Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Anyone else’s parents or ILs do this with Christmas presents? Mega stressful!

140 replies

NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 11:31

Every Christmas I send my parents a few links of suggestions for presents to buy DD and DS - no obligation, tips on where to buy things and keeping to a budget. This works fine. DH’s parents, on the other hand,
have always asked us to buy everything for THEM to give to the kids as they feel that’s much easier and they aren’t confident online. They do pay us back but it is incredibly stressful keeping tabs on all the deliveries, budget, delivery charges etc on top of buying our own presents for the children. We have a new baby this year and DH has been really stressed getting the presents (I’ve bought some of them too) on top of being really busy at work and this is not helped by ILs constantly asking when they’ll be ready so that they can wrap them. Thinking of asking if we can knock this on the head next year but wondered if it is common these days? For context, ILs are 70s but in good health and capable of getting to shops etc.

OP posts:
HeadNorth · 14/12/2022 11:34

Knock it on the head. MIL tried this nonsense with me one year - asked me for present guidance then followed up by asking me to buy the presents for her. I just said no, I wouldn't have time. Sorted.

vincettenoir · 14/12/2022 11:41

Maybe tailor your list next year for things that you know they can pick up in their local high street and say you would prefer them to purchase them theirselves with everything else you’ve got on.

It grinds my gears when my parents ask for a list and then want a lot of back and forth dialogue on each item on the list. I don’t mind purchasing it online for them specifically. But I take responsibility for my own gift-buying and find it annoying when I end up taking this on for others too.

My ILs but whatever they choose without any input from us which I much prefer.

FictionalCharacter · 14/12/2022 11:41

My mother used to do this, then it progressed to her not wrapping them so I had to do it, then she stopped even paying me back for them. So I stopped going along with it, and wished I’d put a stop to it sooner.
They’re finding it convenient to use you as a shopping service. Tell them you can’t cope with the extra work and stress any more and they’ll have to go to the shops like most people do.

LoveBluey · 14/12/2022 11:48

The thinking of the presents is generally the hard bit, if you're happy to do that and send the links it's not much more effort to click on order and then tell them how much they owe you including delivery. You could even get them sent to their house.

My MIL has now taken this to the next level and asks me to order things for other people in the family (cousins etc) which I'm happy to help with but when one thing was unavailable she then said oh well you choose something else. Umm no I have enough to do without thinking of suitable presents for random other children!

WaddleAway · 14/12/2022 11:52

At least your in laws wrap them… mine give me cash, tell me to choose something for the kids and order it, then expect me to wrap it too! They just hand it over and take all the credit 😂

pelargoniums · 14/12/2022 11:55

Yes, my MIL asks what DD wants, then asks us to find it, buy it, and wrap it for her. So magical!

To make matters worse, she’s perfectly capable because she then goes off and buys bin bags’ worth of absolute shite, wraps those, and posts them down, so then on top of doing all the work for the present DD might actually like, we also have to handle an influx of tat that’s tricky to offload to even the least fussy of charity shops.

cosmiccosmos · 14/12/2022 11:59

Why would they stop, you're doing it for them! You're enabling them. Just breezily say 'we're not doing it going forward, here is DC list'. It really isn't that hard.

PeekAtYou · 14/12/2022 11:59

Next year I would take them shopping and point out items that the kids might like. That way they can pay, take home and wrap themselves.

Aworldofmyown · 14/12/2022 11:59

Yep, MIL does this too. She tried to sneakily get me wrapping too, but but I ignored her and dropped them off! The constant harassing texts are fun too!

sevenbyseven · 14/12/2022 12:02

Either you put a stop to it, or you make it very simple - eg each child gets a book and some sweets/chocolate. (Obviously not sweets for the baby!)

If they want to buy anything extra that's fine but you've covered the basics and they have something to wrap and hand over.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/12/2022 12:06

It's perfectly fine to tell them it's too much now you've got tgre kids,, or to make DH so it, but surely it's 2 extra presents, not shopping for a batillion of kids

WhatIsThisPlease · 14/12/2022 12:09

My dad does this. I usually wrap them too but I don't mind. At least I know the DC are getting what they want!

Original poster
NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 12:11

They budget £80 per child. So I’m not complaining at all about how generous that is, but it’s a lot of presents for us to buy and keep tabs on! None of the kids really want big presents so it’s usually a lot of small things.

OP posts:
Original poster
NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 12:16

We have suggested before that they get something useful or fun for the children that we struggle to afford, eg swimming lessons, money towards a day out or even just some presents and some money. But they usually say they don’t want to do that and that they want them to have stuff to open on the day.

