Our guests are hinting that they are going to stay longer than wanted ! How to find the words?

[Duvetdaysaregood]

Guests invited until tomorrow. Been here since 23 rd with general idea to go between c mas and new year.

Heard one lot say to another , oh how long are you staying.? . they replied ..oh maybe till the new year. ..

I could not just holler .. what ..?? From a distance across kitchen.

So , said to them later , what did you say about stating longer .. ? They shrugged it off and changed the subject
I said i needed to know . Evasive .

I repeated that we needed to know for food etc and they just said oh well we could get food .

I have had this before and struggled .we live in a beautiful area of natural beauty where people go on holiday and they do relax .

anyone had this before ? If so , do I need to directly say please leave ..and if so how ! Without causing offence ?
They know
us well and I am struggling to ask them to go . If i say we have other guests due , ( a lie and dont want to lie ) I think they would just say oh no problem , we can all muck in , offer to sleep on camp bed if bo room .. I jusy want ghem to go .

I would expect a child to feel they can stay as long as they want but chip in. That doesn't mean others can.

Same! If you do that OP, I don't think you'll be seeing much of your DD in the future.... it would have the effect of making her feel completely unwelcome in your old childhood home, especially since it sounds like her brother is still living there.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-64063387

show them this, tell them - thats what im going to do next year and additional days will be charged at an extra £4 per day per person to cover food and drink

You don't want/are not letting your child stay for new year? That's really odd.

Haha. Only on mumsnet

How bizarre! Why are would that reply be only on Mumsnet?!

All our AC's are welcome anytime and do drop in ad hoc. They and the GC's know where to find the snack box if they are hungry - when it's gone it's gone!!

You’ve accidentally posted on someone else’s thread. You need to create your own. I’m sorry you and your dd are struggling.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I'd be fuming if somebody else touched my personal belongings inc underwear etc! I'd never over stay my welcome but I'd honestly go apoplectic if that was done to me

😧😧😧😧 I would never, EVER treat my own DD with such cold, vicious contempt. Bloody hell!

Surely you can speak honestly to your own child without them taking the hump. Explain they're now encouraging the others to stay so they need to be a bit more subtle and as least pretend their leaving soon.

Your DD needs to be in the loop. She needs to be careful about what she says to the freeloading crew.

Say it anyway to see their faces. 😈

I remember, too -didn't they complain that if they'd known they were going to be paying they wouldn't have bought kobe steaks? 😄

So is it your DD, her boyfriend and his parents?

It seems mean to limit your DD’s stay in your family home. Maybe have a word with her and say that she’s always welcome, but it’s draining hosting other guests. Hopefully she can gee them up to go their own home.

You need to be clearer and more assertive.

We had guests most of December. Today is the first day we’ve been home alone just with me, DH and our DC. It’s bloody amazing. I really like all of the people who’ve stayed over and we did have fun, but it’s so draining after more than a couple of nights!! I’m only hosting for 3 days next December, rather than the 19 days of December we did this year 🤦🏼‍♀️

I agree ☹️ I’m 52 now. My df died when I was a teenager and my dm became ill and went into a home not long after (They were much older parents). I avoided having to go into care by a matter of months and went to my first day at university alone on the bus.

I’d have loved to have had a family home and straightforwardly middle-aged parents to welcome me back for the holidays in my early twenties. That someone could have this and they are being cut off in this way? Awful.

So is it your DD, her boyfriend and his parents?

Is this right, @Duvetdaysaregood ?

Having your daughter’s boyfriend’s parents to stay for a week is bloody loads! How well do you know them?! How much do you stay with them?

MN is a window into another world, isn’t it?

Add an extra 0

£40 a night per person will get them shifting

It is a window. I don't have any children. My own parents have always treated their home as my home, I would be welcome at any time for as long as I wanted to stay. I do not abuse this welcome. They now have the same welcome in my home, anything happens they are welcome to come and stay for as long as they need to. I am given my childhood bedroom and they still have some of stuff in the attic. It has always been such a welcome refuge. To each other we are, 'whatever happens you can always come here and ride out the storm, we will look after you'. I am so lucky to have that.

But I suppose it does show how fractured and distanced families happen. Relationship becomes less parental and more transactional.

I'd not throw my DD and their partner out if they wanted to stay for New Year. If they were working though, I'd tell them to contribute. The partner's parents freeloading for the whole period though...I'd have an issue with. Having a combined Xmas Day or Boxing Day is fair enough if everyone brings something.
Inviting the in-laws is lovely but compromise would have been your DD and SIL equivalent hosting you all or on different days or coming to you one day and going to his parents on another.

It certainly gives insight into who is raising the incapable wastrel men and entitled bridezilla women who populate so many of the other MN threads.

Yes the other guests are dd parents in law . Plus dd , her partner . Our ds .
both our dc have done what they normally do - help out , share rounds , but the rest inc her partner have done nothing ( until this teatime when partner did a dishwasher load.. think she had a word)
the clothes appear to be dd s partners .

i am afraid that I pushed for them all to go including our dd - which is sad -and i will be slated for .. because i cant get them to go if dd doesn't as they live together. I cant ask dd to stay but not partner .
i now feel terribly guilty that I've encouraged , virtually told , my dd to go .. when she would maybe have liked to stay , but i cant ask him to go and not her can I .?
They live a good way away ( 5 hours ish) so they need in future to come for a good few days .. but I do think Christmas or new year?

thank you all . I thought that my dh was going to loose it … he is so cross he can barley speak .

Some people seem to be getting in a froth at the idea that OP may not want to host her own adult daughter.
I am not reading it as such, it’s the add-ons who see, to have decided they are part of the package , that are the CFs.
That said, if DD is not contributing , either by providing food or labour, then that’s pretty CF too.