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Original poster

Anyone else’s parents or ILs do this with Christmas presents? Mega stressful!

140 replies

NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 11:31

Every Christmas I send my parents a few links of suggestions for presents to buy DD and DS - no obligation, tips on where to buy things and keeping to a budget. This works fine. DH’s parents, on the other hand,
have always asked us to buy everything for THEM to give to the kids as they feel that’s much easier and they aren’t confident online. They do pay us back but it is incredibly stressful keeping tabs on all the deliveries, budget, delivery charges etc on top of buying our own presents for the children. We have a new baby this year and DH has been really stressed getting the presents (I’ve bought some of them too) on top of being really busy at work and this is not helped by ILs constantly asking when they’ll be ready so that they can wrap them. Thinking of asking if we can knock this on the head next year but wondered if it is common these days? For context, ILs are 70s but in good health and capable of getting to shops etc.

OP posts:
familyissues12345 · 14/12/2022 20:43

MIL does this, I wouldn't mind so much but she also sends a cheque (refuses to try online banking) so I have the extra faff of having to go to the bank to cash it!

HollyDollyChristmas · 14/12/2022 20:52

WaddleAway · 14/12/2022 20:35

Whereas my in laws are in great health, do most of their own shopping online, just don’t fancy going to the effort of buying presents for their grandkids and would rather I did it (and wrapped them)!

Show quote history

I think I wouldn’t be too happy if that had been the attitude of my PIL, thankfully mine were always appreciative. They wound us up in other ways 🤣

antipodeancanary · 14/12/2022 20:55

Neither my in laws or parents can buy anything other than high street gifts. When they ask for a gift list, they want it to say 'socks' or 'jumper' or 'book'. If I were to say 'this viscose cardy from m&S £25 the cream one with the stars on it' that would be too much for them. Likewise 'Anything by Robert Galbraith except Cuckoos Calling' - no way. So if I want any of us to have anything decent I buy it and wrap it myself. They do always cough up though.

CanYouFeelMyHeart · 14/12/2022 20:56

Yep my MIL does this too.

Retired, literally nothing else to do with her days, but can she set foot in a shop and even get a token thing for her grandchildren, despite going into town every single day because she's 'bored'?

Nope.

antipodeancanary · 14/12/2022 20:57

familyissues12345 · 14/12/2022 20:43

MIL does this, I wouldn't mind so much but she also sends a cheque (refuses to try online banking) so I have the extra faff of having to go to the bank to cash it!

You need to get a bank that lets you pay cheques in by photographing them. This is not MILs problem!

Dashel · 14/12/2022 20:59

Ask for Premium bonds or set them up a junior ISA and give them the bank details or even if they give you a cheque, lots of banking apps let you pay that in with a photo.

if the DC have enough stuff now why get even more when they get older they will need money for a house, uni, driving lessons, some people are even paying into pensions for the dc or dgc.

WoMandalorian · 14/12/2022 21:00

I do this for my grandparents but actually love it! I keep it all to one store though so I'm not faffing about with different deliveries. Anything on another site I either get from us or send those things to other family members.

Sotiredmjmmy · 14/12/2022 21:42

Same here - interesting it is mainly the ILs, I wonder why….!

I have started to be more selective about the ideas I use up for the presents from ILs, and I don’t overly let them take 100% of the credit either

AllyCatTown · 14/12/2022 21:57

Aren’t you sending the items to their house? Surely it should be up to them to keep tabs on what they’ve got?

I think if possible it’s nice to help people who aren’t confident buying online. I don’t really get the advice saying send them a link as that won’t help them. It may seem easy to use for us but some people find using computers difficult. If it’s too much maybe just let them know.

MysteryBelle · 14/12/2022 22:40

My mother does this. She’s older and she’s done it this way for years, writes a check for a certain amount and pays us back. Does same for every grandchild. Again for every birthday. She has six grandchildren to keep track of and 6 children. I think it’s just too much for aging parents and even though your in laws are 70s and good health, I believe that’s around the age my mother started asking. Yes, it’s an extra thing to do and yes I have to wrap it too. But I kind of understand why. They probably want to make sure your children get what they really want for Christmas and it helps them as things get a bit harder or annoying as age happens yes even for healthy 70s and 60s. Enjoy your youth and appreciate your older family members.

Beautiful3 · 14/12/2022 22:49

My fil asked me last month, to do the same this Christmas. However he's promised to send the money, so that I can shop and wrap them up. I haven't received the £100, and cannot afford to pay it on his behalf. It's Christmas next week, and delivery dates cut off soon. So I'm not doing it. He can give them cash whenever he sees them next. Which will be after Christmas.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/12/2022 00:16

One present plus child's bank account. Kids are saving for a bicycle or whatever.
Books can be bought anywhere and while £80 is a lot it's enough for a decent series of books plus a game.