OP posts:
WeWereInParis · 14/12/2022 12:16

WaddleAway · 14/12/2022 11:52

At least your in laws wrap them… mine give me cash, tell me to choose something for the kids and order it, then expect me to wrap it too! They just hand it over and take all the credit 😂

My dad's parents did this when I was a child. My mum was always clear with us about who picked the presents. We didn't see them at Christmas though, so mum would say "we got you this from grandma and grandpa".

As we got older she'd rant more openly about how annoying she found having to buy and wrap it - and then she switched to just giving us the money directly.

whimsical1975 · 14/12/2022 12:19

@NightandViolets I'm not sure if this is possible as I haven't tried this myself but is it not possible to do the online order of grandparents gifts separately and just have them shipped to their address with their contact details for shipping day/time updates? It may not be possible if they don't have email etc or if they don't really use cell phones.

I only offer this suggestion because my FIL used to buy the kids gifts when they were younger and then this progressed to us buying them on his behalf and I swear for all of us this option wins hands down. I buy now for my parents too as they are teens are notoriously difficult to get it right. It is definitely more of a headache but ultimately I know that grandparents won't be wasting their money buying bits that are never going to be used, worn or played with and creating more clutter. Honestly, I've had years when I'd be asked what they could get and I would say for eg DD really wants a pink stuffed animal and my phone would ring endlessly with questions on how big, how pink, all pink or just bits of pink, is it ok if it's got a hot water bottle inside, will she be sleeping with it because the one I'm looking at is very stiff and a bit cross-eyed - then on Christmas day DD will open an orange and blue striped ceramic dinosaur ornament that roars ever 3,5 seconds and it's eyes flash red. Truly... do the shopping, you can thank me later.

Rilo · 14/12/2022 12:25

I buy presents for my dad to give to DD and her cousins. I wrap them too. Same for birthdays. I don’t mind. He wouldn’t have a clue what to buy. It’s easier for me to just buy things when I’m looking anyway.
For context, my mum really enjoyed present buying and would nail the perfect thing every time, but she died not too long ago. I suppose I’m just covering that gap and making everyone feel ok.
The kids just enjoy playing together on the day and the focus isn’t really on the presents anyway for them.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 14/12/2022 12:26

Just send them link to Argos.
They do home delivery..

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/12/2022 12:27

Find out what their local supermarket is and do an online toyshop / books/ pjs chocolates (one) and sort it on click and collect. Tell them the info needed to collect.

FLOWER1982 · 14/12/2022 12:27

How many things are you buying? My mil asks us to order sometimes. It’s not a problem. Only takes a few minutes.

readings · 14/12/2022 12:29

Yes I have to buy wrap my mums gifts, sometimes she doesn't even bother paying me for them but wants her name on the tag.

My dad sends money in advance and he looks at things before hand for me to order. Much more involved with the DC in general so I don't mind doing this for him. He'll come to our house on Christmas Day with lots of little treats for the DC that he's picked up himself.

Mulhollandmagoo · 14/12/2022 12:29

I do this for my FIL, but it works really well for us so I'm not in a rush to change it.

If it causes you extra stress at an already busy and stressful time of year, then don't do it, you could either send links or send them to a shop for something? alternatively, pass the task sideways to your husband? let him keep track of everything - I imagine he would soon be raising the issue with his parents.

3sthemagicnumber · 14/12/2022 12:31

My mum tries to outsource our family's present buying/wrapping to me (she's happy to pay!). I've pushed it back this year, though I'll still end up doing all the wrapping (they live overseas, so will get stuff delivered directly to us). Drives me mad - my mental load at Christmas as a working parent of three kids is considerably greater than hers as a retired person. She's perfectly capable of doing online ordering.

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 14/12/2022 12:34

I’m not sure what’s so hard about it. Surely you ordering you dcs presents for them is no different to ordering for yourself. You know what your buying yourself and what your buying from them, I really don’t get the difficulty.

If your worried about keeping tabs on deliveries from multiple places, then just order from one or two max.

CosmopolitanPlease · 14/12/2022 12:35

I have this with my dm who is not yet 70. She dislikes having to be in to receive deliveries whereas I'm home most of the time. I suggest, source, order and take delivery. I wouldn't mind so much but she refuses to attempt online banking which means she usually presents me with a cheque on a Friday which then won't clear until the next week, argh. Cash is even less useful as I need the money back in my bank!