Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Just had christmas sprung on me!

327 replies

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:05

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

OP posts:
fancyacuppatea · 14/12/2022 13:42

@user39012 Can you get the builders to actually make it worse so that you can't host??

I'd be booking a single room in a hotel and smuggling the cats in 😿

toomuchlaundry · 14/12/2022 13:44

My DF wouldn’t have coped with a big Christmas in his last year. We visited over the Christmas period for the day, but he and DM had a quiet Christmas Day. It is hard and I send my sympathies to you

Cats23 · 14/12/2022 13:45

MandarinCat · 14/12/2022 13:09

Agree with all of this

Show quote history

I agree with this.

Op, You are being a martyr, 25years!!!!!!!!!!!!
I understand FIl is ill, but this year, his other son and family can step up.
Just say No.
If Dh wants to cook for them all, he can.
Doesnt mean you should.
Get a back bone

Johntoewba · 14/12/2022 13:45

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:05

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

Tell them to fuck off

jackstini · 14/12/2022 13:46

Well your BIL will just have to drive to PIL and book a hotel

If he can't do that for his Dad's last Christmas he's a bag of shite

You cannot physically host with building works etc can you?

Make a point of saying "this is the first time in 25 years I won't have done it"

PollyAmour · 14/12/2022 13:46

Whatever you say to the contrary, you are being a martyr. You simply say no, it's not possible, suggest everyone does Christmas their own way this year. You could do an online quiz to get everyone 'together' at some point, maybe brother in law could be quiz master.

Maybe everyone will be relieved that the grand tradition of everyone, spending every minute of the festive season together, is going to be over.

Johntoewba · 14/12/2022 13:47

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:05

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

Anyone else think of national lampoons Christmas vacation whilst reading this?

Ellie1015 · 14/12/2022 13:47

As Dads last Christmas I would host if physically possible at yours. No dog or overnight for BIL though.

crosstalk · 14/12/2022 13:51

Just cook at your PILs but stay firm at not hosting BIL and his family and ginormous dog. It would be a shame if BIL and his family prioritise dog over a dying father. perhaps BIL can sort out a b&B for himself and leave family behind to look after dog. Or stay at PILS by himself. Or make a massive effort to drive 5 hours by not drinking.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 14/12/2022 13:53

Has this been answered already:

Why can't BIL host everyone?

And if he can't, or nobody wants to go to BIL's, what's wrong with everyone having Christmas in their own home? Start a new tradition.

Just say no, it's impossible, you can all decide for yourselves but nobody's coming here.

CarPoor · 14/12/2022 13:54

Just say no.

You have cats, a tree and decorations. You are not having a non-house trained dog come. Your house is a building site and not suitable for guests

BIL is welcome to host. If your DH really wants a Christmas he can host them for the day, but he has to do the prep work and cooking. And they aren't staying over or bringing the dog

If this means they can't come so be it. Its the nature of getting a big non-housetrained dog

Coffeetree · 14/12/2022 13:54

MadameMackenzie · 14/12/2022 13:29

But they will just turn up with the dog, even if you say no! Primarily because they're highly unlikely to find a dog sitter for Christmas! Certainly at this short notice

Yes absolutely. This is an all or nothing sitation.

They'll show up with the dog and then act confused.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 14/12/2022 13:55

I agree with everyone else, just say no, you have plenty of perfectly valid reasons. Who proposed the new idea? Was it your DH because of his DF's health? If so, ask him how he sees it all panning out, is he willing to sort out every single part of it. Are your PILs included in the plan, is your FIL actually well enough to go anywhere this Christmas? If it was BIL's idea then your DH can tell him he needs to book a hotel at the very least.

Sorry, too many questions but ultimately you are not responsible for everyone else's Christmas.

CarPoor · 14/12/2022 13:56

MadameMackenzie · 14/12/2022 13:33

@user39012 What are you going to say when they respond saying that they cannot leave the dog and that there's definitely nobody who can have him/her?

Then one of BIL family will have to stay with the dog. They got it, their problem.

TeeBee · 14/12/2022 13:56

There are such things as restaurants. There are such things as AirBNBs. There are such things as dog kennels. Point everyone in the direction of those. Your home is not available for hosting this year because of building and cats. The end.

SnoozyLucy7 · 14/12/2022 13:58

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Say no to them coming. Say you just want a quiet Christmas, because of building work.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 14/12/2022 13:58

Say no we can't this year as we are in building chaos! You and your immediate family can have Christmas together, and perhaps invite the in laws over. Or could meet somewhere for a celebratory meal.

GiltEdges · 14/12/2022 13:59

Based on your updates, I think there’s a reasonable compromise to be had, in offering to host for the meal etc but not to have BIL and family stay at yours. Just explain that due to building chaos/cats etc it isn’t viable. If they still want to come, they can arrange to stay in a hotel.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 14/12/2022 14:00

Has your DH asked FIL what he'd like?

Is he physically up to a big gathering?

Does he want a big "last Christmas" event? Not everyone does, he might prefer to have smaller, shorter visits with less fuss, food, and faff.

I'm willing to bet he doesn't want a big untrained dog pissing on his ankles

rosemarysalter · 14/12/2022 14:00

Just say you're having a quiet one this year

anotherdayanotheralias · 14/12/2022 14:01

Would there be any accommodation available and affordable this last minute anyway? It seems like you're the only one bending over backwards to help and have been taken for granted for years. Ask BIL to come up with a solution which doesn't involve you hosting or catering!

Iamwhatiam52 · 14/12/2022 14:02

Why do you have to sacrifice your Christmas to please other people?!

and it would be a big fat NO from me re; the dog situation. We have cats. No way would I lock them in a room just so lazy family members who have never offered/done xmas in 25 years, get to have THEIR Christmas sorted. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Stravaig · 14/12/2022 14:02

Oh FFS. If DH wants to spend quality time with his father then he can get off his arse and go and visit him! It does not require you to host the entire rabble at your home.

afaloren · 14/12/2022 14:03

Mate just say no

pelargoniums · 14/12/2022 14:03

For your FIL’s last Christmas, and your DH’s sake… BIL hosts. He’s the one with the problematic dog. Much easier for you to leave your cats for one day, and leave your building chaos for one day, and all travel to BIL’s, where presumably everything is set up for this incontinent Christmas-hating hound.

If travel to BIL’s is a problem for PILs, next-best solution is everyone goes to PILs for lunch only – so poorly FIL isn’t really hosting, you’re all there for a short time only, presents and lunch. Either DH cooks there or at your house and food is transported – turkey can rest in foil in the car!

Least best scenario is you host at your house, but: no dog under any circumstances (and be prepared to answer the door with a cat in your arms and Christmas deely-boppers on your head to see the dog on the doorstep, and stand your ground), no overnight guests – BIL is capable of finding a hotel, surely – and DH cooks/plans/hosts/travels to pick up PILs.

Swipe left for the next trending thread