Our guests are hinting that they are going to stay longer than wanted ! How to find the words?

[Duvetdaysaregood]

Guests invited until tomorrow. Been here since 23 rd with general idea to go between c mas and new year.

Heard one lot say to another , oh how long are you staying.? . they replied ..oh maybe till the new year. ..

I could not just holler .. what ..?? From a distance across kitchen.

So , said to them later , what did you say about stating longer .. ? They shrugged it off and changed the subject
I said i needed to know . Evasive .

I repeated that we needed to know for food etc and they just said oh well we could get food .

I have had this before and struggled .we live in a beautiful area of natural beauty where people go on holiday and they do relax .

anyone had this before ? If so , do I need to directly say please leave ..and if so how ! Without causing offence ?
They know
us well and I am struggling to ask them to go . If i say we have other guests due , ( a lie and dont want to lie ) I think they would just say oh no problem , we can all muck in , offer to sleep on camp bed if bo room .. I jusy want ghem to go .

Ah yes you are right re impulse control. His dad has an addictive personality which i do think channelled itself into him think he is quite amazing . He talks about being the best at everything etc .

And dd seemsnto believe it

That’s all I could focus on, thinking of that absurd Fury🥊 bloke and his surrendered wife, and their daughters whom they refuse to educate on principle.

Maybe drop a hint about the old saying "House guests are like fish, they go off after three days....."
Meaning - either as they leave after three days or they go bad after three days and stink the house out!

It's funny you should say this. OP - is your DD's BF from a traveller family?

No not a traveller family bit one where physical prowess and discipline , to the point of addiction / focus is at its core . Think fighting but nit boxing . Cant elaborate.

I think you'll maybe need to tread a very fine line, dont criticize him to her, but at the same time dont do anything to enable him, certainly dont ever have him in your home again after his crass behaviour.
I wonder how he would behave if you were eating out in a public place? Don't let him trick you into paying if you do eat out with them, establish before hand that you all pay for your own, dont give him any opportunity to take the piss.
I might try to get him into a public situation where he'll make himself look stupid in front of a lot of people....? Might backfire though?

Jesus Christ I cannot imagine how you got through a day with the parents, let alone a week! I do think, OP (and sorry, I know others have said it many times) that this alone shows that you yourself have wobbly boundaries - you should never have allowed this uncouth family into your home at all.

So much other good advice on this thread so I won't repeat - but OP, one thing that I've found helpful in the past is to - for eg - make up an old friend from school who got herself into a similar situation, and tell your daughter the story. Or a current friend - "I don't know how to advise her, what would you do DD?" Or start with the novels mentioned above. Anything to soften the ground - then leave it for a bit. She will likely suspect what you are really saying, but her ego won't be wounded and she will be able to absorb at least some of the message without going on the attack herself.

Then come back to it another time, being a little more explicit. Definitely tell her that you don't give a fuck about the sunk cost, it's always better to admit a mistake and learn that be shackled to it by pride.

Sorry for typos !

Mixed martial arts or MMA (heaven forfend) isn't wonderful.

My poor parents had to live through a mean BF (then DH) and wait years for me to come to my senses. My father still talks about going out with my now DH for dinner the first time and him insisting on paying. The relief he felt that I was with a generous man...

It is mma ! Whats the issue ?

Mrsterrypratchet it is !

if you're into fighting for pleasure....well that kinda speaks for itself!
Blows to the head tend to be linked to aggression, repeated small brain injuries tend to reduce impulse control

Am really worried now .. re mma?!

I have not looked ot up .. i assumed martial arts taught disciple, manners , philosophy …

I've never met anyone into MMA that wasn't a complete and utter asshole.

a short man compensating by taking up fighting, I'd prob do the same if I were a bloke....but they tend to be in love with thier own perfect bodies

he skipped those classes.....

Completely understand you wanting them gone but now they have gone, I think you're giving it too much airtime. Enjoy your NYE. I'm sorry dd's bf is a dick (and he sounds like one, to be sure), but takeaway from this that you need to (a) never accommodate his parents again and (b) put a child lock on the freezer next time he comes. And no, he doesn't have carte blanche to stay whenever and however long he wants. I think you need to set some boundaries with him, but I wouldn't bring it up with dd because as you say, it will alienate her. I would do it to his face next time he oversteps the mark rather than via her. I'm sure she'll work out he's a dick in time anyway. People tend to.

That's the issue with MMA. Many marital arts do teach these things. My DH is a black belt and has great respect and kindness. MMA has a different culture. It's very violent and there are beaky, swaggery dicks who do not act that way. And in another venue would be told to leave. There are many fighters who respect the underlying culture but it's not like other MA.

There have also been a few domestic violence links made in the US but that's a small proportion. And US sports have a wider issue with that anyway.

And in another venue would be told to leave
I agree, MMA is the last bastian for those who are barred from the respectable & honorable martial arts clubs

Holy mackerel.
The high king of that ‘sport’ is the appalling git Conor McGregor. He’s a lovely chap renowned in Ireland for coke addiction, very serious sexual assaults, and unprovoked violence to elderly men. He’s forever fighting lawsuits about these assaults. He’s looked up to only by people to whom one should give a very wide berth indeed.
This kind of sport, and the intensive gym culture associated with it: there’s a very dodgy lifestyle that can thrive within it. The gyms are linked with a wild proliferation of online stores selling barely legal endurance enhancers, and frequently the gyms offer illegal stuff too, and not just banned steroids (though those should give you pause, given their rep for increasing a tendency to sudden violence)

(I even have a wild theory that this contemporary gym/MMA culture is at the root of much of the our street violence and knife crime, as well as rapes and other sexual assaults. These dangerous body building supplements they take, the over-fed psycho weed they smoke and the coke they buy from gangsters who have at least one foot in the door of the gyms, the mad competitiveness that’s stoked in the adherents: it all gives rise to a hair trigger reaction style, too often very violent. Conor McGregor again)

Unsavoury characters own gym and supplement empires, and really bad ones back the big fighters.

I’d run a mile from any boyfriend who thought it a decent sporting activity myself. You can keep really super fit in many other ways, without absorbing its toxic culture.

Honestly OP, every update you issue makes the picture worse. This man and his parents are such awfully bad news for your sweet, accomplished daughter.

And even if none of this stuff applies to him, in every other way you describe him as a person who, once you know him, you’d cross the street to avoid.
But add on any degree of enthusiasm for this kind of sport to his flaws, and you’re talking about a man who is displaying pretty much every marker of A Very Bad Idea Indeed.

I guess I must sound more then a bit hysterical, but I’m sick to the back teeth of such terrible men, and wish they had to face a few more rejections in life, instead of usually winning on account of their overwhelming and bullying everyone with their boorish behaviour.

He sounds like Lobster Boy from ChopinandChampagne's threads.

What an insight into this boyfriend… hopefully she will find someone more suitable!

Best way to get shot of him is to let them both know that all inheritances will be put into a blood trust (ie safe from him in the event of divorce/ death and only accessible when trustees agree) or even better that you plan to leave it all to charity. Call it a new year resolution.