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Christmas

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Original poster

Anyone else’s parents or ILs do this with Christmas presents? Mega stressful!

140 replies

NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 11:31

Every Christmas I send my parents a few links of suggestions for presents to buy DD and DS - no obligation, tips on where to buy things and keeping to a budget. This works fine. DH’s parents, on the other hand,
have always asked us to buy everything for THEM to give to the kids as they feel that’s much easier and they aren’t confident online. They do pay us back but it is incredibly stressful keeping tabs on all the deliveries, budget, delivery charges etc on top of buying our own presents for the children. We have a new baby this year and DH has been really stressed getting the presents (I’ve bought some of them too) on top of being really busy at work and this is not helped by ILs constantly asking when they’ll be ready so that they can wrap them. Thinking of asking if we can knock this on the head next year but wondered if it is common these days? For context, ILs are 70s but in good health and capable of getting to shops etc.

OP posts:
canyouextrapol · 15/12/2022 08:05

My in laws tell me a budget. I order stuff delivered to their house. Email them the cost and they transfer it to my account

Madamecastafiore · 15/12/2022 08:32

Just get your husband to do it if as a woman you're too frazzled. Honestly, a few clicks on line takes seconds and will use up less time and headspace than having to be angry about it and keep answering questions or taking the gifts to them.

WaddleAway · 15/12/2022 08:36

Madamecastafiore · 15/12/2022 08:32

Just get your husband to do it if as a woman you're too frazzled. Honestly, a few clicks on line takes seconds and will use up less time and headspace than having to be angry about it and keep answering questions or taking the gifts to them.

‘If as a woman you’re too frazzled’, what’s what supposed to mean? 😂
Im not sure how it takes seconds to think of presents, go online and order them, let the in laws know they they’ve bought, make sure you’re at home for the deliveries, take the delivery and store it, then get it to the in laws, but maybe you’re some sort of superwoman.
You’re right though, the OP should delegate to her partner as it’s his family, and I imagine she takes on the rest of the mental load at Christmas.

Filterphobia · 15/12/2022 08:52

My Mum does this so I’ve started ordering the toys and getting them delivered to her house so I don’t have the hassle of waiting in for deliveries or rearranging if I miss them. It also means she has to wrap and hide/store them until the big day. Could this be a compromise? Also Mum bank transfers me the money before I buy them.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 15/12/2022 09:00

NightandViolets · 14/12/2022 12:16

We have suggested before that they get something useful or fun for the children that we struggle to afford, eg swimming lessons, money towards a day out or even just some presents and some money. But they usually say they don’t want to do that and that they want them to have stuff to open on the day.

Then just tell them you can't think of anything and they should buy the kids some books. Stop deferring to them.

It's so meaningless, the way they are doing it now.

Original poster
NightandViolets · 15/12/2022 09:08

DH has a great relationship with them - I have been up and down with them recently. We’ve suggested swimming lessons for DD before but they said they didn’t want to pay for them as wouldn’t see her enjoying them. Suggested book subscription this year - they thought she might lose interest. They are quite picky about a lot of things we suggest!

OP posts:
Nearlychristmas123 · 15/12/2022 09:14

I personally wouldn’t have an issue with this. 70s is youngish these days but they are a different generation so I wouldn’t mind helping out. Life is too short to get hung up on the little stuff. But you’re clearly very busy so can see why is it annoying. If just crack on with it, it will only be a few years until they’re putting money in a card

TinselSniffer · 15/12/2022 09:39

familyissues12345 · 14/12/2022 20:43

MIL does this, I wouldn't mind so much but she also sends a cheque (refuses to try online banking) so I have the extra faff of having to go to the bank to cash it!

If you have an online banking app you can pay cheques in through that! And they usually appear in your balance the next day - unless it's a Friday.

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 15/12/2022 09:46

NightandViolets · 15/12/2022 09:08

DH has a great relationship with them - I have been up and down with them recently. We’ve suggested swimming lessons for DD before but they said they didn’t want to pay for them as wouldn’t see her enjoying them. Suggested book subscription this year - they thought she might lose interest. They are quite picky about a lot of things we suggest!

Then surely them giving you money and you buying what you want for her is better. If they don’t like it on the day tell them next year to sort it themselves.

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 10:26

Is it really that stressfull ordering a couple of extra presents online
If their in their 70's and can't use a computer ?

