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Original poster

Our guests are hinting that they are going to stay longer than wanted ! How to find the words?

686 replies

Duvetdaysaregood · 27/12/2022 23:05

Guests invited until tomorrow. Been here since 23 rd with general idea to go between c mas and new year.

Heard one lot say to another , oh how long are you staying.? . they replied ..oh maybe till the new year. ..

I could not just holler .. what ..?? From a distance across kitchen.

So , said to them later , what did you say about stating longer .. ? They shrugged it off and changed the subject
I said i needed to know . Evasive .

I repeated that we needed to know for food etc and they just said oh well we could get food .

I have had this before and struggled .we live in a beautiful area of natural beauty where people go on holiday and they do relax .

anyone had this before ? If so , do I need to directly say please leave ..and if so how ! Without causing offence ?
They know
us well and I am struggling to ask them to go . If i say we have other guests due , ( a lie and dont want to lie ) I think they would just say oh no problem , we can all muck in , offer to sleep on camp bed if bo room .. I jusy want ghem to go .

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 28/12/2022 13:05

I may ask them to go but if so we may get the bill and am
unsure if we can ask guests to buy food

Of course you can ask them to buy food! You were expecting them gone by now so they should buy the meals for the extra days. Tell them that.

“I wasn’t expecting to cater for guests past today so as you’re all staying until 30th we need to talk about food. Doris & Boris, can you get ingredients for a meal tonight and Martha & Arthur, can you get ingredients for tomorrow, please? Kitchen is all yours, I’d be glad of a rest to be honest.”

Rainbow1901 · 28/12/2022 13:07

Oh well done!! At least you have an end date in sight!!
Definitely do not go shopping unless they offer to foot the bill. This could be your opportunity to dive into the freezer and bring out all the items that you one or two of or are not so keen on and have a pot luck meal!!
Likewise all the random bottles of spirits - maybe make a cocktail or two - however revolting they may taste!!
Then when they go you can shop to your hearts content and top it up again.

WinterDeWinter · 28/12/2022 13:08

According to www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2022/12/23/train-strikes-dates-december-january-2023-rail-operators/this there are strikes literally every day next week apart from Monday when a bank hol service will be running.

I am quite assertive but would also find it difficult to say 'we're peopled out' as it will cast a retrospctive pall over their stay so far. The only way I can imagine doing it is annoyingly English and Stephen Fry - 'look chaps, I'm so sorry to evict you but we've got tons of stuff that we have to get done before the New Year - we need the place to ourselves now to get our heads down. Plus you'd hate to be trapped here once the strikes kick in next week -can you imagine! <guffaw>. I'll do a big breakfast tomorrow to mark the end of a lovely visit. I know you love a good fry-up!"

NoSquirrels · 28/12/2022 13:08

And honest to god this is NOT rude no matter what sort of relatives they are - as soon as we were young adults we were expected to contribute something to extended visiting stays like Christmas at our family home, and other relatives also either paid for a meal out, bought the meat or drinks, or made a cash contribution.

OnemoresliceofChristmascake · 28/12/2022 13:12

@Rainbow1901 Haha...that's exactly what I do. I announce funds are low so we'll eat all the stuff in the cupboards and freezer. Usually either someone buys a takeaway or we all enjoy random frozen brown stew, with tinned chickpeas and peach slices in syrup.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 28/12/2022 13:17

Op have you been enjoying their company!
It's sounds like in law behaviour to be honest.

ImBlueDab · 28/12/2022 13:22

The day before they are due to leave just say 'not that I'm trying to get rid of you (and laugh), but what time are you planning on leaving tomorrow, as we've got plans but wanted to make sure we're here to wave you off'

TwoMonthsOff · 28/12/2022 13:25

they have still managed to string it out an extra three days though, that is not inconsiderable. What was wrong with tomorrow the 29th.

Sndhehjzugwvs · 28/12/2022 13:27

Plainly your parents and his. Such selfish behaviour. I would insist that each set take us out for a meal tonight and tomorrow. Kitchen is closed. You are tired. Least they can do. Go on: ask them. Their reactions will be revealing. Good luck op. I do really worry that when it gets to 30th, they will extent again. Please don’t tolerate being used like this. You are too kind ! X💐

Sndhehjzugwvs · 28/12/2022 13:27

Extend, not extent!

Original poster
Duvetdaysaregood · 28/12/2022 13:31

thanks all .
I got discombobulated because we have differnet combinations of guests.

two separate issue complicated matters…

  1. one set of guest is our dd and her partner. As my daughter I dont feel I can limit her stay?
she 100% wanted to stay for Christmas and new year and was one of the people who was resisting going as she at 24 sees this as her home as well as the house she lives in .so … Literally is it acceptable to say to your dd you can come for christmas OR new year/ from xxx to yyy?
  1. the seperate lot of guests sussed that she was wanting to stay longer / oh i may be here for new year/ i dont know … which then gave them permission (i think in their own minds) to stay longer if someone else was . To be honest , its hard to say , you can stay but u cant .
OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 28/12/2022 13:31

Sure you can ask them to chip in. They should offer tbh

woodhill · 28/12/2022 13:32

Duvetdaysaregood · 28/12/2022 12:59

..has been agreed that all will leave 30th .