Marmaladesarnie · 15/12/2022 00:44

My dad tried to pull this, he’s only in his 50s but really busy with work and had left Xmas to last min so wanted me and my dsis to do all his shopping for him. Dsis has done it, but I’ve just sent him links all from Argos that he can click and collect quite easily.

My in laws are just as bad because they start nagging for a list from September and they don’t just mean for the kids they want extensive lists from us all. Then they ignore the lists and buy whatever they want anyway (usually for DS it’s whatever they bought DH at that age -first bike etc)

The worst bit is that you can’t get any info out of them about what they would like, so essentially I’m in charge of choosing all presents anyone gives or receives over Xmas!

HomemadePickle · 15/12/2022 05:51

My mother, right from the start, would just transfer money to my account, and I would have to think of the present buy it, wrap it and label it.

LemonDrizzles · 15/12/2022 06:04

NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 11:31

Every Christmas I send my parents a few links of suggestions for presents to buy DD and DS - no obligation, tips on where to buy things and keeping to a budget. This works fine. DH’s parents, on the other hand,
have always asked us to buy everything for THEM to give to the kids as they feel that’s much easier and they aren’t confident online. They do pay us back but it is incredibly stressful keeping tabs on all the deliveries, budget, delivery charges etc on top of buying our own presents for the children. We have a new baby this year and DH has been really stressed getting the presents (I’ve bought some of them too) on top of being really busy at work and this is not helped by ILs constantly asking when they’ll be ready so that they can wrap them. Thinking of asking if we can knock this on the head next year but wondered if it is common these days? For context, ILs are 70s but in good health and capable of getting to shops etc.

Yes. I have 2 dc. Their bdays are around Christmas. So it's:
Pressy from Santa for each
Pressy from parents for each
Pressy from pil for each
Pressy from sibling from each
Pressy from my df from each

Then bday
Pressy from parents, pil and sibling

8 presents in total. Very very lucky problem to have. But it is me only that thinks of them, orders, wraps. Then I have to let them know what we ordered.

Though dh did suggest top trumps. No link of course. So I had to choose.....

They used to buy but covid and now other health issues. Plus they host us so I'm grateful. Plus, I pick a theme for each and each year just more of that theme.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 15/12/2022 07:05

@NightandViolets

Do you generally get on with them?
I can't understand why something like swimming lessons wouldn't be ok .
We used to get asked for ideas but somehow this got used against us ,and mil would complain.
Then DC were given stuff we had already got them or not suitable. One year something small that was damaged.

We asked for skiing lessons and they said "good idea when can we take them".
It was for us to also learn and go.
Now we say they don't want anything and don't help them at all.

I would say either, they have plenty to open on Xmas day from X y and z ( and my parents who are able to follow a list).
Either don't get anything or put money into their account.
.

Oysterbabe · 15/12/2022 07:10

It is quite lazy of them but I don't get why it's so stressful. It's just a few clicks and make a note somewhere of what you've spent.

Lookingbackatme · 15/12/2022 07:11

We do this for FIL but it works well for us.

Depending on how you feel about Amazon, set up individual Wish Lists and send them the links. They can order quickly off that and get it delivered to their door.

ACynicalDad · 15/12/2022 07:12

I do it for mum and dad, it really doesn’t need to be a stress.

amyboo · 15/12/2022 07:17

Yep - we have this with the ILs and sometimes also with my Mum. It drives me mental, but we live in an EU country and since f**ing Brexit postage is ridiculous, takes an age and often results in customs charges, even if you do the paperwork correctly.

So, yes annoying, but hey at least they buy my kids presents. My grandparents didn't really ever get me anything and certainly nothing I actually wanted...

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 15/12/2022 07:21

I have a friend like this also and yes it's stressful..

He won't ask this week but next week re presents when it's too late to deliver.
Usual conversation where I have to keep repeating that he doesn't have to bring anything and then put money in a card which they love!

weirdstuffhappenig · 15/12/2022 07:29

Yep 100% don't carry on. I did it for about 3 years, then thought hang on. The whole point is buying the gifts you lazy buggers!!

Madamecastafiore · 15/12/2022 07:33

Just order things and get them sent to their house. Would take seconds online.

speakout · 15/12/2022 07:56

Madamecastafiore · 15/12/2022 07:33

Just order things and get them sent to their house. Would take seconds online.

Yeah women- get on with it- just a little job.

But when added to the other hundreds of jobs -especially at this time of year- things can become overwhelming.

We need to make sure our loads are not too heavy, and that involves pruning out jobs that are uneccessary or can be done by someone else.
And if buying gifts for able and often time rich grandparents is one of the latter jobs, then it's a no from me.

speakout · 15/12/2022 07:59

ACynicalDad · 15/12/2022 07:12

I do it for mum and dad, it really doesn’t need to be a stress.

But it is a stress for many.
This site is full of mothers who are frazzled at this time of year.
Just because women can do this job doesn't mean they should.

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