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 10:28

And most places you can change delivery address , so get it shipped to the inlaws direct

healthadvice123 · 15/12/2022 10:32

@Madamecastafiore her dh has done some of it as well

AlbertaAnnie · 15/12/2022 10:51

I wouldn’t find this a big deal personally - I would just be happy the kids were getting stuff they liked

Fundays12 · 15/12/2022 11:34

My mum does this as she doesn’t know what kids have and don’t have already or what I have bought for them. MIL used to buy what she thought they wanted but unfortunately for ds2 this was always dinasours, trucks etc all of which he really dislikes and we’re a waste of money. She now asks for links and I send them so the kids get what they like, will play with and her money isn’t wasted.

Original poster
NightandViolets · 15/12/2022 11:38

They don’t want the presents delivered to them as they think it would be stressful. No thought to it being stressful for us to coordinate everything! They’ve just now asked us to buy presents for the baby - that was one where I thought they might be able to choose some things themselves 😖

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 15/12/2022 11:40

Open a bank account in your child's name and ask them to transfer the money to it.
Tell them you are saving for an x for them.

I saved birthday and Christmas money for my kids and they had a nice lump sum to spend on what they wanted when they were older and understood that it was from relatives cash gifts.

MummyJ36 · 15/12/2022 11:41

I was just going to suggest you got the presents delivered to them! To be honest I’d be forgiving of this if they were willing to have them delivered directly to them. This just strikes me as lazy. I think DH needs to have a word. Why don’t they take the kids out to the shops before Christmas so they can choose gifts together?

MummyJ36 · 15/12/2022 11:41

Tell them to buy the baby some nappies!

Original poster
NightandViolets · 15/12/2022 11:44

Spoken to DH (who is really stressed) this morning. Made a pact that next year we will suggest a couple of small things for the kids and ask for any surplus as money that can be saved or put towards something the kids pick out themselves. Hopefully it will be accepted!

OP posts:
caringcarer · 15/12/2022 11:58

I'm feeling guilty now. I ask my dd what dgc want. Tell her to send links usually but this year with post issues I asked her to get gifts for dgc and I sent her money. She wrapped them too as brought dgc to me for our usual early Xmas and I did Xmas activity with dgc and we had takeaway.

Fink · 15/12/2022 12:09

That sounds annoying! I do buy for my parents to give to dc, but more by accident than design. I always buy too much, so I show my mum what I've got and let her choose what's going to be from them. Then they'll get some little things themselves. It doesn't bother me, but your arrangement obviously doesn't work for you, so knock it on the head.

My ex-ILs, otoh, are complete nightmares because they're obsessively materialistic. I wrote a long post below but I've deleted it, it's not relevant. But I do feel the stress of grandparents and presents!

Bobbins36 · 15/12/2022 12:53

Oh god my mother does this. I even have to wrap them last minute so she gets a chance to see the gifts before the kids do. As if there’s not enough to do.

WindUpPenguin · 15/12/2022 13:39

We have to buy Christmas presents for my dad to give my mum and it winds me up no end. He's become less and less self sufficient in his old age and it's just not worth the upset after the year my mum got absolutely nothing from him. My brother and I alternate, and it's my turn this year. I've been asking him since October for budget/ any ideas, but he kept saying he "didn't like to ask me" and would ask my brother. I kept saying that they did it last year, and I needed to sort it. I've just discovered his reluctance is due to the fact that SIL wraps the presents for him too, whilst I make him do that himself!!😂

Original poster
NightandViolets · 15/12/2022 14:00

Not trying to make anyone feel bad at all! Just feeling it’s not working for us and interested in what others do.

OP posts:
Figmentofimagination · 15/12/2022 14:08

I hate this. I absolutely hate all of this in relation to DS.

  • parents - sent them links, they ordered it to their house
  • SIL - sent her links, she ordered to her house
  • Friend - sent her links, she ordered to her house
  • DH's aunt - ordered things based on her budget. She paid in cash and I get to wrap. But I do it as she's late 80's
My nana - again, ordered things based on her budget, she's paid in cash and I get to wrap. Also late 80's. DSis - lives abroad, so we each sort our own families out and transfer the difference in the overall value. Usually she owes me in the end as I also buy for our parents. MIL - the most annoying of it all. Asked for ideas so sent her Amazon links with free delivery over £20. She didn't think to click free delivery and panicked it would cost to deliver so I ordered them (with free delivery). She then didn't want to come pick them up (not elderly or unable to drive in anyway) so I got DH to drop them off so she could at least wrap them. She paid me in cash and short changed me by a few quid. No thank you. I understand why people do this, but it frustrates me as I have to sort it all and currently I have boxes and boxes of stuff in the already tiny and full spare bedroom where I also work. Next year I'm getting them delivered to MIL's presents delivered to her house so at least that's 1 less thing to have to deal with.
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