Our guests are hinting that they are going to stay longer than wanted ! How to find the words?

[Duvetdaysaregood]

Guests invited until tomorrow. Been here since 23 rd with general idea to go between c mas and new year.

Heard one lot say to another , oh how long are you staying.? . they replied ..oh maybe till the new year. ..

I could not just holler .. what ..?? From a distance across kitchen.

So , said to them later , what did you say about stating longer .. ? They shrugged it off and changed the subject
I said i needed to know . Evasive .

I repeated that we needed to know for food etc and they just said oh well we could get food .

I have had this before and struggled .we live in a beautiful area of natural beauty where people go on holiday and they do relax .

anyone had this before ? If so , do I need to directly say please leave ..and if so how ! Without causing offence ?
They know
us well and I am struggling to ask them to go . If i say we have other guests due , ( a lie and dont want to lie ) I think they would just say oh no problem , we can all muck in , offer to sleep on camp bed if bo room .. I jusy want ghem to go .

I’m sorry, OP, but they are all being so rude. The pile of dirty clothes left without a word next ti the washing machine is disgusting behaviour.

Do they really all have to stay another two days? How can you stand it?

I’d get them together and ask who left the dirty laundry and what they expected to happen to it. If ever there was a sign that someone had stayed too long, this was it.

Who ARE these people OP, not your daughter, the other lot? Daughter if alone, and likely to spend NY alone I would want to allow to stay.

I'd just say - ooh the train strikes are bad - afraid we'll have to turf you out by Thurs/Friday as I will be busy/spring cleaning/getting ready to go back to school/work on 2nd. And the younger DC need their personal space back/need some family time.

Your daughter and partner wanting to stay for new year is fine surely. I can't ever imagine telling my dd she had to leave when she came to visit. Our home will always be her home and I wouldnt ever expect my daughter to have to buy food when she comes to see us

Who are the other guests? I think the responses you have had would have been very different if you had been honest about who the guests were.

Take your decorations down and start vacuuming.

They are taking advantage of you and you are accommodating that

It makes it worse in that sense as OP has generously let her DD’s Partner’s parents stay (longer than I’d have allowed) and not only have they assumed they’re staying longer but also aren’t contributing anything at all bar a few small coffees out. How bloody mean can you get? I bet they’re not offering to host next year!

Whenever I’ve stayed with friends or extended family over Christmas or at other times I’m straight down to Waitrose getting a selection of what guests like - eg fine cheeses, chocolates, alcoholic drink. I also make sure to offer if they’d like a contribution by way of getting food etc, usually it’s turned down. I do however when out get top up shops of eg milk, bread, washing up liquid. I also help with emptying/loading washing machine/dishwasher etc and general tidying. With family when we eat out we mostly cover our own bills but I’ve paid eg half of a restaurant bill one night to say thank you. This invariably means I’m always invited back to stay.

Take it out and put it back in their room.
You're not a bloody launderette (as well).

I'd be firmly putting my size 5 down and sending them packing tomorrow morning after cereal or one slice of toast.

The dirty clothes I must’ve missed, that’s appalling! I always bring dirty clothes home with me, assumed most people did that?! If I really needed eg something washed I’d ask very nicely if it could be put on with a load if they were doing one but certainly wouldn’t expect it on.

One time when I stayed with relatives I realised I’d forgotten to bring and needed a few basics (long sleeved neutral colour basic tops, long black warm skirt) so nipped into local H&M where they live to get these, took 10 minutes.

^And do this.

The only time I use a washing machine as a guest is if the host actively offers - 'I am putting a wash on do you want to add anything in' or if at my parents - but I would ask first and then do the wash (asking if they wanted me to add any of their stuff in) and make sure I hang it out to dry myself. Cheeky beyond belief to dump a pile of clothes next to the washing machine.

I do ask typically tell guests they can use the washing machine and show them how it works and where the powder is but never had one yet to expect me to do it for them.

I always think it shows the character of people, having them stay - or going on holiday with them.

I live somewhere that people pay serious money to come and visit. I've learned the hard way to be really clear about departure dates. When someone proposes a visit I ask them to give me time to check my diary and think it through. I decide how long I'm prepared to have them stay and then set the terms. I usually limit it to a maximum of five nights. By that point I'll be sick of cooking and caring for them, they will have had the opportunity to see much of what we have to offer in the area and I want my home back. I've never left it open-ended since a visitor from abroad asked to come for a couple of nights and stayed for nearly a fortnight, on the basis that he had nothing else planned to go on to. I bought him a train ticket to London to get rid of him.

I know it sounds officious but I now text guests beforehand, confirming that we've agreed they'll come on the Friday (say) and leave the following Tuesday, and unless we're getting on brilliantly and I want them to stay, I make them stick to it.

I love this idea. I too live in a pretty, tourist type area, which tends to be fairly busy year round.

I have had DH close family extend stays without asking in the past, and as they are flying from another country, it’s all presented as fait accompli. It has led to us just saying no to any length of stay as they always take advantage.

its so rude of your guests OP, but clearly you are a kind host as they feel comfortable enough to do this😂

Haha. Only on mumsnet

This is so cheeky, I’ve never heard of people doing this, although I imagine as you live in a AONB people would, cheeky Wotsits!

Be more up front than usual, even if it feels uncomfortable, yes “I’m making xxx for breakfast, then gives you a nice breakfast to leave for home on. We are busy from today so nice seeing you”.
Then don’t bother inviting them again for a looong time.

Give them a shopping list.

Or remind them that you have no food and ask them to order a takeaway for you all - unless they'd prefer to take you out for a "thank you" meal, of course . . . 😁

Excellent plan

OP both MSN news and Birmingham Mail news have published articles about your post! Hoping your relatives don’t see and pick up that it’s about them. Even though they deserve it!

random frozen brown stew, with tinned chickpeas and peach slices in syrup.

You have the ingredients for Jack Monroe's world famous chickpea and peach curry! Tell them this and watch them go pale and start ringing the bus companies . . . 😈😈😈

The prospect of an evening of slop may be just what is needed to winkle the buggers out of their niche!

Omg who do the clothes belong to?

DO NOT WASH THEM.

Your nuts to do next year. Just say we're booked up over Xmas but you could come for a ong weekend end of Nov.

Ffsake. Is it not the point of having children to raise them into full capable independent adults? 24 is an adult.

I need to start using that line, check my diary and come back with dates. We had friends who proposed staying for 2 weeks with three toddlers. I think rather than say, 2 weeks is too long - I can use the check the diary line and then suggest a 5 day block. Two weeks is too long for me to host a family with young children on holiday - I am working full time at home.

But then I would never want to stay more than a couple of nights in someone else's house. Different to share a holiday cottage on a holiday - but staying in someones home, I prefer to limit it to a long weekend - otherwise I start to feel like I am overstaying my welcome but also start craving my own space

@YoungForestElephant who the hell asks to stay for two weeks?! That goes way beyond visiting to see you and becomes you hosting a holiday for them

They must have such a hellish home life of their own. I hate staying in someone’s house unless it was my parent’s house.