urgent work etc.

Our rent went up 21% per month. It's still a good price for what we have. And round here, I cannot find any other landlords willing to take us on, or have a suitable property.

So, to the question. We've never had a budget for niece and nephews. This year, looking at finances, squeezing every last penny and only buying for the 5 kids, DSis, BIL, my mum and two VERY close friends, we have budgeted gifts as follows:

Kids, £20 each.
DSis and BIL: £25 each.
Mum: £15 (the specific item she had her eye on for ages was this much. But she didn't want to buy something frivolous for herself.)
Friends £25 each. This includes posting as neither are local.

Oh and DH and I have a budget of £15 on each other.

No gifts for DH family due to NC.

DSis went nuts today because I said we couldn't afford to go over budget and she said I'm being cheap.

Is £20 really too little? Am I being unfair or unreasonable? Each child has 1 small gift of something I know they want.

Honestly Christmas is stressful enough!

Until last year, we spent about £60 on each person. We simply can't afford to this year.

Hell, we have to choose whether to put the heating on now!

My mum also said I need to spend more on each child.

OP posts:
Merrow · 15/11/2023 04:16

No, it's not too little. Your family is being ridiculous and greedy.

39and · 15/11/2023 04:19

£60 is way too much! How old are the kids? I'd say £5-£10 if they're young. Vouchers would also do. Ask adult family not to buy for you and don't buy for them. That's what we always do. They will moan but ignore them.

39and · 15/11/2023 04:20

They are being greedy!

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 04:20

@Merrow thank you so much.

Honestly I'm feeling totally crap about this.

I should have mentioned that in dec and January 3 of the kids have birthdays, so our budget also has to stretch there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 04:24

39and · 15/11/2023 04:19

£60 is way too much! How old are the kids? I'd say £5-£10 if they're young. Vouchers would also do. Ask adult family not to buy for you and don't buy for them. That's what we always do. They will moan but ignore them.

The kids are as follows:

12 boy
8 boy
6 boy
Twin girl and boy, 2

I really, really, really want to buy my mum a gift because she has been so supportive of us this year. My health is bad and almost every other weekend she visits.

OP posts:
Lizzieregina · 15/11/2023 04:24

£25 is loads for kids and there shouldn’t be any gifts for adults except a little something for your mum.

I can’t believe people who make demands of other people’s money.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 04:25

Also I'm really not keen on vouchers as DSis has used them for herself in the past and not the kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 04:30

I need to add, I'm also expected to buy gifts for the dog and cat.

I won't. I won't even buy gifts for my own animals. They don't know what Christmas means! Hell, my boy thinks Christmas is when he gets the stalk of a broccoli every week!

OP posts:
justanothermanicmonday1 · 15/11/2023 04:47

Personally, I wouldn't be buying for any adult apart from your DH.

Children only.

Me and my sister have a £10 budget each on our children. They get enough already.

andyourpointiswhat · 15/11/2023 04:48

Your sister is a bitch, presumably she knows your circumstances and I can’t believe she wants you to go short so her kids can have bigger presents! I would be tempted to now hand them a selection box each tbh.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 05:17

andyourpointiswhat · 15/11/2023 04:48

Your sister is a bitch, presumably she knows your circumstances and I can’t believe she wants you to go short so her kids can have bigger presents! I would be tempted to now hand them a selection box each tbh.

She doesn't believe money is this tight. Because we've only started penny counting in the last 18 months.

She thinks I'm being overly dramatic.

Before that, we were careful but thought nothing of helping her out.

I honestly didn't think we'd be this tight. Back then we still saved a lot each month

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 15/11/2023 05:25

@Spencer0220 I’d cut out individual gifts for your sister’s family and just do a family gift of about £50. That could be a board game, a food basket/hamper, cinema tickets or what have you. That would drop your spend on her family down to £50 from £150. Keep that extra £100 in savings to spend on heat or a general buffer. Definitely give your mum a gift!

stayathomer · 15/11/2023 05:27

your Dsis is being ridiculous!! We always just got them selection boxes or a small Lego set or some colouring stuff from the pound shop or one thing in the deals section of smyths (two for ten) with a selection box or an annual or something. There’s so many of them! Op argue that one, tell your dsis it’s not about the cost!

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 05:29

@JingsMahBucket I suggested that, but it's "not allowed" in her book.

Only preselected gifts will be accepted. I told her I found some things the 6 year old wanted and she went mad because they were the cheap toys sitting in her basket waiting for purchase!

I did not know this

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 05:32

Also, my mum really wants a pair of silicone oven gloves. From me because I bought her first set years ago.

DSis thinks this is a terrible gift. My mum would love it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 05:33

JingsMahBucket · 15/11/2023 05:25

@Spencer0220 I’d cut out individual gifts for your sister’s family and just do a family gift of about £50. That could be a board game, a food basket/hamper, cinema tickets or what have you. That would drop your spend on her family down to £50 from £150. Keep that extra £100 in savings to spend on heat or a general buffer. Definitely give your mum a gift!

Edited

Also I'll remember this for next year. Thank you

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 15/11/2023 05:38

Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 05:29

@JingsMahBucket I suggested that, but it's "not allowed" in her book.

Only preselected gifts will be accepted. I told her I found some things the 6 year old wanted and she went mad because they were the cheap toys sitting in her basket waiting for purchase!

I did not know this

@Spencer0220 it doesn’t matter that “it’s not allowed”. You don’t need her permission. You can give her family whatever you want and she can just deal with it. Please don’t overextend yourself for someone who doesn’t appreciate you 💐

HewasH2O · 15/11/2023 05:40

It's very simple. If your sister wants you to spend more on her children you can take the budget for her and your BiL and add an extra £10 to each child. Sadly people often forget that their choice to have a growing family doesn't entitle them to an automatic larger budget as a family each year.

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 05:41

@JingsMahBucket I needed to hear this. Thank you.

OP posts:
HewasH2O · 15/11/2023 05:42

It could be worse. There was a thread a couple of years ago where someone nsisted that all family presents to their children were designated as coming from Santa, so they didn't even get thanks.

JingsMahBucket · 15/11/2023 05:45

@Spencer0220 you're so very welcome. As the saying goes, “Don’t light yourself on fire to keep another person warm.” Money is tight for you, it’s a funky economy, and government benefits are becoming harder to access. Please save and protect yourself and your husband. Take care of yourselves. ☺️

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 05:49

@JingsMahBucket don't I know it.

Unrelated, but the council will only fund basic needs care right now. So husband works full time and is my only carer.

I think we'd go crazy without my mum! Definitely grateful we have a home, some heating and food

OP posts:
hattie43 · 15/11/2023 06:34

I think your sister is being totally grabby expecting you to buy expensive gifts for her FIVE children when she knows your circumstances. Do not overthink this if you don't have the money you don't have the money , simple .
Buy each child festive pyjamas, a storybook and a little Xmas chocolate character . Job done .
Next year a family gift . Your sister can suck it up

Original poster
Spencer0220 · 15/11/2023 06:41

Thank you @hattie43 Very much appreciated.

I think I'll just come to MN next year for gift ideas and buy those!

OP posts:
chocolateisavegetable · 15/11/2023 06:45

Definitely buy for your Mum, but cut out buying for your sister and BIL. Slightly increase what you spend on the children if you want to but keep at least some of what you save.