The 2023 Poncetastic Christmas Thread

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2023 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she may be) at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

I’ve had a lovely couple of days off, made all 3 of my Christmas cakes (gifting and testing!) and DDs birthday cake. I left the chocolate and stout one in a bit long so might go against the recipe and feed it Kahlua to make sure it’s not dry. I think that would go nicely.
Need to eat stuff from the freezer over the next couple of days to make room for braised red cabbage!

Same see also dunelm

Unfortunately the range is 5 mins away from me 🙈🙈🙈

I don’t have a Matalan or The Range or Dunelm near me unfortunately. Or Home Sense which was my other usual weakness when shopping. Possibly just as well!

I am planning a trip soon to a nearby town which has them all I think. Could be dangerous!

DH ordered the ingredients for the Jamie Oliver gravy so I’m planning on making that in the next couple of days. May do the red cabbage the following week.

Also need to do a proper meal plan.

Hope I can join you too. I like crafting (origami), and most of our tree baubles and stars were folded by me.

In terms of poncing, I've thought of a new recipe for a course for Christmas dinner. It's a semi savoury apple cheese crumble, with nuts and Shropshire blue cheese, to be served with Pommeau as a drink. I made it last week as a test drive and it worked really well.

Ohh that sounds fab @dutchyoriginal! Have you got any photos of your origami creations? I’d love to see!

@dutchyoriginal that sounds delicious. I love stuff like that that’s not too sweet. Do you have a recipe?

@dutchyoriginal The apple/cheese dish sounds like something I would enjoy eating.

Thank you, I'm going to try and find some big bows to put at the top today and finish them off.

Day off work so going into town to start present shopping for the kids...I can hear my bank card crying already...

@dutchyoriginal that sounds amazing, I've never come across anything like that before but apple and cheese together is one of my favourite snacks 😋

Argh! Typed out the whole recipe on my phone and then lost the post! I will happily share it tomorrow from my laptop. Glad you find the idea interesting.

I also saw I have no photos of the @origami baubles, so will go up to the attic in a few days to make some.

ok, the savoury crumble!

I started with the Jamie Oliver crumble recipe for 6 people and changed out ingredients:

5-6 Elstar apples (they are very popular in the Netherlands, medium sweet/sour taste and very crisp flesh, you will know a good British replacement). I simply sliced them and left the skins on. The added structure of the skins fit well with the savoury taste

about 1 teaspoon of thyme sprinkled over the apples

a bit of Shropshire blue cheese sprinkled over the apples. I didn't put too much in the crumble itself, because I didn't want the cheese to overpower the rest, and you can serve more cheese on the side

for the crumble dough:
225gr flour
115gr butter
50gr dark muscovado sugar
50gr almond flour
70gr raw pistachios, half ground to go through the dough, half whole to go on top
I think I also sprinkled some pine nuts on top as well

The rest of the recipe is basic crumble making steps.

Serve with a glass of Pommeau and some Shropshire blue and enjoy!

Does anyone know where I could buy some 95% alcohol ? I found a recipe for Nutella liqueur that I want to try that has it as part of the recipe but the only place I could find it it was £36 !

Try looking in Polish grocery stores. The labels should tell you the proof. 95% is 190 proof iirc, as a point of reference.

Or go with something less likely to strip paint?

Did a bit of a mooch and found VEGAN CHOC LIQUEUR
I have put the ingredients in my basket to make a batch purely to try you understand but it will make a great gift for a friend.

I have some 90% alcohol in my medicine cabinet, it's a disinfectant 😅

All in the name of research, very noble 😁

High % alcohol like that is always expensive. I get stuff from Italy that I use for making bee propolis tincture. For Nutella liquer, however you will be fine using some 40% vodka. I wouldn't ingest the stuff I use. It's like rocket fuel. I've made chocolate orange liquer from ordinary smirnoff, and it works beautifully.

Hello all,
Long-time lurker (and occasional poster last year) I caught up all the poncetasting amazing-ness last week on a sick day in bed. Loving all the efforts so far I feel so seasonal and cosy!

I'm planning my festive menus and have a couple of Qs I'm hoping to crowd source some answers for.
Chocolate salame / salami
I've been wanting to try this for a few years and am going to do it as part of a party spread. Has anyone got a good recipe they'd recommend? I'm tempted by Nigella's (here) but could go with something more authentic/simpler if there's a good one?

Salmon mousse
Had an incredible salmon mousse at a cafe the other week and I know I should have asked them how they did it! Google searching is throwing up lots of recipes with cream cheese but this definitely did not taste like it was salmon and cream cheese. The dairy product was much lighter and unobtrusive. Possibly creme fraiche or even a whipped cream? Does anyone have any ideas or recipes?

Finally, I'm throwing a small gathering (8 adults, a few children) a few days before Christmas and given the small group I'd love to do party/gift bags. For various reasons I'm not sure I want to gift foodie items: does anyone have any ideas for non-foodie gift bag items for grown ups? If it's something we could craft (or customise) that would be fab. Loving the idea of personalised name tags for glasses for example (like these).

Got a couple of Nov birthdays to get out of the way then Christmas poncing/crafting can start fully in earnest...

Brand new here and will take time to read through the whole thread. I am not the most poncey out there but I do one thing every year which I love, make a replica of our own house out of gingerbread.

Now here lies my question - every year I have to draw templates out for all the different panels and I would dearly love to have some proper templates or cutters made, does anyone know where I could even start searching for such a thing? Metal or plastic would be fine.
Looking forward to reading about everyone's poncetastic things they do!

@Gingerbreadhorse oh my goodness that’s a great idea! I’ve never been too fussed about a gingerbread house but the idea of a replica of our own house is inspired. I wonder if thin plastic sheets would work as a template? I’ve seen people cut out very thin chopping boards on my sewing groups before.

Oh god until now if never been bothered about gingerbread houses but the idea of replicating our house changes everything 😱

@delishdelosh and @LaChatte - I look forward to seeing the photos!
From experience (I have being doing this for quite a long time and my houses have sometimes been 'hit by hurricanes') I would suggest the following timings:
21st: make dough (you will need a lot)
22nd: cut and bake
23rd: construction
24th: decorate as a family

It just becomes a stress trying to do it on 1 or 2 days so this timetable allows it to be the pleasurable experience it is meant to be! My absolute favourite tradition now and I can't let a Xmas go by without doing it (even if it does end up just a heap of gingerbread and sweets!)

Editing to say I will look into the thin plastic chopping boards, great idea thanks

@Gingerbreadhorse I bet you could get moulds made by a 3D printer, if you know anyone who has one (can you rent them?!)

I'm still catching up with the rest of the thread after a shock bereavement in our family at the end of September.

It's made me want to make this the best Christmas ever. Full stem ahead with crafting, knitting and cooking.

So I'm finally cracking out my huge length of Christmas fabric and am determined to make the table runner I've been meaning to make for the last three years.

Any pointers to a simple tutorial?

@DanceWithYourBalloon sorry to hear about your bereavement.

I can help with the table runner - my Mum’s just given me a clever one she’s made. It’s constructed envelope style (like a cushion cover) around a length of this heat protector table stuff, so that it’s both heatproof and washable once you whip the innards out

https://www.dunelm.com/product/luxury-table-protector-1000000788?defaultSkuId=30781362&branchCode=0245&ds_c=Home+Improvements_Make+and+Mend-PMax_%5BGOO-LIA-DECORATING-MAKEMEND%5D&gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsfGYwbbaggMV9ReiAx1RCQtJEAQYAyABEgI5-_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds