Our guests are hinting that they are going to stay longer than wanted ! How to find the words?

[Duvetdaysaregood]

Guests invited until tomorrow. Been here since 23 rd with general idea to go between c mas and new year.

Heard one lot say to another , oh how long are you staying.? . they replied ..oh maybe till the new year. ..

I could not just holler .. what ..?? From a distance across kitchen.

So , said to them later , what did you say about stating longer .. ? They shrugged it off and changed the subject
I said i needed to know . Evasive .

I repeated that we needed to know for food etc and they just said oh well we could get food .

I have had this before and struggled .we live in a beautiful area of natural beauty where people go on holiday and they do relax .

anyone had this before ? If so , do I need to directly say please leave ..and if so how ! Without causing offence ?
They know
us well and I am struggling to ask them to go . If i say we have other guests due , ( a lie and dont want to lie ) I think they would just say oh no problem , we can all muck in , offer to sleep on camp bed if bo room .. I jusy want ghem to go .

They are no longer friends, they are unwanted guests that are taking advantage and relying on the fact that you can't say no.

but when older dc have partners and parents….

Is it your DD’s partner’s parents staying?

Bad weather for washing and drying here - certainly prioritise - if yours is done today or tomorrow, you haven't seen or forgot about theirs. Can't believe they've put clothes to wash without asking you.

DH has got to the stage in life where he's honest, he'll tell them he's had a nice time with them but he'd now like some space to himself and time with just his own little family.

Oh, and if I were you I'd do a shop and let them overhear you saying you've got some nice things in for just you and DH for New Year. If it's looks like they're suddenly staying, tell them they hadn't confirmed so you've got x in for you and DH, can they pop out and get the same for themselves.

Don't just ignore it. Hide the powder.

And the food, and turn the heat down, and stop the cooked breakfasts.

I can't believe they took their chocolates back to their room! That's pure meanness and not frugality. As my Scottish family member always points out, 'we're no mean, we're careful'. These people are mean. And cheeky.

This! Have you spoken to her about it?

I would be more than happy for my own daughter to stay as long as she wanted over Christmas. Who are the others staying though?

Oh, and if I were you I'd do a shop and let them overhear you saying you've got some nice things in for just you and DH for New Year. If it's looks like they're suddenly staying, tell them they hadn't confirmed so you've got x in for you and DH, can they pop out and get the same for themselves.

What…..?

Why would you invite them to stay on, when you don’t want them to………………….?

Yes I remember that one

I think it's different with your own dd staying but not the others who sound dreadful

Wow!! Just fucking wow!

Contrarily, I'd say the poor boundaries are most evident with your mid-twenties daughter just assuming she can move herself back to your house and have you provide everything for her and her partner over Christmas and New Year!

Time for her to move all her belongings out permanently, and inform her she will hosting everyone in her own home for the festivities next year. No point in infantilising her and preventing her from fully fledging the nest.

I find this really sad

@randomusername666

And I can bet they were the types to brag about how they were jetting of to their friends in Paris for the weekend whilst the moth larvae languished happily in their wallets

They’re quite happy to stay at your place, pay for train tickets and use your food/drink/utilities etc and only take you out for small coffees which would really piss me off/anger me. They can afford it, even if they’re not well off, they’re just mean…. They should be taking you out for dinner once at the very least.

This reminds me of a close friend of my stepdad’s when we were kids/teens. He’d won a holiday around the world travelling through his writing skills and ended up in London before he was returning to his home on the other side of the world. He then decided to stay with my DP’s for 2 months and after a short time was constantly whinging and complaining about the family and making fun of us kids. He was usually a nice man, family friend, known for a few years before he’d emigrated. DM had to have a word with stepdad in the end to get him to go and he took us out for a nice meal and gave us parting gifts on leaving.

Don't feel hurt. They are abusing your hospitality here. Stomping all over it.

Be firm but kind.

So, if they can't get home due to trains, there are buses and taxis. If they want to stay longer, say "Oh, did you find a hotel on your way home that has a vacancy? Will they be having a New Year's Eve Party? I know how you like a good NYE party! We're actually going to have a very very quiet NYE after having you guys stay over Christmas. We need to completely unwind ourselves before heading back into work after NY."

Not hurting their feelings at all.

Or you could do something like suddenly burst out laughing, while reading a book and say to them "Oh this is funny, I've just read that Benjamin Franklin once said that 'Visitors are like fish....they both smell after three days' - I think that's hilarious...when are you guys planning to go home?" ha ha ha ha ha <tilt of head here>
The latter is probably going to hurt their feelings but they clearly have no idea that they are trampling over your feelings at the moment.

Next year tell them you are going away, don't give them the chance to repeat this experience. You've said you don't like lying but it's the only option if the truth is too unkind or you can't think of anything more diplomatic.

They had their chance to "discuss" and missed it. So now, you just tell them straight.

"Susie, it's been lovely having you. Such a busy time of year for us, so on <*>, could you strip your beds before you go, please? "

<> is the day you expect them to leave. Or even "Tomorrow morning".

It might be sad but also practical.
DH and I gave all the AC's a chance to remove their personal belongings and then decluttered to the tip and charity shops.
We have enough stuff of our own without hanging onto their stuff - there are still a couple of boxes that came from my Dads' which I need to sort through but otherwise all that is in the loft is camping stuff and Christmas decorations!!
I keep decluttering and still have a house full of stuff - I'm aiming for a minimalistic look but with looking after GC's 3/4 days a week - we now have lots of toys!

As for the laundry - put it in a black sack and say that the nearest open laundrette is on X street - I'm sorry I can't include your washing as I'm genuinely trying to keep my electricity bill down and I can't have the machine on at all times of the day and night in order to play catch up.

Do not do their laundry.

They have their hands in their pockets when they are out because they don't want to be called on to pay so no one calls on them to buy a drink and they don't offer. They took their chocolate to their room rather than share it? This shows you what they are like.
Time for them to cough up and contribute. Contribute something (not mountains of washing) but something to the household.

Wet dirty laundry in sink, seal in a bin bag and return to their bedroom.

• "Sorry, the WM is playing up. But you'll be home tomorrow, you can do your washing there."

Yes, it is incredibly sad to have raised adult children who disrespect their parents and their parent's home and hospitality, and have clearly set the example which their fellow guests are following.

Your DD I would be lenient with. At her age, I still very much saw my parents home as 'my home' and probably would think I could be flexible about arrival and leaving dates. In my forties I am a lot more considerate...

Having lived in a holiday/city hot spot for many years we have faced similar issues. One memorable one, we offered emergency accommodation for a last minute job interview in the city - so really anticipated 1 or 2 nights max. This was not a close friend. Without prior arrangement they invited their partner to join on the second day and then announced they would stay a little longer to get a sense of the city. They stayed for nearly a week I recall and really did use us like a hotel. Complaining about Wi-Fi speed etc. Have got wiser since then

I would have no problem with my DD extending her stay. But the other couple, whom I also suspect are the parents of DD’s partner, are the biggest CF going.

They need to leave on the 30th as agreed. With their dirty washing.

For the love of God, stand your ground, DO NOT DO THEIR LAUNDRY. Ignore it. If it is mentioned look aghast and tell them where the laundry powder is. Good God, who are these people?

With the laundry, I would shout out to your daughter (when the whole group is in ear shot) 'the clothes by the washing machine - are these the ones being left for the charity shop?'

Then see who jumps up and replies.

Who are the second set of guests? Are they your daughter's partner's parents or have I got the wrong end of the stick?
If so I completely understand that it's a trickier situation. Maybe they were thinking to stay longer with their son. Doesn't excuse it kind you.

We used to have some CFs, I mean guests who were similar, they never knew when to go home!

Put it this way, they don’t get invited any more 🙈🤣