I have said we are running out of food now .
no offer to go to shops. I may ask them to go but if so we may get the bill and am
unsure if we can ask guests to buy food .. i may say contribute !

.. will dig heels in .. we will eat any random bits out of freezer.

Surely they can pay for some shopping if they were meant to go today and are extending their stay?

Poor you OP

dontputitthere · 28/12/2022 13:33

Duvetdaysaregood · 28/12/2022 13:31

thanks all .
I got discombobulated because we have differnet combinations of guests.

two separate issue complicated matters…

  1. one set of guest is our dd and her partner. As my daughter I dont feel I can limit her stay?
she 100% wanted to stay for Christmas and new year and was one of the people who was resisting going as she at 24 sees this as her home as well as the house she lives in .so … Literally is it acceptable to say to your dd you can come for christmas OR new year/ from xxx to yyy?
  1. the seperate lot of guests sussed that she was wanting to stay longer / oh i may be here for new year/ i dont know … which then gave them permission (i think in their own minds) to stay longer if someone else was . To be honest , its hard to say , you can stay but u cant .

Actually. I wouldn't think just because the hosts own child was staying on that that therefore gave me Carte Blanche.

She's your child. Even at 24. Like you said. You can't exactly limit how long your own child comes to (presumably) their childhood home?

Nah the others are still cheeky fucks.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 28/12/2022 13:34

Suggest you are having meagre xyz but if they feel like sorting themselves out the shops are that way >
And sit on your hands when they get back. Do not offer up cash. Yanbu.

Dancingdragonhiddentiger · 28/12/2022 13:35

I think the issue here is lack of clarity before hand. It’s SO much easier to be firm when you’re inviting them… e.g we’d live to have you from 23rd to 27th, or a shorter period if you prefer but just to let you know we have plans from 28th so we’d have to have finished our time together by then” rather than a vague between Christmas and new year which is open to interpretation at the best of times and implies you’re very relaxed about it.

HollyFern1110 · 28/12/2022 13:36

I would never have a limit on how long my own child could visit for (my eldest is 25), but I'm shocked at anyone else thinking your child staying longer meant they could too!

Original poster
Duvetdaysaregood · 28/12/2022 13:36

thank you . They are not well iff people. They would 100 % not take us out for a meal or a take away. In fact when we went out for drink they keep hand in pocket. So embarrassing as there was a silence. We did go out for coffees . We were offered small or large and they quickly said small. Again I felt mortified.
i think they are genuinely not well off. Frugality I have no issue with , but I detect a meanness.
My dh says next time we must not be so generous . Eg we did full english b fast . But the issue is that means we
deprive out dc of good b fast
and
we behave differently to who we are if we behave like that as we are generous hosts .

.

OP posts:
scaredoff · 28/12/2022 13:37

Once again I'm at a total loss how some people on this form manage to acquire the friends and relations that they do, and what universe those friends and relations are living in.

The idea of being invited to stay in someone's house for a certain period of time and then just "deciding" to extend that period of time . . . it's completely beyond me how anyone can think that way.

Original poster
Duvetdaysaregood · 28/12/2022 13:37

They have even taken their c mas chocs to their room . Our dc and us left ours out .

OP posts:
Dancingdragonhiddentiger · 28/12/2022 13:40

Sounds like next year you have a family (including adult kids) Christmas and visit them in the new year at their houses. Then at least you can leave when you want!

Coffeepot72 · 28/12/2022 13:40

The idea of being invited to stay in someone's house for a certain period of time and then just "deciding" to extend that period of time . . . it's completely beyond me how anyone can think that way.

@scaredoff i totally agree! Although it’s something my SIL would do …

Original poster
Duvetdaysaregood · 28/12/2022 13:40

Scaredoff .. i am glad you don't encounter this .. but when older dc have partners and parents….

OP posts:
Spck · 28/12/2022 13:40

To not even take you out for a drink is total meanness. I think because of that you can be completely blunt with them and so what if dad stays on and they leave. How on earth someone can stay that long and not contribute is the height of rudeness so just be blunt back.

Zodiacsigns · 28/12/2022 13:40

Literally is it acceptable to say to your dd you can come for christmas OR new year/ from xxx to yyy?

Yes it's acceptable. Part of growing up is moving out and that means the parental home is no longer her home, albeit that she feels relaxed there. She's thinking of you as some kind of servant, not a person in their own right. Time to make her aware of your wants and needs OP, she's not a child any more.

If she's in the habit of leaving her possessions behind to be stored by you forever more, get those gone too. If it's childhood stuff and she didn't take it when she moved out it's fair to assume she doesn't want it and get rid. If it's stuff she tries to leave behind when she visits "for next time" or dirty washing etc, gather it all up, black bag it and ensure it leaves with her. This is not her home and she can't treat it like it is.

If the childhood bedroom still looks the same, redecorate to your taste. It's the guest room now.