Acceptable amount for gifts? £

[Spencer0220]

DSis currently has the cold shoulder with me. She has 5 kids.

I don't work, due to disability. DH has a good job, but aside from a small amount of benefits from me, we rely almost exclusively on his salary and we live in the south east commuter belt.

Desperately saving to get on property ladder. Council can't help because DH earns too much. Really limited where we rent as has to be wheelchair accessible and fit a hoist, medical bed etc. and meet OT approval for that.

Luckily 3 years ago we moved into the perfect flat with amazing landlord who has gone literally above and beyond to help me. Never complained when I asked to have adjustments etc. Never minded when he had to pay for urgent work etc.

Our rent went up 21% per month. It's still a good price for what we have. And round here, I cannot find any other landlords willing to take us on, or have a suitable property.

So, to the question. We've never had a budget for niece and nephews. This year, looking at finances, squeezing every last penny and only buying for the 5 kids, DSis, BIL, my mum and two VERY close friends, we have budgeted gifts as follows:

Kids, £20 each.
DSis and BIL: £25 each.
Mum: £15 (the specific item she had her eye on for ages was this much. But she didn't want to buy something frivolous for herself.)
Friends £25 each. This includes posting as neither are local.

Oh and DH and I have a budget of £15 on each other.

No gifts for DH family due to NC.

DSis went nuts today because I said we couldn't afford to go over budget and she said I'm being cheap.

Is £20 really too little? Am I being unfair or unreasonable? Each child has 1 small gift of something I know they want.

Honestly Christmas is stressful enough!

Until last year, we spent about £60 on each person. We simply can't afford to this year.

Hell, we have to choose whether to put the heating on now!

My mum also said I need to spend more on each child.

I'm sorry but other people don't get to pick and choose who you buy gifts for and what they cost! Buying for her pets? Is she for real?

I spend about 30 on my siblings kids and there are only 2 of them, kids get plenty at Xmas time anyway.. unless she wants you to spend more so she can spend less?

Plus at least you've told her in advance so she doesn't spend loads on your family x

Yes. She has a list and buys whatever anyone else doesn't.

And yes, pets are expected. I refuse to buy for them. I don't even buy for my own

"in her book" ! tell her you have you own fecking book and this is what yours says.

She gets to gift what she wants you gift what you want. You have prewarned them your budget is lower this year, she doesn't get to challenge your decision.

She expects you to buy gifts for her children totalling at least £300, plus the gifts for her and her husband. Are they planning on spending £350 on you and your husband? If not then I really can't see where this is something you are even considering. It sounds like your sister is the dominant family member and everyone else tiptoes around her. Standing up for yourself will do you a world of good in the long run.

No. I'm lucky if they spend £75 on us in total.

I wouldn't even know how to stand up against her. She'll do what she always does. Stop access to the kids. And she knows we can't have them.

If we had other kids in our lives I would not be so upset.

We’ve always allocated £20-£25 per person (siblings/parents/nieces/nephews). Obviously that doesn’t buy much these days, but it’s all we can afford.

@Helenahandkart thank you.

I think my sister is struggling because until now I've not actually refused to spend more.

I did reject a number of things, because they were over budget and she got incensed.

Say to her your budget. Budget for family is X amount, shall I get for the children only or split it equally between all family members. She can decide. Personally I would call that budget £50 or max £100, £150 is a lot to spend when there are birthdays also

Myself and my brother do £30 on each child (of which we have 1) and none on the adults

Ah send a passive aggressive message

'We are on a tight budget but have put £150 by for your family for Christmas as you mean a lot to us. I feel like I must be misunderstanding, but it feels like you're not appreciating that massive amount and are saying we should be giving more when that is a huge amount to us already?' If she continues to say it should be more I'd give less. How grabby is that? Your value should not be in materialistic terms

@HAF1119 thank you. And how do I come back when she says I'm being impossible and it's not enough?

People cannot dictate how much you spend on a gift.

While its entirely up to your digression as it your money I do find it bizarre... while if you choose to spend that much £20 is ok for nieces nephews I find it really odd that the people who should matter most (in absence of your own children then DH and your mother) are getting the least amount.

I don't know any adults who buy gifts for friends never mind allocating the highest amount to that.

While I do buy for B/SIL they never reciprocate and some years I dont even see them to give them the gift so it 'rolls over'. I spend about £5 each on small token gifts for IL and my nieces and nephew (11 people so £55).

I spent more on my mam when she was alive, use to make up a stocking with bits in.

I spend about £60 on DH (which includes gift from me and gifts from the kids + £10 of which is a stocking with sweets etc... to match the kids).

TBH I could probably drop all gifts except my kids and DH and no one would care, I only buy little bits for them because I like too.

I couldn't imagine spending £150 and having them bitch, thats more than I spend on my own kids.

I would reply that presents are not an entitlement, and that presumably she would not wish to see you in financial difficulties. She sounds awful!

@housethatbuiltme , I should point out that DH and mum have already been bought. So the amount is what I actually spent. I would have been willing to go to £25.

I spend £20 on my nieces and nephew but if they were half the age they are I’d happily spend £10. I stopped buying for my cousin’s kids which helped. Adults I aim for £20, sometimes it’s a bit more or less.

My favourite present as a child was the selection box I got from an aunt or uncle. I actually have no memory if anything anyone else got me apart from my main presents from my parents e.g. My Little Pony show stable, because it was so desired.

I never talk about budget with my family by the way because the only time we did, one of them got funny about it! Just don’t discuss it with her.

Also please make sure you get a Christmas present you like! I buy one for myself just in case.

I wouldn't see pend more on friends than my own Mum. £10 is ok for each kid and you shouldn't buy for sister/SiL and brother/BiL if you are buying for their DC. Spend the rest of your partner and yourself. Your family sound mean and greedy if they are asking for more.

My husband has got me something I've been asking for, for a while. Plus, my mum told me she's getting a perfume I like.

I'm excited, because I don't know which perfume. She asked for a list, so I get a nice surprise

I wouldn't spend much more than that on my nieces and nephews and vice versa. This year I have spent much less as we are also financially much tighter.

I am quite happy relatives never go over the top with my kids because they end up with huge amounts of stuff anyway when it's all added together and there is only so muc space in their rooms!

What do they spend on you op?

Personally -
Kids, £20 each.
DSis and BIL: £25 each.

I'd cut the grownups presents. That's £50 you could split five ways. So tell sis you're only buying for the kids if she insists it's not enough and it's not the thought of the monetary value that matters to her.

Same here

What do they spend on us? £20 each I'd imagine.

Last year, she asked me what I wanted. I gave her the name of a perfume. She said she wouldn't spend that much on one item and got me a body spray for £2. Plus other bits that weren't my style at all.

My proposed perfume was somewhere around £10 if I recall rightly.

I’m cutting back hugely this year. All the kids in the family are getting £10 cash/voucher and a selection box, I don’t buy for many adults other than my parents and one grandparent. I am a single parent/carer and I just can’t afford it.

Its the parents job to play Santa. If people ask for ideas that’s fine but it’s not their job to meet a list otherwise.

Hold your ground .

JFC.